Disclaimer - I don't own CSI.
A/N: Here it is, my annual Christmas story. Merry Christmas everyone!
A Little Bit More
The day had started like any other day. Well, evening. Work had started as normal, with Grissom handing out the cases that had been reported at that point. He and Sara had a few minor details to work out with their case from the previous shift but everyone else had brand new puzzles to solve. The corridors were buzzing with activity, as various people popped in and out of various rooms. There was the usual hum of noise floating in the air. But this wasn't just any other evening. This was the night before Christmas. Though technically speaking, it was Christmas Eve's Eve.
It was days like these that Sara wished she did another job. Not only were murders, rapes and other crimes committed around the festive period always harder to deal with for everyone involved but in a way Sara felt quite jealous of those living in the festive bubble. She hadn't usually considered herself the festive type but there was just something horrible about thinking of someone dying so close to Christmas. Though, it was really just another day and it was equally as horrible for a person to die in February or June but there was so much love and happiness that surrounded the 25th of December that a murder was sure to cast a shadow over. Events that involved the intervention of the police and other law enforcement officials were always bound to put a damper on any situation.
Maybe it was because she was almost always working around this time of year that it was more poignant to her. Sara was almost always the first one at the scene when Rudolph had decapitated Santa, or Santa had molested one of his most valued elves. But she didn't mind working around the end of December. She worked so that others had the chance to return home for Christmas and spend time with their families. Maybe it was that that she was most jealous of, the fact that most of her colleagues had a family that they could go home to visit. Or maybe it was just that they didn't normally get to see the death and destruction that laid behind the tinsel, fairy lights and fake snow. It was hard to be jolly when you knew it was an almost certainty that some poor man dressed up as Santa would be found dead at some point throughout the course of the day. Greg had taken to teasing her about her glum mood, giving her the nickname Scrooge. It wasn't that she didn't like Christmas or what it stood for - despite never being a religious person - it was everything else that went with it that she had trouble stomaching. Though she never considered herself being the holidaying type, what she disliked most was the over commercialised versions of holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes she felt people had forgotten what the meaning of Christmas - whatever your beliefs, the sentiment was the same.
"Sara? Sara, are you alright?" Grissom questioned.
"Huh, what?" Sara snapped her head up, startled.
"I said, are you alright?" Grissom repeated, furrowing his brow.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she nodded, smiling self-consciously. "Sorry, I was miles away."
"Lapland?" Grissom guessed dryly, making reference to their case.
"Did Mr Snowman talk?" Sara asked.
"He did," Grissom nodded. "He's being booked by Brass as we speak."
"Good," Sara smiled, relief registering in her face.
"With any luck that'll be the last Christmas related murder for the year," Grissom stated, trying to sound optimistic.
Sara scoffed. "We've got more luck in having a white Christmas."
Grissom shrugged. "Hope for the best, but expect the worst; isn't that what they say?"
Sara sighed. "I'll be in the break room if you need me."
Sara stretched out her arms and let out a slight yawn as she entered the break room, a few moments later. It had been a long evening and the shift was barely half way through.
Meanwhile, Nick was thoughtfully striding down the corridors in the direction of the break room, specifically the coffee maker. He and Warrick had just wrapped up their case. A home invasion in which nothing of any prolific value was taken but the father ended up being shot but luckily for him it only just grazed past his upper arm. The police were called followed by the CSIs to collect the evidence. It was established very quickly that the perp was the parents older son who had a problem with drugs. He was quickly rounded up and within minutes he confessed his crime, insisting that it was only fair as he was gong to be spending Christmas on the streets. Now he has a nice new home for somewhere between five to ten years, with lovely new neighbours to get to know.
"Don't you just love Christmas?" Nick sarcastically announced as he walked in.
"Huh?" Sara gave him a curious look.
"Isn't it just your favourite holiday? It's filled with such love and goodwill," Nick continued in his sarcastic tone.
"Your case didn't have such a happy ending?" Sara guessed.
"Not exactly, no," Nick let out a low sigh.
"Well, this is the usual for us who work over the holidays," Sara stated. "How come you didn't decide to go home this year?"
"I miss you too much," he smiled sweetly.
Sara pursed her lips. "Come on, seriously. Why would you want to stay here when you could be in Texas with your family?"
