Steady As the Sea
Trigger warning for dark themes including human trafficking and implications of rape.
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It was easily the toughest case the Santa Barbara Police Department had ever worked. Nineteen hours of tracking records from city to city across the country and even into Mexico finally led the FBI to a small warehouse on the shores of Santa Barbara's industrial district. It was a very time-sensitive case, and the FBI had only been able to pull together a small team of their own by the time the raid was supposed to happen.
That's where they asked for the help of the SBPD. Twelve detectives and twenty-six uniforms accompanied the small team in the early hours of the evening, just as the sun was dipping below the December seascape horizon.
Just when she thought she'd seen it all; or, most of it anyway. She's discovered dead bodies on numerous occasions; one even fell out of a dumbwaiter onto her once. She'd seen people killed, and she'd killed people. She'd attended the funeral of an officer from the department. She's seen bodies in every stage of decomposition.
And she's seen survivors. But not like this.
The human trafficking ring they were slowly exposing had been kidnapping and selling men and boys of all ages for decades. These men wound up dead on the streets, raped and beaten, as soon as they outlived their cash value. The pictures of previous evidence and raids were horrible, and what they found was even worse.
But this case held even more weight for Juliet. Twenty-two years ago, her twin brother disappeared on the playground late at night. He chased the ball into the woods and never came back. They were ten years old. Her family had given up long ago. It was clear that he was kidnapped, but if he was still alive he would've turned up by now, they argued. She agreed with them, on the outside. But on the inside, she knew. There was something inside of her, a flame that had never quite gone out, telling her he was still out there somewhere.
And that's what made this raid one-hundred times fucking scarier. She wanted him to be there, but at the same time she really didn't.
There was a literal underground railroad, you see. There were no actual rails, but it was an underground system of tunnels and roadways that transported men by trains of large cargo trucks or boxcars being pulled by trucks. It had been discovered that one of these roads led straight through the heart of Santa Barbara. The matter of finding the entrance boiled down to a small warehouse used as a mass Laundromat for hospital linens, hotel sheets, and restaurant tablecloths.
Juliet barely even remembers hearing Lassiter threaten the owner to open the warehouse back up just as they caught him leaving. Her pulse was pounding in her ears, making her lightheaded at times. She remembers the back rooms of the warehouse, a supply closet, a ladder, a basement, and another ladder. An FBI agent had descended the second ladder first, then Lassiter, then Juliet, all in a row. As soon as her legs and hips got below the floor level, she could just feel the draft telling her this was much bigger than any basement she'd ever known before.
It took eight minutes to fully descend the ladder. This included Juliet's arms and legs locking up, and Lassiter coaxing her so quietly only she could hear.
Once all officers and detectives and agents were on the damp, cold concrete ground, they all got the feeling of being so small and insignificant somehow. It was clear that the tunnel was much bigger than any of their previous calculations.
The darkness surrounding them was so complete, Juliet actually had to keep touching her eyes to make sure they were open.
It felt like a dream.
Their flashlight beams only played about five feet in front of them. Beyond that, their lights seemed to be swallowed by the darkness.
Every footfall seemed to echo endlessly, reminding them all that the concrete beneath their feet extended on for thousands of miles. An incessant dripping sounded far away yet right next to her at the same time.
Plip, plip, plip.
For some reason she suddenly got the image in her head of dead, naked bodies hanging from the walls, slit open from head to toe, their blood dripping and pooling on the expansive concrete beneath. She realized, with a twist in her gut, that this was entirely possible, and she really had no way of knowing what was around her. What would they really find if somehow suddenly the lights were turned on?
plip…plip…plip…
Of course, there were no lights. All the traffickers needed were the headlights on their trucks.
An agent at the front kept tossing a small rock ahead of him and picking it up when he reached it again, just so they didn't all suddenly fall off an unseen cliff or something. At this point, fear held everyone in its unforgiving clutches, as they all carried the knowledge that literally anything could happen now. The underground cliff theory seemed incredibly reasonable in comparison to some of the thoughts whirling through everyone's heads by now.
Thuunk.
Everyone froze. The scuffing of shoes all at once was almost simultaneous. The lead agent's rock had hit something large, hollow, and most definitely man made.
Lifting his flashlight and taking a few steps closer, a large white wall appeared with no warning whatsoever, less than a foot from his face. He stepped back again in surprise, bumping into Lassiter and Juliet. A strange burnt smell reached Juliet's nose.
He swept the flashlight beam up and down, left and right. The wall continued in both directions as far left and right as they could see. It ended about eight feet off the ground.
The agent slowly raised a fist to the wall. He knocked sharply on it twice.
Juliet jumped at the sound, which contrasted so the utter silence up until now. Lassiter sensed her discomfort, and wrapped his warm hand around hers, stepping closer so their shoulders were touching.
It was very un-Lassiterlike. But it really helped.
The only sound that followed the agent's knocking was an echo. He sighed, and reached up to tap the walkie-talkie at his shoulder. Just as he went to speak into it, another sound came.
The faintest tap-tap, sounding just like his previous knock, but well too long after the fact to possibly be considered an echo.
The only sound following that was the static of the walkie as everyone stared at the wall in horror, rather than hope.
The agent spoke quickly into the walkie, requesting the large, wheel-out event lamps and saws, possibly the jaws-of-life.
He tapped the wall again, lightly.
They waited two minutes.
He tapped again, harder.
Two more minutes.
He pounded hard like he had the first time. The only sound that followed was the eerie echo that told them the wall was certainly hollow, but there was definitely something in there.
Half an hour later, after knocking on every visible inch of the wall, they could hear a distant shrieking saw as the concrete around their infinite ladder was widened to fit the lamps that were lifted down. A few minutes later, three large lamps were wheeled up behind the officers, along with a few hard-hats. The construction workers turned on the lamps one by one, and they buzzed with light, breaking the engulfing silence as well as the darkness.
