UNBROKEN
A SasuHina fanfic
Trigger Warning: This fanfiction contains thoughts of suicide, depression, rape, self harm, and anger management issues. There will be actions of the characters that shows implicit and psychotic thoughts.
If you are going through suicidal thoughts please call your local suicide hotline.
You are loved. People love you. Stay strong.
He is counting on days when he will die.
She is torturing herself everyday just to get approval from others.
Lose weight.
Be pretty.
Think positive.
Smile more.
Don't let them know that you're in pain.
There is nothing romantic about suicide and schizophrenia.
It's just an endless stream of therapists, hospitals, pills and potion.
His stint during his last year in high school earned him a gold ticket to rehab, he was supposed to be in jail for attempt of murder but his guardian Kakashi decided to bring him to rehab, since it's the best place to get 'healed'.
'What a waste of time.'
He sneered viciously in his head, walking at the dimly lit hallway heading towards his room. The sick sterile scent and the heavy medicated fumes fill his bedroom, a single bed with stark white sheets, blue walls, a desk and chair facing the window and adjacent door heading towards the bathroom.
His nurse left him few minutes later as he stood in the middle of the room. As his unfeelingly cold, dark obeisance eyes scan across the room, his deathly pale skin, inky black hair that is always defying gravity. His wrists, arms and forehead was bandaged with a rouge gauze, on his ankle is a metal device that glows every time he walks around and he's dressed in a standard white shirt and blue sweatpants, his barefoot walk slowly on the wooden floor.
"After all these years, do you really think rehab will save me?"
He talks to himself, he always does that. There are voices in his head calling his name and whispering him to hurt, kill and die.
Not today.
Today is not the day to die.
Sometimes she looks at herself in the mirror and feels repulsed.
Her long indigo hair sticking all over her pale elegant neck, pearlescent eyes that sparkle in the moonlight, people in the rehab centre says that she's the prettiest patient they've ever met.
They're wrong.
If she's pretty then she isn't supposed to feel this way. If she's pretty she wasn't supposed to be sexually assaulted at the back of the club three years ago. If she's pretty she wasn't supposed to be stabbed with a knife, cuts and bruises marred on her pale skin as her assaulters left her half naked in the cold December night. She can still remember every single damned detail of the event; including how dark, malicious and evil her rapist eyes look.
Rape.
Just one word that shattered her existence as a person.
That word that made her want to throw up, vomit her guts out, slit her wrists until she feels the stinging pain and damage her soul in the slowest and most sadistic pace.
After a month living in this small hell hole her father dumped her, after pleading to the court that she has been raped but no one, not even the judge blinked an eye and felt any sense of pity for her.
She never understood why she needs to give life a second chance.
They never even pause to listen to her, why should she pause and listen to herself?
They met on an AA therapy, the group formed into a small circle. Men, women, teenagers and even elderly people gather on the spacious room. Talking about their alcohol problems and how long they stayed sober.
Sasuke drank alcohol for leisure not for numbing purposes; if he wants to numb himself he could have just grab a knife or gun and cause an outrage. But Kakashi insisted on him taking this damned therapy bullshit, he stood in the corner avoiding human interaction as much as possible.
His eyes flicker towards the girl sitting on a wooden chair, away from the crows as she's pulling her knees up to her petite body and cowering away from the nurses. She's either trembling or crying, he can't tell which is which.
He wants to get up and talk to her, she seems oddly familiar. It's like he had seen her before but why should he remember strangers especially in an AA therapy? But the voices in his head are stopping him, their hushed whispers and hissing makes his blood churn.
'She looks so helpless, snap her neck.'
'Remember what you did to that pink haired bitch, didn't you stab her in the chest?'
'Too bad she didn't die, she was supposed to die.'
'Sasuke, go to that cowering bitch and show her that you still thirst to kill.'
'Kill.'
"Stop."
'Kill her.'
"No."
'Killing is the only way to release.'
"STOP!"
Sasuke screamed on top of his lungs, screaming and repeating the word 'stop' over and over again. Clutching is head tightly and grabbing a fist full of his hair, heaving and struggling to breathe. Nurses and doctors rushed towards him, their voices filled with seriousness and bland tones, made his head pound even more.
A prickle of a sedative needle on his wrist, when he was about to pass out he saw lavender pearl orbs stare back at him.
Her eyes are so beautiful and haunted; it gives chills on his bones and made him welcome darkness even more.
Hinata is sure that she saw him before, she doesn't remember his name but she knows that she met him more than once.
She sat in the edge of her bed, fiddling on the hem of her white dressing gown as her nurse wrap bandages over her bleeding wrist. After he panic attack in the AA therapy earlier and the newcomer's sudden display of rage, Hinata quickly fled out of the room and hid in her bathroom cutting her wrist using the knife she stole during kitchen duty. The delicious pain of blood dripping down her wrists and pooling down on the white tiles, it gives her a certain sick and twisted satisfaction as she run the knife on her collarbones, thighs and stomach. Savouring the little cuts and wounds, breathing steadily and calmly until one of the elderly nurse shows up inside her room and bandaging her.
