Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Greetings. I go by the name of Aduross on this website. I honestly don't visit particularly often, as an overwhelming majority of the material contained within is rather... not good. I also found the "rules" it had set in place to be overly strict and the majority seemed extraneous and overbearing. Well, I've been itching to write a Minish Cap retelling and I figured that before I criticize anyone else, I may as well put forth an example of my own "prowess." Don't misconstrue, I am by no means overly talented. I'm still rather inexperienced at writing, and my grammar leaves something to be desired. I would appreciate any advice offered and if you feel the need to "flame" me, then you're welcome to do so, but don't expect me to really care.
I like to put a humorous spin on most things, and that's true as well here. Though a retelling, and containing some dialog lifted from the game, some characters and events have been altered to make more sense or to add comedy. I'm aware the Smith's "Scottish" accent most likely isn't terribly accurate or appropriate, but it was the best I could manage. Anywho, please read and hopefully enjoy.
Disclaimer: Apparently, Nintendo is capable of suing me if it so be in their interest. All characters, events, items, and dialog taken from the original game The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap is property of Nintendo and Capcom. I make no claim of ownership to anything aside from the writing itself.
Prologue: Scottish Smiths, Violet Villains, and Petrified Princesses
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A long, long time ago...
when the world was on the verge of being swallowed by shadow...
The tiny Picori appeared from the sky, bringing the hero of men a sword and a
golden light.
With wisdom and courage, the hero drove out the darkness.
When peace had been restored, the people enshrined that blade with care.
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Master Smith heard the sound of a door opening and daintily shutting. Smith gathered it wasn't his grandson, Link, who had a penchant for leaving cracks in walls and doors. The smith stood only a bit above five feet, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in heft. Since he had been a lad he had always had a bit of a potbelly, and it'd only gotten bigger with age. Offsetting this were the incredibly well defined arms he'd developed from his years as a swordsman, and then as a sword-smith. He sported a huge, snow white beard that would have given him a Santa Clause appearance if it weren't for a pair of huge bushy eyebrows that seemed to be constantly furrowed in agitation. He often wore a green bandana, matching his green shirt, so no one was certain whether or not Smith was balding. Most were afraid they'd get punched in the eye if they asked. Smith set down the sword he'd been polishing to see just who had wandered into his home as though they owned the place.
To his surprise a young, pretty girl sauntered into the room. Crowned with shining, golden hair and exuberant, blue eyes, one felt cheerier just looking upon her. It was none other than Princess Zelda. She was clothed in her usual pink and violet dress, a blue cloth hanging down the front of the skirt, bearing the royal crest of Hyrule. The gold tiara upon her head shone as brilliantly as her eyes and the red gem in the center sparkled in what sunlight filtered in through the windows.
"Good morning, Master Smith," Zelda greeted politely.
"And a good morrow ta yeh too, Princess," echoed Master Smith. He grinned wryly. "Sneak away from th' castle again, did yeh? Yeh know how th' minister gits when 'e cannae find yeh."
Zelda returned his grin,"You don't need to worry about him, Master Smith. He'll be fine. Where's Link? The whole town is bustling for the annual Picori Festival! Link said he would go with me."
"Eh, 'e did, did 'e?" Smith's smile widened. Link and Zelda had known each other since they were little tots and Smith couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't lead to something in the future. Link hopefully wouldn't screw up like he usually did. "Well, th' gud fer nothin' was up late 'elpin' me put th' finishin' touches on this 'ere sword. 'ave ta admit, 'e did a 'alf decent job."
He paused, admiring his handiwork. It was steel, tempered and double edged. He had spent several weeks carefully shaping it and sculpting it into as beautiful a blade as he could. He was honored with the responsibility of making the prize sword for the annual sword fighting tournament. The task was reserved for only the most exemplary of sword-smiths. He certainly wasn't going to present them with some half-assed butter knife!
