Act I Part I

Let's Play Pokemon

On the list of good mornings, this one had to be one of the better ones. After all, it wasn't every morning that Tavros woke up to the sound of a Pokémon game being played right next to him. Even then, it was normally his own game that he had left on overnight that he woke up to, not someone actively playing it. So when he heard battle music and actual attacks going on, his eyes shot open and he sat up, turning his head to see Vriska there, Game Boy in hand, mumbling things under her breath about how she was going to beat that Bellsprout so hard, it wouldn't know what hit it.

"Bet you didn't expect me to ever play this old copy of Silver, did you?" she asked, noticing that Tavros was awake. "I've been conquering all these stupid weak guys with my Cynd-whatever that I named Bitchface, with an eight instead of the B. It's pretty awesome." She laughed, before putting the game back close to her face and muttering things again.

"Have you even accomplished anything in it yet?" Tavros moved back a bit and leaned up against her, so he could see the screen. "Gotten any badges, found any rivals, that kind of stuff?"

She snorted. "Found the rival? Who's the rival? The dude with the question marks for his name? I named him after you, because I wasn't feeling creative. My dude's name is Vriska. Pretty sweet, huh?" Her focus went back to the game for a second, before she screamed. "I just caught some sheep thing! I'm gonna name it Bitchlord!"

He was rather amused at her enthusiasm, and asked her if she'd be using an eight instead of the B for the name of every other Pokémon she caught, at which she laughed and said she wouldn't do anything but. This was a great moment, seeing her play so happily a game that he loved so much, but he couldn't spend all day in bed like she could. He didn't like the feeling of not moving—he simply had experienced that too many times already in his life. But Vriska was really sitting there playing Pokémon, and he wanted to enjoy that with her.

So, aside from the couple times where he pulled himself away just long enough to eat or do whatever was on his mind, like look out the window, He always found himself snuggled back up against Vriska, though, just watching her train her "8itchface" and "8itchlord," both of which were way too strong compared to all of their opponents. They were there, him watching and her playing, until she met the inevitable first-attempt death by the Miltank owned by Whitney. "Oh, come on, you bitch! I should have beat you!" Vriska hissed, saving her game and turning it off. "If I had a fucking sweet spider to whip your ass with, I would have won!"

"Actually, Vriska, you could have had a spider. Well, a Spinarak, but it's a spider." Tavros stopped talking for a second, noticing Vriska's rather angry facial expression. "You'd have to be playing Gold though, because it's Gold-exclusive."

"Are you telling me I could have beaten that bitch if I was playing a different game?"

He laughed at her comment. "No, I'm saying you could have had a Spinarak. Which, by the way, would have been rather easily taken care of by Miltank. So you basically would have lost anyway, which is really okay! Everyone loses to Whitney at least once in their life."

"Oh, and let me guess, you're going to tell me that everyone gets called by that Youngster Joey guy and told about how his Rattata is 'in the top percentage' or whatever? Because I like to think I'm pretty damn special, being called like that." The smile she allowed to appear on her face was one of pride and happiness; Tavros felt terrible for knowing he was about to destroy it.

"Yeah, actually, he calls everyone who gives him their number. Sorry, Vriska," he said, seeing the anger coming back to her face, "but that's just the way it is."

She put the game on her nightstand and got up, pulling the bottom of her lacy white gown down a bit to cover herself. "I hate that game. Remind me never to play it again."

"No one just walks away from Pokémon like that, Vriska! Believe me. You'll be back playing it again by the end of the night." He got up too, and as she left the bedroom he followed, his pace slower than hers due to the metal braces on his legs. "Okay, make your whole 'I walked away from it' comment now. I dare you."

"Nope, not going to even talk about it." She locked herself in the bathroom then, and he could hear her screaming about Whitney and the Miltank. He took that opportunity to go back into their room and get the game, sit down on their couch, and start playing it himself, not to get her past where she was stuck but to judge her team. He wasn't surprised, even in the slightest, to see that they had horrible stats, thanks to the only two Pokémon she even had, 8itchface and 8itchlord, both being female. She hadn't even evolved either of them, and they were both ready for it. But was he going to tell her about that? Nope. She didn't seem to like the evolution animation, so she kept ending it, and he was going to let her keep ending it.

Nearly an hour later, she came out of the bathroom, her knuckles a bit bloody from beating on the walls. "Give me that," she hissed, yanking the game from his hands. "I'm gonna beat that bitch and she's going to learn that you don't fuck with me."

"Dude, chill out. It's just a game." Tavros thought it was funny that he was the one saying that; after all, it was normally Vriska that was breaking him from his rage at his own Pokémon games. "I swear, Vriska, you're more into that thing than I ever was..."

"Don't talk to me, Tavros. I'm playing Pokémon now." That was the last thing Vriska even said to him until almost an hour later, when she remarked that she was hungry, but she solved her own problem easily and went back to her concentrated silence. When her stomach started growling hours later, she didn't even bother with appeasing it, just focusing only on her game.

He sighed after its rumbling reached his ears for the second time without her doing anything. "Okay, I'm ordering a pizza," he said, looking over at her. "What do you want on it?"

