Natasha felt guilt. Pure stabbing gut pain that made her light headed and unsure of her place in the world. She felt guilty that Sam was gone. She felt guilty that Bucky was gone. She felt guilty that Vision was gone. Wanda. T'challa. That damn tree.
She felt guilty that she was alive and that they weren't, for no rhyme or reason at all, just dumb luck.
But most of all, she felt guilty because she felt such relief that Steve was still alive.
All the others were pricks of a knife in her heart, nearly severing it open. She'd never get over it.
She knew that.
But she wouldn't be able to go on if Steve had been among them.
He'd become the center of her world, whether she'd realized it or not. They spent the past few years going from mission to mission, underground lair to underground lair, sometimes not eating for a week and sometimes not bathing for two. They'd been in the trenches together. They'd laughed, they'd cried, they'd killed. They'd nursed each others wounds, kept each other alive, body and soul.
Without him, she'd be lost. She'd just be a pile of dust like the others.
He was kneeling on the ground, his body shaking from injury. Concussion probably. Broken ribs. Maybe internal bleeding. Thanos had beat him to hell. But it wasn't the physical injuries that worried her. It was the way Thanos had broken his spirit. Broken his heart. There were tears streaming down his face that he didn't even bother to hide. His eyes, usually so vivid and bright were dark and far off, shell shock times a billion. She could tell that he couldn't move. That he was glued to that spot where Bucky had turned into dust.
Steve had lost his best friend all over again.
No man should have to watch someone he loved die twice. It was just cruel. Not even Steve Rogers could take that, super solider or not.
"Steve," she breathed, her hand wrapping around his shoulder.
He looked up, devastated, his eyes even more desolate. "Sam?"
Natasha didn't have the words to answer him. Instead, she simply shook her head.
Steve's face crumpled and he let out a grunt of a sob that brought tears to her own eyes.
His hand suddenly grasped around hers and he pulled her down to his level, his arms wrapping around her in a tight hug, like he needed to pulverize her bones to know that she was still with him. That she was still alive. That he didn't lose her too. Her own arms enveloped his shaking form, her strength matching his and she too began to weep, for everything she'd lost and everything she still had.
At least they still had each other.
At least she still had Steve.
That's All Folks!