Her first weeks in Ambassador Spock's household were spent getting to know the older incarnation of the man she had once believed would be her life-mate.

The two Spocks were not so different as one might have imagined; she came to understand that rather quickly. There were more than just traces of the person she loved in the one whose home she now shared.

At times that was a comfort – almost as if little in her life had changed beyond the lines carved into this Spock's face and her current living conditions; at others, she felt something akin to the slow torture of having everything one wants nearby, but just out of reach. It was a difficult balance, but it was infinitely more bearable than what she'd endured working alongside her beloved on the Enterprise.

"Were you and your Uhura friends?" she asked. "I mean, I understand you and she were never… were never lovers. But I just wondered if you were… close, at all." Her words were calm, unlaced with embarrassment or anxiety; her hesitation was borne solely her knowledge that such a line of questioning touched on – no stomped all over, to use an old Terran turn of phrase – areas considered extremely private, especially by the standards of his intensely private father-race.

For a moment, she thought he might not answer. Perhaps she'd tried to delve too deep, after all. From the first, she'd found this man to be more open than other Vulcans in general, and much more so than her own Spock – No! I mustn't continue to think of him as my Spock – in particular. Even so, in talking about his past/future he'd been somewhat more reticent than when discussing other topics.

Before he could deny her a response, she turned back to the kitchen and retrieved the final serving dish for their meal. When she returned to the dining area, he was as she'd left him, standing by the table, hand clasping wrist behind his back. Watching her.

She set the bowl of steamed mixed greens on the table and moved to sit down.

He grabbed her forearms before she was halfway into her seat.

"Nyota," he said, his dark gaze never leaving hers, "I have never said that Uhura and I were never lovers."

She felt her eyes widening. Her breath catching. She was certain the strength behind his gentle hold, still apparent despite his advanced years, was the only thing keeping her weakened knees from forcing her to crumple to the floor.

As if sensing her condition – undoubtedly sensing her weakness – Spock eased her back until the backs of those knees were touching her chair. Gently, he lowered her until she was seated, then he stepped back and released her arms.

"It is, perhaps, unfortunate, that we did not discover each other until much later in life," he told her. "More accurately, I suppose I should say the misfortune was that I did not realize her value to me before several decades after our initial introduction had passed."

He sat down across from her and began filling his plate before continuing his tale. Woodenly, and with little conscious thought, Uhura followed suit.

"By the time I realized I belonged at her side," he said as he selected a forkful of rice and of the steamed greens, "it was too late. She was nearly lost to me. Regret is illogical, but I cannot but regret that I did not have time with her in our youth, as you and your k'diwa have had."

Not my k'diwa, an insidious voice in Uhura's head reminded her. Not anymore. But she didn't verbalize her protest. Spock had finished eating his first bite of their meal, and was speaking again.

"There were many times over the years when she provided to me a service to me which I trusted no other to fill," he admitted. From his tilted head and intense gaze, she suspected she knew exactly what that service had been. "She was one of my closest, dearest friends at the time, but I thought nothing more of our relationship. In truth, I barely acknowledged that role, which she nonetheless faithfully fulfilled .

"We did not speak of those times after they had passed — not unless there was cause, and there rarely was — but I was able to find comfort in the knowledge that she was strong enough to aid me in my times of need."

If there had been any doubt in her mind about what he referred to, his last words had obliterated it.

"But later," he continued, "much later, I became aware of what I most likely should have known all along."

Uhura wasn't sure of what to say to his confession. She wasn't certain that it even required input from her. So, instead of commenting, she ate.

Much like her own Spock – not mine! – she had learned, this Spock would continue to tell his story until it was done, or until he felt he had shared enough. Unlike the Spock she had for years loved quietly and secretly, then fiercely and openly for equally as long, this half-Vulcan's mind was unlikely to change because of anything she might do.

Not that you could change his mind, either, in the end, the insidious voice whispered to her.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence. Uhura, because she wanted to ask "why?" and "how?" and "what changed?"; Spock because his mind was with a woman from his past/future, and who was now out of his reach.

A/N: Before this goes any further, I must acknowledge a few other writers whose fics inspired me.

– First, there is TalesFromTheSpockSide, who wrote the wonderful Spock's prime, and who assured me I'm not a total perve for lusting after man who's my grandmother's age. (Come on, admit it; Leonard Nimoy is still sexy.) Read Spock's prime. It'll blow you away. Actually, everything she writes kick ass, but her vision of the original Spock is (mostly) the man I envisioned for this fic.

(Actually, I probably owe a debt of gratitude to anyone who has written Spock Prime as having more depth than a robot, but SpockSide's is the one.)

– Secondly, there is kalenel's Reflections. The tale runs the gamut from humor, to romance, to hurt/comfort, to angst on top of angst.

A/N addendum: After speaking with my dad, I realized that I never pointed out that this story has nothing whatsoever to do with any of my other fics. Not even with my last procrastination project. The wedding is still on in Compass; still waiting for the birth of twins in TCS. Sorry for any confusion. Thanks for the reprimand, Daddy.

Usual disclaimers: I own nothing.