I don't know why I write about Ellie when she's not my favorite character. I guess I can relate to her? Either way, here's a new fic I wrote ages ago and felt like posting. Let me know what you think, reviews are love.

No. This is stupid.

Where the fuck are they? Kept in the medicine cabinet, right?

No, I'm not looking for condoms before you ask.

I'm looking for some elastic bands.

I'm scared that if I don't get a handle on this I'll be right back where I was when I was thirteen.

Self harm.

I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Last year I told Craig I would always be a cutter, it never goes away.

I get that, I'm not denying that.

But I need to feel the pressure against my skin, just to keep the demons at bay.

I grab the box of them, multicoloured and tangled up. I upturn it and they spill into the sink. I grab at one and pop it against my wrist. The feelings I have fade slightly.

It works.

This time.

But as i spot the scissors which are balanced on top of Paige's manicure set I wonder:

will I be able to control myself next time?

.

"Nash!" Marco smiles as he walks into the house and flops down onto the sofa next to me.

"Hey Marco" I grin back as he slings his arm around my shoulder and I lean on him, taking in his cute boy smell.

I love Marco. He's my best friend, has been for years. So what if he's gay? I've never had a problem with it, and I never will. He's sweet and kind and funny, we've been through it all.

So why can't I tell him that I almost cut myself today?

He sits up and scratches his head. "Where's Paige?" He asks, looking around to see if she's hiding behind the sofa. I laugh and sit up too.

"She's gone out with Alex." I reply, lolling back on the sofa. Marco shrugs.

"There's a surprise. Those two come as a matching set these days. How about you and me watch a movie and pop open a carton of Ben and Jerrys?" He suggests, inspecting our assortment of DVDs which are strewn across the floor. I nod.

"Sounds like a plan, Del Rossi. I'll grab the ice cream, you can pick the film" I tell him in a decisive voice, acting as if I have everything under control.

Liar.

.

"Ell.. time for bed, honey." Marco whispers, nudging me gently. I blink and sit up, taking in my surroundings.

The empty ice cream carton, the TV giving off static and Marco snuggled up next to me.

My conclusion? We both fell asleep, barely making it through the opening credits of whatever crappy chick flick Marco picked. Love him dearly, but that boy has a terrible taste in films.

"I don't remember any of the film!" I remark, pulling my dressing gown tighter around me.

Marco laughs quietly and nods in agreement. "Next time, you can choose" He tells me before getting up and making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

I notice when his presence is no longer there: the silence swallows me up and I feel lost again.

How has this happened?

I used to be strong, strong enough to face my sef-harm head on.

I thought I'd managed to get past this, reached a turning point and closed the door on everything.

I guess not.

Suddenly, there is a slow, steady knock on the door. I stare at the clock on the side: it's flashing

Who on earth would be calling at this hour?

I cautiously open the door, and drop the half empty carton of ice cream all over the floor.

It doesn't seem so important, all I can do is say

"Sean?"