It was like living in a box, and then suddenly being told that there was no box.
If Juliet could pick three sights from her life so far to unsee, this would be number three. Number one would come a few minutes later.
It wasn't a wall. Some may have guessed that by now. The exposing light suddenly revealed them to be standing very close to an overturned truck. They had been knocking on the roof.
But that wasn't all. Not nearly. As they stepped back and around one side of the truck, they could see an endless scatter of trucks and boxcars extending on down the tunnel and out of sight. Some on their sides, some on their roofs, some you couldn't even tell. Unidentifiable debris littered the floor like trash in a subway station.
The cavernous walls extended at least fifty feet above their heads.
One truck seemed to be at the center of it all. It was very clearly burned and really only had two sides by this point. Black metal twisted outward like jagged teeth. One of the truck's walls had collapsed into a lumpy black pile, and Juliet was still trying to make sense of it when-
No. Those were bodies.
She put a hand to her mouth and buried her face into Lassiter's jacket shoulder.
She felt his hand raise to her shoulder and stroke his thumb along the curve soothingly. Screw being strong. Lassiter was the only one who knew what was going through her head right now, and that was the fact that any one of those bodies could be her brother.
"Get the saws. Cut open this one here, there's something alive inside." The lead agent said to the hard hats, stepping out of the way.
Something.
"Let's get these other lights moved on here, we need to check each and every cargo box, understood? Split up into groups. I want one agent, two detectives, and four officers in each group. Let's go, people." He began requesting more supplies into his walkie.
Juliet and Lassiter followed an agent to a boxcar that was on its side and burned almost all the way through on the bottom. The agent climbed on top using the wheels and Lassiter followed, Juliet close behind. Though the light was plentiful by now, Juliet held a flashlight directly on the door as Lassiter and the agent strained to slide the door open. The rusted metal shrieked with protest, but came open, foot by foot.
They had it open five feet before they had to turn away, coughing and covering their noses with their elbow sleeves. The awful scent made Juliet's eyes water.
It's not like there were decaying bodies in here. It was obvious that whatever happened, had happened recently. Besides, Juliet had smelled decomposing bodies before. It wasn't pleasant, but she could handle it.
No, this was worse. Because it was fresh. The pungency of freshly sheared copper overwhelmed them, and they didn't even need to see the bloodbath inside to know what it probably looked like.
Juliet had been holding the flashlight though. She saw. And she could even tell you the color of the pair of eyes staring back up at her.
They were dead alright.
EMTs, gurneys, and makeshift medical carts had arrived now, waiting. They had lots of body bags.
They were probably gonna need more.
Still standing on the boxcar but turning her back on the gaping entrance, she saw the lead agent from before arguing with a rescuer and a medic.
"There's someone in there, I'm telling you!" He jabbed a finger at the first overturned truck they found; the one he had been knocking on.
The medic placed both hands on his shoulders, saying so quietly Juliet almost couldn't make out, "Everyone in there has been dead for hours, sir."
"I heard it!" He insisted. "Check again!"
Juliet turned to see what Lassiter made of this, but she found he wasn't looking. Instead, he was squatted down, snapping on a pair of forensic gloves. He offered her some as well.
Suddenly, "We got someone!" An excited voice shouted across the cavern. Everyone else who had been having bad luck so far turned their heads to see.
Juliet jumped down from the boxcar, and Lassiter followed. They walked over in time to see the EMTs placing and whisking away unconscious, mostly naked, bloody, beaten men. Like there was any place to go.
And yes, she looked at each face very carefully.
They determined there was an explosion. The truck –the one with the black collapsed metal, had exploded for some reason. Maybe the men inside had done it to end things once and for all. Essentially, though, this explosion had derailed the line of truck cargo compartments and boxcars parading through the underground passages. Most trucks and boxcars within a close vicinity of the explosion had also suffered greatly, mostly from being tossed around internally.
It was true, though, that plenty of the men had already been dead before the explosion, and therefore, there were some rotting bodies to mingle with the scent of fresh blood, which now hung in the air heavily.
The farther away from the explosion they got though, the more survivors they found. Eventually, nearly half a mile down the tunnel, they were reaching trucks that contained all alive and conscious men.
There was a makeshift triage set up near their tunnel entrance, for those who weren't stable enough to be lifted out of the tunnel yet.
There were more men than they could have predicted. They went from having 45 personnel making the rescues, to well over 200. The cavern was lit up like a carnival.
People were crying, shouting, most of the men no longer trusted anyone, and a few even tried to run away.
It wasn't like other explosions Juliet had seen. Most of the men who were missing limbs (and there were quite a few of them) had lost them a long time ago. Being rescued was more of a trauma to these men than the explosion.
They found a truck full of young boys. Juliet did not want to talk about it.
Their raid had started at four pm. It was more than twelve hours later when Juliet and Lassiter finally left the tunnel, and the work wasn't even finished yet. The chief requested that they take a break.
Juliet was absolutely exhausted, mentally and physically. She leaned on Lassiter all the way to the car.
But she wasn't done yet. Oh no. Some of the men they found had been relatively healthy, with minor cuts and bruises. The FBI was hot on the trafficker's trail, and they didn't want to let them slip away again. Interrogation wasn't a good word to use around men who had been sold in sex slavery and such for a good portion of their lives. They were merely asking them what they knew about the ring.
There were also bodies in the morgue. Juliet wasn't sure which she should check first. She told Lassiter that she was fine, and that he should go home; that Shawn was coming to the station for her.
Lassiter would have none of that.
He led her gently to the large meeting rooms, convincing her to look there first. There were about thirty men sitting in the room, most wrapped in shock blankets. She wondered if she could request one of those. For now though, Lassiter was her shock blanket, constantly by her side.
