All I want for Christmas
Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing. Song: All I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey.
Rating: CSI 1
Spoilers: None - this is AU. Gil has not gone to the jungle but teaches criminology at Northwestern University in Chicago. Catherine and Lindsey spent a recent vacation in New York.
Author's Notes: Part of the 12 days of Christmas Challenge 2009.
Summary: Catherine only has one wish for Christmas. Lindsey decides to step up to the plate and let Gil know, exactly what Catherine wants for Christmas this year.
---
It was the night before the night before Christmas. Gil sat at his desk. In two days it would be Christmas, and he was feeling particularly blue. Normally and secretly of course, he loved December. However, this year was totally different. He now knew that it was not so much December itself that he loved. It was the anticipation of spending Christmas with Catherine and Lindsey. This year he was in Chicago and when he talked to Catherine about spending Christmas with them two months ago she had all but dismissed him. He remembered her exact words. Gil, it's too far and we certainly don't expect you to travel across the country for a few hours. Besides I promised Lindsey a girly time. Gil remembered frowning. He had been just about to propose he could fly out for a long weekend since Christmas fell on a Friday. After Catherine's statement their conversation had been strangely awkward and they had actually not spoken on the phone ever since.
An occasional email was all he heard from her nowadays. Sighing Gil looked at all the unfinished case files on his desk decided to call it quits. He was not getting anything done. A small smile spread on his lips as he recalled how many times Catherine had bailed him out and finished the paper work on his case files. God. He missed her. Not only helping her with case files but everything about her. Again the nagging thought he had had over the last two months hit him. Why did he really decide to move to Chicago? For a couple of minutes he allowed his mind to wander. It had been years and years and he still had not been able to tell her how he felt about her. In the end it had become too much seeing her date jerks like that Chris fellow and the overclass idiot Adam Novak. He had to snap out of it because it was not really about those other guys. It was about him being a hypocrite. How would she know not to date those losers if he never intended to tell her how he really felt? He was the jerk. Sighing deeply Gil reached over to switch off his computer. Just then a new email popped up on his screen.
His eyes scanned the content, confusion setting in even as a warmth and a small hope spread throughout him. He paused a second before he pressed the print button on the screen. Seconds later he held what could make or break his future in his hand.
From:
To:
Dear Gil,
I'm hereby sending you my wish list for Christmas:
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby
I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...
Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You
All I want for Christmas is you... baby
Love,
Catherine.
---
In Las Vegas Catherine walked into her bedroom late at night just in time to catch Lindsey working on her lap top.
"Linds I told you before, you've got your own lap top, so why are you always on mine?"
"Mom, I was just looking at the pictures from out trip to New York. "
Catherine felt her initial irritation melt away. Their trip to New York had been her surprise for Lindsey. They had both needed a break. Lindsey after having done really well on her exams and Catherine because she wanted a break from the lab. The lab she now ran. A lab without Gil. He had left CSI, the lab and her.
Their trip to New York had been all about relaxing. They had lived a really nice hotel on the Upper East Side. They had gone shopping, had a day at a spa and seen a show on Broadway. Catherine had bought Lindsey a digital camera and they had shot a lot of great pictures. However, Lindsey had not brought her laptop but Catherine had brought hers so she could check up on a few lab reports on the day they arrived. Therefore, their pictures had been uploaded to Catherine's laptop and they often looked at them together.
The trip had been the first time since Gil left that Catherine had felt somewhat happy again. Being with Lindsey and away from the lab had helped.
Since Gil had left, Catherine had slowly found some kind of routine. Anyone looking at her would say she was doing okay. There were days, where the dark circles under her eyes couldn't be hid by make up. Some days her eyes were red from crying. However, sometimes she still laughed out loud and joked with Nick and Greg like in the old days. But inside and when people couldn't see her at home late at night in the privacy of her bedroom, Catherine was not really coping very well. She had told herself a million times it was ridiculous. He had left her for Chicago. Just said goodbye and walked out of the lab one day. And she had done nothing to stop him. Never told him to stay. Stay for the lab, stay for Lindsey and stay for her. She loved him but had never had the courage to tell him. And before she did tell him she loved him, she could not demand that he came back to her.
It was still hard to think about how he had left. Especially, this close to Christmas. She normally loved Christmas, even though she pretended not to. But Christmas had always been magical to her. Especially, after she had had Lindsey. The joy in Lindsey every year was worth the chaotic Christmas shopping and the extra shifts she had often taken on when Lindsey were younger and Eddie spent all their money on booze and drugs.
