Oof sorry for making the first one sad. Tw for suicide and self harm. Rating: T

I Love You, Evan Hansen

Break

Evan felt numb. Connor Murphy was dead. His Connor Murphy was dead. His first boyfriend, his first kiss, his first everything. The two made a promise at the beginning of the summer, and now it was broken.

"Hey, Ev," Connor said. "Promise me that we won't hurt each other or ourselves, got it?" Connor smiled and held out his hand. Evan shook it.

"Got it."

Now that was all gone, destroyed.

"He- he has a letter," Cynthia choked out. Evan took it hesitantly and read it.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is not a good day for you, I suppose. I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen. I want you to know I love you. I love you Evan Hansen. I'm sorry that I killed myself. It was just too much.

I'm hoping to god that you weren't the one that found me. If you did I would never be able to forgive myself. Please Evan, don't hurt yourself. Go on without me. Find yourself a new man and get married, have a life. Also, please tell my parents that I love them, though I acted like a jerk and I was high half my life. Tell Zoe that she'll always be my younger, braver, smarter sister. I love her. And I love you Evan Hansen.

Sincerely,

Me

Evan covered his mouth, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Evan only said that when he ran all the way to his house. He fumbled up the stairs and looked around his bathroom until he found what he was looking for.

Sitting on the edge of his tub, he put a cut in his skin. Then two. Then three. He kept on doing this until he had no more room on his arm. Then he did it to the other one. Evan didn't care about the bleeding, he knew he was going to survive a little bit of blood.

But he wasn't going to survive. Evan wrote the following on a piece of paper:

Dear Connor Murphy,

Surprise! It's not a terrible day after all. I'm going to see you again in a few minutes. Isn't it just so weird that someone can mess you up so much by them not being there?

Mom, I'm sorry. I just think it's for the better. Remember when I fell from the tree? Well, I lied. I let go. Just let me do this.

I love you both.

Sincerely,

Me

Evan went back into the bathroom. He took out all his pill bottles that he's stored up and gets a glass of water.

Was he really doing this? Yes.

He poured one bottle into his mouth after the other and washed them all down with water. He sat on his bed, sleep taking over him, and that was the last time Evan would close his eyes.

Break

Evan woke up seeing only light. He stood up, taking in his surroundings. Was he dead?

He walked around this empty space plane until he saw a familiar person walking up to him. Connor. Evan ran up to him and jumped into his arms.

"I missed you," Evan whispered into his ear, stroking his hand through Connor's hair.

"I missed you too." It was then when their lips collided, sending a feeling of sparks through the boys.

"Don't leave me again."

"I won't. I love you, Evan Hansen."

"I love you, Connor Murphy."