Faces and Pranks
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Written by: Reira Uchiha (In association with my dearest 'sister' Reika Uchiha)
Dedicated to: Our very own Algebra 2e teacher, Sir Ernie C. Tellez who became my (our) inspiration for writing this. He had been making faces in class and we thought that we should offer many of our crack-fic one-shots and two-shots to him. Thank you, Sir!
Disclaimer: I do not, have not and never will be the owner of Naruto... Although I would really, really like to... If only Kishimoto-sama would present it to me as a gift… XP
Author's Note: This is related to the new story that we will be making, Endless although there are major variations. I'll list them now, to avoid confusion…
Namikaze Deidara will be 6 years old; Uchiha -- and Hyuuga -- are not yet married and Uchiha -- and Uchiha -- are not yet born. Sandaime is alive and kicking. Senju Tsunade and Jiraiya are in Konoha. Yondaime is alive and kicking butt. And other will be mentioned later.
Please beware... Be very alert... Be very, very conscious... That this is a crack-fic... Though not really as humorous as Reika's.
Complete Summary: A drastic prank has been established by a certain quartet. Everything goes into havoc and Minato takes severe measures to ensure that they won't do it ever again… But apparently, it didn't work since his only available method was to lecture them. This is a crack-fic. Please read and review. Thanks!
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Please enjoy the story… (I hope you do…)
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Today was another customary day for the Yondaime Hokage. He already had his timetable planned out from the crack of dawn to sundown... But this time, it was much better since his two bothersome kids were both out of his hands and would not destroy his perfect to-do list, even if only for once.
His eldest son, Naruto, was on a mission and would not be back until late this twilight while Deidara was wedged in the academy and would not be out until 4 this afternoon.
His wife, Uzumaki Kushina, was also away, visiting her deceased relatives back in Uzu no Kuni… So there was no one to pester him about being a suitable father towards his children who wouldn't take note to approximately everything he says.
And constantly plays pranks on him especially in important gatherings such as meetings/reunions with the Kage of a village. For once, his day was just what the Hokage ordered.
Well... Not really that faultless when you have to park yourself down and take notice of everything that the council and the elders have to say, deliberate on, grumble about and whine on during their weekly meeting which, unluckily, was also today.
And always fighting the worst nemesis of all Kages...
The DEATH of all the Kages alive...
… The ever-boring...
… The ever-growing...
… The ever irritating...
… The ever infuriating...
… The ever maddening...
… The ever frustrating...
… The very, very annoying...
… And the very, very tiring...!
... PAPERWORK!!
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Needless to say, he was getting really aggravated of the damned thing and would just love to burn it with a small or maybe a very, very big Katon.
Or he could just let his sons do all the smoldering and he can cackle at the misery of the paperwork that according to the grapevine, even a Kage like himself cannot overpower.
But... that would be very, very un-Hokage-like. And he was a first-rate Hokage...
Besides, his spouse would lecture-no, decapitate him if she ever found out... So all in all it was still an ideal little day...
Even if you have to sit and sign like a secretary.
And nothing would ruin this perfect day of his. That was unconditional. (A/N: Not really... This would be his worst day!)
-x-x-
Unknown to Minato, his eldest son, Namikaze Naruto, had just finished his mission prior than what the young Kage anticipated.
And right this instant, he was with his brother who he had managed to take from the academy through persuasion and trickery. Both of them were currently in the ramen stand, having a time-consuming ramen intake contest and arranging another overbearing prank.
Of course...
… As we all know...
... Turmoil...
... Will be its conclusion...
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A few minutes later, they were at the Ninja Academy, sneaking around taking buckets of paint and paintbrushes as well. They had also managed to tempt Hyuuga Natsuki, Hyuuga Neji's older sister and haul her boyfriend and sparring partner, Uchiha Itachi.
The paints were all carried by the 3 adolescence while Deidara carried the brushes. They also found some white tarpaulins and the 6-year-old recommended that they use them for their new 'assignment'.