"I figured I'd give it a miss this year," Nick replied with a shrug. "No particular reason really, I just fancied a change."
"Guess that's not the crime of the century," Sara gave a smirk.
"I also decided that maybe after all these years of living here I should experience the Vegas Christmas for myself," Nick said with a smile.
"It's nothing to write home about, trust me," Sara insisted rolling her eyes.
"I don't know. This year feels different," Nick smiled coyly.
Sara gave a nod of acknowledgement before moving towards the coffee machine to pour herself an other cup. "Want one?" she asked.
"This stuff will probably be what kills us one day, you do know that right?" Nick raised an eyebrow.
"I'll take my chances," she pursed her lips.
She opened up the cupboard above the sink where they kept their stash of coffee mugs and lifted out her and Nick's department issued mugs, the ones with the CSI logo on the front. They stored them in slightly different places in the cupboard, they all did, so Sara was able to quickly identify who's was who's. Reaching over for the coffee pot, Sara glanced over her shoulder at the man sitting behind her, "Do you still take sugar?"
Nick rose to his feet. "I'll get it."
Nick moved next to her, not before grabbing the milk on his way past the fridge. He went to pick up the sugar canister from it's usual place to find it had been moved yet again. He couldn't count the amount of times things had been moved around in the break room over the years, everything from the sugar canister and coffee maker to microwave and the sofa. It was one of Nick's biggest bugbears. All the lab techs had their own labs to do with as they saw fit, they could be neat freaks or be into that feng shui thing, in their own space. The break room was a communal area for everyone to share and it didn't half bother him when people started moving things around, either accidentally or with intent. He scanned along the countertop and spotted the sugar canister on the other side of Sara. He was able to gage that he wouldn't have quite reached the sugar by simply reaching out in front of her so took a step back to reach behind her, ending up placing a hand on her hip as he stretched.
Sara had been absentmindedly stirring the freshly poured coffees and his touch had startled her somewhat, though she'd tried not to let it show.
"You want some?" Nick asked as he straightened up. "Wait, never mind. You're sweet enough."
Sara had to restrain herself from smiling as him.
Nick tipped the correct amount if sugar into his mug and gave it a swirl, staring down at the liquid as it spun. He had been so consumed by the movement that he hadn't noticed Sara slip over to the other side of the room.
He turned to face her, bringing his mug up towards his lips. "You okay?" he asked before taking a sip.
"Fine," Sara pulled her lips into a tight smile as she too took a drink.
Nick nodded his response as he stood, swaying slightly, cradled the coffee mug in his hands.
"I was maybe going to go through some of the cold cases in storage, see if any of them have any new leads. Apparently it's one of the Sheriff's main priority for next year, to work our way through unsolved cases," she went on, rambling somewhat through nervousness. "Anyway, do you want to come and give me hand?"
Nick smiled. "I would love to."
"Just don't spill any of your coffee on any of the files," Sara warned. "We don't need Ecklie hassling us anymore than he already does."
Nick gave a scouts honour salute before moving towards the door. Sara reached the door first and as Nick stopped behind her he gave the mug in his hand a gently swish, swirling it slightly as he moved it quickly, mockingly attempting to spill some.
Sara merely raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't even try it," she smirked.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nick pursed his lips, feigning innocence.
He followed Sara out of the room and down the hallway, admiring the adequate decorations in the various rooms. Man, did he love Christmas. Some saw Christmas as just an over commercialised religious holiday aimed predominately towards kids and their unsuspecting parents who would have to fork out on that years must-have toy. But Nick loved Christmas. He always had. It was by far his favourite holiday of the entire year. Sure, Easter was alright and Thanksgiving was also a big occasion but Christmas was an other animal altogether. Nothing beat a good Christmas morning, waking up bright and early, still bleary eyed as you tore open your presents and anxiously watched as your loved ones followed suit, hoping with every part of your being that they like what you've bought them, getting started on the booze and snacks before you've even considered breakfast, then later on tucking into a Christmas dinner that resembled a small mountain, yet you practically lick the plate clean despite everything else you've gobbled up throughout the day. Christmas was a very special day. Any routines or schedules were thrown into chaos, the only sure fire thing that you could count on was the turkey being the last part - and rather vital part - of your Christmas dinner to be dished up, because only on Christmas Day does your cooker decide to play up. Yep, he loved Christmas, quirks and all. The best part for him was always seeing the faces of his many nieces and nephews light up as they unwrapped their gifts, even the older ones who tried to pretend it was no big deal.
