Block head
Block head
Block head
How stupid could I possibly be that stupid, to think that the red haired girl would go out with me. "I'm sorry, you seem nice but you're just not my type." That's what she said, but what could I expect, that she'd want a date with wishy washy Charlie Brown.
As I walk home the scene where the red haired girl rejects me plays through my head again and again. Years I've been looking at her from afar questioning whether I should go up and talk to her. Years of building myself up and letting myself down, and this happens
Today was supposed to be my day, just for once, But when everything else is going terribly in my life what could I expect.
My baseball team is gone. Everyone up and quit after a really bad loss to Pattie's team. Heck I'm surprised they all stayed this long. I can't remember the last time we won a game. I think it happened once but I'm starting to think I may have just been dreaming.
To top it all off I'm not moving on to the next grade. If I had anything to be proud of in this life. It was that I at least scraped by in school and that's not easy. My little sister is always forcing her homework on me, leaving me no time to study. I literally have to try harder than most people in school because I'm working for two. Then just the other day I'm called into the office and they say I'm failing my classes.
"That's impossible," I shouted. But then they pulled up my grades on the computer and it was true. I was failing. Apparently my teachers never got a few major projects that I know I turned in. I know I did because a few were partner projects that I did with Linus but they don't show up on his either. But Linus is still passing because he's a genius.
The only thing that could make this day any worse is rain. And there it was just one of the most cliche scenes you could ever see it starts raining. Not because where in a bad movie. No because I'm Charlie Brown.
By the time I make it home I'm drenched. I throw open the front door not bothering to close it. What's the point anyway. I plop down on the couch. Right now I just want this day to end. I just want everything to end.
That's when it hits me, my antidepressants. They been given to me mostly because it eased everyone's mind that I wouldn't try to kill myself, but honestly I had never felt any different. I still felt like the same plain old miserable Charlie Brown, day-in and day-out.
I rush to my room throwing open my sock drawer and bringing out the small orange bottle filled with pills. With sweaty hands I unscrew the cap and take out a few pills. It wouldn't take much. I was given an especially high dosage because I'm, well me.
For a second I pause. I think about putting it down and just going downstairs and watching tv. Better yet pick up the phone and call my psychiatrist, or even better Linus. The thought of death and everything just stopping scared me senseless, and left me shaking. The small pills held in tight fist.
I've never been religious. People told me about god and preached to me, but I stopped believing in them when I was really young. When everything in your life sucks it's hard to believe in a kind and caring god when everything seems to go so wrong in life for you.
Voices fill my head
"Grow a spine Charlie Brown."
"He's never going to do it."
"What could we expect, it's Charlie Brown."
"Blockhead"
"Blockhead"
"Blockhead"
My hands hand stops shaking. I toss the pills into my mouth and swallow. Almost immediately I'm overcome with nausea. I fall, my vision becoming more blurred; I just want to close my eyes and sleep. I hear a scream, who's that? Oh well, it's not my problem anymore.