"A Traitor's Point of View"
How can you measure the promise of love when it's weighing against a chance that comes once? (excerpt from "doorway to my dreams".) Will you choose the one you've once swore you'll always be with or the only dream you always said you live for?
The bustling sound of the busy crowd in the airport and the child crying for her momma beside the phone booth seems not to distract you as you're lost in your own thoughts while staring hard at her slightly flushed face. The dark, statuesque sky betrayed the scene of the people coming in and out of the busy airport yet in your mind, it is the only thing that comforts you amid all the difficult things you are about to do right now.
" So this is goodbye." Her teary eyes gaze at you as she spoke.
Staring back at her, you wonder what to say. You always pride yourself of not being a man of words but of action and now you just couldn't find yourself to do something just to ease the pain she's dealing right now.
"Sakura, I..." Not knowing what to do, you did the thing she finds very annoying, you flash your well-known mocking smirk, and said "No, it isn't." lie.
" I see." Avoiding your gaze, she looked down on the floor, masses of pink hair fell down from her messy bun covering her face. You always thought she looks pretty with her hair like that but carefully hides it from her just to annoy her. You want to tell her how you like her hair that way because you know it will be the last chance you'd be able to. In the end you decided to keep it for yourself. You then wonder how in the world can she do that, seeing her always carelessly tying her hair without even looking in the mirror but still looks beautif-… You then came back from your thoughts when she suddenly spoke. Her voice was soft, barely audible, you almost didn't catch what she said but you heard it all nonetheless.
"Well then, I won't be able to see you for a very long time."
A pang of something twitches in your chest and you almost stop, pause, and look at her, one last time. Her words ring in your ears, as you are sure yours do in her mind. "I'll never leave." You remember how since you were little, she was always there for you, fangirling you. She annoys you to no end, her constant chasing, and declaration of undying love when you're still on your grade school. You remember how things changed when you reached middle school, how she stopped her fangirling and decided to just be a friend to you.
-Start of Flashback-
"Sasuke-kun, wait!"she came running trying to follow you when you stormed out the of the auditorium.
You were so mad at your father. He said he won't be able to attend your graduation that day because Itachi, your older brother, is in need of support for his college interview, of course he's the favorite one. Thinking your father is just late, you waited believing he'll come to see his son get his diploma and valedictorian award. Two hours, three hours went by until you realize there's no father to come. The graduation ceremony was about to end when he called and told you he can't come. Itachi's future is important because he's going to handle the company after he graduate from the university he's going to get interviewed with that day. You were so mad and hurt that you immediately walked out right after the graduation without even looking at Naruto who's calling you to come and take your graduation pictures with the guys. But then Sakura who's looking for you saw you as you brusquely passed her.
" Sasuke-kun, wait! I have something to give you! Congratulation!, I know its-"
"You really think I'd fall for you?" you shouted as you turned around not so gently that she almost hit her head to your chin. You were so consumed with your anger you barely notice the little white card she's holding out to you.
" You've been chasing me for the past years instead of just using your head for more important ! You really think I'd fall for someone like that? For someone like you?" You almost screamed, your echo seems to linger over the empty hallway you and Chance had been standing.
"oh…" She was surprised by your words then lowered her face trying not cry.
"No, I...I just want to congr... Ha- happy graduation day, Sasuke-kun." she whispered as she try to cover her eyes with her bangs by lowering her head.
Caught off guard by what she said or of what you said, you turned around from her pained face trying to justify what you did but all you see in your mind was her hurt expression. And when you can't take the thinking anymore you just bluntly said…..
"Your annoying." And you walked away.
Middle school was the same as grade school for you. Same thing, same school, same goal. You were still trying to prove yourself to your father. The only thing that changed was Sakura. She doesn't chase you anymore or give you presents and try to sit beside you during Homeroom and Science class. In fact, she'll sit far away from your seat as much as possible as if you're a plague she must avoid. You could tell she's avoiding you but what irked you the most is every time the two of you see each other in school and on rare occasions like on the grocery store when you're accompanying your mother, she still smiles at you or say "hey, Sasuke." But you noticed there's no pet name, no real smile anymore, just a timid smile for the sake of politeness. You know you hurt her but you justified it as the right thing to do.
