Sleigh Ride For Two
by Thyme In Her Eyes
Author's Notes: Uh huh, it's another entry for the CloudxAerith Forum's 100 Themes Challenge. This story's theme is "Dream". I'm not in an angsty mood and I love this pairing's potential for adorable fluff, so that's where I'm going with this – into the beautiful land of fluffy and unseasonal crack.This is set a few years after the game's conclusion – ignore of include the Compilation as you see fit. Enjoy!
-- SLEIGH RIDE FOR TWO --
We're walking in the air
We're floating in the moonlit sky
The people far below are sleeping as we fly,
I'm holding very tight
I'm riding in the midnight blue
I'm finding I can fly so high above with you.
– Howard Blake ('Walking in the Air').
x-x-x
I don't see you in my dreams anymore. And that's kind-of a good thing, because the dreams I used to have about you were terrible ones. Nightmares where I'd have to see him kill you over and over again, or watch you fall into the never-ending blue of the lake. Even the good ones, the ones that'd take me back to where we first met or that night on the Gondola, they were just recycled memories. I'd wake up, and feel your loss all over again.
I don't want to think of you as dead, dying, or gone, and I can't carry this guilt anymore, so I knew I had to give up that kind of dreaming. It's not that I'd ever want to forget you, but I think you'll understand how I feel about this. I don't want to run away from my subconscious any more, but I can't see you like that anymore either; it's no way to live. And I miss seeing you in a way that's more than a recalled memory.
I've been doing well, though – I can't remember the last time I dreamed of you. Maybe it's even been a whole year. Don't take this the wrong way, but knowing that makes me feel genuinely glad, like I've achieved something. You probably know why, but I need to say it anyway. It means I'm getting there – wherever it is that normal people are, where all my friends are. I'm edging closer towards it every day and more and more, I feel like I want it. I know I'll always be myself, and that means I'll always be a bit of a weirdo, but sometimes I can't wait to see what's there in that place other people take for granted. I want this, and if anyone could understand that, it'd be you.
Last night was different, though. Last night I had a dream, and you were there. The star of the show, you could maybe say. But this wasn't a memory or a vision of you giving me advice, or anything like that. I know it wasn't the real you, but just my sleeping imagination working overtime.
This was a real dream too, the kind regular people have. I haven't had many like that in years, but I know what it was. It was a real dream, which meant it was the strangest and most random thing in the world.
The memory's not as clear and sharp as it was this morning, but I still have to tell you about this weird dream. I think it'd make you laugh to hear this, so I'll do my best to recall the details.
I have no idea where exactly I was supposed to be, but it was out in the open air and it was snowing. Then you were next to me, and I think you were still wearing your pink dress, but you didn't notice the cold at all. And I didn't notice you – I mean, I didn't react in the way I should if you suddenly appeared next to me, smiley and chatty. The dream-me didn't seem fazed by it, didn't seem to think there was anything unusual about talking to you like nothing had happened, as if you were still here and hadn't ever left us. It never even registered that you shouldn't have been there, that it wasn't possible...but I guess just about everything's possible in a dream, right? You were just there, and it was okay. I don't even remember what we said to each other, but I guess that's not what's important.
Anyway, out of the blue I remembered this job I was supposed to do and started panicking, then I remembered I was "parked in the barn", that's what I said to you. Now I guess we must've been at Chocobo Billy's place, but the scenery of dreams shifts a lot, doesn't it? Anyway, I went into the farm, which was deserted, and in the barn was a massive sleigh loaded with sacks and ready to be pulled by a gold chocobo. It didn't seem unusual to me, so I hopped in and got ready to take off, when you walked in.
I guess dream-you hadn't ever seen anything like it before, because you went wild with delight when you walked in and saw it. Again, you didn't act as though it was weird that I kept a giant sleigh in a chocobo-barn, though. You begged to come along, and for the longest time I don't think I was sure you should go. Or maybe I was just teasing you, I don't know.
But I let you come along; there was room for two. So you took my hand and climbed on board, eager to take off. Looking back, I think dream-me was very serious about what I was doing, and was almost solemn about it. And I was still worried about being late for something. But it was good to have you there.
For some reason, I was confused about how the chocobo would take off, even though I remember the chocobo as always being there. I said nothing about not feeding it, I think. I didn't know how it would run, I couldn't see it. You just beamed and squeezed my arm gently, like the answer was obvious.
"Don't talk like that," you said to me. "They haven't hatched yet, so you have to be patient. It'll come."
Yeah, it doesn't make any kind of sense to me, either. I was kind-of wondering what you'd make of it.
But whatever you meant, I suppose it must've been the answer I needed, because I got right to it. I grabbed the reins, called out to the giant bird, and started running before taking off into the air with us, and zooming into the sky fast as any motorbike I'd picked up. Again, I know chocobos are flightless birds, and one could never support me, you and a loaded sleigh, but it didn't matter. It flew and carried us as if we were nothing. It carried us over the clouds, through the snow, almost up to the stars. Stuff like motion-sickness didn't bother me, either.
