Santana woke up and rubbed her eyes sleepily. She sat upright in the bed and looked around for her glasses. She fumbled blindly in the darkness, trying to not make any noise as to awaken Brittany, and finally makes contact with them. She put on her glasses and looks at the alarm clock. It was five in the morning. She sighs lightly. She doesn't have to get up for another hour for work.
She looks at her companion on the bed and saw that Brittany was fast asleep. Santana involuntarily frowns at the sight. Even though they were sharing the same bed, it was like Brittany was miles apart. In the early and best days of their relationship, she had always woken up to find that she and Brittany's limbs entangled in each other. But now, Brittany's body was nearly a foot away from hers'.
They have been dating each other for almost seven years. Since senior year of high school. After Brittany had graduated, she had joined Santana in New York where they currently lived in a tiny, crappy apartment in the city. Santana had a job at a company which meant she could boss around those under her. Brittany was currently writing for a small time newspaper but she had applied for jobs in bigger newspapers which she was still waiting to hear back from. They were happy enough. At least until these last few months.
For some unknown reason, their relationship had been strained for a few months now. Santana didn't know why but she felt Brittany becoming more and more distant. She had tried all she could to recapture the spark in their relationship but nothing really seemed to be working. Santana sighed. Even their sex life was lacking as well. She just doesn't know what to do. Maybe they should try, ugh, relationship counseling? That sounds so lame but whatever. Santana does not want to lose Brittany especially after all that they have gone through. Hopefully this relationship funk was only temporary and they would be back to normal in no time. ((She wishes))
Santana falls back to the bed and snuggles up by Brittany. Brittany lets out a contented sigh and Santana momentarily forgets about her troubles.
After work, Santana heads straight to the nearest bar. She's not usually a heavy drinker but she figures alcohol can't hurt at the moment especially after the day she just had at work. After she has swallowed down two drinks in a row, she feels her phone vibrating against her thigh. She wipes her mouth and checks the message. It's from Brittany telling her to get home. Perplexed, Santana immediately pays for her drinks and hails a taxi. She's a bit worried. Did something happen? Is Brittany okay? She looks outside of the window and bites her lip. She really hopes nothing is wrong.
After she pays the taxi, she enters into the apartment building and runs up the stairs to the second floor where she shares her apartment with Brittany. She fumbles with her keys and hastily manages to unlock the door.
"Brittany?" She ventures cautiously. She's half expecting to see Brittany lying on the floor bleeding. Instead, she walks into the kitchen and sees Brittany sitting by the table. She has out wine and has poured two cups, one for Santana presumably. "Brittany?" She asks again, more and more bewildered by the minute. Brittany looks uncomfortable.
"Hey San. Can you sit down? Please?" Brittany requests. Santana quickly obliges, wondering where this is going.
"Is something wrong?" Somehow, she has a really bad feeling about where this is going. Brittany has never done something like this before. Now, she regrets drinking those two glasses before coming here.
Brittany bites her lips and can't quite seem to look Santana in eye. "Santana," she begins. "You know how much I love you, right?"
"Brittany, are you breaking up with me?" Santana is in shock. Sure their relationship hasn't been perfect but she never thought it would end quite like this. ((They were meant to be together forever))
Brittany shakes her head desperately. "No, never. I would never do that to you." She takes in a deep breath and is quiet for a few moments as to regain her composure. Santana reaches across the table to grab Brittany's hand but Brittany yanks it back at the last second. Santana draws her hand back, completely stunned.
"Brittany…" she whispers.
"Santana, I want to know that no matter what I love you," Brittany begins. "And I don't want to lie to you." She pauses and looks her in the eye. Santana notices that Brittany's eyes are starting to water. Then the next few words Brittany says break her heart. "I've slept with someone. Someone who wasn't you." Her words break. "I-I am so sorry."
For a moment, Santana doesn't comprehend what Brittany just said. She stares at Brittany, as if she has spoken in a completely alien language. Then her mind works furiously in overdrive. It hits her. Brittany cheated on her. Brittany, the person she wanted to spend her whole life with has cheated on her. It feels like there is a black hole in the middle of her chest that is sucking her from within. Her stomach has completely dropped and she feels numb. She inhales shakily and looks at the ground. Do not cry, she commands herself but her body betrays her and the tears fall down. She bites her lip and looks at Brittany who is also crying.
"W-who?" She whispers. It came out so softly and Brittany doesn't answer right away, making her afraid that she hasn't heard her.
Brittany finally answers, "Do you really want to know?" She sniffs but Santana can't muster up the energy to feel sorry for her.
At first, Santana wants to angrily retort that yes, she really does want to know but she can't bring it to actually say it. Brittany is right. It would really be better for her not to know. Santana is pretty sure that she wouldn't be able to take it if it were with someone she knows. Wiping away at her tears, Santana grabs for the wine glass and gulps it down in one take. Suddenly, she finds herself not wanting to be in the same vicinity with Brittany.
Santana inhales shakily and mutters, "I think you should leave." Brittany looks startled and opens her mouth to argue but Santana holds up her hand. Instantly, Brittany is silenced. It gives Santana a bitter satisfaction that she still has some hold over Brittany. "I don't mean forever. I mean that you should find someplace else to sleep. A friend's house or a motel. I can provide the money." She gulps. "I-I just can't deal with this right now." Brittany looks like that is that the last thing she wants to do but honestly, Santana doesn't give a shit to what she does or doesn't want at the moment. Brittany nods her consent and starts to get up. Santana stares at the wine glass she has in her hand. She hadn't realized she was clenching it so hard that her knuckles had turned white. Brittany comes over to where Santana is and lays a chaste kiss on Santana's head.