She looked over each of the men carefully from the window. She hadn't seen her brother since they were ten years old, and that was twenty-two years ago. There were no guarantees she was even going to know what he looked like. Or that he was even here, in this part of the country, at this time, in this exact trafficking ring. The chances were slim. They were slimmer than slim. She knew that.
She looked at the men. None of them looked familiar. She did exactly what she said she wasn't going to do: she cried on Lassiter's shoulder.
He offered to go to the morgue with her, to be there for her. She decided against going.
She was more than ready to give up and go home. They passed Buzz in the hall, who looked quite shaken, as did everyone. He said, "They're not cracking. We can't get any information out of them."
"…Who?" Juliet asked.
"The victims in the interrogation rooms."
"What do you mean, they're not cracking?" Lassiter demanded.
Buzz sighed. "Half of them are afraid that their abusers are coming back, and won't say anything. Half still think they're dreaming. And half of them won't even speak at all."
On any other occasion, Lassiter would not have hesitated to roll his eyes and point out that that makes three halves. By this point though, Juliet was pretty much the only thing on his mind.
Buzz left, hurriedly carrying a stack of unimportant files and making himself busy with irrelevant cases.
"You wanna go?" Lassiter asked gently, his hand on Juliet's shoulder.
"Yeah. Shawn's coming to get me. I guess I should just go home by this point."
Lassiter had never heard a voice so defeated in his life. "No, I meant to the interrogation rooms. Maybe you wanna look in there?"
She looked up at him with eyes that perfectly conveyed I-realize-how-unrealistic-this-was-and-we-can-stop-entertaining-an-impossible-thought. She was good at that sort of stuff. She leaned back into his chest, wanting to fall over and go to sleep.
"Jules!" Shawn's voice echoed across the station, easily the loudest sound in a while. He bolted across the polished floor when he saw her, and pulled her into a tight hug.
She didn't hug him back. She had been kind of startled when he ran over, and she had folded her arms up, hands by her chin. Now he held her so tightly she couldn't even move her arms if she wanted.
She dropped her head against his warm chest and closed her eyes, trying to fight back all the images of the past twelve hours. She gasped a shuddering hiccup, like she had just cried herself dry and the worst was over. But that was all.
Gus stood a few feet behind them, hands jammed in his jacket pocket, meeting eyes with Lassiter. Neither Shawn nor Gus had been in the tunnel yet, and they had only heard accounts of what happened down there.
Chief walked up to them just as Shawn and Juliet broke apart. She had been in the tunnel only briefly just to have that firsthand account, and she had been going just as long as Juliet and Lassiter. Going on twenty-one hours now. Her voice was solemn. "We've narrowed the men in the interrogation rooms down to the ones we think are most likely to give us answers with the right persuasion. Unfortunately, there's very few of them. Emergency Management has converted one of the hospital's dining halls into a place for these men to stay briefly, the homeless shelters have lent us their empty beds and cots, and we have psychologists doing evaluations on those who aren't hospitalized. There had not been a confirmed count on the dead yet." She sighed. "We need these men to talk, and soon. Their cooperation could mean saving the lives of thousands of others."
"Which interrogation rooms?" Lassiter asked, knowing he could get most people to talk. Then again, that was usually through intimidation.
"Lassiter, go home." Chief sighed again. "You need rest. And unfortunately, this case will not be going away in the next few days, alright?"
"Which interrogation rooms?" Lassiter asked again, more calmly.
"One through seven."
That was all of them. Lassiter turned and began walking away towards the interrogation rooms.
"Lassiter!" Chief called.
"You just said how time-sensitive this case is! If you think I'm taking a nap break now, I'm sorry Chief but you're wrong."
Juliet scurried after Lassiter, feeling suddenly cold now that her security blanket had left her side.
"O'Hara!" Chief called again.
Shawn was on Juliet's tail and Gus wasn't far behind. "Sorry, Chief!" Shawn called.
Chief Vick rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in a 'what' gesture, letting them slap to her sides. She began walking quickly after them "Like I can't follow you…"
By this point, Juliet was leading the way. She dipped her head into each observation room. The first man was black. The next one she could just tell wasn't what she was looking for. The third one had a thick British accent. The fourth was much too old.
At the fifth room, she stopped before she even looked in. She turned back to Lassiter with a pleading, what-am-I-doing look. He took her hand and they stepped into the room together.
The man was facing away from them. He had light brown hair that might actually be blond after a shower or two. Late twenties, early thirties.
It was her best bet so far.
She turned back to Lassiter again. "I don't know if I can do this." She mumbled, pulling her hand to her mouth nervously. She smelled the metallic blood she had tried desperately to wash away and jerked her hand away from her mouth.
"You want me to go in first, have him turn around?" He offered.
"Why? Why, what's going on?" Shawn asked.
The case had only just developed today. The idea her brother might be involved had only just developed on the way to the warehouse. Shawn had no idea of her dilemma.
"Nothing." She said.
Lassiter gave her a questioning look.
"I'll go in." She said.
"He's not talkin'" A gruff voice in the corner said.
Juliet and Lassiter both jumped. A dark officer had been standing in the shadowed corner of the viewing room. There was one in each room.
"Let me have a try." Juliet said bravely, straightening out her jacket.
"You want me to go in with you?" Lassiter asked.
"…No. No, I'm fine. I've got this."
Honest to god, O'Hara. She told herself, What are the chances? Why are you putting so much damn hope into this. He's gone. He's been gone for twenty-two years. Give it up. She decided she probably did need sleep when her mother's voice replaced her own in her head.
She went into the hall and faced the interrogation room door. She rested her hand on the cool metal knob, before preparing herself for inevitable disappointment, and pushing the door open.
His head jerked up at the sound immediately. She froze in the doorway, realizing she had no plan beyond opening the door. He took her in quickly, and dropped his head back down again.
