I'm back! With a new series in tow and yes, I will work on keeping this one updated.
Warnings: Language, Genderphobia, violence, identity erasure
Character pairing: Who knows?
Word Count: 5,089 words
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Hartman
*drum roll* I now present to you Pronouns!
"I'm agender."
No sooner had the words came out their mouth, they'd immediately regretted saying them. The small group had sat there in silence and they're aren't sure about what kind of silence it was. Was it the simmering anger silence or the currently in shock and processing the situation silence?
There was no certainty in knowing.
Right now, they honestly wished they had done something like this in front of a mirror. Should have done this in front of a mirror to avoid the gnawing nerves crawling over them. But they didn't and now they had to deal with the consequences.
However they'd know they would be nervous, it was to expected with something nerve wracking and inducing as this. It's just when they calculated how nervous they be, the factors of possible rejection and the constantly growing, suffocating silence that's leaving them knotted by the second aren't considered. Young faces-in comparison to them-scrunch in confusion. They know what's going to happen next because they've seen it on the time screens. Hell, it's practically ingrained within their brain, rattling around, showing up at the most inopportune times. Foreboding crushing rejection followed by withering insults and never ending hatred blended with contempt and disgust, just hanging on the tip of the tongue, ready to be unleashed. Not wanting to face such rejection, they hung their staff on a time screen and slowly floated out of the room.
They're almost free from the impending humiliation when a hand tightly grips their shoulder, stopping them in their tracks. They're trapped. Figuratively they're trapped. All that had to be done was make themselves intangible and continue floating into the comfort of solitude. But it's for a dramatic effect they suppose as it's that moment the silence will be broken and everything from the crushing rejection, wither-
"Clockwork? Clockwork come back. Whatever you're thinking about us right now isn't true. Come on, can't you give us some credit?" Danny asked, slowly releasing his grip on Clockwork's shoulder until his hand's back to his side.
Shifting rather unexpectedly into their child form, they shook their head. "No." They know that no credit can be given because they're speaking from experience.
Sam stood up. "What do you mean no?" She said angrily as she stood in front of Clockwork, not noticing them slightly flinching.
"I said no." They said, hoping that no one noticed the slight crack in their voice. "I don't need to hear you think I'm a freak."
The small groups of teens, Vlad and Dan stared at each other, sending looks of confusion. They wished that Clockwork would understand that they're weren't rejecting them, they're just wanted to know more about this revelation. They watched the small Time Master float away from them, shoulders sagging, the true realization settling in that this was their friend running away in fear that they aren't accepted.
Clockwork's voice breaks them from their thoughts, turning back to them and saying, "Now if you'll excuse me I have business to attend to." They turned their back to them and floated away from the main room.
Jazz Fenton sits on the sofa in between Sam and Tucker. Unlike the others, she's not completely shocked. She knew that Clockwork was agender but she didn't confront them. Instead she backed off and did it like how she did with Danny: allow them to come to her when they were ready. She notices Clockwork's shoulders sag as they float away and she knows something has to be done.
She stands up, walking in long strides and stands in front of Clockwork effectively acting as a barrier between them and the hallway. Jazz notices that they are glaring angrily at her, red eyes boring into hers. Clockwork tries to float around her but she'd sidestepped them and right now Clockwork is truly lost as to what to do.
"Jasmine could you kindly move out of the way." They'd asked politely-as politely as they could.
She doesn't respond, taking a step towards them and envelops them into a tight hug.
"I don't need your pity." They say.
Jasmine runs her fingers through their hair, amazed at how soft their hair was. "I'm not pitying you. Actually, it's far from that. I'm proud." She said. "I'm so proud of you for doing this, even if you were extremely nervous. Hell, I'd be just as nervous. I'm so proud of you. We all are."