But Nick had always loved Christmas, no one could ever convince him otherwise. Even now he always got a pang of excitement erupting inside him when various radio stations began playing festive music again. Seeing all the stores stock up on decorations and tinsel did just the same, as did seeing Christmas adverts on TV. When it came to Christmas, Nick was like a big kid stuck in an adults body. He'd never grown out of it. Sure, the shine was taken of it a little bit when his sister was in one of her more spiteful moods and told him that Santa didn't exist, and neither did the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny, but he soon got over it. For him, Christmas was practically the highlight of his whole year; all the twinkling lights and decorations, everyone jolly and full of goodwill, maybe even a little bit tipsy. Christmas shouldn't have been about stressing over what presents you still had to buy or whether you had enough food to feed a small army, Christmas was a lot more than that to him. And yes, over the years Christmas had lost some of its meaning to some people, lost some of the Christian meaning behind it but most of what we see as tradition stems from pagan festivals and other European celebrations. He loved that side of it too, he loved the history and the symbolism that surrounded Christmas.
Most Christians want Christmas to focus on the birth of their saviour. TV and shops, however, want people to believe it's about buying stuff. Nick didn't particularly believe in either to be fair, but he wasn't about to be critical of those who believed in God. Everyone had the right to believe in whatever or whoever they wanted, to chose their own religion, whether that be Christianity, Islam or Judaism. He had considered himself religious at one point, always off to church with his parents as a child for midnight mass, but growing up and seeing the aftermath of murders pretty much every day made it hard to still believe in a greater being. But Nick tried to maintain his belief that the world was still full of good, and Christmas time was the perfect time for it show. He felt there could be a happy medium between tradition and festivities, between giving and taking.
So what was the true meaning of Christmas? Many films depicted various different versions of it, but in short Christmas was about spending quality time with loved ones. Sure, for some the presents and copious amount of food were an added bonus, but stripped to it's bare bones family was what Christmas was about. And they were a family. No, not a conventional one, that was true, but a family all the same. So it was fitting really for them to spend time together on Christmas Eve, and for some to battle through Christmas Day together. Nick felt lucky enough to have two families.
"Are you actually going to do anything or are you just gonna sit there and look pretty?" Sara gave her colleague an unamused look.
"I'll have you know, I can do both," Nick shot her a cheeky grin.
"I'm not sure you're doing either very well at the minute," she shook her head at him as she looked back down at the files in front of her.
Nick rolled his eyes at her and flicked through the folder that was laid out in front of him for a few minutes before he spoke again. "What is the best present you ever got for Christmas, Sara?" he wondered.
Sara furrowed her brow in thought. "Oh, um... I don't know..."
"Oh, come on. There must be one stand out present that you got when you were a kid, something that has stuck with you ever since," Nick pressed.
"Um... I guess... I got this doll house the Christmas before my dad died. I'm not sure it was that great a gift but it's stuck with me ever since," Sara replied, rather more solemnly than she had intended.
"I'm sorry, Sar," he smiled slightly.
"I guess the best present I got was from my foster mum when I was about 14. She bought me a microscope. It was her who encouraged me to pursue my dream," Sara stated.
"Thank goodness she did."
Sara took a breath. "Come on then, you're turn. What was the best present you ever got?"
"Oh, my sighed Cowboys shirt, by a long way," Nick stated confidently. "But then again I did love the bike I got when I was nine, you didn't ever see me without it."
"It must have been a mad house when you were growing up," Sara commented, almost feeling jealous.
"Yeah, the house was always fit to explode, even more so now my sisters and my brother all have kids of their own," Nick nodded, smiling at the memory.
"I bet you'll miss it this year," she insisted.
"Oh, I don't know. I'm quite enjoying spending time with you," Nick smiled sweetly.
With that Sara's cell phone rang. It was Catherine wondering if she and Nick wanted to join the rest of them for a cheeky festive drink.
"And Grissom's okay with this?" Nick didn't seem convinced.
"He always is," replied Sara.
