A/N: Rachel's perspective is always harder for me to write, and I have no idea why. This popped into my head after a lot of people started saying that Rachel had to choose between Broadway and Finn, and that she should choose Broadway. The title is from "I Need You" by LeAnn Rimes
They don't talk about New York or the future, and it's not because she doesn't want to; she wants to talk about it, and she wants to make plans. But he refuses, and lately his refusals have turned into arguments; it scares her that they argue this much now when they were just halfway through their senior year. What would happen in the future, when they were adults? It also scares her that it sometimes seems like Finn doesn't believe in their future as much as she does. Like two days ago when they almost got into a shouting match because she started talking about New York, and he snapped that he was tired of hearing about the stupid city. She knows exactly what she wants; she wants New York and stardom and Finn, and, just when she thought that she could have all that, Finn starts to doubt. She thinks she knows precisely what the issue is though, and there is nothing she can do about it. She just wishes that they wouldn't have this problem around Christmas because it's his favorite holiday.
A week ago, she got her letter from NYU, and they had accepted her for early admission, which was a pretty big deal; she has a big decision to make, and she keeps asking him to help her decide. It doesn't make sense that he seems angry with her for asking him to be involved, and she doesn't really understand why he keeps tell her to make up her mind on her own. Her fathers keep reminding her that it is really her decision, and her decision alone, but she knows that her life is more than just a path to Broadway. Once, before she met Finn, she'd thought that all she'd ever have was her voice, and that she had to get by on her own; she'd been lonely and alone, and she was sure that achieving her Broadway dreams meant giving up everything else. But now it's different. He's become a part of her dreams, and she can't imagine New York without him.
They're sitting on his bed; well she's sitting back against his pillows, and he had his head in her lap while she idly strokes his hair. Neither one of them is saying much, but she wants so desperately to talk about why they've been fighting. They have to talk, and she knows it; glancing down, she releases a soft sigh because Finn has nearly fallen asleep. She knows that eventually she has to say something, but for the first time in two weeks, they are both relaxed and at peace, or so it seems. It takes her a few minutes because she wants to have everything set in her mind before she starts, and when she finally speaks, the words are still came out faint.
"Finn, I'm going to go to NYU in the fall; I've decided." She remarks quietly. "It's the best opportunity I've gotten, and I'm not guaranteed Julliard will accept me."
"That's cool, I guess." He sits up abruptly, turning away from her. "You really like their theater program, right?"
"You could at least try to sound excited." She doesn't mean to snap, but she already feels like the conversation is going badly. "I mean, this is a very important decision that affects everything."
"I get it, Rach. But you've gotta understand how hard this is for me. You are asking me to be happy about you leaving me behind." Her eyes widen, both at his words and the wounded tone in his voice. "This is real. You're gonna leave at the end of summer, maybe even before then, and then what? Some New York City guy takes you away from me? Yeah, I'm so damned excited about that, Rach."
"Finn!" She stands up, chewing her bottom lip nervously. "What makes you think that anyone would take me away from you? What in heaven's name has gotten into you? You act as if graduation will come and we will break up; what would make you think that?"
"I don't know, Rachel, maybe the fact that you don't need me." She tries to get him to look at her, but he refuses and she thinks she sees tears in his eyes. "You've never needed me, Rachel, and when you leave for New York you definitely won't need me. You'll have the stage, and you'll be a big star; all your dreams will come true."
He sinks to the floor next to the bed, his knees bent to his chest, and she wants nothing more than to put her arms around him and assure him that he's wrong. Because he is, on so many levels; she does need him, more than she's ever needed anyone. She refused to allow anyone to tell her that she had to choose between Finn and fame, and several times she had actually shouted at people over the idea. She just can't understand why he doubts them, when she is so certain that they can make it through anything.
"What makes you think you aren't coming to New York? What makes you think I'm going to go without you?" She stands there with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes never leaving him.
"I've applied to every school in New York that I could find, but I haven't heard back; I got a letter from OSU yesterday, and I got in." She lifts an eyebrow, wondering why he doesn't seem thrilled; he's been so worried that he won't get into college at all, and now he has a very good option. "I don't want to go there, Rachel."
"Ohio State University is a great school, Finn." She finally sinks to the floor in front of him, tugging her skirt down slightly.
"But you'll be in New York, and I'd be here." He lets out a dejected sigh, and she knows precisely what he going to say next. "What happens then, Rachel? We try to make it long distance, but we slowly fall apart? We take a four year break, and some guy sweeps in and takes you away from me? You spend four years in New York, living your dream and realize that you don't need me and that I was hold you back?"