Clockwork buried their head in Jazz's chest to hide the litany of emotions that hit them. They were proud? Proud of them?No one has ever been proud of them when it came to this. It was only disgust and contempt followed by others trying erasing their identity- 'That's not a real thing, Clockwork! There are only two genders: male and female. And you are obviously a male!' - and came then the attempts to make it seem like it was something they would grow out of '(This is some ridiculous phase that he's going through just to go against everything we stand for!).' It always ends with them frustrated, trapped inside a bubble, isolated from everyone else. Clockwork felt a tear roll down their face, their small hand reaching up to wipe the tears away when a loud sob escapes and more tears fall down rapidly, blurring their vision. Now both hands reach up to rub away tears, but their hands stay firmly planted to Jasmine's shirt. Maybe they needed this right now and from the way their hands refuse to move, it seems that this moment was constructed perfectly in consideration of them.
"Thank-Thank you so much." They murmured brokenly, just loud enough for the occupants in the tower to hear.
Vlad prepares the popcorn while Clockwork sits out in the living room. It's been four days since he-they came out and he knows the desperation Clockwork is suffering from to have some semblance of normalcy. He can tell from the way that they act: unsure of what to do next and the sudden instance of detaching themselves from what's going around them. Vlad notices that Clockwork became more observant, preferring to float and watch the actions of those in their environment.
He knows what it'll lead to. Bitter jealousy and undeniable hatred slowly consuming them until that is what solely makes up their existence. He knows from experience after the accident.
That isn't going to happen. Not while he's around. He doesn't need another miserable ghost around. That's his job. The popcorn popper stops, the last of the popcorn sputtering out into the bowl sitting underneath it. He grabs the bowl and several bags of chips. Vlad opens the bags, dumps them in the bowl, one by one till their nothing but empty crinkled chip bags sitting on the counter. He shakes the bowl, blending the popcorn and chips until they look like Chex Mix.
"Vlad! Are you almost done?" Clockwork called out. Vlad chuckles, they honestly remind him of a young, impatient child waiting on their guardian.
Vlad grabs the bowl and heads out to the living room where Clockwork is. He sits down on the side, placing the bowl on the table in front of them.
"So, have you picked a movie yet?" Vlad asked.
They whip their head around from their previous distraction. "Umm, I have Fast and Furious?" They said as DVD discs were shuffled in their hands.
"Sounds good. Put one in the DVD player."
A sheepish look flashes across their face. "I don't know how to do that. Horrid with modern day technology remember?"
He does. Vlad does remember. A low, inaudible sigh escapes his lips and he gets up and enters in the DVD.
Five minutes later, explosions, race cars, women and nitrogen vividly captivate them. Hands travel in out of the bowl, greedily grabbing popcorn and chips.
"Thanks." Clockwork said.
A small smile graces Vlad's features. "No problem."
The Observants came over. Stupid Observants, always coming over and fucking shit up. Thank god they only come over sparingly, like you'd eat butter.
Dan can only sit and watch( per Clockwork's orders) as the stupid one eyes bastards berate his best friend for absolutely nothing. It's as if those idiots ignore all their hard work and make up silly things to fuss over. And Dan didn't even want to get started how the Observants practically pile a shitload of work on Clockwork expecting them to have it done in an impossible amount of time. He lets out an irritated huff.
The Observants whip their heads over to him. "See!" One of them screeched. "He absolutely has no respect for his elders, especially those that can wipe him out. How dare he disrespect us?!"
"How dare he?!" The second one repeated.
Clockwork grips their staff tightly. "Aren't you two useful for anything other repeating each other?" They say, an eyebrow raising upward in a slight show of irritation.
The Observants stood there with there mouths agape and Dan has to hide a laugh at the eyeballs resemblance of a fish. Finally, one of them closes their mouth before an angry expression takes over. "You! Clockwork, I am getting tired of you constantly disrespecting your superiors! Stupid boy! I'd say what are we going to do with him?"
The second Observant piped up. "I say we put him in the dungeon for maybe a few millennia. That oughta teach him a lesson or two about disrespecting his higher ups." Both Observants laugh, neither noticing Clockwork's growing frustration.
"While we're at it, take away his time powers, show him how useless he'll be without them. Wouldn't be surprised if he died, h-"
"Shut. Up." Clockwork grounded out, the grip on their staff growing tighter.
The Observants stop laughing, instantly sobering up. "What did you just say?" one of them said dangerously.
