Thank Hammurabi for reviewing and giving criticism on the story. It really helped a lot when I improved the story.
Another big thanks to The twenty third of november for doing betareading for me!
Tears were slowly falling from Ianto's eyes as he watched the rift close. He wondered why he felt so depressed even though he knew he did the right thing. For a period of time, he couldn't remember how he came back to Wales after the 456 incident. But now he knew the answer that he wished he never knew.
The fact that Ianto knew Jack still remembered him was enough, so he didn't have the urge to ask Jack for more at the time. He hated himself for being easily satisfied because he actually missed Jack's cheeky grin, his wet kisses and muscular body with that aftershave-like odour. Oh, and of course, that coat, so bad. He wasn't the kind of man who thought of sex all the time, but twice dead without a single final shag with Jack?
"You sad bastard!" Ianto thought to himself.
Although he had heard that life after death was all dark from other Torchwood members or victims, he couldn't remember if he'd seen the darkness as they had described. He couldn't even remember where he had been to for the last few months.
"What is this memory blank all about?"He asked himself as he left the collapsing pub. Ianto tried hard to recollect and figure out the whole situation but it only made him more and more confused. Ianto sighed and found himself stopping in a place that seemed to be some kind of city square. People were walking, sitting beside a fountain or benches and talking like they were still alive and nothing had happened. The sun, or something like the sun, was shining bright. It was like being in a park on a Saturday and he didn't like it.
"Why are there so many people here? Does this world for the dead look like?" He wondered. Ianto started to feel anxious, realising how much he missed rainy Cardiff and the secretive life of Torchwood that had kept him away from people.
"Ianto? Ianto Jones?" A voice called from behind him as Ianto was wandering aimlessly.
Ianto turned. A man and a woman looked at him from not far away, and Ianto couldn't believe his eyes.
"It's really you!" A big smile appeared on Tosh's face in excitement. Owen, who was hugging Tosh, smirked and looked a bit arrogant as before.
"Oh, I shouldn't be so happy. That means you..." Tosh paused. She seemed to worry her reaction was inappropriate. "What happened?"
They found a place to sit down. Ianto told them about the destroying hub and the 456 incident.
"No wonder...hmm, never mind. Will speak about that later. How's Jack?"
"He looks fine. I just met him at a seance but..." Ianto couldn't finish. He didn't want to cry in front of Tosh and Owen so decided to keep this sad memory to himself. Ianto looked down and fell into silence. Tosh touched his hand and looked at him with sympathetic eyes.
"Seance?! I didn't know Harkness would believe that! He must change a lot...for you." Owen said in a mocking tone. "Quite an achievement, coffee boy!"
"Owen!" Tosh slapped his arm.
"How about you two?" Ianto tried to smile but it made him look even more melancholy.
"Well, it's so boring here." Owen lowered his voice. "As you can see, she's the hottest girl here. All I can do is date her."
Hardly anything positive still came from Owen Harper's mouth, but Ianto could see he wasn't bitter anymore. Instead, he sounded quite happy.
"I've been thinking..." said Tosh. "Maybe we should start a Torchwood branch here-Torchwood: Heaven. What do you think?"
"Stupid." Owen interjected. "Firstly, we don't know if this bloody place is really 'heaven'. Maybe we just got stuck in another dimension..."
"We can ask Suzie to join!" Tosh ignored Owen and continued. "But I met her few days ago, she didn't look happy to see us again." What Tosh said surprised Ianto. He remembered Tosh had hated Suzie so much that she couldn't even stay in the same room with her when she was resurrected. It seemed death had also changed Tosh.
"I'm developing some devices which make direct contact with the living, similar to videophones." Tosh seemed to be enthusiastic, however Owen, by her side, rolled his eyes and mimed "Geek!" silently to Ianto with his lips. "Maybe we can try to make contact with Jack if you miss him."
Ianto's eyes lit up as he heard that, but soon felt he should drop the fantasy. He told Tosh he would think about it.
"Why bother?" Owen seemed to read Ianto's mind. "Just sneak into his dreams and you can shag Jack as many times as you like!"
Owen's arm got another slap. Although Ianto was a little embarrassed by what Owen had said, he couldn't help trying to recall Jack's sleep pattern.
Tosh smiled and interrupted Ianto's thoughts. "Right, come with us! I almost forgot until you mentioned the hub."
XXXXXXXX
Tosh and Owen brought Ianto to a hill with a sea of clouds in front and a few birds flying in the clear sky. Owen looked up and blew a loud whistle. It didn't take them too long to see a huge creature flying toward them.
"Myfanwy!" gasped Ianto. It hadn't occured to him that he would see this Torchwood pet again. He hadn't thought about where Myfanwy went until now but seeing her again caused Ianto to fill with guilt.
Myfanwy landed, running towards them excitedly. Tosh and Owen couldn't bear the impact from her huge body and stepped back a bit; but Ianto reached out his hand to give her a pat, trying to pacify her.
"I heard from Jack that you were the one who found Myfanwy. I thought you may want to see her again." said Tosh. She handed Ianto a small sensor device, which apparently was one of the things she developed. "Owen and I are going for a walk. If you need us, you can use this."
Ianto sat down on the hill looking into the distance as Tosh and Owen left. Myfanwy was happily cooing whilst his hand were caressing the creature gently.
Ianto's mind was floating away, into the flow of memories. He thought about the first time he talked to Jack; the moment he rolled over on top of Jack when they caught Myfanwy together, which made his heart beat fast and strange sexual desires appear in his head. He had to leave immediately before he erected and made the situation worse. He wasn't sure if it was purely physiological responses when being so close to a stranger's body, but he was afraid and sad at the same time on that day. The first time they kissed; the first time they had sex... Ianto smiled.
He had never thought he would fall in love with the man he'd once hated so much. He'd been willing to devote himself to being a brief part of Jack's immortal life. What scared Ianto was that he didn't regret loving Jack at all. He even believed it might have been the best time for him to leave when they were still crazy for each other. Better than waiting for Jack to visit him when he had reached old age. Ianto suddenly felt it was so pathetic to be thinking about this. Why was he enjoying having all those absurd thoughts? Why did he care so much if Jack still remembered him or not when he apparently knew he couldn't be everything to Jack? Why couldn't he give up the thought of seeing Jack again after he'd made his choice?
Ianto took a deep breath. The harder he tried to clean his mind, the more the memories of Jack came up, like endless waves crashing over him.
Ianto leant his head on Myfanwy. His face became gloomy and he couldn't hold back the tears any longer. He buried his face in Myfanwy's left wing, hugging her, sobbing. No matter how hard he cried, the heartache wouldn't go away with the tears. It was like it would be stuck in his chest forever. The golden light of sunset from the distance shone down on him and Myfanwy, but Ianto hadn't felt so dark inside for such a long time.
Myfanwy stayed quietly by Ianto's side as if she knew of her owner's sorrow.
Notes:
I wrote the beginning and the ending of this fic with my tears rolling and I could hardly saw the screen. A very special writing experience. It's a shame I may not express the sadness well with my limited English writing ability.
The Torchwood pet, Myfanwy, is the one I care most after the hub was destroyed, so I'd like to write a story telling where she went.