Rejection Is Bitter
Staring outside his window, he watched as the rain gently washed the leaves of the Ash tree near his bedroom window, but he was too troubled to care.
The secret inside him was too much; he didn't mind keeping his identity from the world. But having Tom oblivious to his sexuality, made Bill avoid Tom as much as possible, but this can't be anymore, every second passes by, they drift further from each other. Swallowing the lump in his throat he made a decision, this was the day, he will tell Tom all about it, and deep inside, he knew Tom loved him enough to accept him.
He got up, walking slowly toward the door, it was so hard for him, his fear from rejection, increasing by second, and he kept calming himself down "Tom loves me"…….he breathed deeply "despite everything"
He got to Tom's room, and even thought they never knocked when entering each other's rooms, Bill knocked.
-Who is it? Came Tom's far yell, Bill could hear the water stream running.
-It's me….Bill.
He said in a scared, nervous voice.
-Come in, I'll be out in a second.
Shakily, Bill's hand twisted the handle, and he got into Tom's room, watching the walls, filled with posters of Sammy Deluxe, and Aerosmith, He sat at the edge of the bed, placing his hands between his thighs so they would stop trembling.
Biting his lip, Bill waited as he heard the water stream go off, and Tom comes out the shower minutes later, with a giant towel around his heavy dreads, and another towel around his delicate waist.
-Hey, I was going to ask you if you'd like to hang out sometime, it's been a while ya know.
Tom took a baggy sweatpants and some underwear from the drawer, and changed, as he waited for Bill's answer, he finished changing and threw himself on his bed next to Bill poking him in the arm.
-Feeling a bit emo today? Baby bro?
Tom joked, obviously noticing how Bill was unusually quite.
-I wanted to…………to tell you something important.
-aha!
Tom took a bag of chips, and started eating, obviously not paying enough attention to Bill.
-Tom! This is important!
Tom dropped everything from his hand; he knew that tone meant Bill is this close to kick his ass if he didn't pay attention.
Bill sighed gathering up some courage, and ignoring the sickness in his stomach.
-I'm going to tell you something important about me, but would you promise that you'll always love me?
Tom looked at Bill in confusion; he took Bill's hand into his, and pressed it gently affirming his feelings toward Bill, without any need to say a word.
-I'm gay Tom, I like guys. Do you know Hanz? The guy in our school? I have a crush on him!
After a moment of silence came Tom's answer;
-Bill, joking was never your thing, I'm sorry but that's just lame.
Tom laughed grabbing his chips again, and proceeding to eat.
-Tom! I'm serious, Bill said snatching the chips from Tom's fingers and tossing it across the room, this wasn't a joke.
Bill waited for Tom's reaction on the topic, but his heart, broke when Tom made a face……
-So you're a butt-fucking fag who's gonna catch AIDS soon? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're so sick!
Tom couldn't believe it, his brother, Billa was gay! How didn't he notice? How stupid of him not to notice! Everybody noticed! He looked like a subtle drag queen for fuck's sake! But Tom thought that Bill's sexuality will put an end to their close relationship…….he wasn't mistaken.
Bill didn't know what to answer, Tom's tone was harsher than anything else, the look of disgust and loath on Tom's face, threatened that Bill might have lost himself a brother….a soul mate.
-Please Tom don't be like that, I….I really am still the same Bill you know, I just….don't like girls.
Bill's eyes willed up with tears, as he saw the anger rising in his twin's expressions.
He pleaded him for acceptance, but Tom nevertheless, treated him with disdain that shattered Bill's heart, into many, many pieces.
-Out! Get out! I don't wanna talk to you or see you again, get out of my room!
Tom yelled as he threw random items from his nightstand on Bill, who ran out the door, but before closing it, he turned around to look Tom in the eyes, although his sight was blurry, because of the hot tears filling his eyes.
-You're no longer my brother Bill.
Tom said, slowly, clearly, and with pure resentment, as he gave his twin, his other half, a cold, emotionless look.
Bill ran to his room, locked the door, and fell on the floor crying, was it really worth it? To lose Tom because of who he likes? Bill was angry, because he didn't know who to blame for this, should he blame Tom for being so shallow, should he blame himself for telling Tom, he never knew, he laid there on the floor, his eyes burning from crying so much.
A few hours later, Bill stopped crying, not because he felt better, but because his swollen eyes, couldn't possibly produce any more tears, so he just laid there, slowly, but inevitably drowning into his misery.
Dear diary;
Today I told Tom, he said he never wanted to see me again, but I know he still love me, he's Tomi he can never hate me! I'm his Billa!
Anyway, I decided to get him to start talking to me again, I'll do whatever it takes, I know I can convince him…..i love him, and I miss his dirty jokes, and his perfection, and his vain because of his perfection, for every time I look at one of our pictures together, and see him hugging me smiling, I'll fight just to see him smiling at me again.
Yours truly
Bill Kaulitz.
The next day Bill was ready to start his "regaining Tom" movement.
After he woke up, he went straight to Tom's room, opening the door, he saw Tom naked changing, but he didn't notice Bill because he had his back to the door, and the loud rap music coming from his laptop, prevented him from hearing his own thoughts.
After he put on his LA cap, he turned around, to face the brother he no longer acknowledged, with hate-filled eyes he picked up his bag and walked pass Bill, hitting him with his shoulder, Bill fell to the ground, and watched as Tom walked pass him and down the stairs.
He sighed and got up, time for plan-B
He got his cell phone and texted Tom, Please Tomi don't do this, I need you! Let's be brothers again!
After few minutes his phone rang,
1 new SMS:
"fuck you"
Bill knew he's going to be alone for quite a while, he pulled his wallet out of his tight pocket, and pulled a picture of him and Tom, they were at their grandma's when they took it, Bill was sitting in Tom's lap, because Tom loved it, Bill sighed knowing that he might never get to sit in Tom's lap again.
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