Thus, Naruto had managed to add a new plan to their already peculiar one. Of course, that was going to be a magnet for more attention than that of the customary.
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Running through the jam-packed streets of Konoha, towards the Hokage Tower, they had managed to get around it and accomplish reaching the Hokage Monument behind without being sensed by the guards or the Hokage himself.
That was quite an accomplishment since they were not permitted to even be in the wake of the tower after a certain occurrence.
Finishing the first part of their plan, they began the second one.
During its improvement though, they had attracted a massive mob where many had started laughing madly and others passing out due to the lack of oxygen. Shinobis had also begun gathering and fainting while a newly assigned Chuunin had decided to inform it to the Hokage.
Heck! Even Sarutobi, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Hiashi, Hizashi and many other significant and high ranked people began laughing their ass off from where they were. I mean, who wouldn't?
-x-x-
Namikaze Minato was almost over and done with, with his paperwork and had begun drinking tea just a little while ago. He had managed to draw to a close all of his paperwork in a short amount of time and with only one stack left.
That was quite an achievement for someone who detested the thing with infatuation.
He was about to take another sip of his dearly loved and soothing tea, when a Chuunin barged in like a round the bend man.
"Hokage-sama," The Shinobi exclaimed, causing Minato to drop his tea all over himself, making him boogie like a chicken (A/N: I wonder if pigs can dance…)... The tea was, after all, very, very searing...
The Chuunin sweat dropped and apologized quickly before his superior decided to relegate him. Luckily for him, Minato was quite in a pleasant mood, even after being spilled on with tea and settled for the well-mannered apology and coolly asked what he wanted for him to barge into his office of all places.
"Sir... Another practical joke has been established." A vein throbbed forcefully on Minato's head. And I thought no one would have the courage to spoil this unflawed day of mine!
"Who the hell did the prank?! Was it Deidara again?! It couldn't have been Naruto since he's still out on a mission." If it's someone else, I'm gonna slaughter him! He added as an after thought.
"Sir, you won't believe it but it would seem that both your sons had done it with the help of one Uchiha Itachi and Hyuuga Natsuki." The young Chuunin reported evenly but inside he was really uneasy.
After all, the last time the four of them did a prank... The whole of Konoha felt the killer intent of the youngest Hokage which was just about worse than that of Kyuubi's.
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... Yondaime Hokage; Konoha no Kiiroi Senko; The strongest man alive... Paled... After all, a prank made by both his sons with the assistance of a Hyuuga and an Uchiha, is something that you have to apprehend.
"Sir? Sir?! Sir! Are you alright?" The Chuunin hysterically waved his hand in front of the whitish Hokage.
He also wondered if he should search out a medic to see if he was still animate but decided against it as he came back to the living wage. Some of the color on his face also came back after regaining some of his composure.
"Where did they do the prank?" He asked his voice more or less tremulous.
"I think it would be best if you came outside..." Minato nodded and both of them went simultaneously. Minato, however, was not prepared for what he was about to witness.
-x-x-
As they neared the entrance of the tower, they both heard the village population and even the Shinobi population laughing like hyenas.
Few minutes later, they were both staring at the now very, very multi-colored Hokage Monument. The streets were crowded with medic-nins running back and forth carrying passed out Shinobis and civilians alike.
The color that had gone back to Minato's face earlier had already vanished and he looked like a ghost...
And if there were any color left, that would have been a phenomenon.
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… Right in front of them was a painted-no, vandalized and scandalized Headstone. (A/N: Wow! Naruto and the others really do love doing thins that are not supposed to be done…)
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First, we take a look at the features of the Shodaime Hokage. His eyes were the shade of hot pink and his lips were highlighted black (A/N: EW! Who the heck wears those kinds of combination?!)). He was also adorned with fangs like that of the Inuzuka and his cheeks had swirls on them similar to that of the Uzumaki spiral.