Clockwork still caught up in their fury, was unaware of the Observants dangerous tone they spoke in. "I said shut up. I have told you before, I am not a he. I am a they!"
The eyeballs give lingering glances at each other before bursting into uproaring laughter. "By the Ghost Zone, you're still yammering on about that? Didn't anyghost tell you," One Observant closed the space between him and Clockwork, until both of them stood nose to nose and shouted, "That's not a real thing, Clockwork! There are only two genders: male and female. And you are obviously a male!"
Shifting into their child form, they shouted. "It is a real thing! Just because you haven't heard it, doesn't mean it's not real!" Their voice cracked at the end of the sentence and they hoped the eyeballs didn't notice.
Unfortunately, the stupid eyeballs did. The second one laughed again. "Look, it's sad! Is it going to cry?"
"Shut up! I've had enough of you disrespect-"
A green hand flung out and backhanded them and everything had seemed to stopped. The force of it had been enough to send Clockwork to the floor. The Observant who had backhanded them, stood over them menacingly with a cruel smirk on his face. He bent down on his knees and roughly grabbed their cheeks. "Now, I wouldn't have done this if only you'd listen to what we, the Observants had said about this thing that you insist exist." His grip on Clockwork's cheeks tightened. "Listen to me and listen to me very closely. This thing that you think exist, it doesn't. Bring it up again and next time you'll get much more than than a backhand. And your little friend over there? I'll make sure that he watches the entire thing." He whispered in their ear.
Clockwork shrieks(they actually shrieked) and scoots away from the Observant in front of them. Their small hands rose up to nurse their cheek and Dan, on instinct, flew over to them, protectively hugging them close to him. Dan turns around to the two eyeballs standing in front of him and red eyes instantly narrow at the sight.
"Get. Out." He growled and the stupid idiots still stand there.
"Get out! Get out before I stick both of your heads on a fucking pike!" Now they scramble out of the tower and Dan and Clockwork are left alone in the tower. They slowly shift into their adult form while Dan checks over them for any other injuries other than the most obvious one.
Dan deems that there are no others injuries and he knows that he needs to treat Clockworks cheek before it bruises. "Hey, I'm going to need you to move your hand so I can put some ice on your cheek. Can you do that?"
Clockwork slowly moves their hand, revealing the hand shaped purple bruise marring their blue cheeks. Tears form at the end of their eyes but they don't fall and Dan has to hold back a growl.
Dan really hated the Observants. Always fucked shit up.
Sam Manson is used to odd things happening in her room. It's what she signed up for when she helped Danny with his ghost hunting. Ghosts crashing through her windows at Mach 5 speed? No biggie. Mysterious portals suddenly appearing in her room? She can deal with that.
What she didn't sign up for, is when Dan suddenly rushes in Sam's house with Clockwork lagging behind him out of a portal, the first thing she noticed was not how disheveled Dan was, but the glaring purple bruise on Clockwork's cheeks. She gasps, horrified at the sight and gently tugs Clockwork's wrist and she has to ignore-even though she probably can't- the sound of utter terror they made when she grabs their wrist. She guides them to her bed and they sullenly sit down on the bed, the mattress slightly groaning in protest.
Sam scrambles around in her room, looking for a first aid kit. She knows it's in here in this room somewhere. She gives a low 'hurrah' when she finds the first aid kit tucked away at the bottom of her closet. Sam grabs the kit and heads over to Clockwork, grabbing a chair along the way. She sits the chair in front of Clockwork and lays the first aid kit on the bed. Dan suddenly moves from wherever he was to sit next to Clockwork, his eyes hardened at the resolve as he scoots over as close he can but not enough to smother them. Sam only raises an eyebrow at both of their suspicious behavior, making a mental note and files it away for later.
"What happened?" She asked.
Neither of them answered; Clockwork looked everywhere else but Sam whereas Dan simply stared at her.
"Dan, could you help me get the ice from downstairs?" she asked icily, and Dan knows that she doesn't need help with the ice.