"You've been doing this again Hinata-chan, didn't Dr. Kabuto told you to stop harming yourself?"
Hinata stared at her blankly and replied hollowly, "He can't tell me what to do."
The elderly nurse look at her disapprovingly and grabbed a clipboard jotting down some notes, placing another list of prescribed medicine, as the nurse slowly walks out of the room she said "You should be more participative during group therapy sessions, it will really help you recover."
Then she shuts the door, the curtains dance across the room as her windows are wide open. Then Hinata faintly whisper
"But I don't want to recover."
After three months in living this hellhole, after three months of Sasuke and his constant rage spikes and his mind, body and soul is in the edge of breaking.
He's always in the edge but damn, he's positive that will he will fucking snap into half.
HE stepped out of Dr. Orochimaru's office, walking towards the lounge area to grab some lunch. He saw the indigo haired girl again, sitting on the chair facing the window. The sunlight kissed her milky white skin and her long hair fluttered with the wind.
'If you look from a distance you can really tell that's she's pretty but, if you look closely she's actually disgusting inside and outside.'
The voice in his head whispered into his mind like a little devil, Sasuke merely shrugged the thought away as he grabbed another chair and sat next to her, the nurse gave him his lunch as he slowly ate it. No talking just pure silence.
"I-I think I met you before." She asked him but her gaze is fixed on the window.
"I thought of the same thing as well."
She nodded and proceeds to scratch the skin on her wrist using her long fingernails, the milky pale skin slowly become red and rash like. It's like she's itching to scrape her skin using a sharp object, it's almost mesmerizing staring at her hands move in rapid motions. They sat there in silence until her nurse shows up and ushered her away. Sasuke can hear the nurse whisper at the indigo haired girl,
"Be careful with him dear, he's dangerous."
She nodded once, then looked back at him with her opalescent eyes wide open and then looked away.
Hinata saw him again a week later during kitchen duty, apparently he's assigned to wash the plates. He stood there grumbling, muttering incoherent words to himself and glaring fiercely at the other patients.
Hinata finished cooking the hearty tomato and beef stew; even if she's mentally unstable she still has a passion for cooking. It just become second nature for her to rule the kitchen, in here she feels the most clam and in control.
"The soup tastes good."
'Dangerous stranger' (that's how Hinata likes to call him) walk towards her grabbing his second bowl of soup. He leaned on the stark white walls as he refuses to sit next to people and socialize. Hinata nodded quietly, looking down at the cream tiled floors and counting the numbers of the tiles quietly. She sat at the corner of the room as usual, since it's also difficult for her to interact with anyone.
She never trusted anyone, including 'dangerous-food-complimenting-stranger'. Hinata used to trust people so easily, so foolishly but this time she keeps herself an arm's length distance away. She can't even trust herself why would she try to trust others? Then she can hear him whisper towards her direction,
"Are you afraid of me?"
Hinata shakes her head and replies
"No, I just don't trust you."
A tense silence between the two of them. Then he replied with his dark, deep and cold voice
"I don't trust myself as well."
A month later Sasuke was sent back to intensive rehab sessions with scumbag Dr. Orochimaru, laying down on the metal table with leather straps holding his wrists, chest and legs in place to prevent him from having another damned rampage. His voice is hoarse and rough after all the screaming, kicking, punching and death threats he screamed at the nurses and security guards.
Orochimaru's favourite co-worker Dr. Kabuto was supposed to be Sasuke's main target, Kabuto was supposed to be writhing on the floor convulsing in pain but, this damned son of a bitch decided to call intensive care unit sending guards and nurses in his room.
Orochimaru walk towards Sasuke holding a needle oozing with another drug, his mouth is covered with a mask but he can clearly see the glint of sadistic glee in his eyes. Anger rose even more inside Sasuke, his brain isn't going into a ration direction. Then he spit on Orochimaru's face and sneered
"Fuck you disgusting piece of shit."
Orochimaru grinned even more and replied with menacing hissing voice
"Don't be like that Sasuke-kun, this will end quickly and smoothly."
A sharp pierce from the needle hit in his neck, then a few seconds later Sasuke fell into a deep slumber.
The nurse said that he was asleep for three days. It never bothered him since all he wants is to escape this hell; he's willing to sacrifice a limb just to leave here.
He stepped out of the room walking towards the dimly lit hallway, voices are ringing in his head again, he can feel himself spinning around in circles. A throaty laugh escaped on his chapped lips as he saw the nurse passing on his direction giving him a strange look. Sasuke just sent her a middle finger and continues walking with no destination.
