Vulcans
Vulcans do not sneak.
Vulcans do not lie.
...and bluffing does not count as lying.
Vulcans do not 'tango'.
...Or 'waltz'.
...Or 'do the disco'.
Vulcans do not make food 'to-go'.
Vulcans most definitely do NOT read books about totally awesome wizards going to school in Britain.
Vulcans do not appreciate mistletoe.
Vulcans do NOT blush.
...Nor do they appreciate their Captain's attempts to disprove that fact.
Vulcans do not carry their Captains around on said Captain's birthday.
Vulcans do NOT teach their Captain how to do that 'awesome-knock-out-nerve-pinch-thingy'.
Vulcans do not appreciate Russian teens that constantly bug the First Officer to check their equations and theories.
Vulcans do not wish to play 'laser tag', no matter how much of an advantage their Vulcan strength and reflexes would give them.
Vulcans do not like dogs.
Vulcans do not like snow.
Vulcans don't appreciate being called Ninjas.
...But if they did they would want such things to be said in more public places.
Vulcans do not fence.
...For the last time, Mr. Sulu, VULCANS DO NOT FENCE.
Vulcans do not like cuddling up with a good movie.
...without popcorn.
Vulcans dislike having to get along with the Doctor because said Doctor is the best friend of the Captain.
Vulcans do not like it when they're Captains get hurt and insist on worrying them.
Vulcans do not smile.
...Not even for the Captain.
...Never for something as trivial as 'lollipops'.
Once again, Vulcans do not lie.
No, Captain, Vulcans can not write lies either.
Captain, Vulcans are ready to nerve-pinch anyone who insists on being disruptive.
SPOCK IS SUCH A LIAR-
Captain! I must insist you leave the premises!
NO, I WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT A FIGH-