Kyle was a kind person. If anyone could see any amount of good in people, it's him. Hell, he had the ability to convince a crowd that a convict charged with first degree murder still had his worth of mercy.
Eric Cartman though, is a different case altogether. But let's save his list of naughties for Santa Claus.
Their "friendship" had lasted a good 18 years. Whatever label it had, neither of them knew. It just seemed to run like clockwork, the cogs in different shapes, colors and sizes, some with jagged edges and others with flat ones, but it all seemed to make the other tick, every event in their lives spinning to allow more clogs to work; Ultimately giving both of them life.
At least, that's what Broflovski tells himself everyday just to make sense of it all.
They occasionally still argued like 7-year olds though, hungry for the sweet satisfaction of shutting the other one up, but with less heart-wrenching venom as the years went by.
So when Kyle accidentally drugged Cartman, all of that progress might just have been for naught.
Don't get him wrong, it wasn't an attempt to rape Cartman or anything. He just thought that if the "Chocola: Triple F-cup, bust enlarging chocolate drink" from Japan actually worked; the chance at seeing Cartman walking around with an even huger rack was too hilarious to pass.
So one uneventful Sunday evening, Kyle clicked on an ebay ad posted by Mushi021, and bought himself a can of Chocola. "This is gonna be hilarious!" He thought to himself, checking the UPS first class express mail, cutting shipping time into around a day. The corner of his lips curled upward, awfully pleased with his little plan as he flipped his laptop close and tucked himself into bed.
The next day, he woke up bright and early, as expected from a smart soon-to-be valedictorian.
"Oh bubula, a package arrived for you a few minutes ago. It's on the living room table."
What!? They were abnormally fast... I guess that Mushi021 lives pretty close to Colorado...
Kyle shook his head and ran towards the living room. The box appeared to be unopened, thank god! He could think of a million algebra equations that'll be way easier to answer than having to come up with an explanation to why he bought breast enlarging drink mix.
With that same smug as last night, he walked towards the kitchen and got an empty can of Nesquick (His mom would keep empty cans for recycling) and filled it to the brim with Chocola. Satisfied, he sealed the Nesquick can shut and threw the breast enlarging tin away.
The next step was inconspicuously sneaking the Nesquick into Cartman's pantry. Luckily for him, he stops by the Cartman residence before reaching the bus stop. His smug grin turned into a ridiculously innocent one as he spotted Mrs. Cartman carrying a load of groceries out of the car.
"Good morning Mrs. Cartman!"
"Oh, why good morning to you too, Kyle!"
"Is Cart- er... Eric, still asleep, by any chance?"
"Not today, sweetie. I made sure he was up and ready by the time you got here."
"Thanks and uh, Mrs. Cartman, would you like some help with the groceries?"
"Oh that's quite admirable of you, Kyle. My poopsikins is always too busy to help me like this, thank you."
"No problem, Mrs. Cartman!" He almost felt guilty he had a motive behind helping her. Almost.
When the coast was clear, Kyle slipped the can into one of the large, paper bags and brought them in.
Just before stepping out, he bumped into a large, warm tub of...
"...fatass."
No longer, blood-driven enemies, Cartman simply gave him a curt nod and a half-hearted pet name call.
"Jew."
The day progressed into the usual routine. Kyle and Cartman meet with Stan and Kenny in the bus stop, they have class and then have lunch.
And during lunch, Kyle thought of a way to actually get Cartman to chug the entire can of Nesquick he smuggled earlier that day. "And people think it's Cartman who has all the manipulative skills" he thought, as he punched a straw through a box of Choco Soya, a chocolate flavored soy-milk drink.
"Ew dude, why would you drink that tree sap junk when you've got premium chocolate milk right here?"
Cartman spewed, shaking his box of Nesquick in front of the Jew's face.
"It's not tree sap, you asshole. It's soy milk. Unlike the sugar-loaded shit you drink, this one's organic and won't kill my diabetic bladder."
"Ay! Nesquick's fucking awesome! I chug this shit up like a fucking vacuum! One time, I filled a whole tub of Nesquick powder with cream and mixed it up to make like, chocolate pudding. It was so super awesome"
"Aw, sick dude!" Stan said, crinkling his nose in disgust.
"Even I wouldn't finish an entire tub of Nesquick... That stuff is toxic when you have more than like, 5 spoonfuls. And believe me, i've tried!" The blonde added, crossing his arms, as if to make a point.
Kyle's ears perked; his plan was in full tow thanks to his completely oblivious friends.
"Yeah Cartman, you're bullshitting us." He challenged.
"You guys don't believe me? Okay, after school, we're heading to my house so you dickheads can eat your words."
Kyle was so close to tears, trying to restrain himself from bursting in laughter. He couldn't believe Cartman fell for it. This'll be the prank of year!
Later that day, the four of them hopped off the bus and headed toward's Cartman's living room, ever so daintily decorated and homey.
"Sit tight assholes, i'ma whip the shit up in the kitchen."
Cartman proceeded to concoct the monstrosity of a dessert, while the three remained on the couch. Kyle, much more excited than normal, bounced in anticipation.
"Dude, is it just me or are you actually excited to see Cartman eat his sorry little life away?" Kenny asked, weirded out by the jumpy Jew.
"Well.. Yeah! Dude it would be so funny if he had a heart attack mid way-"
Hearing this made Stan elbow his best friend. "Kyle that's not funny, man. It could actually happen. We'll be charged with murder or some shit!"
Kyle didn't even care where the stupid conversation was going. All he wanted to do was watch Cartman devour his way into an F-cup.
"Whatever man, here he comes!"
"Alright you guys, ready to eat your words?" Cartman called out to them from the kitchen. The boys sprinted, with Kyle taking the lead.
In front of them was a tub of Nesquick sludge, still in its very distinguishable yellow can. (For Kyle, at least. He marked the edge with a small scratch) Cartman started wolfing the goop down like a madman. His friends were too used to the sight though, with Stan and Kenny quickly losing interest. Kyle on the other hand, was still very much entertained, visualizing Cartman having to borrow his mother's bras the next day.
Their monday ended with the usual; Cartman gloating, 4-player video games, eating junk food and then all of them leaving to their respective homes at around 10PM.
Right after slamming the door shut, Cartman felt a little pang in his stomach. The brunet cringed as it got repetitive, getting faster and more intense by the minute. He felt his nipples grow hot, but not the sensual kind; it was more of a stinging sensation. His dick was practically on fire for some reason as well, followed by his most sensitive regions throbbing in agonizing internal pain.
"WHAT... THE FUCK... IS HAPPENING TO ME?!" He screamed, as he collapsed on the floor in cold sweat. His mother was nowhere to be found, as usual. He felt like he was dying.
As he laid on the carpet, his heart pounding and mind racing, all he could think about was "Maybe I shouldn't have chugged that entire can of fucking Nesquick"
A/N: Hey guys! Finally, a multi-chapter Kyman treat for you all. And because this is my 3rd attempt, I think I've already established that I cannot, for the life of me, write a dramatic/emo story about them. Well, stay tuned for the next chapter it'll be HILARIOUS!
And please review, it'll really keep me going :)