Internal Battles
Look at them. They look so well together, though she is all wrong for him. She is so young and full of life. Frederick is still young, but he has been to war and Louisa thinks
it is all fun and games. I too have been to war. I have been at war with my conscience for the past eight years. I have been battling with myself about my reasons for
breaking off our engagement. I have been berating myself for allowing myself to be persuaded by my family and Lady Russell. I know their intentions were good, but
loved him. I still love him. We could have been happy together these past eight years. We could have had a family together. I used to dream about our children, how they
would have my eyes and smile, and all of his strength and courage. But now I can see that he has moved on and is looking for a wife. And why not Louisa? She is
beautiful and intelligent, if a little childish, but she would make a wonderful Navy wife. I would have made a better one. Often I pictured myself standing beside Fredrick at
the helm of his ship, sailing off to foreign ports, seeing exotic landscapes. And happy as a lark, because I was with Frederick. I would always cry myself to sleep after
these dreamscapes I imagined. And now that he is here courting my sister's sister-in-law, I cry myself to sleep every night. To think he could have been mine eight years
ago if only my heart had won the battle.
This is something that wouldn't let me sleep until I put it down on paper. Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! (even if it is a little sad)