A/N: I am going to put this out there right now: This is my first story. Also, updates happen whenever the fuck inspiration strikes me and I am near a computer. Now that I've said that, I must also state that I will be creating my own version of Naruto's heritage, at least a bit. Minato and Kushina will stay as his parents, but the ancestry and abilities of the Uzumaki clan will be a bit... different. I'm trying to be original in this story, because so many good ideas are executed incorrectly in my opinion. So, wish me luck! Oh and for those who don't like (eventual)God-like Naruto, leave. Mind you, not instantly God-like, but before shippuden starts, he will be able to fight Kakashi to a standstill. Unless you wanna give it a chance, I'd rather not have you flaming in the comment section. Note: Flames will either be ignore, or responded to with logic that will pick you apart and make you feel like a complete and utter dumb ass. BTW, the title will make no sense for a while and will possibly change.

Disclaimer: I will only be saying this once, and I mean once. I don't fucking own Naruto. Sad story, right. Well, shed no tears, I'll cry myself a river and sail away.

3, 2, 1, FIGHT!

Kage Bunshin - Jutsu(I don't think I'll be having NINJAS call out their moves much though).

I will feast upon your entrails - Extreme anger or demonic speech.

I wonder if angels die, do they go back to heaven? - Thought/Flashback narration.

OH MY FUCKING GOD - Emphasized speech or shouting.

Anything in apostrophes, 'blah blah', occurs within the mind, be it mental communication(which will be present) or just plain thoughts.

And any combination from here on out is up to you guys to decipher.

Ch. 1

"Catch me if you can!" shouted our hyperactive dumb ass. 'Sweet Kami, I hate acting so stupid. At least they underestimate me by a lot when I do.' With a sack on his back, he looked back and saw 4 chunin and 2 jonin on his tail. Unconsciously pushing chakra into his legs to go faster, he sped up to the point where he was a blur to anyone under chunin. Unfortunately for him, he was being chased by chunin and higher, and his shout had attracted an anbu on patrol. 'Shit' he thought to himself, trying to go faster. Still whizzing by, he headed towards a corner with a light post. Grabbing the pole, he swung himself around the corner, heading back into the shopping district. He flew by a stand, pulling on a container of apples. One of the chunin stopped to help the owner of the stand, all while sending dirty looks in the blonde jinchuriki's direction.

Looking back, the blonde saw that the anbu was gaining on him. With a start, he realized he was also beginning to slow down. Soon the anbu was able to reach out and make a grab at his shirt. Thinking quickly, he made a sharp turn into an alley he was familiar with. Very familiar with, actually. Hearing a crash, he knew, without looking back, the anbu had crashed into one of the stands, putting him out of commission for a while. Using the ninja's surprise to his advantage, he quickly went deeper into the alley, going as fast as his legs could carry him. One of the jonin set off a trip wire, causing various scavenged kunai to come shooting out at them all. This gave Naruto the chance to get ahead for a few seconds. Not much, but that was all he needed. Going by an abandoned building, he smiled.'Nearly home free!' He reached a dead end, and the jonin had come back into sight, the chunin a second or two behind.

He jumped into a dumpster right as the jonin got to him, causing them all to smirk. "Finally got the little shit," the unnamed jonin in the front muttered, voicing the shared thoughts of his comrades. Going up to the dumpster, he said in an authoritative tone "Under Konoha law, you are hereby under arrest for petit larceny. Surrender or we will be entitled to use force." As calmly as he said this, one could hear the malicious pleading in his voice. 'I really hope this kid fights back. I've just wanted one reason, one fucking reason, to smash this punk's face in.' When he heard no movement in the dumpster, he smiled, thinking he could finally get his wish. With malicious glee, he flung the cover open, ready to fill all visible non-lethal spots with kunai. To the surprise of the jonin, and every ninja present for that matter, it was devoid of anything. 'This fucking kid! was the shared thought of all of them.

On the other side of the abandoned building, in a separate alley, Naruto was laughing to himself while making his way to a man hole. "Dumb asses! Did they really think they could catch me. Me! Ha!"

'Well, Naru-chan, you can't really expect a normal ninja to keep up with you. Just my being here made you better than most genin by the age of 4.'

'Hehe, well I'm 5 now, and I'm able to escape anbu! I think I deserve a little bragging, at least to myself.'

Yes, Naruto was 5 and escaping anbu. How? Well, any relation to a being of supernatural nature, be it divine or demonic, will grant something to a mortal, beneficial or detrimental. Naruto had his body used as a cage for the strongest demon in existence at the moment, held back by a seal put in place and maintained by the power of the deity of death, the Shinigami. With the youki of a demon being filtered into his system, his body grows at an accelerated rate due to his natural chakra working to keep up. Then the seal itself was increasing the flow of youki into his body to attempt to drain the demon faster. How their so close is a different story all together. Going under ground, he thought back to when they first met.

FLASHBACK NO JUTSU

Deep within the Redlight District of Konoha, Naruto was getting ready to go to his job: be the mail courier. "God that title sucks when I think about it," muttered our blonde protagonist. Looking up at the clock, he saw that it was nearly 6 am, meaning he was almost late. "Fucking hell, baa-chan will have my head if I don't get there soon."

Rushing out of his house, he made his way to the Redlight District's local post office. Why would they hire a kid to deliver the mail? Well, the task would normally fall to the genin, in the form of D-Rank missions, but the Sandaime couldn't, in good conscience, send children into the Redlight District, regardless of whether they were genin(and technically adults) or not. This was the case for many places in the district, actually. Most parents don't want to raise a child next to a brothel, and most ninja had a reputation to uphold and didn't wanna be seen leaving that area.

