A/N: FYI, I am not writing FB fanfiction anymore. I'm exploring a completely different fandom. Several, in fact. Sorry. But I found this on my computer, and since it was almost done, I decided to finish it and post it for you. (That is, if anyone remembers me.) It's a bit emo, though; very angsty. Hope you likey. Inspired by another fanfiction that I'm too lazy to name. Maybe I'll send it to you if you ask nicely. Also, beware of spoilers.
Then again, who knows? I might come back to this fandom someday.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or the song "Missing," by Evanescence.
Missing
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll look up
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one
"Isn't something missing?"
They told her he was dead when they found him. He was sitting beside his bed with his head drooped; Kyo said his first thought when he saw him was that he'd fallen asleep there.
"Tohru sent me to wake him up," the Cat had explained, his voice quivering. "I didn't think he'd…"
But Akito had left before she could hear any more. The Monster is a fool, she told herself. She wouldn't believe it until she saw it.
And so, she did. For a split second before Hatori pushed her away, she saw the corpse of her past lover, his face drained of its color and his eyes dark and empty. When she looked at him, she no longer saw the liveliness of his being, or the distant sadness that was hidden behind it. When she entered the room, he didn't greet her with a warm smile, or a sadistic sneer, or a devious grin. He didn't even acknowledge her presence, the bastard – he just lay there looking blank and emotionless, his mouth slack and his arms hanging loosely to the side.
At once, Akito recognized the cuts that he had made in them.
You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant…?
Am I so insignificant…?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Tohru blamed herself for leaving the knife out. Everyone knew that she was the last person responsible for this tragedy – they'd known him their entire lives and they'd all been ignorant that he would do such a thing.
Their reactions were to be expected. Ayame was no longer so grand and flamboyant; he wore plain, dark clothes and hardly went out anymore. Hatori abandoned most of his work and often stayed in bed all day, eating very little. Yuki and Kyo didn't fight anymore, but they would glare at each other as if blaming one another for the incident, when they really felt that it was all their fault.
Akito blamed them, too. It was all the fault of her foolish Jyuunishi and that stupid girl. They lived with him. They spoke with him. They should have known and they should have stopped him.
Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?
She didn't attend the funeral.
Why would she attend a ceremony to honor him after he abandoned her like that? Just like then, he had left her. He didn't consider her feelings, just his own selfish reasons. After all this time, he still didn't love her. Everything he did, he did to hurt her.
But this time, she wouldn't let it penetrate her. She would go on with her life. She would act like the spoiled goddess she was, and order Kureno around, and pretend she was in control of everything.
She wouldn't cry for him. He didn't deserve so much.
She wouldn't think about the things she'd done to him, or the things he did to her.
She wouldn't visit his grave and tell him all those things she should have told him before. No "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I'm sorry." It didn't matter why he left her. He had left her, and for that, she could never forgive him.
Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
That woman used the whole situation to her advantage.
"I am truly sorry for your loss," she said in her smooth tone, wearing a mask of sympathy. "If I can't imagine what would drive him to do such a thing."
"Shut up," was the bitter answer.
"But one has to wonder – who is the one most at fault? Who could have made such a gentle creature do something like this? Who rejected him, broke his heart and reduced him to sleeping with a woman he does not even love?"
"Shut up!" Akito snapped again. "This isn't my fault! The bastard wanted so badly to be free, that he killed himself. That's all there is!"
Ren grinned slightly. "Why won't you face the truth? You're the only reason he ever wanted to live. The only logical explanation is that you're the reason he wanted to – "
Akito slapped her mother across the face before she could finish.
"Foolish child," she said, lightly touching where she had been struck. Her voice ugly and cruel as she accused her daughter. "He really did love you. If you hadn't been such a coward, maybe he wouldn't be dead!"
The goddess raised her hand as if to strike her again, but instead ran off to hide her anger and grief.
Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?
Although there were many tsubakis in her garden, the winter had caused them all to wither. Her garden looked dull and lifeless without them. There was no point.
They added color to her life. They made everything beautiful. They made her feel like she was worth something and was needed for something. It didn't matter what the rest of the world thought of her – or if they loved her – just as long as she had those beautiful flowers to gaze at every day, she was content.
But now it was winter, and they were all dead.
"Akito-san…"
She acted as if she didn't hear him. She continued staring out at the lifeless garden, ugly and worthless.
He came in and sat beside her. Something like relief came over him when he saw the sorrow in her eyes. Her denial had been going on for too long.
"All my flowers are dead," she said.
He gazed at the plants. "Yes, they are."
"I tried to take good care of them."
"You did take good care of them."
She closed her eyes. "Why wasn't it good enough?"
Kureno looked at her with a mixture of fear and grief, but he didn't say a word.
She looked at her feet, suddenly feeling ashamed without knowing exactly why. "Kureno."
"Yes?"
"He was using me, wasn't he," she said. "He always treated me like he was using me. What did he want from me?"
The rooster's jaw clenched and unclenched. "He told me once…that he wanted to break you. That he wanted the rest of us to abandon you…so that he would be all you have left."
A lump rose in her throat as she gathered the courage to ask the question that, deep down, she already knew the answer to. "Kureno…is it my fault?"
For a very long time, he said nothing; but finally he answered: "Akito, Shigure saw you as a child who needed to be loved. He convinced himself that he was the only one who could ever love you. He…he convinced himself that you were the only one he could ever love. You were an obsession, Akito."
She was suddenly angry that he wouldn't answer he question, but she still let him wrap his arms around her. For a very long time they sat there, Akito staring at the place where her flowers used to grow, thinking about the life that she should have had if only she'd let him. She wished that Kureno could take her there. She wished he would take her inside. The cold air made the tip of her nose and her fingers numb, and the wind made her eyes too dry.
Kureno didn't move a muscle but to say, quietly, after a while, "It's not your fault. Nobody believed he'd give up."
Perhaps he didn't give up. He wanted to break her, and he'd succeeded. She was broken and abandoned, just like he'd always wanted.
But now, there was no one to run to.
She sank deeper into the arms of a man that she knew didn't love her.
--
A/N: The end. Review. Please!