"The tears of children and the blood of my enemies," Vriska replied without batting an eyelash in his direction. "I'm trying to find some bitch who decided it's okay to not be in the place she belongs. She's going to get a piece of my mind when I get to her."

"Yeah, don't really care. I'm starving, and I need actual toppings for a pizza. Now either tell me what you want or you're getting what I want." She whined a bit, but gave no real answer, so he sighed once more. "Okay. Plain old cheese and pepperoni it is."

Leaving Vriska to play Pokémon in peace, he went to the phone and called the local pizza company, before finding himself back on the couch, listening to Vriska's whines and grumbles, all about how stupid the sidequest she was on really was. "I mean, what kind of bitch leaves her station for a sick Pokémon? That's just dumb," she said, shaking the Game Boy a little. "And I want to ring her neck for making me go up this stupid tower. I hate it."

"I think you're really forgetting that it's just a game. She's just pixels. There's nothing she's making you do. You're making yourself do it." Tavros would have continued with his, sadly, true comments, but the doorbell rang then, and he had to get up to greet whoever was there. It had easily been half an hour by then, so the pizza guy was late and he could complain if he wanted to. He was rather surprised when he opened the door and there was a pizza...being delivered by a blonde guy with a baby strapped to his chest. "Dave? Did they deliver it to the wrong apartment again?"

The guy nodded. "Thanks for paying beforehand, or else I'd be pissed." He shoved the pizza into Tavros's hands and laughed. "I've already got enough going on tonight. The last thing I needed was to have to pay for a pizza that isn't mine."

"Is that Dave?" Vriska asked, putting the game down and jumping from her seat. "It is! Hey! Come on in!"

"No can do." He pointed at the baby that was strapped to him. "I can't get distracted over here by someone with as short a skirt as you. I'm watching this kid, and that means I've got to be on my best behavior. If that means no teasing you about not even being dressed, then, sadly, so be it."

Vriska's eyes trailed down to the end of her gown, which was up much higher than it should have been around anyone (besides herself and Tavros, that is), and she blushed, pulling it down. "Okay, fine, get back to your kid watching. Anyway, who does that fine specimen of child belong to? It's sure as fuck not yours."

"Great observation, Vriska. Glad you know when someone's a Strider and when they're not." He ran a finger through the baby's dark hair; the kid kicked and giggled. "It's just the neighbor's kid. Him and his lady wanted a nice night out together, so I decided that I could take care of their precious little thing for them, just this once."

"You actually know your neighbors?" Tavros raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "That's really hard to believe. What, did they meet you after you played your music too loud one night or something?"

Dave ruffled the kid's hair some more as he answered. "I consider you guys my neighbors, and you're a floor up. Don't be so literal. I'm talking about John and Jade. They live a couple floors up from here, you know."

"That's theirs? That thing looks normal. You must be lying to us." Vriska sat back down, stuck her tongue out at Dave, and returned to playing her game. "They couldn't make something that cute even if they paid money."

"Sorry she's being such a bitch right now," Tavros said, setting the pizza down on a chair so he could use both hands to hold himself up in the doorway. "She's been playing Pokémon since she woke up, and she's kind of losing her mind..."

"Listen here. One of these nights, you need to ditch her and come chill with me. I can get you some hot chicks pretty easily, and they won't be nearly as bitchy as her." Dave leaned down so Tavros could see his eyes over his sunglasses. "Of course, I guess you are kind of tied to her now, so maybe that's not a good idea. Maybe you should just ignore me."

He knew that ignoring Dave was probably the best thing he could do, so with a quick thanks for bringing the pizza, Tavros closed the door in the blonde's face and took the food over to the couch, where Vriska was once again mumbling about the stupidity of the game. "Food's here, in case you didn't notice."

"I'm not really feeling hungry for food anymore." The game shut off, and Vriska looked at Tavros, giving him a slightly seductive grin. "All this playing games has made me realize how much I love my precious video game nerd, and..." She let out a low growl, stroking under his chin. "...don't you think the food could wait until after I show you my appreciation?"

The temptation was there, but as he heard his own stomach growling, he shook his head. "Sorry, sweetie, but we need to actually eat before we do that."

"Oh," she said, a tone of heartbreak in her voice. "Then let's eat, shall we?" She opened the pizza box, to reveal a pizza that was missing one slice. "Damn it, Dave! Just because the pizza guy's an idiot doesn't mean you get to steal our food!"

Pokémon, pizza, and getting hit on very strongly by his girlfriend. Tavros simply couldn't imagine a better day than that.

A/N: Originally posted to Tumblr on July 20th, 2012.

This is, by far, the fic series I have put the most love and time into, and I don't know why I've waited so long to post it here. Over the next few months, I will slowly be adding each part to this monster, in the format of splitting the different story arcs into "acts" and considering all supplemental materials as "intermissions" unless they fit in otherwise. (There are close to 30 parts to this fic, so if you're interested, it's going to get long.)

This is obviously humanstuck. There's a lot of shipping in it. And after the next chapter, things won't be nearly as lighthearted as they are here. :o