His hair was a filthy mess that spiked up from his head, partially matted down by dried blood. His face was dirty as well, but she couldn't get that good of a look. His arms were covered in cuts, as were his legs. He wore a SBPD Police Academy tee shirt, which is all they could find for these men to wear. His shorts were dark blue and stained with something darker, fraying into small strings at the ends. He had clearly had the shorts before he was rescued.
She sat across the table from him and rested her hands open on the table, showing him she meant no harm. "Hi. I'm a detective with the Santa Barbara Police Department. We understand you've been through a lot, and we're here to help, but we need your cooperation so we can help others like you, alright?" She was certain someone's tried that on him by now.
Just as she expected, he didn't have any reaction to that.
"But that's not why I'm here." She said. It may have caught his interest, she couldn't tell. She was really wishing he would lift his head up again so she could see him better. "I wanna know what you want."
He still didn't look up.
She continued nervously. "Can I get you some water or something? A blanket? This is not following police guidelines here, but I want you to be comfortable."
He shifted, and glanced up at her once more, then back down again. He was beyond damaged.
But she saw his eyes, and that was nearly all she needed. She pounced on the opportunity to learn more. "Do you have a name? Mine's Juliet." She watched carefully for recognition on his face that was aimed towards the ground.
Nothing. Not even a flinch.
"Where are you from?" She asked. Just as she expected, he didn't answer. "I'm from Miami." She watched him closely again.
There it was. A tiny twitch of his lower eyelid.
"What's your favorite sport?" He didn't answer. "Mine's baseball. I used to play it all the time with my brothers in Glenhaven park."
Man, if there were any memories buried in this man, they had been buried long, long ago.
She tried to think of what else to ask him. "Oh, I'm sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Juliet Spencer."
Something faded in his eyes. Something. Something went away. Something like… hope?
"Although," She continued conversationally, "I kept my real last name for the job, so you could call me Detective Juliet O'Hara."
Bingo.
His head jerked up and stared at her, which was more of a reaction than she was even expecting.
She tried to force back the small smile that played on her lips. After twenty-two years, even at the slightest possibility… who wouldn't?
His eyes bore into her. He took the smile as trickery. "What do you know about me?" He demanded harshly. He slammed a fist on the table, but his damaged fingers opened up and shook, hovering above the table while his palm remained. His fingernails were caked in dirt and blood.
"What's your name?" She asked softly, the smile gone.
"You leave me alone!" He looked about ready to hit her.
"Do you remember your family?" She asked in a barely audible, sad voice.
He laid an open-handed slap across the right side of her face. One of his overgrown fingernails left a good sized scratch curving below her eye. He looked a little shocked at what he had done. He looked at his hand, then sat back down.
Juliet couldn't imagine what was going on in the viewing room right now. Actually, she wasn't even thinking about that. She was only thinking about one thing. And her only response was, "You're left handed."
"What?" He spat.
"Do you remember your family?" She asked, hoping she wouldn't get slapped again. She could feel little beads of blood growing on the scratch and her hands were already up to deflect another blow when he responded.
"I don't have a family." He said.
She gave him a pained look.
"Why do you care?" He asked.
"Because… I lost a brother. When we were both ten years old; we were twins, you see, and he was taken from a playground one night. And I guess…" She took a sigh, "I was an idiot because I had my hopes up that somehow, I would find him tonight…" She shook her head. "It was dumb. I'm sorry I'm boring you with this story." It wasn't a story. It was a test.
He didn't say anything at all, but he was looking so deep into her eyes it was as if he were looking back into his own, to dig up the buried memories there.
She took a chance. It was a big chance, it was a weird chance, but there was no way this conversation was going to progress without it. "…Rudy?" She said softly, just to test it. She hadn't spoken his name aloud in years, except to Shawn.
He looked like he wanted to believe. His eyebrow twitched in that way that was so familiar to her, when he wanted to say something but was holding back. He avoided eye contact with her. "Look, I don't know who the fuck gave you this information about me, but tell them to STOP, okay?"
"Rudy, it's me." She said, tears threatening. "It's Juliet. Look at me."
"Yeah how can I believe you!? You people are always after me, why can't you ever leave me the fuck alone! This is lower than low. You're sick. You people are the scum of the earth. You carry a gun? Why don't you just take and shoot yourself in the fucking head already?" He had begun to pace the room. Juliet's face was stricken with horror. "Better yet, why don't you shoot me, then shoot yourself. Win-fucking-win."
"Don't do this." She said, frightened.
"How can I tell you're real?"
"How can I prove I'm real?" She asked.
He sat down again harshly. "What's my favorite color?"
"Orange."
"Wrong." He said. "What was my family's cat's name?"
"Which one?" She asked.
"Wrong." He said.
She dropped her jaw in frustration.
"How many spots on our Appaloosa?"
"We never had a horse, Rudy, you want me to be wrong. Why?"
"Say something only my sister would."
"Your feet smell like cabbage." She said without hesitation.
"Who told you that!" He demanded.
"You did! Twenty-five years ago!"
"…You're fulla shit." He shoved at something invisible on the table, his hands shaking visibly and his voice weakening.
She watched him for a minute, before saying quietly, almost to herself, "Aw, Ru." wanting to hug him but she was afraid he might kill her.
His eyes flashed. That had done it, she could tell. No one called him Ru but her. Ever.
He put a hand over his mouth tightly and looked at her, tears beginning to stream down his face. "I'm sorry…" He mumbled into his hand, sniffling and shaking as a wave of real crying washed over him.
She bit back her own tears, with little success, and held her arms out, cautiously offering a hug. He nodded, and they both stood up as she pulled him into a reluctant hug. He tried to back away at first, and she gave him his space. It was obvious he was far too damaged to let someone touch him, let alone hug him, and she respected that, reluctantly backing away and lowering her arms, rejected.