You see her on the school hallway talking to her best friend, Ino, the most popular girl in school. You see them laughing and always together like they're twins but clearly they're not. Ino is the kind of girl jocks dig while Sakura is,.. Sakura is a simple kind of girl you would not look twice at, the kind of looks the men always do to Ino but there's something about Sakura you can't quite figure out. Soon you realized that Sakura isn't that bad at all. She was in fact excelling from history and Science and you saw your homeroom teacher praising her because of her calculus exam which she almost perfected. You then remembered Sakura got the salutatory medal on your graduation and it annoys you that you cannot stop thinking about her after what happened.
She still smiled at you when you see each other but rarely talk to you anymore.
" She's such a sweet girl." You remembered your mother said when she helped your mother picked the tomatoes she bought that fell on the basket your mother was carrying.
You heard her once in the music room playing a piece you don't know on the piano while humming and singing a few line then. You don't know the song. All you know is she have a really nice voice.
You're confused why you're noticing her now but you defended yourself saying, you're just guilty of what you did to her. Soon, you're excuses are running out. You noticed simple things about her that before was just normal to you. Her hair, the way she dress, the way she talk, and the way her eyes twinkle when she laugh.
It happened when you and Sakura got paired for the Chemistry laboratory class. You now know she's good at theoretical science but never suspected she's a complete disaster when it comes to laboratory practical because she's so clumsy. It amuses you how she's so good in analyzing and answering formulas and equations in Chemistry yet unable to simply pour distilled water from the beaker to the test tube without breaking a glassware. And after those gruelling laboratory experiments and few explosions cause by Sakura, the two of you became not only partners but also friends. A week before practical exam in Chemistry, she went to your house to ask for pointers and attentively listen and write it. The next Chemistry exam, you came to her to ask for pointers.
After that semester you still see each other along with Naruto. You realized she's not just a clumsy person but a funny person as well. You'll laughed at her when she forgot to do something she's supposed to do like letting Prof Anko, their P.E teacher, sign her clearance or else her grade will not be release. She's panicking because that day was supposed to be the last day of school and it's nearing evening yet she couldn't see Ms. Anko anywhere. You smirked at her and she told you to stop doing that anymore because it's annoying but you still continued ticking her off.
That night you climbed into the Anko's room window biting Sakura's clearance which caused the teacher to freak out and thought you're naruto's uncle, Jiraiya, the ever perverted old suitor of her, peeking at her again. She scolded you and got you in a detention and made you attend summer classes as punishment. Sakura's clearance was signed.
Sakura. You became attached to her, always by her side almost everyday, from the start of the class until the end, during summer at the ice cream shop near your school, and every time your father scold you of being useless to your family business. She knows who you are, how vulnerable you are despite of your lack of words she calls abnormal and emotions you don't display. She knows your only dream is to be notice and praised by your father and for once not to be compared to your older brother. You grow to accept her offered friendship but too late to realize it's more than friendship you wanted.
You recalled how you ask her to be your girlfriend four years ago one summer afternoon while the two of you were walking home from the ice cream shop. You remembered her wearing her floral green dress she said she got from Ino. You didn't know what to do or how to ask her. So you just stopped walking, your beet red face betraying your composure as you asked her so bluntly and so casually. You then scold yourself mentally because you felt like you're your father when he talks about the weather. She smiled and told you you're stupid and walked away from you while eating her ice cream as if nothing happened. Relief washed through you because at least she did not slap you because of the graduation incident that happened. Running to her side you hold her hand looking away from her waiting for her to react. She smiled. You two continued walking holding hands until you reached her home and just realized later after she closed her door that she kissed you on the cheek.
"My balloon!" She was stamping her feet while looking up in the morning sky sniffing like a lost child.