He holds in a smart comment and begrudgingly follows Sam downstairs into her kitchen. He knows that he'll be leaving Clockwork alone. If he were honest, he really doesn't like the idea of leaving them by their self. Who knows what could happen. Sam doesn't know. He doesn't know. They don't either. He found out from them that the stupid fucking eyeballs limited their vision so that they can't even see their own future. But he has to keep his fear for Clockwork hidden and tucked away because right now, they're safe.
At least, he thinks so.
They're in the kitchen and Sam automatically leans back against the refrigerator, her arms crossed together, which somehow seems to amplify her silent anger.
"Alright Dan, what happened?" she asked again.
Stubborn silence. She gave out an exsperated sigh. "Dan, I'm not stupid. There is no possible way that you'd come in here with Clockwork and they have bruises on them! I know you care too much about them to do that. To hurt them like that, that's not you. So, what happened?"
He was silent. Then, "Observants."he muttered.
"The Observants? What the hell happened for that to happen?!"
Dan looks away from Sam, instead he fiddles with the sink head. "The Observants came over like they normally did and fussed at Clockwork. That shit really irritates the hell out of me, you know? So I must have been breathing a little too hard because the eyeballs turned over to me, screeching that I absolutely had no respect for my elders. Then Clockwork diverted the Observants attention away from me by being sassy. Of course the Observants didn't like that so they started talking shit about them. While the eyeballs did that, they misgendered Clockwork. They had enough of that and so they tried to stand up for their self and then one Observants backhanded them. Then the bastard who did it, knelt to the ground and whispered something in Clockwork's ear. I don't know what it was but it had to been something awful because they shrieked, Sam and scooted away from the Observant."
He's silent again and then something flickers across his face and then its gone. "And you know what I did Sam? I sat there and watched as those fuckers hurt my best friend. I tried to help them and it was too late because the damage was already done." Something bubbles up in his throat and he pushes it back down. "I promised myself that it wouldn't happen, that it wouldn't be like last time but I broke my own damn promise! Do you have any idea what that's like, Sam?"
'No.' she thinks. No she doesn't.
"No. No I don't." She states. "But right now, Clockwork needs you to strong for them. It's not your fault." Sam steps forward and gently tugs the sink head out of his hands. He rubs a hand over his face, nodding his head slowly.
The goth reaches inside her refrigerator and grabs several icepacks. She walks back up the stairs, Dan sullenly following her.
She's back in her room and to her surprise, Clockwork's is still right where she left them and they have the look of an abandoned puppy. She sits in the chair, scoots herself up to the bed. "Dan, could you pass me a ice pack?"
He passes her an ice pack and he thinks that he should let Clockwork know what's going on. "Clockwork," at the mention of their name, they turn to look at him. "Sam is going to put a ice pack on one of your cheeks so that it won't become swollen."
"Will it hurt?" They asked their voice small and terrified like a small child.
"It won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Sam gives them a small smile as she places the ice pack on Clockwork's cheek. The moment it came in contact, they hiss loudly in pain but they don't jerk away from the ice pack.
'One step forward, two steps back.' Sam thought as she held the ice pack and saw tears roll down Clockwork's cheek.
The ice packs don't work. Neither did the bruise cream. Sam and Dan had figured out that the bruises had strong traces of ecto-energy which meant that the Observant that backhanded Clockwork used ecto-energy to strengthen the power behind it. So they have to leave the bruises untreated, allowing the bruises to naturally heal.
While the bruises got better, Clockwork got worse. Dan was the first to notice.
He and Clockwork had somehow wormed their way to the sofa, lying on each other while they both were watching a movie. Well, actually they were more focused on each other than the film. Dan was carding their fingers through Clockwork's hair. When Jazz had told him how soft their hair was, he didn't believe her at first. But now he did and the feel of their hair bristling through his fingers was an insatiable feeling that he needed. He kicked his feet on the arm of the sofa and Clockwork snuggled in deeper next to Dan's muscled chest. Dan laid his other arm around their midsection, pulling them in even closer to him. A small contented hum comes from the Time Master, which causes Dan to hum as well. As comfortable as they were, Dan thought, he wouldn't mind taking a nap. He closes his eyes, ready to let slumber take over him as Clockwork suddenly stiffens and scoots away from Dan. They sit up, their fingers nervously playing with their tail with doubt written on their face.
