"There is no life without sport and no sport without competition."

—Randeep Hooda

Preface

I originally wrote this story in the Summer of 2013, shortly after the cancellation of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I made formatting changes in 2014, and I added an epigraph, this preface, and further reformatted the story to reflect my current writing style.

The idea for this story came when I found myself thinking, What might happen if key individuals on both sides of the Clone Wars agreed to settle their differences with sporting competition as opposed to war? My friends and I have an informal league where we play croquet, horseshoes, and bags (also known as cornhole). So, I tried to imagine what might happen if Clone Wars-era characters played the in-universe equivalents of these sports.

For the in-story final results, I've taken actual scorecards from the appropriate games, and I randomly drew the names of the in-story competitors to assign to each result or score. I did this to eliminate any bias I might have for or against each character. Also, it means that I don't have a predetermined winner; the final outcomes—and the final overall winner(s)—will be as much a surprise for me as it will be for readers.

To determine team/individual scoring, I've borrowed and extended the system used by the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, Laff-A-Lympics. The first three places earn 25, 15, and 10 points respectively. Fourth through eighth place will receive 8, 6, 4, 2, and 1 point. Additionally, a card system similar to volleyball will be used for unsporting conduct. Receiving a yellow or red card is a one-point deduction, and being disqualified is a 10-point deduction.

For those curious, this story was written as if it took place during season five of Star Wars: The Clone Wars in between the Young Jedi Arc and the Mandalore Arc. As such, expect spoilers for the fifth season.

Acknowledgments

Very special thanks to The Walt Disney Company for all Star Wars characters and concepts.

Special thanks to author Bluesaber3 (FFn id #2524046) for her A Not So Normal Week series that had an indirect influence on writing this story.

Ahsoka pulled out her datapad and looked at the display. At the top, it read, You have 1 new message.

Great, Barriss is probably sending me that image of Master Luminara on the HoloNet. I really don't want to see her wearing hot pink Jedi Robes again, Ahsoka thought. It was cute to see the first 259 times. Now, however, Ahsoka tired of seeing the holo-image. She looked closer at the new message and noticed it came from an unknown sender.

I swear if someone else asks me if Lux and I are parents, I'll introduce them to my shoto—preferably ignited, she thought. Her eyes widened as the message was far more serious than she expected.

Ahsoka Tano:

You have been invited to participant in a landmark sports event.

With no end in sight for the Clone Wars, a group of galaxy leaders met to discuss their concerns. They agreed that an athletic competition would be the best way to settle the dispute once and for all. You have been approved as one of just eight contestants.

Please respond to this invitation by the deadline listed below. Otherwise, your invitation will be extended to someone else.

Sincerely,

The Executives of the Galactic Competition League.

Ahsoka looked at the invitation in disbelief. Was this real, or was someone playing a prank on her? She wouldn't put it past Master Plo for finally getting even with her for placing a "Kick Me" sign on his back when she was five years old. As she continued to look at the message, her master entered their shared quarters.

"What's the matter, Snips. An akul get your montrals?" Anakin asked playfully.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "No, Master. I just got a weird message inviting me to some competition," she replied.

"You mean you're playing, too? That's more awesome than a frozen blue milk delight!" Anakin said excitedly.

"This is a real invitation?" Ahsoka remained unconvinced the offer was authentic.

"I just spoke to the Council. Master Yoda assured me it's legitimate. He's going to be the head referee."

Ahsoka wasn't sure what to think. "Well, I guess if Master Yoda is in it, it's okay," she said. She then scrolled to the bottom of the message. "Wait, we have to reply before the end of the day?"

"Well, the games start tomorrow, Ahsoka."

"Oh," Ahsoka answered. She took her right index finger and touched the "Accept" button on her invitation message. "I wonder who all was invited," she asked curiously.

"Don't ask me. I'm a Jedi, not a psychic, Snips," Anakin replied seriously.

Ahsoka groaned. "Master, please don't quote lines from Cosmic Journey," she begged him.

"It's true. Anyways, we have a sparring session after breakfast. Last one there is a rotten rancor!"

Ahsoka quickly dashed out the door after her master.

The next morning, Ahsoka's montrals pulsated as her alarm buzzed. She was not ready to wake up so early. She used the Force to turn off her alarm by disabling the buzzer … permanently.

