Disclaimer: Sadly not mine. A girl can dream, though...

A/N: I've edited and expanded this one shot, and I think it is better now. Read and review please.

Warning: Absolute crack.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

1978 - His First Defiance

"Bellatrix! Fetch me the Wireless!" Tom shrieked at his most rabid follower.

"Yes, Master." She moved instantly to obey.

"I hate Celestina Warbeck! Crucio!" The Dark Lord bellowed in rage.

"Ooh! Ahh! Oh, my LORD – DON'T STOP - " Bellatrix shuddered and fell to her master's feet, clutching the edge of his robes.

"Leave, Bella," Tom frowned. He waved his hand, and she sadly traipsed out of the room, trying to draw his attention by waggling her hips, and failing miserably.

Evan Mulciber bent over the Wizarding Wireless and quickly changed the channel.

"Much better." Tom said in approval. "The Ravaging Fwoopers are one of my favorite new bands... how did you know, Mulciber?"

"I – er – I knew you had excellent taste, sir...?" The young Death Eater said, twitching nervously.

"Hmm. I need someone to dance for me. Hmm – Severus?"

"I just remembered, my Lord - I have a mudblood to torture!" The pale young man said, slipping out of the room, his greasy black locks flowing behind him.

"Oh. All right then," Tom sighed in disappointment. "Mulciber?"

"There's a family of muggles I've been dying to murder!" Evan tried to come up with an original excuse. "Gotta go! Bye!"

"Strange..." Tom watched his follower go. "I suppose that just leaves you, Lucius. A pity. I prefer brunettes..."

SWISH! Tom flicked his wand, then smirked at Lucius. The young Malfoy blinked for a moment before realizing the Dark Lord was staring... at his... wait, what?

"What is... a red miniskirt, my Lord?" He choked out.

"Dance for me, Lucius!" Tom clapped his hands.

"NEVER!" Lucius screamed in a sudden burst of exhilarating, revolutionary thought.

"You dare defy me? CRUCIO!"

1978 - Her First Defiance

"Narcissa, dear, be a darling and cut my nails for me. I'm afraid I haven't had the time as of late to tend to my beauty needs... I intend to remedy that."

The tall blonde struggled not to choke.

"Of course, my Lord."

"The periwinkle polish I put on last month is chipping," Tom pouted as he stuck his feet up on the table, lounging quite artfully, as Dark Lords do. "So when you're done cutting, get it off smoothly, buff them, and repaint them with... this."

"Puce – I mean, green?" Narcissa asked faintly, staring at the bottle of vomit-colored liquid.

"Oh yes, I saw little Barty Junior wearing a positively lovely blouse in this color the other day," Tom positively beamed. "I fell head over heels for the color! Love at first sight, don't you know."

Narcissa knelt at Tom's feet, barely managing to nod as she held the scissors up to his left hand. His fingernails extended at least an inch beyond the end of his fingertips. Where the light blue polish had chipped away, she could see yellow nail underneath. It was, quite frankly, disgusting. But she swallowed her feelings and tried to be strong.

Tom sang the latest song by Sphinx Slaughter as Narcissa cut his nails. She worked carefully and efficiently, and was finished in a few minutes. A few quick beauty charms rid his nails of the disintegrating periwinkle crust, and she got ready to repaint.

The Dark Lord tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling as Narcissa took out the nail polish.

"Are you sure you want puce – I mean, green?" She asked suddenly, overcome by the nausea she felt upon merely seeing the color.

"Of course," Tom chuckled. "Do you doubt my taste?" He asked it so casually that Narcissa was taken in.

"There are so many better colors," She said, her fashionable urges overtaking her sensibilities. "Try this!"

Narcissa transfigured the puce green polish into a dark, garnet red liquid. It took but a second for her to remove the brush, wipe off the excess fluid, then paint a perfect amount onto the nail of the Dark Lord's left thumb.

"What!" Tom shrieked as he stared at his nail.

"It's ever so you, my Lord," Narcissa said quickly, surprised by her own audacity. "Look at it – don't you agree -"

"I wanted the green!" Tom roared. Narcissa quailed and fell to her knees on the floor.

"You dare defy me? CRUCIO!"