Folding the last of the files, Nick made sure to place them in the right storage box. They both stood up to correctly and safely organise the boxes in which the files had come out of. Nick gave Sara a hand with one that had come off the very top shelf, effortlessly sliding it back into place. Once they had successfully tidied up after themselves, they simultaneously made a move for the door, both reaching out for the door handle at the same time. Sara's landed on top on the metal handle but before she could push it down to open the door Nick's large hand came to rest on top of hers. A sudden shiver crept up/down her spine. Her knee jerk reaction was to pull her hand away.
Nick did his best to hide his disappointment at the loss of contact. He tried not to let his face convey the slight hurt feeling that hit him as she pulled away with such purpose. He quickly shook it off and went for the door handle again. Nick smiled softly at her before opening the door and gesturing for her to exit first.
Nick followed her to the break room for their annual night before Christmas get together. Not that he would have known. He walked in and was genuinely impressed by the tasteful decorations that adorned the room. A smaller tree to go with the large one in the corner of the room now sat on top of the table, pride of place for everyone to see. More tinsel had been taped to the walls and now snowflake streamers hung from the ceiling. Possibly the icing on the cake were the signs hanging in the windows, one reading 'Merry Christmas' and the other had the words 'Santa stop here!' written on it. Stood over near the sink were Catherine and Warrick, chatting away to themselves. Sara followed Nick's lead and gravitated towards their coworkers.
"All your handy work, I presume," Nick raised an eyebrow at Catherine.
"I just gave the orders," she shrugged before gesturing towards Warrick. "It was this one over here who did all the heavy lifting."
"You were an excellent task master, as always," Warrick smiled.
"It looks very good," Sara commented.
"We tried," Catherine shrugged.
Nick and Sara swiftly made their way towards the drinks table on the other side of the room. It was kinda hard to miss; Greg hovering around it like a bluebottle to rotting flesh was kinda a giveaway. Nick picked up two glasses of champagne - though he was sure it was a cheaper alternative - and handed one to Sara. They clinked their glasses together and took a sip.
The official Christmas party had taken place the previous week - or the Christmas get-together as it was referred to for the Under Sheriff's benefit - but as the sun began to gradually peak through the high-rise buildings of Las Vegas on Christmas Eve it was hard not to be excited at the impending day. Catherine would clock off when shift ended to be with her mother and daughter until the New Year, Greg would reluctantly bow-out for a couple of days as his parents were visiting, and Warrick would relax for a day or two, after Nick has persuaded him to stay home. That left Grissom, Nick and Sara to hold the fort. And while it was a moderately depressing thought to be working on Christmas Day, Nick tried to enjoy the moment, enjoy the miniature Christmas party that his colleagues had put together.
He and Sara drifted round the room before coming to a gradual stop not far from the doorway. They made idle conversation, amusing themselves as they witnessed Greg try to chat up the newest swing shift lab tech, sporting a Santa hat. Festive music softly filled the air, adding a wonderfully warm atmosphere to the room. Sara was feeling more and more Christmassy by the minute.
Nick had been talking about his love for the film It's A Wonderful Life and his utter astonishment at the fact that Sara had never seen it when she had began daydreaming, her eyes wondering round the room, watching the people mingle and interact. It was only when her eyes fell on Greg again that she realised Nick had stopped talking. She turned to look at him, a sheepish expression taking over her face.
She was greeted with a warm, wide smile.
"What?" Sara asked, feeling self-conscience.
"Nothing," his smile grew wider, a light chuckle escaping his lips.
"What is it?" she asked again, smiling also.
"Nothing," Nick repeated, still smiling as he shook his head. "You just look... happy."
"Gee, thanks for the compliment," she smirked.
"You do," Nick insisted. "It's not like you don't ever look happy, it's just... I don't know. I guess you look happier than usual. It must be the effect I have on you."
"Don't flatter yourself," Sara pursed her lips and gave him a playful shove.
As Nick stepped back into his previous standing position he lifted his head slightly as something caught his eye. Unbeknownst to them, they had been standing underneath none-other-than a sprig of mistletoe.
Nick cleared his throat and instantly looked away.
"What...?" Sara followed where his eyes had been and raised her eyebrows as she spotted the perpetrator dangling from the ceiling. "Oh..."
