It's more than a Peter Pan syndrome.

Please, remember I am not an English native speaker. If you see any mistakes or a better way to say things, don't hesitate to mention it. Thank you ~

She laid down, exhausted, her mind still wandering furiously, a pain in the hollow of her belly. Covering her body with the sheets, she closed her eyes and called his name ; he appeared before she finished pronouncing it and held her tight. Elnöra breathed his odour in as he nuzzled his nose in her red hair. Little by little, her arms and back relaxed, a peaceful smile on her lips. She believed more and more that was where she belonged, where she always had. Yet, she could feel the tension in his muscles ; he was speaking no words, but she knew. It had been a week since she had confessed to him ; no answer was required and she wished for nothing but his happiness. However, she had realized she couldn't help this situation hurting him. Probably as much as it hurt her. She pressed his chest and backed a little to look for his eyes ; their blueness was staring at her, right to the bottom of her soul. Her heart missed a beat.

"It always creeps me out when I wake up in the middle of the night to find you watching me sleep.

- Why, thanks."

She smiled.

"Don't take this the wrong way. I'm still not used to your blue eyes and how they glow in the dark. That's all."

Jack smiled back, in a fainter way, adding nothing. After all, those were other eyes she was used to meet. Gently, she placed a hand on his cheek and felt his skin shudder. He was so cold.

"You know you owe me nothing ?"

He didn't answer, looked away, refraining from clenching his fists.

"Jack ?"

The girl waited for his gaze to meet with hers again. As it did, a few seconds later, she went on.

"I'm not expecting any answer from you. I'm lost too and I don't want to rush things."

It hurt. She wasn't being honest ; of course she expected an answer, let it be healing or even more painful ; at least, she would know. But she couldn't ask for it, even though he probably knew he had to say something. And God, he knew.

"I care about you, so... as long as you're fine, I am too."

That was true. In some ways. He placed his fingers on the back of her hand and her heart jumped against her ribs. Closing his eyes, he leaned into the touch, feeling the blood running against his face, the warmth against his coldness.

"I'm scared, El'."

The boy looked so weak, so tired. She didn't know what to say, didn't know if she had to. Instead, she nodded and bit her lips. Jack exhaled as he took Elnöra's hand in his, putting them both in front of him to look at their fingers playing with each other.

"I'm scared of what could happen and of this emptiness inside me. I've always thought that nothing could ever fill it. And now..."

Her skin was ticklish where his fingers were brushing. He suddenly squeezed her hand into a tight grip.

"Now, I'm even more scared of losing you."

Tears started to build in her eyes, but she kept them away. Her heart throbbed painfully, the words slowly making their way to it. Elnöra wanted to hope, wanted to believe in the meaning of this sentence, whatever it could be. She freed her fingers to place them on his cheek again. With her other hand, she surrounded his face to make Jack look at her.

"I won't go anywhere, so... You won't lose me, Jack."

Eyebrows furrowed, he whispered back.

"I will. Eventually."

She looked away and he embraced her. Jack was right. He was magical and wonderful as much as he was unaging. And she was trapped in a reality where she couldn't stop her body from growing, no matter how young her mind remained. She silently cursed her situation and thought madly. That was probably one of the main reasons why he wouldn't answer her, why he couldn't even give a proper try to any of their possibilities. And the fact that she couldn't do much about it frustrated her so she was at the edge of crying with despair. She was mute in his arms as her insides were raging.

"I'm sorry."

His throat vibrated when his voice rose in the bedroom and she squeezed her eyes shut, fingers clenched on the fabric of his hoodie.

"Please, Jack. Don't be."

Thinking of it, she would be the one losing him ; eventually, he would be tired of her slowness and responsibilities. At some point, he probably wouldn't even dare to look at her in the eyes. Elnöra was terrified. Her throat was hoarse and breathing had never been more painful. Yet, she was hoping, her optimism preventing her from becoming crazy with sorrow. She swallowed hard and backed again, hesitating a few seconds before looking at the boy. She was full of doubts and fear and of hope at the same time. That's what helped her talk.

"You won't lose me. I'll never disappear, Jack.

- El', please. You know that–

- Yes, I do. Listen to me."

He paused, frowning. She brushed his feathery white hair with the tips of her fingers.

"I will grow old. That's a fact and we can't do anything about it."

A flash of pain crossed his irises and he searched for her hand again ; he needed to hold onto something, anything that would keep her close.

"At least, in this reality."

Elnöra felt sleep taking upon her and repressed a yawn. Her fingers intertwined with his.

"But you know we have our world, our story. We have our reality where hope and wonder can build anything."

Jack nodded, eyes locked on her face. He noticed a few of her freckles which showed up at the smallest sunbeam.

"And we both believe in this, don't we ?"

He nodded once more, agreeing, but said nothing since she wasn't done.

"And I believe in you. Do you believe in me ?

- I do, El'. I do.

- So trust me when I say I will grow old, but I won't grow up as long as I'm with you."

His eyelids narrowed for a second ; he didn't understand.

"What do you–"

A finger on his thin mouth interrupted him.

"I won't grow up. Never. I promise."

She was so determined and so scared at that moment. So hopeful and hopeless. Pressing his forehead against hers, he replied.

"El', I know you hope and believe, but–

- Say another word and I swear I'm gonna punch you."

Startled, he slid away and his surprised look made her chuckle. He joined her fast enough, yet unsure.

"I didn't know you were so violent.

- Only when you don't trust me.

- Sorry.

- Shht.

- But, I–

- Shhhhtt !"

He smiled of this crooked smile she had loved from the start.

"You're stubborn.

- Right back at ya, bloody icy-boy."

For a second, he forgot everything : this situation, his tiring day, Yvänn, the cat's hairs scattered on the sheets and pillows, the time and place. For a second, everything felt right and he believed in her words, as much as he doubted.

"Okay.

- What ?

- You won't grow up.

- Hell, I won't. For a wind-rider, you're kinda slow."

Jack flicked her forehead and she poked back at his ribs. She got serious again to whisper :

"Please. Believe me. I won't. I know I can do this."

He looked intensely at her. What if she was right ? He had accomplished so many things he didn't know he could do one year ago. They had built so much together in so little time and she also had some kind of power of her own. What if... What if ?

He smiled.

"I believe in you. And I'll always be there."

Their bodies closed the gap between them as he held her tight. Her eyes were shut and her voice sleepy when she spoke up.

"Thank you."

She relaxed, gave herself into the embrace. Today wasn't that crappy, after all. Her breath got steadier, slower and she barely found the energy to answer his last question, smiling against the skin of his neck.

"It's more than a Peter Pan syndrome, right ?

- Much more. So much more than that."

19/04/13.