Catherine closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Lindsey had just given her a kiss and gone to bed, saying she wanted to get a good night's sleep before Christmas. Catherine sighed deeply. Apparently, this Christmas would also go into the 'only for Lindsey's sake' box. Nothing was the same without Gil. Ever since she had known him, he had been part of her Christmas. Ever since Eddie died, Gil had celebrated Christmas with Lindsey and Catherine. They would make dinner, relax and exchange little gifts. There would be none of that this year, Catherine sadly concluded as she was going to bed.
A few days ago, Lindsey had hung their stockings and insisted they put up a Christmas tree. Catherine did not feel like it but she forced herself to put a smile on and went to the mall with Lindsey to get Christmas decorations. Once at the mall, Catherine couldn't help herself. She bought a small mistletoe and hung it in the entrance to their living room. A small thing, but it reminded her of when Gil had brought one years ago.
Catherine kept tossing and turning. It was silly. She had never had a kiss under a mistletoe. And ever since she met Gil, she had dreamed of them sharing their first kiss under a mistletoe. Stupid. But she couldn't help it. At the mall, lights were shinning brightly everywhere, and it was hard not to fall a bit in love with Christmas all over. Usually Catherine wished for snow every year, this year however, she didn't care. Fake snow was almost mandatory in Las Vegas and it fit her mood perfectly. It all felt fake this year.
Finally, Catherine fell asleep.
The next morning, the day of Christmas Eve, Lindsey woke Catherine very early, when she climbed into her bed.
"Mom, wake up."
"Morning, Linds. What's up"
"Mom, did you get Uncle Gil a Christmas gift this year?"
Catherine closed her eyes. No, she hadn't. Particularly because of the last conversation between her and Gil. She had more or less refused his presence during Christmas, and thereby also any exchange of gifts.
"Eh, Linds, why do you ask?"
"I've been chatting with Uncle Gil, and I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He was kinda evading my question. So I asked him what he told you he wanted for Christmas. He said you did not exchange wish lists this year. Is it true?"
"Well, yes..." Catherine started and before she could continue, Lindsey interrupted her.
"MOM. You have to exchange wish lists...but I guess that is kinda too late now. So we'll just have to go get him a gift without a list." Lindsey jumped back on the floor and Catherine noticed that she was already dressed.
"Linds...it's 7.30 AM" Catherine groaned.
"I know. But mom, it's the last day before Christmas and what if Uncle Gil got you something?"
"Linds.." Catherine never thought about that possibility. Oh God.
"Linds, there is no way a gift will make it all the way to Chicago for Christmas"
"Mom, it's the thought that counts right. And you can just tell him it's on the way then. I promised we'd call him tonight."
Catherine knew she was backed into a corner. Also, she felt a bit of Christmas joy spread through out her. This was it. It was Christmas, a time for miracles. No matter if Gil had bought her something or not, she was now determined to give him a special and wonderful gift to tell him, she still valued their friendship and missed him. No, scratch that. Loved him.
"You know what Linds, I know exactly what to get for Uncle Gil but I think I'd better go get it myself. I'll be back for lunch and we can spend tonight watching Christmas movies like we always do, okay?" Catherine watched Lindsey's face break into a smile.
"Great idea mom."
Catherine got up and got ready. She left the house around 9.30. AM. Lindsey said she would spend the morning talking to her girlfriends online.
---
The second Catherine had pulled out of the drive way, Lindsey grabbed the phone. The following conversation was short and to the point.
"Hi it's me."
"She just left to buy a last Christmas gift."
"When will you get here?"
"Her wish list? I think it's on her computer, why?"
"That sounds great!"
"Okay, I will see you soon..."
"And Uncle Gil, you'd better have something big and amazing planned for her this year. I know, I'm not like an adult or whatever, but I know she has been hurting and you hurt her, so it will take a lot to make it up to her."
---
At the other end of the line, Gil felt the words from Lindsey hit him like sharp daggers. He had hurt Catherine and thereby Lindsey, and he never intended to do so. Luckily, he was back to make it all better.
"Linds, honey, I promise I will do my best to apologize and make it all better. I will see you soon."
---
Catherine returned to her house just before lunch. She carried a small bag with her gift but wouldn't show Lindsey what she had bought. The two of them spent the day relaxing and watching movies. Late that night, Catherine tucked Lindsey in beside her. Lindsey had asked to spend the night in Catherine's bedroom, so they could wake up together on Christmas morning. Catherine felt all the love she had for her daughter explode in her chest, as she watched Lindsey sleeping besides her. Christmas would come even though Gil was not there. She felt excitement bobble around her body when she thought about the gift she would send him right after Christmas.