"Dan?"
He cracked an eye opened at the mention of his name, turning around so he could face Clockwork. "What's up?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead, shoot."
"Do-do you think that me being, you know, agender is just me being stupid?"
When they said that, Dan immediately sat up and directly faced them, confusion written across his face. "What? What made you ask that?"
"I was thinking, you, Sam, Tucker and everyone else, you match how you were identified and you don't think that you can be anything else. But me? I don't consider myself as anything!" They pause, attempting to recollect their thoughts before continuing. "So am I actually a ghost or an it? Maybe they were right." The Time Master muttered the last part to their self.
Dan managed to hear the last part of Clockwork's statement. To hear them say something of this magnitude was definitely out of character. His ears flicked up in shock and curiosity; who was right? "Who was right, Clockwork?"
"Observants." Came the low whisper.
He was very tempted to growl at the mention of the fucking bastards who always seemed to fuck everyone's lives up even when they weren't psychically present. "Why?"
"Said that this, me being agender isn't real. Jus' something I made up but I don't feel the way they think I should identify. I don't "fit in" with the other guys, I was always the odd ball." A low bitter laugh came from them sending Dan into a state of consternation. "Guess this shows how much of a freak I am. Guess the Observants were right. Always right."
Dan snapped out of his confusion and grabbed Clockwork by their shoulders. "Listen, and listen to me very well. You are not a freak, no matter what the Observants say. Because who the hell are they to dictate how you identify? The one eyed idiots aren't you, so they can't feel the way you do. The only ghost who can dictate how you identify is you." He emphasized this by gently poking Clockwork in their chest. "So, if you know for a fact that you're agender, then dammit that's you and don't let anyone tell you any differently. If they or anyghost don't like it, then fuck them and what they think."
Clockwork gave them a bashful smile, soon followed by purple tinted cheeks. They appreciated Dan's advice but they knew that he wouldn't understand what they were trying to say; they shook their head in quiet frustration, partially due to Dan not understanding and the other half due to the dysphoria they were feeling. "Agh, you're not getting it!"
Dan raised his eyebrows in irritation and confusion. "Then explain what I'm not getting." He nearly hissed out.
"That's just the thing, I can't explain it!"
"Can't or won't?" Dan challenged.
A small huff escaped the Time Master. "I guess-What I'm trying to say is that, I can't identify as agender."
"Why?"
"Observants said I can't. Said I have to identify as a male."
How dare they? How dare those bastards tell his friend how they should identify their self? "That's not right! They aren't right! They can't force you to identify as something you don't want to!"
"Well Dan, I guess they can and they did. Told you that they were always right." They said sadly, removing their fingers from their tail.
"No, we going to march up to them and fight this-"
"Dan, drop it." Clockwork said in a low warning tone.
"No, I'm not going to drop it because Clockwork, you're finally happy and then the one eyed bastards come in and fucking dictate how you ident-"
"DAN DROP IT!"
Dan flinches back from Clockwork and it's enough for them to almost feel bad they raised their voice at him. Almost.
The younger ghost looked at them, hurt reflecting in his red eyes. "So, that's it, huh? You're just going to give up and give them one eyed bastards what they want?" When Clockwork looks away from him, he's tempted to march up to them and practically demand that they not do this. But he doesn't. He still sits there on the arm of the sofa; a soft sigh slips out of him. "If you really want me to do this, at least turn around and say that you want me to identify you as a male to my face. Just so that I know that you really, truly want this."
The silence and tension hanging brewer the two ghosts is thick enough to cut by several knifes. They both soon stare at each other, as if they were trying to read the other's mind and the only thing that makes any form of sound are the gears and clocks in the tower. Clockwork breaks eye contact with Dan, then resuming eye contact said, "I no longer want to identify as Agender."
Tucker was second to notice Clockwork's worsening state. He was second to find out about what happened with the Observants, second to find out Clockwork's change in gender preference, second to find out everything. Because that's what he is, second place, second best, second banana.