"Th' lad's still asleep, but Ah've got an errand at th' castle Ah need 'im ta run. Ah got no qualms with 'im escorting yeh," Smith peered up toward the ceiling, "Oy! Link! Git up, yeh useless git!" Upstairs, Link slept peacefully. He was off in La La Land and Smith's call fell on deaf ears.
"Link! Ah said ta git yar arse down 'ere! Th' Princess is waitin' fer yeh!" Still no response came from upstairs. A small vein throbbed in the short-tempered smith's forehead and he took a deep breath. Zelda covered her ears and took a few steps back.
"Liiiiiiiink! Git down 'ere yeh lil' pecker, 'fore Ah go up thar and shove yar testicles down yar throat!!" Zelda felt herself blush a bit.
Upstairs, Link's eyes slowly fluttered open. He thought he had heard someone, but he figured he must have dreamed it. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he sluggishly rolled out of bed, nimbly landing on his face.
I think I broke my nose, he informed the floor and pushed himself up. Gently stroking the afore mentioned nose, he staggered over to the mirror located on the east wall. A small trough of water had been placed under it as though to emulate a sink, but the water usually turned stagnant before he had any chance to use it.
Looking in the mirror, he noticed his straw colored hair was a complete mess as usual. "Rat's nest" would have been a compliment. He tried to run his hand though the mess, but only succeeded in getting it tangled. After freeing his hand, he he bent over and scratched away as much dandruff as he could manage. After the small, white mound reached five or so inches in height, he gave up.
He returned to the mirror and took another glance at his reflection. His eyes, though sporting a faint, purple circle under each, were as green and as bright as ever. He splashed a little of the filthy water onto his face and managed to remove a layer of built up grime. He flashed himself a toothy grin and decided that was as good as it'd get.
His gaze lowered to the rumpled, green tunic he'd just slept in. Dirty, torn, and wrinkled it might have been a good idea to change into a clean one. He started for his closet, when he remembered he didn't have one. Smith had told him that if he wanted new clothes, he'd have to earn them himself. Link, being lazy and undependable, could not conceive of getting a job in town. One could find a small fortune in rupees hidden under grass, but seeing as Smith wouldn't let Link handle anything "sharper than an cuckoo's egg," Link had to rip it from the ground. Too much work for too little reward.
Link let out a sigh, and gave up on looking nice for today. He slipped his feet into his worn, leather boots and tromped downstairs to greet his grandfather. To his utter surprise, Princess Zelda was waiting downstairs.
"'bout damn time you came down! Link, th' Princess 'ere says yeh promised to take 'er to th' festival!"
Link stared at him blankly, until finally he placed a fist into his hand in recollection. He nodded to Zelda with a smile and waved.
Zelda tittered and quickly nabbed his hand, dragging him towards the door. "Come on, Link, we'll be late if we don't leave now!"
"'old yar 'orses thar, Princess! 'member, Ah gots an errand for Link!" Smith called as he snatched Link's free hand, effectively stopping them in their tracks. He picked up the sword resting on his anvil and slid it into a leather sheath. He gently placed the blade into Link's hands.
"Boy, this 'ere is th' prize fo' th' annual Swordsmanship Competition. Deliver it ta th' Minister. And if Ah find out yeh took it out ta cut up grass and such, Ah'll skin yeh alive, got it?" Link was surprised that the stubborn, old smithy would entrust him with such a vital task. He nodded firmly and saluted. He rested the sword across his back and turned back toward Zelda.
"And Link," Smith added as they made for the entrance, "Though yeh and Princess Zelda may be child'ood friends, remember... she's the princess of 'yrule. Look after 'er and don't let nothin' bad 'appen to 'er. Or Ah'll 'ave ta 'ang yeh by yar ba--"
"Master Smith!" Zelda quickly interrupted, "Quit worrying! Nothing will happen! Come on, Link! Let's go!" She grabbed on to Link's arm and dragged him out. Link gave a final, departing wave to Smith as he was dragged from sight.
