Soo, new H.I.V.E story, but not what i expected it to be. But when ImTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly posted her story yelling at the Alpha's, how could i resist?
Dear Henchmen,
We congratulate you for two things: One, your ability to know what an IQ is, and two, your beautifully constructed metaphor.
Combined IQ of a sad, burnt waffle.
Really. I think I might have cried a little bit.
No, not all Henchmen are stupid. All Henchmen are the lowest intelligence level in H.I.V.E. Not picking on your stream— it's the truth. And plus, with Block and Tackle as the mascots of the Henchman stream, what can you expect us to think? That you're all geniuses? Please.
Yeah, we're the leaders. You know whom we lead? We lead you. We lead you because, frankly, without us you would be lost puppies out in the world, not knowing where to go or who to beat up next. Good luck lasting a day in the real world without getting locked up and thrown in jail. Besides, without someone to lead you, what are you good for? Breaking brick walls and rearranging faces— nothing that anyone will remember. Do people write books about the pea-brained bully who was good for nothing and liked to beat people up?
No. They write the books about us— the leaders, the ones who were brave enough to step up and take control of the ruthless thugs. Abraham Lincoln, King Leonidas, Wayne Gretzky— they were all leaders in their own way, and everyone knows about them. Have you ever walked up to someone and asked if they know about that no-name bully who liked to stab things? Didn't think so.
Leadership is overrated. If you're too stupid and too mentally weak to handle it, that is. The real reason you work under us is because you wouldn't know power if it danced naked in front of you wearing Dobby's tea cozy. All you're good for is following us where we point and killing who we say. Huh, loyal? I remember the head Henchman at H.I.V.E being Chief Dekker, and she was about as loyal as a slug.
You could try breaking our bones. It might work, until we second the thousand other guards who work for us after you to break your bones— which we, having at least a third-grade education, know of. You crush bones. We crush governments. Who has the better deal here?
Yeah, everyone says Raven's a henchman though and through. Just because you're a good fighter though, doesn't mean you're 100% henchmen. Look at Nero— he proved himself worthy of the fight in Zero Hour, and he's the biggest leader there is. He trains the leaders. He trains the people who train the leaders. Raven may be a henchman (henchwoman?), but she's also a leader. Even squads of highly trained lethal warriors need an even more highly trained, even more lethal person to lead them. So it is possible to be a leader and a fighter at the same time.
Look at Pietor Furan as well. He beat Raven in a fight, and yet he's a leader through and through.
Gutless, spineless pricks? Did you even think before saying that? Do you even think at all? Otto Malpense is an Alpha, and lets look at some of the stuff he's done:
Tried to escape H.I.V.E when he was just a wee first-year.
Went with Raven into Cypher's super secret base and destroyed half his robots.
Freaking fought Number One himself and prepared to die to save the world.
Jumped on Air-Force one and prepared to die to save the president.
Stopped, once again, Number one and his raging army of nanites.
Fought off the leader of the disciples, and managed to be sarcastic while doing it.
Not bad fore someone who's got no spine, huh? And that's only some of the stuff he's done while you were cowering in your cells, waiting for orders. Really, you're the spineless ones— scared to step up and take leadership cause you don't know what to do with it.
Ah yes, Wing Fanchu. Back to the Raven factor. One can fight and lead at the same time. He doesn't work for Otto, they work together. They make evil plans together, they save world together. When things get physical, Wing steps in. When things get technical, Otto saves the day. They're a team, see? And yeah, maybe Otto's the leader, but that doesn't mean Wing can't lead.
Oh, you think Nero screwed up? You think the Maximillian Nero, the leader of G.L.O.V.E and creator of H.I.V.E screwed up? Now it's my turn to dare you. Go tell him that to his face and see what happens. If Nero doesn't get you, Raven will in a second.
Yours sincerely,
The Alphas.
P.S— we love to see you guys try to solve math problems. It provides us with a great source of entertainment when we've already finished all our work AND saved the world, twice.
Dear PolFi kids,
Hello. Yes, we're a bit too familiar with your uniform colour. Incase you forgot, one of your members tried to blackmail us last year. Remember how well that turned out? Yeah.
PolFi stands for Political Financial stream, thank you very much. SciTech stands for Science and Technology. We do know about you, because a good leader knows about everyone working for him, which you will be doing soon.
You want to be Slytherins? Go ahead. No one likes Slytherins, and in the end, half of them die. You say you manipulate? The best way to manipulate is to lead, and we're the leaders. So really, we're beating you at your own game, while controlling every one else as well.