He apologized again.
She told him not to, even as her breath shook, her eyelids heavy with tears that would fall with just one blink.
They both just stood looking at one another, knowing this was where the happy reunion scene was supposed to play out.
Henry had joined them a few minutes earlier in the observation room. The room was now filled with a teary-eyed Shawn, a teary-eyed Chief, a "stoic" Lassiter, a "somewhat stoic" Henry, and a sobbing mess of a Burton Guster. .
Shawn had seen just how painful the loss of her brother was to her, and even more painful her family's ability to brush it under the rug so easily. Jules didn't let things go like that, not when she had a feeling about something. That's kinda why she became a detective.
After a long pause, neither Juliet nor Rudy were even convinced the other was real. If it was a dream, let the dream live on.
"How- how is everyone?" Rudy asked softly. Their chairs had been pushed closer together.
"Everyone's been…" She caught herself. "It's been alright."
"How's Mom and Dad?"
"Uh, Mom's good, still in Miami, and she uh, kicked Dad out, about two years after you…left."
"Good." Rudy snorted. "he was a dickbag."
Juliet laughed softly.
"What about Nick?"
"Nick's great. He's married, he's got three boys, he's a firefighter, and he lives in LA."
"I have nephews." Rudy said, just to see how it felt on his tongue. He smiled, something his facial muscles were not used to doing.
"What else, who else?" Rudy said to himself. "Justin! How's Justin? He was only a baby last time I saw him; how old is he even now?"
Unease fell over Juliet. She knew this was coming. She twisted her fingers together nervously and began, "Um… he uh- he was troubled."
"What are you saying, he's in jail?"
"He took his life." Juliet said sadly.
"Wh- whe-" Rudy's voice became dry and he licked his lips. "When?" He asked weakly.
"Almost four years ago. He was twenty."
"Okay… okay what about Mystery?" A hint of a smile returned to his lips in hope.
"…Who?"
"Mystery. That's what I've always referred to him or her as in my mind. Mom was pregnant when I left, and we were just about to find out the gender. Remember? You and I were taking bets? So who's Mystery?" He asked eagerly.
"Oh." Juliet said, realizing. "Um… it was a stillborn. She was a… yeah. I'm sorry." She put a hand on his shoulder and ran it down his arm. He worked hard not to pull away.
Twenty-two years of picturing himself coming home someday to his parents and four siblings. He had dreamed about this Mystery child more than any of them. He used to dream of every possible combination of human features his brother or sister would have. Granted, he had forced himself to stop thinking that he had a family at least ten years ago, but somehow this Mystery kid kept finding its way into his conscience, and became a solace for him; a place for his mind to go when no good was even left in his mind. Something to think about; endless possibilities. A blank slate. A Mystery that he actually knew was out there somewhere. He felt a connection to this kid, he felt like they already shared good memories together. A shroud of innocence, in Rudy's Hell.
Then to find out that his shroud of innocence was dead; had never really existed at all?
He retreated into his suit of armor. He put on his mask. He was a rock. Rocks don't have feelings and rocks don't care what anyone says or does to them. He is a rock, he has armor, he has his mask on, he put up every single mental line of defense he had built up over twenty-two years of hell.
Lockdown.
"Ru? I'm really sorry. Are you alright?" Juliet tilted her head in concern, looking at him.
He ducked his head once in a nod. Rocks don't have mouths, either. They may have dents and craters but those are not mouths, or any other part of the body. Just the external rock, on the outside.
"Rudy? Talk to me; I'm really sorry, I didn't even know if you remembered her at all."
Rudy remained perfectly still.
Juliet bit her lip nervously. She finally had her brother back; she didn't want to lose him again. She tried to change the subject. "Do you wanna hear about me?"
Rudy lifted his head slightly and looked at her, waiting for her to go on.
"Well, I'm married, and you have a two-month-old niece."
How could he be sure this was true? He decided nothing was true anymore unless he saw it in person. Especially family members that claimed to exist. "Do… Do I get to meet her?"
"Of course! Um," Juliet looked around the room, her eyes falling on the one-way mirror. How the hell was she ever gonna get away from this mess? And even more, how was she going to get Rudy away? It was going to take more than physical distance.
It was probably going to be a while before any of these men were allowed to leave. Anywhere from days to months. And she sure as hell wasn't having Shawn bring Kat in here .
She might have to beg the Chief to let her take her long lost brother home. You just don't hear that every day.
"I'll be right back." She smiled at him. She was going to make this happen. After all, you know how new mothers love to show off their babies, and Juliet was certainly no exception.
She walked purposefully out the door, forcing herself to suppress the idea that he might be gone when she opened it again. She entered the observation room to find everyone exactly as she might have expected them. Gus was a mess, Shawn's eyes were red, Chief's arms were folded as she brushed back tears, and Lassiter had shamelessly reddened eyes after all they had been through tonight. Henry was…
"Henry! What are you doing here? Who's with Kat!?"
"Don't worry Juliet, I dropped her off with Marlowe and Lily after Shawn told me about the case. I've been tracking this same ring for years, you know." Henry said in his I-have-things-under-control voice.
Shawn pushed his way through the narrow room to Juliet. He instantly cupped her face with both hands, stroking his left thumb just under the cut very tenderly.
Juliet blinked. "I'm fine, Shawn." She said quietly.
Shawn tugged a tissue free from the wad in his jeans pocket without saying a word. He dabbed lightly at the cut, but the blood had mostly dried by now. You would never catch Shawn Spencer with tons of tissues in his pocket before he had a baby. Now it had become habit. Just like the caring parent Shawn was turning into, he licked his thumb and wiped at some of the dried blood.
"Shawn, please," Juliet shook her head, backing away from her husband. "Chief, what do I have to bribe you with to let me take him home for the night? I will give anything."