The smith sighed and chuckled to himself. She was a quite a strange princess. He wouldn't be surprised if Link had had a hand in making her as rambunctious as she was.
A sudden chill down shot down his spine, like a cold wind. He felt ill at ease, as though something bad was going to happen. He tried to shake it off, but decided it may be a good idea to visit the festival later. Just incase.
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Zelda dragged Link down the short path to Hyrule Town, surprisingly deft in her formal apparel. Link struggled to catch his footing when they finally came to the entrance of town.
"We're here!" Zelda announced and they observed the festival taking place before them. The Picori Festival was impressive every year, but everyone had really gone all out this year, apparently the one hundredth year since the last sighting of the Picori. Streamers hung from every conceivable place streamers could hang from and balloons lined the pathways. Stalls were set up all around the square and people overflowed the streets. Upbeat, jovial music made for an excited atmosphere and even enticed a few attendees to dance. Several merchants and storytellers were seated on rugs and could barely be seen through the crowd of people.
"Wow, it looks like a blast! Let's go, Link!" Zelda dove into the crowd and headed for one of the nearby storytellers. Link fought his way over, impressed by how easily Zelda navigated the sea of people. Link finally broke through and Zelda turned to him just as he stumbled next to her.
"Link there's a storyteller here! Shall we stop and listen to--Oh! Look at that!" Zelda once again ran off, towards another man seated on a rug. Link looked back and forth between the storyteller and Zelda's receding figure before finally taking off after her, a little confused. Link squeezed his way between a number of couples and tripped over some children (one of which seriously needed a tissue), finally walking up behind Zelda. As he went to tap her shoulder, she spun around, her face lit up in excitement.
"So the Picori are real! Daddy always said they were! Oh, look there!" Zelda once again sped away, this time towards a man armed with a sword. Link sighed in exasperation and, exchanging a brief glance with the man seated on the rug, followed after her.
He trotted up to her, wondering where her energy came from. She quickly faced him, "Say, wasn't there a sword-fighting tournament today? I wonder who won this year... Oh wow! What's going on over there?" Zelda sprinted southward to a stall. Link hesitated and then walked after her, the amusement of the swordsman quite audible behind him.
As Link walked up to the counter, the man running the stall spontaneously rang a loud bell. "We have a winner! We have a winner, folks!" The surrounding group of people cheered loudly. "What do you know, it's the Princess herself!" The crowd cheered even more loudly. "Goodness, you won the grand prize in our drawing? Lucky! You get the choice of these three lovely prizes!" The man placed three objects on the counter for Zelda to consider.
"First, we have this beautiful crystal heart! Hand crafted and perfectly shaped, it's quite a work of art, no?" He moved his hand over the next object, "Next, is a precious gem! Worth a good number of rupees and oh-so shiny!" He gestured toward the last item, "Finally, is this teeny-tiny shield." He looked back at the Princess, "Well, which would you like, Princess? The lovely crystal heart? Or perhaps the gem? Though, being the princess, you probably have more money than you know what to do with!" The light chuckle rose from the crowd, but Zelda heeded them no mind, gazing thoughtfully at the three prizes.
"This shield is just too cute!" she finally decided, "This is what I want!" She picked up said shield and admired it. Link was as astounded as the crowd. What could Princess Zelda want with a shield? Even still, she could likely find a much higher quality one at the castle's armory.
"Are you positive that's what you want, Princess? What about the adorable heart, or the shiny gem? They're much nicer than that ugly little shield thing," the raffler tried to reason with her, but Zelda wouldn't have it.
"Nope! I want this shield. May I have it?" she asked pointedly.
"My, you're an odd princess," the man laughed, "Of course you can have the shield, you've won it after all. Enjoy." Zelda smiled happily and turned to Link. Link began to congratulate her, when she shoved the shield into his chest. He look down at it, bewildered.
"Here Link! I want you to have this! Doesn't it suit you?" Zelda beamed.