Finally arriving at the post office, he went into the back to check if sorting was complete. Whilst heading to the sorting area, he passed by his bosses office and heard unfamiliar voices. After pausing a moment, he was about to keep moving before he caught a piece of the conversation that caught his attention.

"Ya know, you are rather behind on your payments Haitatsu-san. If you don't pay up soon, we may be forced to retrieve our own reimbursement from you. And I don't think you'll like that, Haitatsu-san," spoke an unknown, gravelly voice. He tried to keep his voice level, but anyone could hear the barely restrained anger in his voice. His poorly concealed threat did nothing to help his subtlety, or lack there of.

"I know, I know, but I just don't have the money right now. I have little to no staff, and little to no business," spoke an elderly voice he would've been able to place immediately, even without the unknownman saying her name. 'Haitatsu-obaa-chan sounds worried. Did I do something?' was all Naruto was able to think before the conversation returned. Pressing his ear to the door so he wouldn't miss anything, he continued to listen in.

"We don't care about your fucking problems. We saved your ass on the assumption, no, assertion that we would be paid back, with interest. It has been 3 years, and you haven't even come close. Now, either we take both you and your business and get every penny possible out of your wrinkly old ass, both literally and figuratively, or you have to think of something that will give us assurance of some sort of money coming in, and soon. The yakuza may not be hurting in the money department, but we still take these matters seriously," a different voice said. 'Yakuza! Oh shit on a stick, what the fuck did you get yourself into Haitatsu-obaa-chan!' Thoughts of these kinds were the only thing running through young Naruto's mind. Growing up in the Redlight District, you either learn fast or die, and one of the first things he learned after the orphanage threw him out there was NOT TO MESS WITH THE YAKUZA! They could have you killed in an instant, and he'd seen it happen. The Konoha police force had little actual power in the Redlight district, so the yakuza were the law. He also learned that showing weakness meant no respect. And no respect meant less, well, everything...good. Less job chances, less money, less housing. Less chance to survive. So, his baa-chan sounding so desperate was all the more shocking for him.

"Well, is there anything you need, or would like? It doesn't matter if you don't think I can get it," said Haitatsu in a more determined voice, "just tell me. I'll do what I can." 'That sounds more like the baa-chan I know.' thought Naruto.

"Well, if you really need to know, we don't really need much, besides our fucking money," he started, and Naruto could hear the glare in his voice. "We would like to have cheaper everything, "goods" delivery, brothel promoting, ya know. I doubt you could do much in those areas, granny. You actually answer to Konoha legally to get the mail for some people, so you can't really be trusted with the "goods", ya know."

Letting out a relieved sigh, answered them after a moment to collect her thoughts. "What if I told you," she started in a victorious tone, "I had someone who could deliver your "goods" with little trouble, even when chased by anbu."

"We'd say your lying," replied the original man,"but we'll humor you. Let's say you do have this person to help you, what's to say he won't take any of our "goods" for himself, then blame us for not delivering the right amount?" 'I feel like I should get out of here right now' was all Naruto got to think before he heard Haitatsu shout for him to "Get his ass in here." Grumbling about shitty luck, he made his way inside to the disbelieving stares of the two yakuza representatives. "This is the guy? I sincerely hope you are just going senile, Haitatsu-san."

"Trust me," she said, directing their unnerving stare from the young boy who was beginning to crack, "he is able to get away from anbu easily."

"I wouldn't say easily, baa-chan," stated Naruto before quickly covering his mouth with his hands, berating himself mentally for drawing their attention back to him.

"And that," began the old lady once more,"is why i am sure he won't steal your merchandise. He was able to eavesdrop on us for a while before even I was able to notice, but he's still just a kid! He won't want any of what you want delivered. I can guarantee that much."

"I think we have a deal, Haitatsu-san. He delivers for us, and you get to keep your, well, everything. I hope this little shit doesn't quit, or you're both fucked."

'Shit! Why do I get the shitty luck, huh! I think I've gone through enough already, Kami-sama...' he thought before pausing his internal ranting to look up. ' And no answer, as usual.'

And so began Naruto's introduction into Konoha's underworld.

A/N: Aaaaand cut! Chapter one is done, and I feel like it coulda been better but... meh. I will probably end up modeling his appearance after someone a bit uncommon in the fanfiction universe, and there will be elements from other series, though which ones will become known to you in due time. Haitatsu's character and past will be explored more later, though I doubt she'll be a main character for long. Also, HAREM! WOOOOO! Now, this won't be the "Imma just screw all these girls 'cause I can!" type of harem, but it won't be the type where he is forced to choose one and break the others' hearts either. Members are not set in stone as of yet but let me put what I've thought of so far below:

(In bold=confirmed; Italics=probable, but could change; Normal=Possibly)

Fem Kyuubi

Fem Haku

Fu

Hinata

Fem Sasuke

Fem Gaara

Mei

Yugito

Tayuya(Love this one but I also have other possible pairings with her)

Temari

Ino

Anko(Love this one, but Iruka may not be getting any otherwise)

Fem Hidan(Don't see much, if any, of this. Only seen one really, and that was uber-genderbent with just about everyone in a harem.)

Sakura(Only if any readers really want her. I really don't like her but I can put aside my bias.)

Fem Kakashi(Not the biggest fan but I'm willing to try)

Kin(If Temari and Ino are both confirmed, then she goes to Shikamaru)

Shion

And you guys can suggest any others you may want! If the amount confirmed attempts goes above 7, though, then you'll need to review/PM with a good reason as to why they are compatible. Romance can be hard to write, you know! Read and Review! If you liked it so far, share it with your friends, family, family's friends, and friend's family! Hope you enjoyed, and Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/etc.!