Sara gave a short nervous laugh as Nick rubbed the back of his neck. Seconds later their eyes met and Sara could have sworn she saw a glint of something in his eyes, something she'd never seen in him before. She quickly averted her gaze to the floor as Nick seemed to shuffle closer to her.
Sara stood still. She turned to look at Nick to find he was already looking at her. She smiled shyly at him in acknowledgement. Suddenly Nick seemed to be leaning towards her. At first she thought that maybe she was imagining it, but no, he was definitely moving closer to her. Sara's heart nearly gave out when Nick seemed to purse his plum looking lips and aim straight on towards her mouth. At what felt like the last possible second before their lips met, Nick diverted and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Merry Christmas," he said softly and he lifted his head back up.
Sara gulped, unable to speak, and only just managing to nod politely at him. Making eye contact with the man in front of her was definitely out of the question. She allowed her gaze to drop the ground again, wishing the ground would swallow her whole. Nick reached out a hand to gently touch her arm and she very nearly gasped. Nick frowned slightly at her reaction but his expression quickly turned into a warm smile when Sara looked at him. But she soon learned that that had been a bad idea. Her heart nearly failed yet again. For whatever reason Nick just kept looking at her and he didn't seem to want to look away anytime soon. But she couldn't look away either. It was as though some other force out-with their bodies that were pulling them together, like two magnets attracting. Sara noticed that he's line of view had altered; he was now staring at her lips. Her eyes quickly searched his and he knew he'd been caught. They both looked down simultaneously, both nervously shuffling where they stood. Neither of them could bring themselves to look at the other as the tension rose.
Sara eventually cleared her throat, trying to force her slightly red face to return to normal. "I'm, uh... I'm gonna go, do something over there," she flapped her right arm out in a random direction, as she began to stagger backwards away from Nick.
"Sara, don't go. I'm sorry...," Nick made an effort to resolve the issue but she left the room anyway.
Sara wasn't sure what had come over her. She suddenly came over all funny, felt as though she couldn't breathe. She'd quickly become overwhelmed by the situation and needed an out. She felt as though she was suffocating, and the room was spinning. Making her way to the ladies room - the one place she knew Nick wouldn't dare to enter if he were to come looking for her - Sara tried to regain her usual composure. Upon arriving at her destination, she quickly went over to the sink to splash her face with some cold water. Staring at herself in the mirror she felt even more angry and frustrated with herself. She felt like an idiot, and now she'd made an even bigger fool of herself. Often she would ask herself when this had started happening, and for the life of her she had no idea. These kind of things just creep up on you. Sara wanted to blame Nick, if she were being honest, but she knew it most definitely wasn't all his fault.
Meanwhile, Nick's head was spinning with question after question. He tried to revert his thoughts back to the ongoing festivities but that was incredibly difficult now that Sara had left. They'd shared yet another awkward moment. He came to the conclusion that that sort of thing had been happening a lot between them lately, much too often if you asked him. They could be talking and suddenly things would get all awkward and tense, one of them would change the subject or walk away. It just wasn't right. They shouldn't have been behaving like that, avoiding each other and the situation. He was sure as hell that she knew what was going on just as much as he did. And he knew that no matter how hard he tried to not to think about her it was was the only thing he could say with absolute certainty that would happen everyday.
He had had feelings for his dark haired colleague pretty much since they first met. He tried to convince himself that it was mere friendly attraction and that he thought a lot of her as she was so good at her job. But it was so much more than that. Perhaps he was imagining it, reading far too much into the most innocent of situations but Nick was starting to believe that the feelings could have been mutual. And without warning just the thought had sent his heart racing. He had to admit it to himself now that he had a thing for her. He wasn't going to pretend otherwise, not anymore. Enough was enough.
Christmas was all about spending time with family and people that you cared about, he'd established that a long time ago. And he cared a great deal about her, in fact, he loved her. Not in a best friends kinda way or even how a brother would love his sister, but he loved her like she was the only woman in the whole world; he loved her like she was the only one for him. He couldn't wait another year, he probably would have exploded with all the pent up feelings and emotions he had bubbling inside him. He would start things off, get the ball rolling, and maybe, just maybe, it would start a domino effect and everything else would simply fall into place.
"Hey, Nick?" Hodges called as he poked his head round the doorframe, almost startling Nick.
"Huh?" he lifted his head up.
