AN: so i wuz lik wachin ma frend play dis game an it wus amzin so it ttlly perspired me 2 writ dis fic abot ma favrit caracter. in da gam sh waz 2 prfect 4 me an i ddnt want her 2b a mart-sue so i made her mor lke me. btw ty 2 ma frend garrusxkatniss 4 edting ths 4 me. u rok gurl!

I, Tali'Zora D'arkness vas Neema, woke up this morning and put on my fishnet stockings and plaid miniskirt and combat boots, and a leather jacket underneath my black and red corset. Then, I looked into the mirror and cried because I was such a hot Quarian babe. Then, I put on my environmental suit and cried some more 'cuz no one could see my hotness and sexii outfit. If only Shepard would love me. I dream of the day she and I can link suits, but she's only interested in sexxy assassin types, and mean humans who sound like Batman and hemorrhage at the thought of Cerberus.

My room, the engineering panel, is the most goffic room in the entire Normandy. I sleep in a coffin right next to all of the computers I do smart science at. My coffin is lined with purple velvet that matches my suit and filters the air so I don't get sick and die as quarians do. My room has big, goffic, medieval stained glass windows that show me the views of the d'arkness of space that matches my deep, troubled heart. The focal point of my room is my beautiful wrought iron mirror. It is my favorite object because it tells me how hot and sexi I am. The only thing that makes this place better is when Shepard comes to talk to me because she is so beautiful and especially hot next to the hot computers. The only problem is that Engineer Donnelly never leaves he watches me sleep. He is such a creep because he is so not sexii and also watches me sleep.

So, I totally stood in the elevator suicidally. The elevator is like totally slow. Every day, I stand in the elevator and count how many seconds it takes to get to the crew level whilst lamenting my depressing life. Sometimes I slit my rists because I am so depressed. In fact, I am counting the seconds right now... five... four... three... two... one... zero. I am at the crew deck. I wanted some food so I went up to the chef dude who also cleans toilets, and asked him for some delicious food, but he was like, "Sorry, Babealicious, but your a Quarian, so you can't have normal food."

I cried tears of quarian blood, and I wanted to slit my rysts because no one loved me, but he was staring 'cuz I'm hot. The chef dude. Then, I got a bowl and some turian fruit loops (Garrus' favorite) with blood instead of milk. Turian blood. It wasn't Garrus' blood though, because he's hot. It was sarens, because he is totally an evil turian and I hate him because he was mean to SexxyShepard, who is also hot and also I love her. (AN: ma frend tol me saren was evvil so im prty sur thats tru i trst her shes my besty)

Then I sat down and cried into my cereal in the med bay. Because the chef dude was being all creepy and staring at my Hotniss, so I went to see Chakwas but she was out being an alcoholic somewhere.

Suddenly, I bumped into someone and yelled, "Watch where you're going, prep!" I looked up to see the hottest sight in all of the Normandy... perhaps in all of the universe! He had a geffic flashlight head with black eyeliner and lipstick and the flashlight glowed red and it was Adonis-like. He was wearing black and red armor with the number "666" painted on with red paint, and he had a manly scar... gaping hole... scar. Scar. I blushed kawaiiily.

"Hello, Tali'Zora D'arkness vas Neema-chan, we are Bleed'gion." He said with a sexii, soothing, manly robot voice. His voice pulled me in like a giant sexy magnet and my heart was made of cold, dark, unfeeling metal. It was like the metal started to beat again for the first time in months ever since I found out that Shepard had come back to life. Then I remembered how I cried when I watched my father die at the hands of the horrible geth. I cuoldn't open my heart to a geth - even the hottest geth - not yet...

Then, I said, "Don't talk to me, poseur." I said it tsunderily and saucily and something that implies sexiness. Suddenly, we were interrupted by my gun pointing at his face. He looks quizzical... for a Geth... His flashlight tilted to the side like a cute little puppy except for more goffic because of his eyeliner and lipstick (AN: all kewl boiz were it ok). A single tear trickled down my quarian cheek as I stared into his deep soul through the unblinking gaze of his red-colored lense.

Suddenly! Shepard walked in a struck a super sexy pose (AN: she stood like a man). "Yo, Tali, I herd u liked Geth, so I put a Geth on my ship, so you can fight while you flight (AN: ma frend tinks its fnny wen i put in intranet refrences). Oh, hey, I see you've met!"

I looked at Shepard with my supersexxy mask and a look of utter shock. Shepard used to have red hair but then she dyed it black because she knew I liked goffic things. She was wearing a short black dress (AN: liek wat u get in kasumis mishen) except it had lots of red lace and a corset and she wore black fishnet stockings with it. She wore white foundation and lots of black eyeliner and bright red lipstick so she looked like a vampire. As I watched her, she started to roll her shoulder in a sexii manner. I started to get angry at her for not trusting me and yelled accusingly "Shepard, how can you think that? That Geth was sendin' info from my omnitool to his bros back in Geth Space."

And then Bleed'gion was like, "Sorry, Babealicious-chan, I couldn't stand not to know every last detail about someone as smokin' as you."

And then Shep said, "Tali, I am dissapoint. Go think about what you've done in the timeout corner next to Grunt." And then I cried because Grunt is so gross and not hot and he has a hump or something that looks suspiciously like a tumor and I think he sometimes watches me sleep like Engineer Donnelly.

She was about to leave, and I was like, "But Shep, I want to..." And I paused dramatically... and burst into tears... and ran out of the spaceship.

Suddenly, I hear a voice that sounded like Batman and rainbow, and, in a flash, I was run into his arms!

"Oh, attractive male friend, how I missed you!" I said whilst cuddling into his barrel, marble-like, cold, unyielding, masculine yet soothing chest. I could hear his heartbeat and feel his warmth even though I was wearing my enviro-suit. His feelings for me could reach through the cold metal and touch me like no one else could.

"But my lovely D'ark Angel," he replied in a deep, husky yet soothing voice, "What about Shepard? If she found out about us..."

Shepard, who was in the room the whole time, let out a blood curdling scream. "My love, hast thou forsaken me for that trollop?" She demanded. She sounded so smart how could I ever measure up to her? I cried some more into Kaid'ns chest. How could he love me when she was around? She was so beautiful and intelligent sexy...

I had totally forgotten that Kaid'n had once loved that flaming prep.

What a bosh'tet. I wish she was never born. She is such a whore and probably sleeps with the entire crew and watches me sleep like Engineer Donnelly.

Kaid'n was looking totally gorgeous yet soothing. He had dark black hair with purple streaks and red colored contacts and pale skin. He wore a black leather outfit like Thane so I could see his gorgeous marble chest which he wore a pentagram on. He also wore black leather combat boots and looked totally sexxii. He smiled dazzlingly at me, and then looked up and said, "You know, Shepard-babealicious, I could never love u after linking suits with this Babe and you joined Cerberus and died so you're dead to me. C'mon, D'ark Angel, let's go to an Expel 10 concert."

"But, Kaid'n, I was only clinically dead!"

AN: did u liek it! plz rate an commnt u guiz ar so awsome if i get gud revews i will writ mor