Paper Connection
By Cold-Zephyr
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/Drama
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Timeline: The moment after Backlash ends.
Description: -slash- Shawn Michaels receives a heartfelt and painful letter in his locker as the Backlash PPV ends, and finds out a lot of things he should've known before. R and R please...
A/N: Before you read this, let me first confirm the fact that I am NOT very fond of slash fiction. I just wrote this because the situation was already there and stuff, and because I just need to write something, damn it. Hope you enjoy reading it, it being so totally angst-ridden and all...
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Feeling awfully worn out from his match at Backlash, Shawn trudged tiredly to the locker room and found a letter taped on the inside of his locker. Nothing was written on the plain white envelope that contained the letter, which made him wonder: Who was it from? What was it about? Why? The questions that ran through his mind were soon to be answered as he opened the envelope...
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Dearest Shawn,
Ever since I left the business, only one thing has occupied my thoughts. One thing has caused me six years of sleepless nights. Six fucking years! That's how long my heart's been hurting, broken, bleeding endlessly with no hope in sight.
Know what's caused me all of that? You.
I ought to jump off the top of a building now and just end my misery, and I came so close to doing so at times, but then I found out that you and the rest of the crew were coming over here to Canada. I figured that writing this letter would help me vent out, even just a little bit. Maybe releasing the pent-up feelings I had inside might make me feel a tad better, so I guess it's worth a try. Anything's worth a try at this point, 'cause life just can't sink any lower for me.
I've been hurting because damn it, I'm in love. With you. And you...you had no fucking idea how I felt.
I have felt this way for so many years, trying my damned hardest to just ignore it, but I couldn't. So I just hid it deep within the morose darkness of my heart, and it made me want to cry at times because the pain was just too much. That all the times I could have and should have told you, I didn't. I never told you, I vowed to myself not to, because I knew that I could never have you. We...are just not meant to be. So I chose to suffer silently.
I can't bear suffering anymore.
Shawn Michaels, I am in love with you. I don't want to be, but I am. The tiny stir of feelings I felt for you the day we first met have festered into heart-wrenching and painful pangs of longing and desire. You're the voice inside my head and the face that haunts my dreams. The way your dark blonde tresses flow just perfectly past your shoulders, the way you pull at my heartstrings whenever you smile, the way you carry yourself with such an air of confidence yet are kind enough to befriend (or try to befriend) cold and harsh individuals like me, the way you defend those you care about without a second thought...I just fell for it all, no matter how hard I tried not to. And I'll never feel the same way about anybody else.
Sorry...I'm sorry I acted so heartless and withdrawn towards you. I'm sorry I drove you away whenever you tried to reach out to me. I'm sorry for being such an asshole. Truth be told, I care about you very much, but I didn't want to let it show. I didn't want to let my guard down, because I didn't want to end up hurting myself. But I can't escape that either way, can I?
Look, I understand that you were just doing your job that day in Montreal, at the 1997 Survivor Series. Now that I think about it, I've done lots of things to deserve what I got. So please, it wasn't your fault, let's just move on. The WWE might not have, seeing as they still put you in that stupid storyline on the Highlight Reel, but I know we can.
As I continue writing, I'm sitting hidden in the audience at Backlash. I feel real sorry for you, loud "You Screwed Bret" chants and all. But I can't help but chuckle right now...people can be so childish sometimes. You didn't do anything to deserve this, Shawn, so don't feel bad.
This letter is drawing to a close, so let me just get to the bottom line: I've loved you for a long time now, and I still do, and I just want to let you know so I can get on with life without so much heartache.
I may have vented some pain, but I know I'll never stop hurting. 'Cause real love, it hurts, but I'll deal with it...somehow.
Yours always,
Bret
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Shawn's eyes misted over as he finished reading. He folded up the paper and put it back in the envelope, placing it gingerly into his gym bag. His steps were slow and solemn, his heart feeling heavy with guilt, sorrow and regret after reading the letter. As he stepped into the shower, blankly twisting the shower knob, he leaned against the wall and began sobbing heavily, his hot, saline tears mixing with the cold shower water that poured down on his shaking body.
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(Edited 6/19/2004) This story was originally intended to be a one-shot, but due to the huge response I got (wow, 10 reviews...I'm so touched!), I decided to continue the story. I hope you all enjoy it! Lovingly yours, Cold-Zephyr