The sky flaked around us, and it was such a rush. Funny thing to say, considering some of the stuff I've done in my life, but that's how it felt. Really wild for a while, until I got it under control. Then I wanted to go much slower, at a leisurely pace, because I had an crucial mission to fulfill.
As it turns out, our mission was to open our sacks and throw things out. They were presents for everyone and all we had to do was fly over where they lived, and chuck out our friends' gifts. We never considered that the long fall could damage them or that they could land anywhere if we weren't careful – that's dream-logic, I guess.
It worked, though. We both struggled to throw down presents and control the chocobo at the same time, but we managed it. You waved a lot, and so did I. You blew kisses, and so did I. Funnily enough, it felt like I was the one who hadn't seen them in ages; you were the casual one who mentioned stopping by for tea and a biscuit later. We were so high up, but for some reason we could still see everyone below us with no trouble at all. Tifa, Barret, Cid...everyone was there at the homes we stopped over and they all waved and squealed in joy like they never would've in life. We just took in our stride, though. I guess we were glad to see everyone happy, and by then we were calling it our job. Like I said, things shift in peculiar ways when you're dreaming, and nothing makes sense for long. But everyone shouted up strange things to us in gratitude, and the whole gang was happy in the end, even Vincent. All of Yuffie's materia turned into snow on the way down though, and she cried. We noticed that, but we didn't think anything of it and just kept flying.
Naturally, you wanted a go in the driver's seat (that's what we called it). I gave in much easier this time, and handed the reins over to you. Everything went a little crazy after that because you made it go so fast. I think you even scared me. Eventually, you got it back to normal, but you couldn't stop grinning, and you definitely enjoyed the speed. I don't think it crossed my mind to ask for the control back, you were having such a nice time. You cheered and whooped, but there was something about you – like you'd done it a thousand times before. You were very good, and I think the dream-chocobo might've liked you more.
It was such a quiet and clear night, and I swear I can still feel the cold air on my skin, really sharp and invigorating. And because it was all a dream, I never felt too cold. My skin never felt too raw and my nose never ran, or anything like that. I know I'm pretty resistant to those things anyway, but there was no bad following this good – the air was fresh and amazing, but never uncomfortable. You were still in that pink dress, and you weren't bothered by it either. You just laughed, not noticing the cold.
I didn't know it couldn't be true, but it felt unreal in a totally different way. You let me take over the driving again and sat closer to me, leaning into my shoulder – and it's so strange, because my brain completely blocked the real world and everything that happened out, so it really was just me and you, and I felt happy. Not bursting with joy and ecstasy or anything like that. Just quietly content to let you be so close. I just smiled, relaxed, and let everything else just be. I was glad you were with me, and didn't want anything else.
We talked mostly about our 'mission' first, then just laughed and messed about trying to get the sleigh to go faster, but after that moment, we didn't say anything. We were comfy enough the way we were.
Christmas is months away, so it makes no sense at all why my mind would go there, but it did. I don't have a clue what put it in my mind, either. Or maybe it's supposed to be a symbol of something. I am kinda looking forward to the holiday, and maybe I wondered if we'd have snow, but that's it. I never expected it left such a big impression inside my head. I don't know if I could ever life it down if one of the guys found out that I dreamed about that sort of stuff.
I don't remember much after that...actually, I think we stumbled into a really butchered version of a book I'd just finished reading, and the dream kept going on and shifting. But I don't think of that as the important part, so how about we discount that bit? The Christmas stuff was better.
When I woke up, I wanted nothing more than just to talk to you. Maybe it's because if I really am moving away from the past, then you're fading too, and I have to sort myself out. I have to get better, and have the life that's meant for me, but I can't leave you behind either. You were a little less real this morning, and I know you'd say that it's a good thing, but I'm not so sure. So I guess I had to talk to you, and confirm to myself that you're still there in your own way.
You're still a part of me, Aeris. And you were always three steps ahead of me when I knew you, so I guess you probably have it all figured out. Maybe you know where I'm heading. Letting go is tough, and I never thought it could happen like this – I always thought of it as some epic and final decision, not something that could happen bit by bit and completely outside of my control. I guess things can still surprise me, and I don't know as much as I like to think I do.
But I hope you're glad that it wasn't the real you I saw in my dream last night, and I know you understand. I know you hear me, too. I have to believe that. You're in the air, you're in the ground, you're everywhere now. You don't need to be in my head or my dreams. It was good to see you though, even if only as a figment of my imagination.
It wasn't the real you last night, and it wasn't some vision. The you in my dream wasn't your spirit coming to visit me, my waking mind knows that. My imagination dreamed you up, and it was the first time it'd ever happened, the first time it made up something new involving you. It was fun too, and I felt so much lighter when I woke up, like everything really was going to be fine. I guess I'm telling you all this because I figured you had the right to know, and would enjoy the story. After all, it was my first real dream with you in it, and it's worth celebrating.
I kind-of wish it really was you, though. You would have loved it.
-- FIN --