"Grissom wants to see you in his office," Hodges stated.
"Tell him I'll be right there."
Grissom had been attempting to make a dent in his rather large pile of case files that had been lying on his desk and gathering dust for sometime. This was set to be his New Year's Resolution, to get on top of things, apparently, and was getting a head start while he had some precious spare time. There was just a few things he wanted to go over with Nick before he could sign off on a couple of the reports. But Nick was lucky to remember them, as a good few months had passed since both cases had resulted in confessions. On his was to his supervisor's office, Nick had tried to discreetly look round the various labs as he passed, trying to see if he could spot Sara. And he continued this after Grissom was satisfied and signed off on the reports, barely even making any impact to the mountain of paperwork that he still had to work through.
So Nick set about trying to subtly look for Sara. Curiosity was getting the best of him and slowly fear had started to set in as he wondered where she was and what she was doing. He had a habit of worrying about her an awful lot, probably too much, but he couldn't help himself. It was only natural for a person to be protective over someone they loved. Nick stopped suddenly as the thought entered his head; wow, did he really love her? Like properly love her? He thought so, though he'd never felt anything quite like this before. In the past he thought he'd been in love with a couple of other women, but man, was he wrong. These feelings he had were almost indescribable. She was in his thoughts twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. He never could understand it or explain it, it just happened uncontrollably. When he thought about her, maybe even had a mental image of her appear in his head, his stomach would do back flips and his heart would swell with joy. All he could ever think of was when he would be with her again, when he would see her again. All he really wanted was to make her happy, in anyway he could. She deserved that much. He was terrified at the realisation that no one ever has a choice over who it is they fall for, who you love with every fibre of your being, and at the same time he was over the moon to be lucky enough to experience the feeling. Loving someone was certainly a very up and down experience. And now his biggest fear was his love not being reciprocated.
He tried his best to remain upbeat; after all, it was Christmas. As if by magic, some festive music spilled out of the Ballistics lab as Nick strolled past, automatically making him smile again. He had his plan all laid out in his head. He would find Sara and then they'd just talk; talking never killed anybody. That would be the best place to start. He focused on that as he turned the corner.
"Hey, Sar. Can we talk?" he asked once he'd steady himself after almost literally bumped into her, plastering on what he hoped was a convincing smile.
"Um, no, sorry... Later, I promise," she quickly backed away from him.
"It'll only take a minute," he insisted.
"Can it wait? Honestly, I'll find you later. I'm needed just now," she insisted.
"Fine. Sure, go ahead. It can wait. I'll be here when you're finished."
As Sara began to walk away Nick changed his mind. "Actually, no."
"Huh?" Sara turned back.
"No, it can't wait," he insisted, trying not to be too firm. "I need to talk to you."
He knew that if he backed out now he would never confront her. He had to do it now, while it was fresh in his mind. He knew he had to do it now/then before he had the chance to talk himself out of it.
Nick opened his mouth to speak. "I need to tell you that I..."
"I uh... I really don't have time for this... I have to go...," Sara stuttered, trying to sound assertive. "I have to go to the morgue."
"It can wait five minutes," Nick protested.
"It can't, actually. I have to go," she maintained, her eyes pleading with him.
"Fine. Just you run away like you always do," he stated sarcastically. "It won't change a thing, Sara, you know that."
She looked back over her shoulder, casting him a hurt and disappointed glance before she disappeared.
He waited for a while, hanging around the labs, trying to make himself useful. But she didn't come back.
A short while later, Sara was able to make her excuses and managed to leave a little bit early. Trickling ice cold droplets of rain hit her like a tonne of bricks as she left the building. It didn't help to improve her mood any. She climbed into her car and headed straight for home. Once there, she spread herself out on her sofa and subdued a yawn as she searched for something to watch on TV. Her thoughts drifted to Nick, and not for the first time. What could she do to make things better, to make things right?
Christmas was supposedly a happy time of year, a time to be merry and full of joy, but instead she had an overwhelming sense of guilt overtaking all other thoughts. They were both equally as culpable as each other for how things had changed recently. The tension had been growing between them for a little while now, and it was blatantly obvious why. But she'd tried her bear to ignore it and everything else that had been going on because she didn't know what to do or how to deal with any of it; on the occasion she didn't have all the answers. Maybe that was the scariest part.