Link glanced down at the tiny thing. He posed with it for her and, as he thought, he looked ridiculous, but the crowd cheered and whistled nonetheless. He scratched the back of his head, his cheeks burning red.
"Yep, you look great! Very heroic. Now if anything happens, you can protect me," Zelda winked, the group cooing and hooting in response. Link felt his turn face ruddier than it was and quickly hooked the shield to his back. Suddenly, Zelda glanced up at the sun and let out a gasp. "Uh-oh, Link I almost forgot! We've got to deliver Smith's sword to the Minister! Come on!" She snatched Link's wrist and dragged him off toward to castle, his face still red and the crowd still whooping.
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Link regained his footing this time and now he and Zelda sped toward the castle, when out of the blue, Zelda toppled into him. They tumbled back, Link falling onto his back and Zelda landing on the poor boy's face. Zelda snapped her head up to see just what had struck her. A small Deku Scrub stood before them, his leaves twitching nervously.
"Ow!" the bruised Princess whined, "That must the Business Scrub the soldiers spoke of. Apparently, a Deku Scrub has been hassling passers by. We should teach him a lesson, huh Link? ...Link?" She suddenly felt something talk into a sensitive area and she jumped up with a yelp. "Link! Sorry about that." She helped him up just in time for them to drop to the ground again, avoiding another high velocity Deku Nut.
Link sat up and gave the scrub a stern look. He whipped out the ludicrously small shield and braced himself for impact. He could hear battle music playing and he was getting totally pumped. He looked at the Deku Scrub. The Deku Scrub looked at him. The Scrub stepped left. He stepped left. The Scrub took a step toward him. He backed away. The Scrub spread his legs low. Link spread his legs low. The scrub--
"Would you guys get on with it?!" cried the impatient princess.
The Deku Scrub jumped in surprise and launched a nut in Link's direction. Link had been startled as well, but managed to keep the shield up, knocked onto his butt from the impact. The seed recoiled and smacked the Scrub between the eyes.
"Eek! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! By the mercy of Din, Nayru, and Farore, please don't kill meeeee!" blubbered the pitiful little weed-gone-bad, tears streaming down its wooden face. "I was just trying to hawk my wares, but every time I tried to say something, I would spit nuts!" the pathetic creature continued. "I've had a cold lately. Everyone ran away, and I couldn't sell one single thing!"
"What were you selling?" asked Zelda, curious.
"Deku Nuts," sniffled the Deku Scrub. Link and Zelda exchanged glances. "Anyway, this is a terrible place to do business! I'm moving to Mt. Crenel!" With that, the rueful little thing burrowed in to the ground and was gone, never to be seen again, perhaps.
"I kinda feel sorry for the little Scrub, but that nut really hurt! Not to mention the rather compromising position he put us in..." Zelda's face reddened a bit, but Link didn't quite understand what she was talking about. "Anyway, he won't be bothering anyone for now, so let's keep moving!" Link nodded and followed after her.
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As the pair jogged up the courtyard of the castle, Potho, minister to the King, scurried out to meet them. "Ah, Zelda! I've been looking all over the castle! You should have informed me you if were going to the festival!"
"Had I done that, I would have been weighed down by a platoon of guards," frowned Zelda. She had taken on that royal tone that made her a princess. It always made Link flinch a little. It felt like someone could end up in a dungeon when ever she started speaking that way. Potho visibly flinched as well.
"P-p-princess, that's just not true!" lied Potho, "Link is adequate protection after all! Isn't that right, m'boy?" Potho turned to Link, desperately trying to improve his situation. Link saluted and smiled proudly.
"Oh? So I'm not of enough importance to call for a platoon of guards?" Zelda smirked, loving to make the no-nonsense minister stumble all over himself. Potho stammered for a few minutes until Zelda finally started sniggering, no longer able to keep up the imperious visage. Potho relaxed and shot her a annoyed frown. He then noticed the sword handle visible over Link's shoulder.