Brittany heads towards the bedroom but hesitates and leans against the wall. "I still love you, you know that right?" Santana doesn't answer. Brittany purses her lips, her eyes still full of tears. She turns around and begins to walk away.
"Brittany?" Brittany stops walking and whirls around. "How long?"
Brittany ducks her head and doesn't answer right away.
"I said, how long?" She repeats.
"Three months," Brittany replies. Santana's mouth opens and scoffs in disbelief. So Brittany cheated on her not only once but several times. Un-fucking-believable. She turns around in her chair and pours herself another drink. She hears Brittany softly walk away and doesn't move from her position until she hears the sound of the door shutting. ((The sound of Brittany exiting her life))
Santana gets up unsteadily and still clutching the glass like it is her life line, walks around the apartment. She walks over to the mantle over the fire place where there are pictures of her and Brittany. In every one of them, they're smiling and are happy. She picks up the picture of the entire glee club. Glee club was really the best part of high school. Well, besides Brittany. She wonders what the glee club is doing these days. She has kept in touch with Mercedes, Sam, and even Rachel to know what they're currently doing. Mercedes is in Los Angeles, trying to become a famous singer. She actually made it on American Idol but was eliminated pretty early on. She and Sam broke up shortly after high school ended as they wanted different things in life. Last Santana heard, Sam was in Nashville, working in a comic book store. He had just gotten out of a serious relationship. Rachel was in New York and the one Santana kept in contact the most. They actually met up around once a month to have lunch. Rachel had gotten in some roles off Broadway and was doing pretty well. She had been dating some guy she had met doing a musical. The others Santana had no clue what they were doing. She exhaled and put the picture back on the mantle. ((The ghosts of her past)) ((She wishes she could go back))
She walks around the entire apartment and realizes that Brittany is everywhere. That woman is annoyingly infuriating in being present without actually being there. The apartment smells like Brittany and everything has Brittany's touch all over it. Brittany picked out all the furniture and the decorations so everything is eclectic and off beat just like Brittany.
Suddenly, the full gravity of the situation hit Santana like a train. Brittany had willingly cheated on her. Multiple times even. But why? Santana had been nothing but faithful to her. It was just… dumbfounding. Santana ignores the tiny voice at the back of her head that maybe Santana was too at fault. Maybe she could've been better to Brittany. Maybe she caused Brittany to cheat on her. Maybe she deserves this. No, she tells herself. Nothing she had ever done to Brittany could've warranted Brittany cheating on her. Besides, Brittany was no stranger to infidelity was she? Even though Santana hadn't complained at the time, Brittany had cheated on Artie with her back in high school. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right?
Slowly, Santana was getting angrier by the minute. Pretty soon she saw nothing but red. Blind with rage, she stormed to the mantelpiece and threw down the pictures still in the frames on the ground where they impacted with a sounding crash. Soon enough there was glass everywhere but Santana didn't care. She had to get out of this apartment. It was suffocating, suffocating. She felt the walls becoming closer and closer to her to the point where she couldn't breathe. Reminders of Brittany were everywhere. That was when she realized she had to leave. Go away somewhere far, far away from here. It didn't matter where but anyplace but here was enough. She can't bear the thought of staying there for another instant.
Santana ran into the hall closet and got out several suitcases. She dragged them onto her and Brittany's bed and unclicked them open. She yanked open the drawers and began to pile everything she owned into the suitcases. It wasn't easy work since her things were mixed in with Brittany's stuff. God, everything she owned even smelled like Brittany. Wiping away at her tears which she hadn't noticed were falling until now, Santana continued to pack. She couldn't fit in everything so she only packed the essentials.
When she was finally done a few hours later, she felt something weighing down in her pocket. She pulled it out and realized that was the box containing the engagement ring she had bought a few months ago. Before their relationship had hit the gutter. Santana palmed it curiously. She had been waiting months to find a good time to propose but had chickened out every time. It was too late now but what to do with the ring? Should she bring it with her? Leave it? Toss it? Santana bit her lip. She decided she didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore. Suddenly, in a fit of rage, she threw it against the wall where she was pleased to hear the wall crack.
She didn't want to completely screw Brittany over though- a courtesy Brittany might've remembered. She got out a blank check and left Brittany enough money to pay the rent for several months. It should be plenty enough for Brittany to sell the apartment and find a more affordable one. Or Brittany could stay in it for all she cared. Whatever. All she knew was that she couldn't stay there anymore. She calls for a taxi and drags down her suitcases downstairs. She locks the door behind her and throws the keys in a nearby garbage can.
When she gets outside, she looks at the apartment behind her ((for the last time)) and doesn't peel her eyes away from it when the taxi arrives. She throws her suitcases in the trunk and gets in the taxi where she tells him to drive for Rachel's apartment. She hadn't thought where to go until now and it makes perfect sense for her. Despite Rachel's blabbering, she actually likes Rachel and she knows Rachel will let her crash for the night. The taxi takes off and she doesn't look back once, trying desperately to drive Brittany out of her thoughts.