"Sakura, it's just a balloon. I'll get you another one, the vendor is still over there." It was their usual walk during Sunday when she persuaded you to buy her a balloon because she said it's your duty as her boyfriend to make her happy.
"But the one I got was the last red balloon Mr. vendor got! And now it's gone!" she exclaimed so instead she grabbed you to the nearest Cotton candy vendor and demanded you to buy her that instead.
That night you walked her back to her house. She's quietly munching her 4th cotton candy you bought while looking up in the stars in the night sky. You two were bickering a while ago if that big twinkling thing hanging up in the sky is a planet or a star and your fight ended with you putting a fist of cotton candy in her mouth to shut her up. It's now quiet. There aren't any people outside anymore because it's a little late and it comforts you because you always like quiet surroundings. That's what makes you appreciate being with Chance more. There are times she's loud when you two bicker but she knows when to appreciate silence.
"I wonder if you're quiet because you already got your sweet tooth satisfied or because you're having tooth aches for too much eating sweets." , you jokingly said.
She smiled while playfully bumping your shoulder. As if she could reach your shoulder. You're a good head taller than her, you thought.
She sighed. "Everybody leaves. My dad who used to buy me balloons also did." Chance said while quietly looking up in the sky.
"He always bought me the red ones because papa said it's lucky, for long life, you know, in Chinese. But in the end, he flew away. He went up to heaven and I never saw him again…just like my balloon."
You remembered your father, glad that your family is still whole though you never saw much of your dad because he's busy unless Itachi is around from college break.
"I will not fly away." Looking up in the sky, your hands on your pocket and with assurance on your voice you said it.
You looked down on her and smiled. You lowered your head to her ear and then you whispered to her those words you thought you intended to keep. "I would never leave."
You never thought you'll also fly away from her like what her father did but just in a different kind of flying.
-End of flashbacks-
Four years passed from that day and she still annoys you, laughs at you when you did something stupid, and calls you jerk face when you flash your infamous smirk she doesn't like. But still you don't complain because you know she's there, she will always be there even though you're not.
Ignoring what she said, you stepped closer and said. "I'll call you as soon as my plane land." Lie again.
You know that won't happen. You will not see her face again, hear her laugh again. She won't be able to annoy you anymore with her antics, and bug you in the middle of the night because Clark Kent is just too stupid not to notice Louis' affection in Smallville.
You remembered your father telling you through the phone yesterday how proud he is to his younger son to choose the right direction. Finally, your father noticed you. For once you would like to stay away from your brother's shadow. Right direction, your father said, a direction far away from her. But is it worth it? Your father asked you to marry the daughter of their rival company. And you can't so no to your father..or you just don't want to, you don't really know. All you know is that Sakura knows this is the end but you two still keeps on pretending that you'll just be thirteen- hour flight away from each other, that you'll come back to her along with your accomplished dream. But that is not the case. You also know she'll not blame you for what you're going to do. And maybe that's why you're taking her for granted.
The vibrating sound coming from the airport's sound system told you your plane is about to go now .Unable to ease the emotions building up, you took another step, this one a little closer, looking at her, memorizing her face.
You touched her cheek and kissed her forehead and said, " I'll come back. I promise." You said that deceitful words again. Not to lie to her but to lie to yourself that you will see her again. And then you turned back from her, not looking back.
Your pace was steady but deep down, you think you just died. You want to turn back again from this freaking decision and just stay. You felt like a traitor knowing you'll not be there for her like she was always there for you.
You hear her trembling voice calling your name but you pretended not to hear, instead focus yourself on the line of people you're going to walk in but to no avail. Suddenly, your vision got blurry and as you touch your eyes you found out it's your tears.
"Sasuk-...love you!" You heard her shout. You think you're going to explode so what you did was wipe your tears away from your eyes brusquely and raise the back of your hand without looking back to somewhat tell her you heard her.
As you walk into the line, the only thing that you keep telling your mind in order not to look back to her and say again those words (" I'll never leave.", that you're sincerely dying to do) is- " I don't deserve her."
-somersault08