However, now is not the time to focus on he, himself actually feels, but rather the small boy that he's carrying in his arms. He glances at the boy resting, not sleeping-"Time Masters do not need to sleep." Came the indignant response-in his arms as he walks around in the mall, glancing at the various window displays showcasing videogames, clothes and the likes. Women pass by, eventually seeing him and Clockwork being rocked in his arms, coming over to coo at the small ghost who buries himself further in Tucker's chest which makes the women coo louder-"His shyness makes so him much more adorable!"- and then one actually tried to take him out of Tucker's arms. Ghost hunting reflexes kick in and he catches the woman's arms from even touching Clockwork, sending the woman a glare that Tucker pulls out in the most rarest of cases and he assumes his glare had to have been extremely fucking scary because the lady runs away practically screaming her head off.
Tucker turns and faces the other women surrounding him and Clockwork. "Scram." he said, his voice low and dangerous. Heels click away from the two of them furiously and the women are gone.
"Thanks." came the muffled voice from the folds of Tucker's shirt.
"No problem, dude."
"Tucker?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think Dan will ever forgive me?"
Concerned he looks down at Clockwork, whose eyes filled with despair. "Of course, he will. Friends have fights, even the best of friends."
"Bu-but I yelled at him. Shouldn't have yelled a' him like tha'. Now he's isn't gonna be my friend anymore." His voice borders on near hysteria and everything starts to close in on him, cutting off his air supply. Long deep breaths turn into short, panicky, his fingers trembling as he tries to tightened his grip on Tucker's shirt, the mantra repeating in his head, "He isn't going to be my friend anymore."
Tucker notices Clockwork's body tremble violently, alerting him that the small boy is one the verge of a panic attack, begins to rub small circles on his back. "Shh, child. I know he'll forgive you."
"Stop lyin'! No he won't!" he cried in a wail. "H-h-he won't ever be my friend again! He'll leave and I'll be all alone in my tower!"
Tears roll down his face, wetting Tucker's shirt. The technogeek continues to rub his back as he whispered soothing words to the young Time Master in his arms.
'Everything is as it should be.' was something he once could say with an eminent sense of pride while sporting a coy smirk. Now? It's something he glares at strongly with enmity and a bitter smile that goes along with. This, everything he had went through, was not seen in any of the possible timelines he thought of.
He's broken out of his thoughts when the door to the tower swings open and two Observants float in. Fear courses through his ghostly body at the sight of them, making him wanting to hide in his tower but his fear is also what keeps him rooted to where he stands.
"I told you that he'd be here watching over the timestream," said one Observant. "instead of hanging out with those humans that he loves so much. Am I right, Clockwork?" He lays an arm around Clockwork's neck, similar to what best friends would do. "Aren't I?" He repeated.
A meek nod was his answer. "Yes."
"Have you been keeping to our agreement, Time Master?" The second Observant asked with a snide smile.
"Yes." He gripped his staff tightly.
The first one noticed the slight change in Clockwork's demeanor. "Now, now Clocky," he grins when the Time Master grits his teeth in annoyance. "There's no need to grip things like that. Don't want to break our toys doing that, now do we. However, I can't help notice the way you're gripping that staff and we both know from personal experience you only grip things like that when you're hiding something."
Observant two is suddenly standing next to Clockwork, a dirty leer spreading across his smooth green features, "Not hiding anything, I hope?"
Clockwork vehemently shakes his head before answering. "No."
"I wish I could believe you but I don't like when my employee hides something from me." The Observant turns to his comrade. "You know what to do."
The second Observant grins, snapping his fingers and ropes tie themselves around Clockwork's wrist. "What are you doing?! I thought we had an agreement!" Clockwork said hysterically, attempting to free himself from the ropes.
"That's what I thought as well. Remember what happened last time you did this?"
Clockwork does. He does remember. Horror settles in as he realizes what they're about to do to him. "Don't! Don't take me back! Please, I'll be good!"
The Observant gave a grim look. "I gave you a chance to be good. Take him out of here."
Silently, the other Observant makes a portal, roughly shoving Clockwork inside the portal and the Observants follow closely behind.
Cruel human aren't I? Leaving you with that cliff hanger?
Fret not! For I am working on the sequel as we speak!