Then he saw her, he saw the strange, meek and hauntingly beautiful indigo haired girl. She's sitting on the cold tiled floor with her back leaning on a wooden door with her knees drawn towards her chest, like a child rocking back and forth.
Sasuke walk towards her quietly and sit next o her, her face is covered with a curtain of long indigo hair. Sasuke's head is aching so badly it's almost unbearable, and then he felt a wind kissed his cheeks. He turned around and her staring at him, her wide, curios and pearlescent eyes pierced deep inside his soul. Then she whispered
"Who are you?"
Sasuke looked at her puzzlingly and replied
"I'm no one."
Strangely the girl smiled dazzlingly and bobbed her head like he said a joke, she's odd but so fascinating at the same time. Sasuke was about to reach out for her but voices echoed inside his head again
'Come on kill her.'
'I know you want to Sasuke, she's so fragile and sweet.'
Choke her, let's see if she can still smile prettily after dying to breathe.'
'Kill her.'
'Stab her like the way you stabbed your idiot best friend.'
'Torture her like the way your own older brother tortured you.'
'Make her beg.'
'Kill.'
'Kill.'
Sasuke is clutching his head tightly, fist full of hair on his hands as he writher and scream in pain. Then a small touch on his scalp and it's almost logical since the searing burning pain disappeared. Opening his eyes he saw her lavender orbs staring back at him.
"It's okay to be in pain, pain is temporary." She whispered melodically.
"No, my pain is different. There are voices in my head, I see things and then I get angry and kill people. I can kill you right now if I want to."
She shakes her head in disapproval and replied
"I'll be your cage, I'll be there for you even in your worst."
Sasuke's eyes widen and replied "But...But I thought you don't trust me."
She smiles beautifully, like the sun rose and gives life and light into his life. Her eyes are no longer haunted and doomed but alive and ethereal, then she replied
"I trust you now."
It's like a new light flushed inside his system and he thought to himself 'Is this what recovery looks like? Is this what happy feels?'
Then he reached out for his hand and smiled
"I'm Sasuke Uchiha."
Strange, meek but very beautiful girl replied gracefully
"I'm Hinata Hyuga."
They shared a peaceful smile.
Sasuke thought the worst is over, he thought that he will finally recover.
He thought.
It was all a sick twisted lie.
He knew from the moment he woke up in the stark white bed sheets inside his room, the sterile scent and the goosebumps tingling in his skin. He knew something was wrong when he saw Hinata, she could possibly be a dream fragment of his imagination but she could be real and not some fucked up fantasy.
As he walk down the hallway and towards the hushed tones of the nurses who gathered in the reception area, he heard it and he knew from that moment on.
"I heard she tired to kill herself several times."
"What a poor girl, she was talking to the psychotic patient yesterday."
"She's so pretty it's such a pain to see her scar her own face like that."
Sasuke swallowed a lump on his throat, his head and heart is pounded and then he heard it the words that made him shiver down his bone.
"She was raped by Dr. Orochimaru yesterday evening, I think that's what triggered her to kill herself."
"And no one stopped it?"
"We are too afraid that we might lose our jobs if we did-"
"You should have stopped it."
A deep, intimidating and fearsome voice filled the room Sasuke stepped out of the shadows with his eyes pierced and red from anger. He stepped closer towards the cowering nurse and he grabbed her neck and choked her until she's gasping for air. The other nurses rush towards the commotion and Sasuke went on full rampage, he heard it. The nurse's neck is snapped and hang limply on his hand, he then screamed
"You fucking let her get raped and act as if nothing happened?"
He roared as he run towards the other nurses and suddenly a prickle of sedative was struck on his neck, Kabuto Orochimaru's assistant smiled and said "Calm down Sasuke."
The next thing Sasuke realized his body is getting heavier and numb, his eyes dripped down as the sedative is even stronger than previous ones and he passed down coldly on the floor.
Coldness and numbness become a normal feeling for him.
To be continued...
AN: Hello everyone, I know it's strange that I post a very dark and twisted SasuHina fanfic but a month ago I was feeling down in the dumps (not depressed and dont use the word depressed lightly) I wasn't depressed because depression and sadness are two similar yet different things. It's just life wasn't that good to me, university has been taking a toll in my mental and physical health and my relationships are slowly crumbling. I wasn't in the mood to write fanfics, post stuff on tumblr or even talk to anyone. I just want to curl up inside my bed and wait till my problems go away, but life doesn't work out like that. I'm so glad that I have the motivation to stand up and sort out my shit.
Then I realize that I'm so fortunate that I have enough motivation and love surrounded around me to get out of my slump. There are so many people in this world that doesn't have enough love or motivation to live and exist, I want my dear readers to know that you are loved. YOU ARE LOVED. And you will always be loved and you have the heart, mind and soul to continue in this world.
Don't let anything or anyone become a barrier to who you are. Live life.
I love you and you will get through this! I believe in you :)
LianCatMeow