How do you say good-bye to your three best friends in the world? How do you begin to consider life without the people you've grown up with since before you could remember? How do you contemplate life without the friends who define you? Good-bye is too simple, farewell too formal, good luck understood, see you soon deception, take care obvious.
And don't kid yourself: I'll see them during breaks, I can talk to them online, I could call them, and we would be back together next summer. It's not the same. You won't see them everyday, you can't ask them for the homework, and it's not them you'll be calling for the weekend. It's not just their absence. You'll be with other people, different people, new friends. Of course they won't be replaced, but they won't be there. You won't think about them.
So language sucks. There's no way you could cram what they mean to you into words, but maybe on that last day you'll all be together you can do something, something so that everyone will know what you couldn't say, and maybe you won't need clumsy words.
You could reminisce, that's easy; spend hours tracing over old memories as you try to think of some way to sum it all up, some way to bring it gently to its end. Remember the first concert we went to, our seats were terrible but the band came out for two encores; or when we went to that amusement park and Hayner got sick after eating five corn dogs; or the anime convention where we won first place for our costumes and Seifer was so mad; or when you guys came to my volleyball game and the fly ball got Roxas in the stomach, Ollete didn't stop laughing for ten minutes; remember that time… but that's too slow, the process is like a funeral march slowly counting off the steps until you reach the open casket and have to look at the cold face of the future head on. Maybe it should be done like a band-aid: quick and painless, right? But if you take the band-aid off at the wrong time, all you're left with is a still bleeding wound. I can't believe three months have passed since graduation.
"What are you thinking about Pence?" Ollete said.
"Yeah, usually nothing can stop you from demolishing your sea salt," added Hayner.
As I brushed away my cobweb thoughts I first felt the ice cream melting down my hand and saw it dying the sand next to me blue before I turned to address them. Ollete was closest, her feet buried in the sand, leaning back on her arms as her eyes scrutinized the night sky. Beyond her Hayner sat cross-legged and hunched over, fiddling with his lighter, the flame flickering like Ollete's winking stars. I tried to think of a response, but my mind was in no better condition than the ice cream I held.
"You alright Pence?" Ollete turned to examine me.
"He's thinking about tomorrow," Roxas answered for me from his spot along the line of surf where he lay with the tender waves washing his feet. He didn't seem worried that he might be swept away.
"Oh," she whispered, looking back up at the dark sky, "hey look a shooting star."
I didn't stop looking at my friends; I knew my wish wouldn't come true. It had worked earlier though, our final beach fling. We had been blinded by the sun so we could no longer see tomorrow. We had laughed and played and everything had been normal. But in the black of the night we could no longer ignore the thoughts that had rudely shown up uninvited to crash our party: Roxas was leaving for college tomorrow, Hayner was leaving the day after, and Ollete a week after that. I would be the last to leave two weeks from today.
"I can't take any more of this!" Hayner yelled as he jumped up and ran to his duffel bag lying next to the blanket we had eaten lunch on. We watched him as he rummaged through the bag for a few minutes before pulling out a plastic bag stuffed with something I couldn't see in the dark. He jogged back with his mystery trophy held before him, handing something to Roxas and Ollete before he reached me.
"These should be a start," I heard Hayner say as I found myself holding a Roman Candle. He dumped the rest of the bag onto the sand before walking over and lighting each of our candles. Roxas and I tried to see whose could shoot the furthest over the ocean while Ollete aimed hers straight into the night sky. I don't know how long we spent lighting the fireworks Hayner brought, watching motionless the brilliant sparks and flames cavort and frolic. I realized it as the dazzling plumes danced between us: the sun had set on Twilight Town.