A knock on the door brought Sara back to reality. She sighed as she stood up; she really wasn't in the mood for company. But she opened the door regardless and was slightly dumbfounded by who she saw standing on her doorstep. Just when she thought she could get away from him, and give herself a chance to mull over some recent events that had taken place between the two of them he had to show up at her apartment.
"Hi," Nick smiled weakly.
"Hey," Sara nodded, trying to avoid making eye contact with him as she held onto the door.
"Can I come in?" Nick asked.
"Oh, yeah, right, sorry. Of course you can, come on in," she opened the door wider for him to step inside her apartment and braced herself for what was about to come.
"Thanks," Nick smiled as he stepped past her.
Once Sara had closed the door she turned and faced him. "Would you like anything to drink? A coffee?"
"Um, no thanks," he fidgeted slightly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Nick nodded, smiling awkwardly.
A silence descended over them, as Sara gazed round her hallway, trying desperately hard not to make any eye contact with him.
"We have to do something about this, Sara," Nick announced, his voice soft.
"About what?" Sara looked perplexed.
"Us," he replied.
"Us?" she feigned innocence.
"Yeah, us. You know as well as I do that there's something going on between us. We can't keep ignoring it. We can't keep on pretending nothing is going on. I, for one, don't want to do that anymore," Nick explained.
Sara was stunned by his admission, seemingly lost for words.
"We've both been dancing around the subject for a long time now, and it's time that we stop," he continued.
"I... I...," Sara stuttered.
"One of us has to make the first move," Nick stated. "So here I am."
Sara just stood there with bated breath, still overwhelmed and taken aback by the whole bizarre situation.
"I like you. I've always liked you. There, I've said it."
"What...? I... I have no idea...," Sara stumbled over her words.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Sara, and you can't deny it. Neither of us can deny it anymore," Nick sighed and seemed to relax somewhat as he spoke his mind. "We have to stop pretending, and start acknowledging how we feel."
"You can't possibly know how I feel," Sara insisted defensively. "Anyone can guess how someone else feels, it's not hard. Yet, here you are so confident in what you think you know."
"That's why I'm here, Sara. I want us to sort this out once and for all," Nick stated.
"And what is it you want from me?" Sara asked.
"I just want you to be honest with me. There's been something between us for a while now, but we've ignored it. Maybe we were scared of what it would mean but we can't stay scared forever," Nick replied.
"And I'm doing my best to be honest with you," she insisted, narrowing her eyes slightly.
"I'm sick of pretending that there's nothing there between us, sick of pretending that I don't feel anything for you," he stated. "Don't you think we should do something about it?"
Sara opened her mouth a couple of times but words failed to come.
Nick stepped closer to her and continued. "I've been trying to work up the courage to bring this up but it's not just me, is it? You know there's something there, don't you?"
"What do you want me to say? Yes, Nick, I know you like me, I like you too. In fact, I love you. Let's run away into the sunset and live happily ever after. That just doesn't happen in real life," Sara exclaimed matter of factly.
"Why can't it happen for us?"
"Because that kind of thing doesn't ever happen to me," she stated, lowering her head slightly.
Nick took a step closer to her and spoke softly. "Let me make it happen, Sar."
"Stop this," she insisted, holding a hand up in the air. "Please."
"Come on, Sar. Tell me I'm not going insane," Nick pleaded.
Sara gulped and tried to muster up some of her usual confidence. "What exactly is it you hope to gain from all of this?"
"I think you and I both know the desired outcome here," Nick pursed his lips to prevent himself from smirking.
"But what about everything that could go wrong? What about work? How are we supposed to work together if things go bad?" Sara asked, somewhat rhetorically.
"We don't have to worry about that now," Nick told her.
"Yes we do," she countered. "We have to consider everything before..."
Nick's eyes widened in anticipation for her to continue.
"Damn it, Nick. You know how I feel about you," Sara stated matter-of-factly in a sterner voice than she had intended to you, gulping down a lump that had risen inside her throat, the palms of her hands becoming sweaty with nerves. "Don't make me say it out loud."
Nick couldn't control the grin that spread across his face.
Sara smiled back slightly, and relaxed her body. She let out a sigh but couldn't take her eyes off the man who was stood in front of her.