"It's not entirely my call…" Chief looked apologetic.
"You have the power to make that call, Karen." Henry said. "It's your police department."
"Twenty-two years, Chief." Juliet said, her voice lowering. "Twenty-two years, seven months, and fourteen days. That's how long my brother's been in hell. And now he just had to hear that his brother and sister are dead." She swallowed. "You've seen the condition of these men tonight, and unfortunately I have too. If you had the power to fix things for just one of them, would you? Please?"
Chief sighed and looked around. Of course she wanted to do everything she could for Juliet and her brother at this point. She was just afraid the FBI might want him and if they found she had let him leave… She could just say she had him under additional protection of one of her best detectives. That was the truth.
"Tell you what, O'Hara." She said. "You find out what he knows about the ring's next moves, and you both are free to go." Chief took her by the elbow and stepped just outside the room with her for a moment. "And for chrissakes Juliet, go home and feed your baby! I wasn't telling you to go home earlier just because I'm worried about your mental health here. You've been away for twenty hours!"
"She has plenty of bottles…" Juliet said but still agreed she should really get home. Chief shot her that mother-to-mother look, then stepped back in the room.
Juliet went back to the metal interrogation room door and pushed it open.
Good, he was still there. He was still real.
She reminded herself to smile, first things first. "Listen, Rudy, I really wanna get you home and wrap you in a blanket and give you a nutty cone and watch Scooby Doo or something with you, but I can't do that until you can tell me anything you know about the trafficking ring you were in. We have the potential to save more people. Rudy, please? Then we can go home." Her eyes watered on the word home and her voice cracked.
The mere mention of Scooby Doo and nutty cones nearly cracked Rudy right there. He mentally stuffed the issue of his mystery sibling behind his concrete wall of things he no longer thinks about (although he could tell you every single thing that's in there) With that issue tucked away, he took down his armor to talk to his sister. His sister. "Jules, I wouldn't keep this information from you," He said, looking hurt. "I really don't know." He sighed. "The only thing I've heard, is that they were taking us to Seattle. That was before the explosion, so I have no idea what their plans are now, where they've gone, but chances are they've scattered."
Juliet turned to the one-way-mirror. "You heard it. That's all he's got." She paused. "Can we go now?" She stood up and told Rudy they were going. She was getting that feeling of being away from her nursing baby for too long and it was becoming unpleasant.
She took Rudy's hand in hers and stepped out of the room. Shawn was standing right outside waiting for them, the others not far behind. Rudy looked a little overwhelmed at all these people staring directly at him.
He hid behind another mask. It wasn't his face they were seeing.
"Be back by nine o'clock tonight." Chief said. It was currently around five in the morning.
"Ru, this is Shawn, my husband." She introduced. Shawn held out his hand for a handshake, and Rudy looked like he wanted to take it, but didn't, casting Shawn an apologetic glance. "This is his best friend, Gus. This is the police chief, that's my work partner Detective Carlton Lassiter, and that's-" She cast her arm up to point to Henry in the back.
"Grandpa." Henry introduced himself, stepping forward, automatically making the same handshake mistake.
"He loves saying that." Juliet smiled and turned close to Rudy. To be honest, she loved hearing it, since this was the only grandpa her kid, or kids, were ever going to have. "Let's get you home."
Rudy had been waiting to hear that.
The station had settled down quite a bit, and it wasn't quite like the silence after a bomb anymore, but more like the first signs of life following the silence. Outside, the night was just hinting at its retreat, the sky a dusky blue promising more light, and the birds were calling out to each other from seemingly every tree in the area.
Shawn went with Gus and took the blueberry to go pick up Kat. Gus had only been questioned a few times as to why there was a baby carseat in his company car.
Juliet led Rudy to her car, and he held the handle of the door in his hand for a second, before tugging it open. He seemed to be taking in everything of the night world around him. How the early-morning mist hung in the air, and the way the tree branches bounced with the slight wind.
Juliet just smiled, watching her brother take it all in. He eventually got back in the car, and she started the ignition. "It's not exactly home in Miami, but it's my home now." She said to him, as she began driving.
"Home." He repeated.
Out of all the people in all the trafficking rings around the country, or around the world for that matter; out of all the places for this one to end up; out of all detectives to work this case; out of all the chances an explosion would have stopped the train right here in Santa Barbara… out of all the men who died or lived or were found somewhere in between… she found him.
And yes, she absolutely took nothing for granted when it came to thinking how fucking impossible all this sounded.
Rudy must've been thinking the same thing. He stared out the car window for a few more minutes, before turning back to her and saying, "How old are we?"
She frowned at him, actually pressing the brakes for a second. He looked startled. "Rudy, you don't know how old you are?"
"No."
"Do you know what year it is?"
"I can't be sure."
"You were gone for twenty-two years, seven months, and fourteen days."
"You counted?"
"Not every day…" She said. "…We're thirty-two. It's December. I guess you could say we're almost thirty-three." She added with slight disgust.
He simply nodded and said absently, "That would've been my guess."
Juliet stared out across the road, pained for her brother.
They pulled into the driveway less than a minute later. "…You have a house." Rudy said.
Juliet laughed. "Yes, I have a house."
"It's just so… you're so grown up." He said, a small laughing smile on his lips. "A house, a husband, a car, a baby… a job where you wear this fancy suit thing…"
She laughed again. "Wait til you see our TV."
It turns out he had seen flat screen TV's before. Plenty of them, with the various incredibly wealthy people that had previously… owned him. She was able to surprise him with one thing, though. When she showed him how to turn the shower on and off so he could wash the blood off himself, his only comment was, "You have hot water?"