Five minutes later, she felt her master nudging her shoulder.

"Ahsoka, wakey-wakey, thimiars and bakey," Anakin said.

Ahsoka sighed. "Don't mention thimiars, they make me gassy," she replied.

"Umm, trill mern isk, Ahsoka."

"What's that?"

"Too much information, my padawan," Anakin explained. Ahsoka sat up and noticed her master was wearing a lighter Jedi Robe over his usual outfit.

"Is that the new Jedi line from Christopher De Tatooine?" Ahsoka asked sarcastically.

"Of course not. Since we're going to be doing athletic sports, I wanted to dress appropriately. You should, too."

"I can do anything in my outfit," Ahsoka replied proudly.

"Umm, right," Anakin replied. He preferred not to think about her comment. "Let's go eat and head off to Chancellor Park. That's where the big event takes place."

Ahsoka and Anakin landed their speeder by Chancellor Park and got out. As they walked up to the park, Commander Cody waited for them at a secured entry and exit point.

"General Skywalker, Commander Tano, I'll need you to check your weapons here," he told the pair.

"I feel like I'm going to a prison and not a sporting event," Ahsoka muttered as she unhooked her lightsabers and handed them to Cody.

"How will you keep everyone's personal items straight, Cody?" Anakin asked.

Cody showed the pair secured boxes with initials written on each box. "This is how," he replied stolidly.

"Very well, then. Thanks, Cody," Anakin said.

"Wait, sir. There's one last thing before you two can enter."

"What's that?"

Cody secured a wrist band on both Ahsoka and Anakin. "Force-wielders aren't allowed to use the Force during the competition. This is to make sure you don't cheat," he explained.

"So much for Jedi being trustworthy," Ahsoka said with a sigh.

"You may enter now," Cody said as he opened the entry way.

Anakin nodded as both he and Ahsoka walked in.

"Anakin, Ahsoka. It's good to see you join us," Obi-Wan said.

Anakin checked his chronometer. "And we're on time for a change, too," he replied.

"So, who else is here?" Ahsoka asked.

"Well, Barriss is here. Shaak Ti just came in. Captain Rex is over there. And, I believe Senator Amidala is competing as well," Obi-Wan told her.

"I guess it's not just Jedi, then," Anakin noted before walking over to his secret wife.

Meanwhile, an intimidating being walked up to the entry point.

"What are you doing here?" Cody asked as he was set to pull out his blaster.

"Out of my way, clone! I'm here for the competition," General Grievous stated firmly.

"Yes, of course." Cody stammered. "You know you have to check your weapons, though," he reminded the cyborg.

Grievous grunted in displeasure. Still, he opened his internal compartments and complied. It seemed as if he had enough lightsabers to start his own Jedi Order.

"I expect to get all 115 of these back when we're done, clone," Grievous growled.

"Yes, of course. Well, good luck today," Cody stammered once more.

"Nothing will please me more than winning this competition and proving my superiority," Grievous said before he started hacking his lungs out yet again.

Elsewhere, a small group assembled outside the fenced area.

"I hope my brother wins today. Show them how to eat laser, Rex!" Commander Wolffe shouted.

"I've got my eye on the Togruta padawan," Hondo replied.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be looking at her!" Lux protested.

"Of all the people I could be with right now, I had to be stuck with this juvenile peanut gallery," Dooku said in disgust.

"Shh, I think they are getting ready to start," Wolffe said.

With all eight competitors present, Master Yoda decided to start the competition.

"Greetings, everyone. Explain the rules, my assistant scorekeeper, Master Windu, will do," Yoda told the group.

"Has everyone read the rules you received when you accepted your invitations?" Mace asked plainly.

Everyone nodded their head.

"Very good. Cards for misconduct will carry over from one event from the next. If you receive a yellow card and a red card held apart, you've been disqualified for the remainder of the day and receive a zero score in any remaining events."

"On with the games!" Grievous yelled before he howled in pain.

"Interrupt Master Windu, you will not," Yoda told Grievous. Yoda used his gimmer stick to whack Grievous on the leg.