"Oh, Link! M'boy, is that the sword for the ceremony?" Potho inquired. Link nodded and removed the sword, proudly holding it out to Potho.
"Ah, a fine blade she is. Then, as minister to the kingdom of Hyrule, I, Potho, accept this blade. You came just in time! The ceremony has nearly begun," Potho lifted the sword from Link's hands, and held it gingerly.
Zelda smiled and turned to Link, "I'm sorry, Link, but I had better go. I've got to prepare for the ceremony. The festival was a ton of fun! Thanks for going with me!" Zelda winked and ran into the castle.
Potho felt himself smile as he watched the princess depart, and addressed Link, "Since you're here, Link, why not join us for the award ceremony? You'll definitely have the best view."
Link grinned and nodded eagerly. Potho smiled again and looked down at the sword. Strange, he thought. There was a thick coat of dust on one side of the scabbard, as though Link had been on his back. What could he and the princess have been doing? Some thoughts crossed his mind, but he abruptly dismissed them. They were much, much too young for that... weren't they?
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Everyone cheered and yelled in jubilation as four guards supporting a humongous chest slowly teetered out of the castle. After a few paces, they dropped the chest as gently as they could manage. The guards retreated into formation by the chest, and stood at ease. Their armor glistened beautifully, and it was obvious it had been polished recently. Even the guards had tried to look as nice as possible today.
The chest itself was a deep crimson lined with gold along its edges. The bottom was somewhat shallow, and the top was oversized, resembling a pedestal. Embedded in the top was a sword topped by a blue, curved hand-guard. It looked a little old, but still managed a mysterious aura. The chest lacked a locking mechanism, but seemed as though it wouldn't open effortlessly. Link had never been this close to the sword before. It was quite an experience.
Potho glanced at Link, smiling at the wonder evident in his eyes. "Do you know about that sword, Link? It is called the Picori Blade, and it locks much evil away in that chest." Link looked at the chest in awe. It locked away evil? Link wondered about what could possibly be sealed inside.
"The Picori Blade is sacred among the people of Hyrule. The legend has it that, long ago, the Picori gave us this blade. Whoever wins the competition earns the honor of touching the sacred blade." Potho gazed upon sword with pride. Link smiled and looked as well. He hoped for a chance to touch the sacred blade someday as well. Maybe if he could convince Smith to give him a sword...
Just then, King Daltus and Princess Zelda exited the castle. Cheers erupted louder than ever as they stood and waved to the crowd. Suddenly, the King held up a hand and the mob of people quieted down. Potho took that as his cue.
"Let the award ceremony commence! Vaati, champion of the competition, you may approach the blade!" Potho gestured to the chest and paused.
After a brief moment, a fairly young man walked in through the archway. His skin was a curious lavender shade as was his long, oddly silky hair. His eyes were a deep crimson and subtly shined with a somehow baleful glow. He was attired in a blue cowl and tunic of a fairly sleek material. Upon his head sat a dark blue cap adorned with a red gem and gold lining the brim. Even the strange cap somehow held a sinister air about it. He marched toward the chest imperiously and seemed deaf to the veritable tidal wave of cheers and jeers that flooded in from the crowd.
Zelda leaned to her father, "Daddy, he's... purple."
"Now, now, Zelda I'll not have that kind of talk. He won the tournament with his own talent and skill and deserves a chance to touch the sacred blade as much as anyone else. I'll not allow prejudice based on skin color," the King preached sticking his chest out.
Zelda stared at him incredulously. "But... he's purple. Don't you think that's a tad suspicious?" Her father had always been like this and sometimes it got on her nerves. One can only take "tolerance" so far.
"Hush now, dear. Any complaints you have now are after the fact. He's the winner and regardless of how purple his skin is, how evil his glare is, or how sinister and rude his manner is, he's the winner and we will honor him," the King spoke quite matter-of-factly and Zelda knew that was the end of the discussion.
