Raison d'etre
Xielle
"You must be [mad], or you wouldn't have come here."
Chapter 1: Teatime with the Mad Hatter
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Do you remember, Alice?
I ask myself – even though I'm well aware it's useless.
But I continue to wonder what it must have been like for her to suddenly drop into a world that is Wonderland.
Is it what you hoped for? Dreamed of? Wish in the back in your mind at night?
Frightening and confusing. Frustrating, perhaps? Undeniably exciting, though you wish it weren't.
Remembering it seems so bad and distasteful...because it's incomplete and unworthy just remembering.
You know you shouldn't, but you do.
Oh, Alice…
You want to live through it again, and again...and again. And again.
The adrenaline can take you so high, while simultaneously dragging you down. And down.
But you can't help but love it, in a strange sense.
And how much stranger is "strange" in the strangest place that is Wonderland must be!
But it's okay, yet not okay, that I say – think – that I understand, Alice.
Because I may as well have fallen into Wonderland myself!
…Yet not, because it feels right.
Strange, isn't it?
"Do you want more milk in your tea, Harry?"
Oh, yes – strange indeed!
And I start to nod and smile – so naturally, even! – Before I catch myself, and stop. I must look quite torn and confused.
Wouldn't you think so too, Alice?
I really shouldn't.
So I think, I must be in Wonderland, yet not, because it feels as strange as it is right.
But the host just laughs and smiles at me expectantly.
It's got the proper atmosphere, and I've got the mixed feelings and reactions about it too.
…Okay, maybe just a little more milk…
So here I am, sitting in a rather odd chair that's hard, but also quite comfortable. I've got tea (with milk) in hand, as well as a scone, and more thoughts in my head than I could follow.
I've also found the citizens of Wonderland.
Oh, Alice, how do you do it?
Though I expect my encounter with Wonderland is more awkward – because while Alice sat down to tea with individuals of dubious sanity, I'm sitting to tea with individuals of not-so-dubious sanity.
As if it's perfectly normal to accept an offer of tea from… well…
"Could you please pass me those biscuits, Voldemort?"
Well, okay, in Tom Riddle guise, but still…
"Certainly, Harry"
…and being all civil too...
The worst thing is that it feels completely normal, even when I know it shouldn't.
I know it shouldn't, but I think I have to wonder how it feels natural for things to be like this, when I think it shouldn't…
…Right?
"You think too much, Harry."
So I stop that thought there, and it feels so natural to do so.
- - -
05.06.09