I don't own a thing except my oc.

Chapter 1: Where the F- Am I?

I kind of want to die right now. Why? Because I am so fuckin' embarassed.

I mean, you would be embarrassed if you just came out of somebody's...UGH! I don't even want to mention it.

So here I am. Naked. Wet. And not human.

The FUCK she just say. Yeah, you heard me. God, or whoever is in charge of the afterlife, didn't have the decency to make a human.

You must be wondering what I am, right?

Well, I'm a freakin' house elf.

So, I died. You might expect an extra sad death like being run over while protecting a kid. Nope!

I was at the movies with some of my friends. And, of course, if you go to the movies you have to buy their ridiculously expensive popcorn and drinks. So, I was eating some popcorn when the goddamn movie made me laugh so hard my popcorn went down the wrong way and I died. It was pretty horrible. I wasn't too panicked at first since I have had many choking experiences with drinks and food alike. But after about 20 seconds of trying to get the popcorn out of my throat, I started panicking. It took a while for my friends to notice. My friends probably thought I was dying of laughter...metaphorically speaking. But, when they did, they were all over the place. The funny part is when I thought I was going to be okay when I clawed for the drink container only for it to be empty. I vaguely remember my friends and some strangers doing things like the heimlich - although, I don't think they were doing it right. It felt like they were crushing my ribs - and CPR - there goes my first kiss. I don't really know what happened after that but I do know what happened in the end. POOF. Dead.

I know, what a stupid way to die.

Whenever I think back, I am kind of mad at my friends for not noticing me earlier. Sometimes, I'm mad at the strangers for standing there with fear in their eyes but not stepping closer. The only reason why I didn't go vengeful spirit on their asses is because deep down I know I would have done the same thing. I would have freezed and not know what I was doing. I can't blame them for an accident.

Anyways, not only will be a slave for my entire life, I am REALLY ugly.

You might think: "Oh, come on! It might not be that bad."

It's that bad. Don't get me wrong. I love Dobby and was sad when he died. I, along with many others, thought he was cute in a weird way. That doesn't me I want to be like him.

Now, I am cursed with chronic shortness, baldness, and a-cute-but-annoying-at-times high-pitched voice. I also have to wear really ugly rags/pillow cases.

…

I feel like I am forgetting something.

Oh yeah! I'm a house elf for the Malfoy family.