"Feels good to say it out loud, huh?" Nick smirked slightly. "Not too scary?"
"It was terrifying," she scoffed. "But you're right, we can't keep pretending."
"Good, I'm glad we're on the same page," Nick smiled.
"We can't avoid it forever," Sara stated, before letting out a slow breath. "But you've got to agree that there is every possibility that it just might not work out. So is it even worth it?"
"I think it's a chance worth taking. I really do believe that we could have something great together," Nick replied instantly, sincerity and honesty coming through loud and clear. "If everyone goes in to a new relationship thinking that it's only going to end in a few months time, what would be the point? Nobody would ever bother."
Sara sighed. "I know that but..."
"We just have to trust our instincts, follow what feels right," Nick interrupted, before she could start putting a downer on things. "The thought of being with you feels right."
"I can't make any promises, Nick," she maintained, nervously shifting her weight between her feet.
"Nobody ever can," he insisted, a smile tugging at his lips.
"But even if we give it our best shot everything could still go wrong, and we could end up hating each other and one of us would have to leave because working together would just become unbearable and...," Sara trailed off, looking lost and confused. "I don't know what to think anymore."
Nick shrugged. "Like I said earlier, Sara, one of us ha to admit it first."
Sara let out a long slow sigh and looked away from him.
"Give us a fighting chance. You've already got us split up and living on opposite sides of the country before this relationship has even got of the ground," Nick insisted, giving her a look. "Let's just see where things go."
"Can we?" Sara asked, raising her eyebrows. "I mean we can, but should we? That's the real question here."
"I think we should," Nick nodded.
"But will it be worth it?" she questioned. "I don't know it if will be."
"Would it not be worse knowing how we feel about each other and not doing anything about it?" Nick raised his eyebrows.
"Not if we were doing it for the right reasons," she insisted.
"And what reasons are they, Sara?" Nick asked sarcastically.
"This is your fault," Sara snapped, ignoring him.
"I know, and I hold my hands up to that," Nick insisted, with his hands in the air. "But I'm not about to apologise for how I feel."
"I don't want you to apologise," she agreed. "But I... I don't know what I want."
"Don't you want a chance to be happy?" he wondered, softening his voice slightly.
"Of course I do," she agreed.
"Then give us a chance," Nick smiled sweetly.
"But what if...?" Sara began.
"No more what ifs, Sar. Do you trust me?" Nick sternly maintained.
"But...?" she stuttered.
"Do you trust me?" he interrupted.
"With my life," she replied honestly.
"Then trust me with this."
Sara finally met his gaze again, her eyes overflowing with emotions.
"Have a little faith, Sara. New year, new start. We can take things slow, see where we end up," Nick gave a slight shrug as he smiled.
Sara stood there, merely shaking her head.
"I promise you I won't do anything to hurt you. You know that, right? We don't know what's going to happen, but we don't know if we don't try..."
Sara breathed deeply, before quickly interrupting him, speaking before she had the chance to really think about the words that were coming out of her mouth. "Just shut up and kiss me."
Nick's eyes instantly widened in surprise. "What?"
"You heard me," she insisted, half smirking.
And Nick didn't need asking twice. He stepped towards her, cupped her face with his hands and let his lips gently fall on top of hers. It was only a brief kiss, lasting only a few seconds but it was enough to convey all of their feelings. Nick hesitantly pulled away, weary of what Sara's reaction would be.
"This is such a bad idea," Sara stated, shaking her head.
"Let's find out," Nick smiled, caressing her cheek with his hand.
She couldn't say no to that.
Christmas was a funny time of year. It was a time when people would sit back and evaluate their life, think over the things they had done and achieved over the past year. It's about love and understanding. Christmas isn't about big boxes of chocolates or tacky cards, there's more to it than that. It's about spending time with people that you love and care about, with you're family and friends. That was the true meaning of Christmas. It was the time of year when things just came together, when people came together and good things actually seemed to happen. A new year was approaching, and with a new year came new prospects, new possibilities, and new hopes for the future. Christmas Day acted as a stepping stone to that future. Come January you were all pumped up and raring to go, ready to face whatever the year had to through at you. Thanks to Christmas, Nick had a very exciting new year to look forward too, they both did.
Yep, Nick definitely loved Christmas.
"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss.
Thank you for reading. More from me next year. Please review.