---
"Merry Christmas Mom" Catherine woke up early when Lindsey poked her arm around 7. AM. Catherine smiled. Lindsey had inherited her own fondness for Christmas.
"Lets's go downstairs and open gifts?" Lindsey was already half out the door, when Catherine got up and drew a short white silk robe around her tank top and sleeping shorts.
"Wait Linds, I thought we'd..." Catherine stopped talking when she reached the living room. She was suddenly very aware of her short robe because Gil was standing next to the Christmas tree. For long seconds no one spoke. Their eyes fused together, then Lindsey spoke:
"See Cath, our Christmas wish came true." Gil spoke softly.
"Our what?" Catherine was dumbfounded.
Gil's eye flicked to Lindsey for a second, confusion clouding them.
"Lindsey! What did you do?" Catherine's voice was almost a whisper.
"Mom...I just...I sent Uncle Gil your Christmas wish...." Lindsey tried to explain but Gil took as realization dawned on him. For a second he felt unsure of himself but it wasn't Lindsey's fault. It was his own stupid fears and cowardice, which had kept him away until now. He was not backing away.
"Cath. I spoke to Lindsey a couple of days ago and I asked her what you wanted for Christmas. Remember you never sent me a list?" Catherine nodded slowly as Gil approached her as he continued:
"Catherine, I've been miserable without you in Chicago. I missed you and Lindsey so much, and when you told me not to bother visiting you this Christmas, I was just about to suggest a longer visit myself. I was pretty disappointed."
Catherine's eyes closed for a second before they opened, tears visible.
"Don't cry honey." Gil closed the last distance between them and drew her into his arms.
"Gil...I just thought..."
"I know what you thought and it's my own fault, because I've been a coward." Catherine's eyes flew to his.
"What?"
"I should have stayed in Las Vegas. I left because I was too scared to tell you the truth about why I couldn't stay"
"Oh Gil. I wish you had stayed. I missed you."
"Catherine, I wanted to ask you if you'd forgive me. If you would ever..." he hesitated and Catherine gave him a slight hug.
"Gil, I forgive you. Actually, I forgave you just after you left. I've just been too...eh...too scared to tell you why."
Gil frowned. This was not really turning out how he had intended. He had been ready to plead and beg.
"Cath, I don't understand."
Catherine took a long close look at the man before her, then she pulled free of his arms and ran upstairs.
"I will be right back." Catherine reached her bedroom and found the bag she had brought home last night. Returning to the living room, she hesitated before she handed over a smaller square package.
"Gil. Merry Christmas."
Gil look at the gift he was holding in his hands. It was the size a Big Mac box. He turned it around and began unwrapping the paper. Inside was a black box with the name of a famous Las Vegas jeweler. He gave Cath a long look before he opened the box to reveal a beautiful watch.
"Thank you Catherine." He got up to give her a hug but she moved away slightly.
"It's in graved." Catherine's voice shook slightly.
Gil loosened the watch from the box and turned it around to read the words in the back.
'Yours forever, Love C'
Gil felt his heart expand and reached over to pull Catherine into his arms.
"Thank you for your wonderful gift. I love it." He gave her a light kiss on the lips, keeping it friendly and then reached into his pocket to draw out the gift he had brought her.
"Catherine, before you open your gift, I want you to know why I left Las Vegas."
Catherine stiffened in his arms but he refused to let that stop him.
"Cath, I never wanted to leave you and Lindsey but for some reason, I did not have the courage to tell you the truth." He took a deep breath.
"I love you Catherine. I have for such a long time and I was too scared to tell you. I feared you'd reject me. You may still do so but I want you to know where I stand before you do. I want you to know how sorry I am about leaving you when all I wanted to do was stay and be with you. But if you will give me a chance, then I'll stay forever."
With that he opened the small box he'd been hiding in the palm of his hand. A stunning engagement ring with a significant round diamond surrounded by small round diamonds glittered like a Christmas star and make Catherine's breath catch.
"Catherine, I love you. Will you marry me?"
For long seconds, nothing was heard, then a small voice came from the side of the room.
"Mom, say yes. It's what you wanted most for Christmas right?"
Catherine turned her head and looked at Lindsey, who was standing in the living room entrance. Then she threw her head back and laughed. Laughed out loud like she hadn't done in days, weeks and months. It felt like forever since she had laughed, really laughed.
"Yes, Linds. It is what I wanted most for Christmas. So Yes Gil. I will marry you."
Gil caputred Catherine's lips as he lifted her and spun them around. Lindsey came flying into the mix from across the room. Laughter filled the room and Christmas had finally come to the new Grillows household.