While he was in the shower, Juliet picked up and put down the phone about eight times, deciding whether to share the news with Nick and her mother. It should be a no-brainer, right? Of course she should tell her family that their long-lost brother and son had been located after several decades. But… she was enjoying having Rudy to herself. If she told them, Nick might try to drive up from Los Angeles, and would be here in a matter of hours. They had always been the ones that doubted, that shamed her for believing he was still alive. Why should they deserve to see him now then? It's not like she was letting him go anywhere anytime soon; they would get their chance.
But there was still something so wrong about not telling them.
Shawn cracked open the front door gently, interrupting her thoughts. He carried their sleeping daughter in a car carrier. He placed the carrier between them on the couch, and whispered, "Marlowe had to feed her the formula. Marlowe hates the formula. She says Kat's gonna have green poop."
Juliet laughed silently.
Shawn continued. "Marlowe says she was almost to the point of feeding Kat herself."
"How long since she's had the formula last?" Juliet whispered.
"Marlowe didn't tell me. She just said feed her as soon as you get home."
"Alright, alright." Juliet gently tickled the baby's nose, and she swatted her tiny clenched fists in front of her before opening her icy blue eyes. "Hi baby girl," Juliet cooed. "Hi Kitty-Kat. Are you hungry? Yes I think you are. C'mere." She gently lifted the baby out of the carrier and held her close to her chest.
"You wait out here for Rudy. He's in the shower and he'll be out soon. Get acquainted, you're brother-in-laws now. Tell him I'll be out in twenty minutes from now. Oh, and get him some clothes to change into. Everything, even socks."
"Yes ma'm." Shawn saluted.
She glared at him playfully.
"Sorry. Yes, Detective."
"Better." She said, walking away with the baby.
The bathroom was right next to the bedroom, and Juliet heard the water turn off only a minute after she started feeding. She didn't hear the bathroom door open for another fifteen minutes though. When the door finally opened, she heard Shawn saying, "No no." and the door was closed again. She knew Rudy had probably tried to put his old clothes back on, and she pictured Shawn shoving a stack of clean, dry clothes into his hands and sending him back into the bathroom.
Shawn poked his head into the bedroom. "Everything good in here?"
"We're good."
Shawn stepped inside.
"Was Carlton there when you went to get Kat?"
"He showed up about two minutes before we left, why?"
"Is he alright? I mean… could you tell?"
Shawn stuck his hands in his pockets and sighed at the floor. He walked across the carpet and sat down on the other edge of the bed. "Look, I don't know what you guys saw in there… and I know it takes a lot to shake Lassiter… but I can imagine it was something pretty horrible… so-" He ran a hand down his face, over his mouth, and stretched his mouth open briefly, trying to distract the muscles in his cheeks that were beginning to form tears again. "So don't be holding back what you feel for Rudy's sake. Maybe don't talk about it around him, but around me, you do what-ever you need, okay? I love you."
She nodded, her chin close to her chest. "I love you too." She stroked Kat's back soothingly, and she looked back to Shawn. Then they both looked at Kat, the innocence of their lives. She couldn't wait to share this little slice of innocence with Rudy.
The bathroom door opened again, and Shawn bolted out the door so Rudy wouldn't think he had abandoned him.
"I'll be out in a minute," Juliet called to Shawn as Kat detached herself from Juliet at the sudden noise. She started wailing. "Sh sh sh, you're alright, Mommy's got you." Juliet threw a towel over her shoulder and burped Kat softly.
"Hey, Rudy, man," Shawn said, motioning for Rudy to follow him to the couches. "You feelin better? You look better." Shawn situated himself on the end of one couch. He watched Rudy decide what seat to take. He went with the small couch, the one that had too many pillows for anyone else to fit on it.
"What do you do?" Rudy spoke up, taking Shawn by surprise. His voice and posture were both stiff and guarded.
"W- you mean like a job?"
Rudy nodded.
"I run a private Psychic Detective Agency." Shawn said, aware of how ridiculous that always sounded.
"Agency?" Rudy asked. He had heard the term The Agency only a couple thousand times in the past few decades. That was the blanketing term for everyone who was in control of them.
"Well, there's only two of us. Me and Gus. And our office is more like a playroom…"
Rudy just gave a small nod. "Where's Juliet?"
"She went to go feed the baby."
Rudy's eyes widened in fear that she had left.
"Don't worry, she's just in that room over there." Shawn pointed up the stairs to where Rudy had just been in the bathroom, next door to a room that was open just a crack.
Rudy visibly relaxed.
Just as Shawn was about to say something else, the door creaked fully open and Juliet descended the stairs with the baby in her arms. She had changed out of her work suit that currently carried so many horrible memories she wasn't sure if she could ever wear it again. Now she wore a soft blouse with blue and white checkered pajama pants.
Rudy was breathless as Juliet brought Kat into the room. He was on his feet in seconds to look at the beautiful, soft skinned child that was called his niece. "H- hi there." He said nervously to the baby. Kat gurgled at him. "Can- Can I hold her?" He looked to Juliet, almost pleading.
"Only if you sit down and let me sit next to you. Here." Juliet sat down in the middle of the couch Shawn was on. Rudy reluctantly sat close next to her.
It was strange, to see her brother all cleaned up and in the light. When she really looked, he didn't look all that different. He had the same narrow face she remembered, the same sandy blond hair, and somehow, even the same glint in his blue-gray eyes, the same as hers. He was skiddish. She could see the fear and damage in his eyes, except for when he had his defensive shields up. There were many tiny scars in various visible places, but his arms were the worst. Dull blemishes in his skin ran in a somewhat patterned direction, of various lengths and shapes of severity. Cuts he could not possibly have made himself. His legs were bad too, but she couldn't see as much thanks to Shawn's baggy shorts. His "laughing eyes" were gone, as were his freckles. His eyes darted around quickly all the time now, and he flinched at any noise louder than a finger snapping.
Her heart broke for him.