"In addition to individual scoring and awards, there will be team scoring for each pair. As promised, the top scoring pair wins the ultimate prize, whatever that may be. So, please tell us your team names so we can update our scoreboard for the fans. The game will be covered on the Galactic Sports Network with Luminara Unduli and Asajj Ventress providing the commentary," Mace added.

"Ahsoka and I decided on the team name 'Persistent Padawans*,'" Barriss announced.

"Very good," Mace replied as he recorded the name. "Anakin, what about Obi-Wan and yourself?" he asked.

"We're the Mighty Masters," Anakin answered proudly, even though Obi-Wan didn't seem too enthusiastic about the name.

"Rex, what is your team name?"

Grievous interrupted the clone captain. "We're Destruction Incorporated because we will destroy our competition," he replied with a sinister laugh.

"Right," Mace replied plainly. "Where are Senator Amidala and Master Ti?" he asked.

Almost on cue, the ladies returned to the competition area. Both wore matching black dresses. Padmé's was knee-high and she wore sandals with wedge heels. Shaak Ti wore a full length dress underneath her outer Jedi robe with black leather flat sandals.

"We decided that we want to be the 'Femmes Fatales,'" Padmé informed the group.

"I didn't know Master Ti owned a black dress," Ahsoka whispered to Barriss.

"Really? I have two closets full. You're more than welcome to pick one out for yourself any time," Barriss replied.

Ahsoka wrinkled her nose. "I'd rather go barefoot than wear a little black dress."

"I'd pay to see you in something other than your boots," Barriss said with a giggle.

Ahsoka sighed.

"Alright, everyone. Our first event of the day will be croquet. The course has already been set up and we will begin in five minutes. After a break, we will have the nerf shoe competition. After our meal intermission, the bag toss will take place, followed by the presentation of awards. Remember, using the Force is not allowed. And most of all, have fun and have good sportsmanship," Mace told the field.

The competitors were eager to start.

Meanwhile, the citizens of Coruscant watching the event on their holovision sets received a nice surprise.

"Good morning to everyone of all species. I'm Luminara Unduli and this is my partner, Asajj Ventress. We are live at Chancellor's Park for the Galactic Competition League's inaugural event," Luminara said.

"Indeed. We have quite the collection of competitors here today. I'm not sure why or for what reason or prize, but it should be an interesting event. And to think I turned down a million credit bounty to be here," Ventress told the viewers.

"I have a feeling this will be a priceless event, Asajj. Before I forget, today's event has been sponsored by Dex's Diner –the best eats in Coco Town."

"The endless supply of caf provided to the competitors and ourselves has been sponsored by a new business, Java: The Hut. The best caf this side of Tatooine."

"I guess Shaak never did get her business started," Luminara stated.

"Really, which one is that?" Ventress asked. She didn't think Jedi were allowed to own and operate their own businesses.

"Shaak Ti's Tea Shack," Luminara replied plainly.

Ventress groaned. "Somebody please impale me with my lightsabers," she stated.

Barriss suddenly appeared on camera, eagerly asking, "Can I do it?"

"No!" Ventress growled, scaring Barriss and sending her running back to the competition field.

At the Jedi Temple, every holovision set displayed the event.

"Is this really a competition or is it a comedy act?" Master Secura asked.

"For all we know, maybe it's both," Master Plo replied. He waved a banner that read "Padawan Power,"

"I just want a Togruta to win," Ashla stated softly.

Meanwhile, the excitement brewed in the peanut gallery.

"Okay, so Dooku wants 1000 credits on Grievous. Wolffe bet 750 credits on Rex, and Lux bet 1 credit on Ahsoka. Oh, I almost forgot, I bet 1500 credits on Kenobi," Hondo stated as he tallied all the bets. Once they were verified, he held on to the money. "I smell profit!" he said proudly.

"What you smell is a nerf!" Lux said in disgust.

"Says the boy who bet just one credit. Next time, you better bet something more profitable."

"I always thought Nerf for Men was supposed to be a popular cologne," Dooku admitted sheepishly.

"Never mind that! I think they're going to start now," Hondo said as he looked in his macro-binoculars.

Sure enough, the games were about to begin.

Chapter Endnotes:

* – Although it's possible that Barriss might be a Jedi Knight at this point in time, she competes as a padawan here due to her friendship with Ahsoka (prior to the season five finale, anyways).

Scoreboard

All individuals and teams have 0 points.