Author's Notes: I had been dying to post this ever since I first had gotten the idea and written the whole thing down. However, I wanted to post the first chapter to my other story first due to the fact that this is written badfic style and I wanted to be taken a little more seriously first.
Unfortunately, this brilliant idea is far from my own. It was inspired by the AFI bandslash fic "If High School Javeys (slash pairing between lead singer Davey and guitarist Jade) Were 10 Times Shorter, And 100 Times More Honest" (read here: ?sid=7772 ), which was also not an original idea and was inspired by the blog post "If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest" (read here: article_16878_ )
Anyway, I decided to follow the same basic format and fit it to desribe one kind of fiction that we all despise: the Mary Sue. I chose Power Rangers simply because I was writing the other fic at the time and had that fandom on the brain. I may do other editions of this in other fandoms, but I'd like to see how this one goes over first c:
Warnings: Only rated 'T' for some sexual references and a couple swear words
Disclaimer: I don't own the Power Rangers, however I do think it would be very cool if I did. Free action figures! Woot woot! Now on to the story...
ENTER ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE TO SPD HEADQUARTERS.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE (INTRO)
Hi. My name is Isabella Destiny Ravensbane. My mom picked that name out for me just because she thought it was really really pretty. I have long, bright red hair (dyed obviously! Lolz) and purple eyes. The eyes are natural, which makes me more special than most humans. I also have D-cup sized boobs and the body of a Victoria's Secret angel.
JACK LANDORS
Listen up team! We have a new ranger coming in! Her color will be purple and she is being added for no apparent reason other then letting some teenage girl who can't write for shit live out her fantasy! Be nice to her!
SYDNEY DREW
Well, we kind of have to. I mean, Mary Sues are perfect, so they have to be liked by pretty much everyone!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE ENTERS B-SQUAD COMMON ROOM.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Oh hi guise! I'm the purple ranger! My name is ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE.
SYDNEY DREW
Hi Isabella! You're pretty and I like your clothes. Wanna be best friends?
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Yes!
ELIZABETH DELGADO
Hey! I want to be Isabella's friend too! That's not fair! Because everyone totally wants a fake, flat, lifeless character who is better than them at everything to be their best friend!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Okay, you can be my best friend too, because I'm just that nice.
BRIDGE CARSON
What's up with your name? It sounds like it was given to you by a wizard on coke…
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Shut up! It was the prettiest, most unique and exotic name the author could come up with! SHE WANTS TO NAME HER CHILD THIS YOU KNOW!
BRIDGE CARSON
Okay, that's a little creepy. Anyway, you know the reviews will say you're too perfect if you don't have any flaws. Think of something that can be wrong with you.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Um, okay! I hate my parents! We fight all the time! My mom beats me and my dad raped me like seventeen times, but no big deal! Even though rape is a thing that terrorizes and scars thousands of women permanently each day, I'm so amazing that I can somehow not fuss about it! Oh! And I can also be a Satanits!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE PULLS OUT A PENTAGRAM.
BRIDGE CARSON
Oh dear god… is Tara Gillesbie taking up writing again? Next thing this girl's going to tell me is that she's Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way in disguise! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Goffic fangz!
BRIDGE CARSON
Oh no…
SCHUYLER TATE
Hi. I'm Sky, the blue ranger. You and I will fall in love and sleep together in about forty chapters from now.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Oh, you're hot so that sounds nice…
SCHUYLER TATE BEGINS TO MAKE OUT WITH ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE FOR THE NEXT FORTY CHAPTERS.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Hey Sky, I love you. The last like forty chapters have been great. Wanna go all the way?
SCHUYLER TATE
(with sarcasm) Like that's never happened in a Mary Sue before…
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Yay!
AND SO THE LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN SCHUYLER TATE AND ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE CONTINUES FOR TWENTY MORE FUCKING CHAPTERS, WITH THEM HAVING SEX IN EVERY SINGLE ONE BECAUSE THEY CAN NOW DO THAT NOW AND THIS IS A MARY SUE. MAIN RULE ABOUT MARY SUES: MARY SUES ARE NEVER SHORT.
SUDDENLY, ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE CATCHES SCHUYLER TATE HALF NAKED IN A CLOSET WITH SYDNEY DREW.
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
OMG SKY! How could you do this to me? I'M SOOOOOO DEPRESSED!1!11!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE BEGINS TO CRY AND CUT HERSELF.
A/N: SEE GUISE! I'M DIFFERENT! THIS ISN'T A MARY SUE! THAT PLOT TWIST WAS TOTALLY EXPECTED! YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF IT WOULD APPEAR IN CHAPTER FIFTY OR SIXTY!
SCHUYLER TATE
Wait Isabella! I'm sorry!
A WILD PROPOSAL APPEARS!
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE
Omgomgomgomg! YES! And by the way, I'm pregnant.
AND SO ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE AND SCHUYLER TATE GET MARRIED AND HAVE 20 MORE CHILDREN TOGETHER WHO ARE ALL NAMED AFTER MYTHICAL CREATURES AND ROMAN GODS. THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER, UNLESS THE AUTHOR DECIDES TO ADD TRAGEDY. IF THIS IS THE CASE, READ ON:
TRAGIC PLOT TWIST ALTERNATE ENDING:
ISABELLA DESTINY RAVENSBANE DIES IN A CAR CRASH. SCHUYLER TATE AND ALL OF THEIR CHILDREN COMMITT SUICIDE IN GRIEF OF LOSING SUCH A PERFECT PERSON.