"Put your arms like this-" Shawn stood up to show him how to hold Kat, "and hold her head here." Shawn pointed to his own arms, then sat back down and Juliet placed the baby delicately in her brother's arms.
A genuine smile spread across Rudy's lips, and he looked down into the blue eyes of the baby in his arms.
"She's- she's smiling at me." He said in absolute awe.
"Gas." Both Juliet and Shawn muttered at the same time.
Juliet reached over and tried adjust Rudy's elbow so he was supporting Kat's head at the right angle. Rudy jerked away suddenly, not expecting the touch on the underside of his upper arm, and startling Kat.
She began wailing, and Rudy's arms dropped in fear and failure. Juliet quickly recovered the baby and passed her to Shawn, who bounced her lightly and shushed her.
"Are you alright? Rudy, what was that? Jesus." Juliet asked.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Rudy dropped his head between his hands and faced the floor.
"No, Ru you're fine, don't apologize, you just startled us is all. Are you alright?"
"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry." Tears pricked at his eyes, and he put up more masks distancing himself from the people on the couch next to him. They were strangers and it's alright if they rejected him because he didn't need them. He'd be just as well off as he was a day ago.
"Rudy, it's okay, it's alright, I promise." Juliet said. Kat continued wailing. Juliet tried to put a light hand on his shoulder, figuring he was less sensitive about that than maybe the underside of his arm.
The stranger was touching the outside of the rock.
Rudy got up and ran to the front door. He didn't know his way around this house or this town but if he dug deep enough he could surely find that tunnel again-
Juliet shot Shawn a concerned glance and shot after him. It didn't take her long to find him. There aren't many people out on the streets of Santa Barbara at six o'clock in the morning.
He sat across the street, on a bench facing the bike path along the rocky shore. A tense silhouette against the muted blue-gray colors of the pre-sunrise sky and sea. She stood there for a few minutes, just watching him; choking back tears and trying not to think about the kinds of things that have been done to him.
Finally, she gathered her courage and approached the bench, making sure he heard her coming so she didn't startle him. She reluctantly sat on the opposite end of the bench from him. He didn't look at her.
"We can't be a family again." He shrugged like it was nothing. "Things just don't work out sometimes. I can't be around you; I mean look at me. Actually don't." He wrapped his arms around himself tighter. "I'm not who you remember; he died a long time ago." Just like his Mystery sibling.
"Ru, don't say that…" Just her soft tone felt like a comforting hand on his shoulder. A light, concerned touch from the tips of her fingers.
Touching a rock. "Things are too different. I left six family members, and I come home to three? What the hell happened?"
"Things were tough on Mom after she kicked Dad out, and I guess that reflected onto Justin…"
"Then why'd she kick him out! I know he was complete scum but he could've at least been helpful in raising three fucking kids!"
"Well, something happened-"
"What? What happened?" He demanded.
Juliet sighed, angling herself more towards her brother. "Things were really hard on Dad after you were taken. He was the only one there on the playground that night, so he blamed himself, the he would never say so out loud. He blamed me. He blamed Nick, He blamed Mom. But deep down we all knew he fully blamed himself. He… wasn't the same. He got tougher, meaner. And one day, two years after you left, me and Nick were laying on the floor watching TV, when Dad comes storming in, saying the dog chewed his work shoes because I didn't put them away like he asked. The way I remember it, he never told me to do that, but it doesn't really matter. He needed a release. A scapegoat. I stood up, and told him he never asked me that and why he would leave his good shoes in the damn hall in the first place. Those were my words. That was the entire argument, and with no warning at all, he takes his hand out of his pocket, and he's got a handgun. He shoots without even thinking." Juliet took in Rudy's expressionless face. "Now, he wasn't aiming for me, I can tell you that much. He's not that bad. But he is a bad shot."
Juliet tucked her hair behind her ear on the left side of her head, holding it back for Rudy to see a scar on both her head and her ear, right in that little gap in between. Rudy gaped at it, like he didn't believe her until now.
"It didn't get anything important. It just clipped me. But he didn't know that, Nick didn't know that, Mom didn't know that, and I didn't know that. All I remember was the glass of the window breaking behind me, and Dad's sickened, horror-stricken face, like he had just learned he has worms inside of him. Sometimes I feel kinda bad for him. He didn't actually mean to hit me... But he did, and by the time Mom ran into the room, all she saw was me lying on the floor in broken glass and blood on my head, and Dad holding a handgun. She completely freaked out. She went back into her room, I guess assuming Nick was gonna help me. I could've been dead for all she knew. Anyway, she started throwing all of Dad's things out the window onto the front lawn. She pushed him out of the house and locked every window and door, telling him to take his crap and never come near her children or her house again. She changed the locks, and that was the last we ever saw of him."
Rudy just looked at her. "Was he drunk? Was he high?"
"I don't think so." Juliet sounded apologetic.
Rudy sighed, and no one spoke for a long time.
Finally, he said, "I wanna hold my niece."
"You want to go back inside?" Juliet asked.
Rudy shook his head. "I want to, but I can't."
"Well," Juliet said. "I'm just gonna sit here until you can then, because there's no way I'm letting you out of my sights again."
They were silent again, for even longer. But this time Rudy looked a little more relaxed.
Then, as unexpected as the bullet from the chamber of her father's gun, Rudy placed his hand over hers on the bench between them.
There was a long ways to go.
The first rays of morning were beginning to lay themselves across the sea, while the city woke up around them. In Rudy's mind, he saw the ghosted outline of that Mystery child walking across the calm sea and into the sunrise, to be fantasized about no more. He formed the idea of someday replacing the rock with the sun, reaching towards new horizons and leaving old ones behind.
Maybe someday, but not today. Even at the fastest pace in the universe, sunlight takes time before it reaches the Earth.
And on the Earth, his new family would be waiting.
~/~