Vaati stopped short of the chest, suddenly falling on his face. The crowd was silent for moment before breaking out in laughter. Vaati quickly shot back up, his face shifting from its light violet to a deep crimson. He stiffly brushed away the dirt from his clothes and regained his composure. He gazed upon the chest lustfully, then broke out in maniacal laughter.
"Daddy, he's laughing maniacally," offered Zelda.
"Don't mock the way other people laugh, Zelda. I raised you better than that," shushed the King. Zelda merely rolled her eyes.
After a minute or so, Vaati finished his cackling and began to speak, "Mmm hmm hmm hmm! To think it would be this easy! This kingdom's swordsman are truly a joke. Before me, the Picori Blade and the Bound Chest spoken of in Hylian Lore... This chest surely holds that which I seek!" He suavely gestured to the group in front of him, "I'll relieve you of its contents now."
The king gasped in utter and complete shock and Zelda rolled her eyes again, sighing. "Guards!" she beckoned and guards gathered, surrounding the chest and the royal family members. The soldiers inched forward, their pikes pointed at Vaati's head.
Vaati sneered, "Mmm hmm hmm hmm! Don't interfere, you peons. As victor of your contest I have won the right to touch the sacred blade, have I not? This is the moment I've been waiting for!"
"The only blade you'll be touching is the one at the end of this pike if you don't back off!" called the closest soldier. The forward-most guards charged at him, intending to drive him back.
Vaati grinned cheekily and lifted his hand. Lightning seemed to pour into his hand and a sphere of sparkling, blue light rested upon his palm, causing the armored man to hesitate. Vaati threw his hand forward, sending the sphere barreling into the poor guards. They went flying, dead before they hit the ground.
A collective gasp sounded and the remaining guards surrounded the chest. Vaati lifted his hand once again and fired, the guards in front of the chest dieing instantly and the rest thrown back. Vaati charged up a third attack and sent it flying into the Picori Blade. With a high pitched crack, the sword split in two, both pieces falling to the ground.
To everyone's shock, the chest flew open as though by an explosion. A dark whirlwind of creatures burst from the opened chest, raining all over Hyrule. Zelda growled and ran forward, a yellow light inexplicably enveloping her.
"Who are you? Why are you doing this?!" she cried.
"Zelda! Stay back!" cried her father, "He's acting out pent up aggression and may take it out on you!"
"Shut up, Daddy."
Vaati gazed at the light radiating from little girl before him. "The princess who holds that power of light..." he mused, "That mysterious power is said to flow in the veins of every royal lady in your family ever since that day when it was gifted to your people," He flicked his hair haughtily, "If I leave you now, you'll only cause me trouble later. That will never do."
Vaati once again lifted his hand, this time a dark flame enveloping it. Link's eyes widened in horror and he jumped in front of Zelda. He held his recently acquired shield up in an attempt to provide what little protection he could muster.
"Link..!" Zelda started.
"To stone with you!" cried Vaati launching the spell. It collided with the shield and swatted Link to the side, not even slowing down. The last thing Link saw before succumbing unconsciousness was Zelda's pink dress turning cold and grey.
"Mmm hmm hmm hmm... All who stand in my way shall share this fate! Now to behold the power that awaits me!" Vaati laughed triumphantly as he dramatically turned away and checked the chest. His laughter paused only when he stumbled and banged his chin on the edge of the chest. Picking himself up and rubbing his abused chin, he eagerly looked into the chest to find...
"Nothing?! Empty? Were only the monsters trapped within? What is the meaning of this? Oh well, I'm certain the force I seek is somewhere around here. I'm not in any hurry. I'll take my time searching for it. Mmm hmm hmm hmm..." Vaati cackled as his image dissipated.
Silence fell over the scene as the events of what had just occurred sank in. The King walked over the statue that was his daughter in disbelief. Potho checked on Link's condition. Just then, a voice called out.
"What in the nine 'ells is goin' on 'ere?!"
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That's how it begins. Let me know what needs improvement and what you like, if anything.