"Finn Christopher Hudson, will you just stop!" She lifts herself slightly so that she is eyelevel with him, and she reaches out to lift his chin so that he has to look at her. "Who says I don't need you? Who says I don't need anything but New York and Broadway? I don't understand where you came up with this ridiculous idea."
"Rach, you've never needed me; you're a star, and you have to shine. I love you, and I don't want to lose you; I just know that what really makes you happy is singing, and if you go to New York your dreams will come true. You don't need me for that." She reaches out to wipe a tear from his cheek, but he grabs her hand before it touches his face. "Everyone says it, Rachel; everyone knows. Quinn even said it; she said we'd never last because you would get to New York and not need me anymore, and maybe she's right. You'll have everything you dreamed of, and that's so much bigger than me."
"Finn, will you just stop and listen?" Her tone has more bite than she intends, but she can't help feeling frustrated with him. "I need you, Finn, and I always will. You are my best friend, even more than Kurt is, and I love you. We're tethered, remember? I'm not really me when I'm not with you. You want to talk about my dreams, alright; you are my dream, Finn. I can't go to New York without you; it won't be the same. I want to share it all with you."
"But what if I don't get into a school in New York; what if I'm at OSU?"
"Then we do four years of Skype dates and visiting each other when we can; we make it work, Finn." She pulls in a shaky breath, tears stinging her eyes. "The question isn't can we; it's do you want it to. I don't want to drag you off to New York if you don't want to be there; I want you to be happy, Finn."
"I want to be with you, Rach. It's pretty much the only thing I'm sure about. I don't know what I want to do after college; I don't even know what to major in, but I do know that I want to be wherever you are." He smiles for the first time in what seems like forever. "I just don't want you to give up your dreams for me, Rachel. You can make it in New York without me."
"In case you didn't notice when we went to Nationals last year, New York is a big city, and it would be a terribly lonely place to live without you." She reaches for his hands, tracing his long fingers for a moment before lacing her smaller ones with them. "If you don't come with me, who is going to hold my hand and tell me not to be nervous when I anxiously await call backs? And who is going to hold me tight and tell me not to be scared when I'm spending my first night in the city as my new home?"
"I don't know." His voice is softer than it's ever been, and she squeezes his hands gently before moving to sit beside him, her head resting lightly on his shoulder.
"Who will wrap me in his arms and let me cry on his shoulder when I don't get a call back and I think my dreams are over? If you don't come with me, I won't have anyone." He opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head. "There isn't anyone in this world who can take your place, Finn Hudson."
"You'll have Broadway, though, and that's what you really want." He whispers, trying to turn away.
"Broadway cannot keep me warm at night, Finn; it cannot kiss me or touch me." She says it softly, but her tone makes it clear that she is serious. "Broadway can give me the stage and stardom, but it cannot give me love."
"Rachel," but her finger presses to his lips, and she shakes her head.
"I don't want to be Shelby, Finn. I want so much more than she had." Ever since her mother arrived to teach Biology, she's been a little on edge; it's like Shelby is the ghost of Rachel Yet to Come, and if she chooses her career over everything else she'll be doomed to live that life too. "I know that you would never ask me to make a choice between being with you and being on Broadway, Finn, and that means so much to me. But I'm trying to tell you that I don't have to make a choice at all."
"I just want you to be happy, Rach; I want you to have everything you deserve and everything you dreamed of." His eyes drop to the floor, and she has to recapture his gaze.
"There are things I cannot have if I do not have you." He looks up in confusion, and she continues quickly. "If I go to New York without you, I will miss things that are even more important to me than being a star. I will not have true happiness, Finn, because I will be alone. Broadway cannot give me someone to fall asleep with at night, and it cannot give me your smile when I wake up each morning. Broadway cannot give me a home, and it cannot give me a family. Broadway cannot replace you."
"You want that? A family, I mean?" She nods slowly, her arms slipping around him. "You want those things with me?"
"Of course I do. I want you, Finn; I want us." When he finally smiles broadly, his dimples appearing, she smiles too.
"I want us, too. I want that more than anything." He kisses her softly, and her fingers trace his jaw line.
"So say it, Finn." Her lips brush his as he whispers the words she wants to hear. "Say it louder."
"I'm going to come to New York; we're going to be together in New York."
"That's my man." She grins and kisses him briefly before his mother calls them down to help finish decorating. "We're going to make it, Finn, because we were always meant to be."