We don't go around waving batons. You want to siphon of the money? Who are you doing it for? Even politicians have a leader, so you must be doing it for him. Working for the leaders, just like everyone else. You're not the real leaders. You're the cowards, who work from the shadows because, just like the Henchmen, you wouldn't know how to lead if we told you.
I like maple syrup on waffles. I dare you to twist that around and get away before we set out 'gorilla army' on you. Let's see how well your fancy words help you out there, shall we?
You want to play dares? We openly dare you to save the other Alphas. Yes, we just said that. We will sit back on our haunches and laugh at you while you get the crap beaten out of you by Furan and her minions. If you guys manage to do that, we'll admit defeat. No takers? Hmm.
In some of our cases, we have more than one brain in our head. See if you can wrap your manipulative minds around the fact that we really are smarter than you. You're the wanna-be Alpha's, the ones who were put in PolFi stream because you weren't good enough at manipulating to lead. You know the Prime Minister of Britain? The ultimate politician? Yeah, he was an Alpha way back in the day. If you dared to step out of the shadows and do some real mans work, you might know these things.
Psh, Franz could be in any stream. He took out a helicopter with a rifle, for gods sake— when Raven herself said it was impossible. So face facts— Franz, the chubby German boy, is better than you'll ever be at being a politician, or anything at all. Can you run circles around the teacher of PolFi and leave her wondering where the hell your money went? If not, then shut your lying mouths and go back to your cubbyholes.
Oh, Penny and Tom. You want to know something funny about them? They ran a manipulative organization, by leading it. Again, they're the better politicians than you guys ever will be, and that's why they're in the Alpha stream.
Laura is obviously his girlfriend, and by putting her in SciTech stream, you would disrupt the whole space-time continuum by breaking her and Otto up. Come on, you guys are supposed to be smart (well, smarter than Henchmen, at least). Do you guys want to watch the world burn?
'The Darkdoom boy', as you eloquently put it, is the son of Diablous Darkdoom, one of the deadliest people on earth. Darkdoom's a leader, and that's why Nero put Nigel in the Alpha stream— in hopes he would become a leader as well. Maybe not yet, but hey, plants that bloom late are always the best ones, right?
Did you guys ever stop to consider that everyone was placed in the right stream for the right reasons? Or were you too busy smuggling money into H.I.V.E to even think that Nero didn't get to where he is now by making mistakes? (Money at H.I.V.E— really? What good is that?)
Hoping you realize that you're the wanna-be Alpha's,
The true Alpha's.
Of course we knew what it stood for. It's impolite not to know your employees title. You do work for us, right?
Dear SciTech,
We don't ride horses. We have respect for who you are and what you do, you're just not good enough at it to be part of our operations. With Otto and Laura on our side, why would we need you, anyways? Seriously, you're cool and all, but none of you have a supercomputer implanted inside your head.
Post-script answer:
Oh, you are so dead. Perhaps you forgot the fact that Otto Malpense can sense these things? You might as well have told us your name, cause it won't mater anyways. Whoever you are, we will find you, and we will almost kill you. (Not out of kindness— if we fully kill you, we can only do it once. This time, we can do it multiple times.) I don't really think any girl would take those tapes— it would only be a matter of time before Shelby hunted her down, and that would not end well
Otto Malpense would like to add two things— he shares the same shower as Wing, and he has fan girls as well— he hopes. You better tell the PolFi to either blackmail us already or hide, because we're coming for you. Excuse us if we're not overly terrified by your 'redefined evil.' In fact, we find the fact you thought you could blackmail us quite hilarious.
Planning ways to make your life long and painful,
The Alphas.
"Not again," Nero groaned, folding up the latest letter from the Alpha stream. He had no idea how they had found the complaint letter in the first place, but when it came to the third-year Alphas, it really wasn't surprising.
"Well, at least Malpense hasn't done anything in retaliation," Raven said, trying to sound optimistic. "Although you might want to find that student who put camera's in Fanchu's shower and ship him back to the real world, for his own protection."
"That may be a good idea," Nero agreed, shredding the letter so the other streams couldn't get their hands on it and reply. That would surely mean war.
"Well, they didn't say we're in a relationship this time," Nero said casually, forgetting he had made it his mission not to tell Raven about that tiny tibbit of information. The assassins eyes grew wide and she turned to face him.
"They did what?"
Again, Nero firmly crossed his fingers beneath the desk as Raven shot to her feet.
Huh. I can see war coming.
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