He was also drooling blood and there were red spots on his jaw as if he had just bitten or maybe eaten a human being. The hair noticeable on the sculpture was then dyed a bright green while his head band was painted a color of bright yellow.
And the whole of his face that remained unpainted was tinted grey.
To put it simply, it was an atrocious image of the Father of Konoha since it looked like a gruesome and disoriented vampire. And zenith of it was a white oilcloth with the words, "I Love Vampires! There So Cool And Mysterious! Kya-a!" printed on it in hot pink paint.
At seeing that, Minato nearly fainted. But, alas, the demonstration wasn't through as there were still three faces left.
He also heard one villager say a comment.
"Wow! I never knew that Shodaime-sama loved vampires… It's quite… enlightening…"
That one comment was enough to make him chuckle a little. (A/N: And I thought he was about to faint from seeing the monument!)
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The Nidaime Hokage's face was next. For starters, his whole face was painted with color blue. His face had gills resembling those that were in Kisame's face and his hair was black. He also had a smile/smirk/grin that was also comparable to the one Kisame has.
His band/head gear was coated midnight blue and he had fangs that of a shark. His lips were pink as if he was wearing lip gloss and his eyes were in a shade of green.
His face was also garlanded with orange arched lines that didn't exactly set off anywhere.
To sum it all up, he looked like the twin of Kisame with an unsettled face. Above it, just like the format on Shodaime's head, the words, "Hoshigaki Kisame Is My Brother! We Look Alike Don't We?"were written in big bold blue letters.
Of course, we already know that Kisame had a weird face but just imagine him having curved lines going around his face and had an eye shade of green and pink lip gloss.
That one nearly made Minato puke since he really couldn't imagine the Nidaime Hokage of Konoha having that kind of facade even if it was presented right in front of him.
Kisame, on the other hand, was both overwhelmed and humiliated... To think that Naruto and the others would think of his face as the root of Nidaime's. That was kinda ghastly.
Kisame also made a comment that was apparently too loud and made the population laugh harder.
"I never knew I had a brother… So I guess that means that Shodaime is also my brother?! Unbelievable!"
We all know that Nidaime had only one brother and that was the father of Konoha. But after that sentence, it seems that the kids present there had a new revelation on Hoshigaki Kisame being Senju Kisame.
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Sandaime Hokage was next in line. Now as we all know, said Hokage was a little bit too somber but in the memorial... He was nothing like it.
Firstly, his face was covered with white. His hair was of rainbow color. Also, his hair was designed to be wavy and frilly. His eyes were a shade of pink and his lips were red. The nose was a color of red in the outline of a circle and he also had red circles on both sides of his face. He had a smile that reached his ears and showed his teeth.
Oh, and by the way, his lipstick was very, very broad. His eye shadow was also in the same fashion making him look like a weirdo. And to finish my description on his face, he had black spots all over his face and there was one large green smudge on the center of his forehead.
From a far, that green object looks like a large blemish…
A very large blemish...
To properly conclude it, he looked like a slapstick comedian with a lot of blemishes. Now, the blemishes wouldn't be problem since everyone gets them, but if it's in the color of green, red, black or blue, it would really look nasty.
Also, above the Sandaime's face was also a white tarpaulin with the words, "I'm Konoha's #1 Entertainer Saying Hello and Hohoho!"written in big bold letters in the color of green.
And only this one appearance nearly made Minato loose control and laugh like the other Shinobis. Of course, that wasn't going to happen even if his stomach was already throbbing as if it was about to burst out.
He was geared up to dash to his office, seal it, and laugh like a hyena but unfortunately; he hadn't managed to examine his face just yet.
Sandaime on the other hand, who was with his students, was seething. His face was already red and he was about to blow up from all the mortification that happens to be his face on the Hokage Monument.
Sure, he can stand what the other Hokages appear like but if it involved his face that was another topic.
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Yondaime Hokage was the last but not the least. Now, this was something that the teenagers and kid were swollen with pride of. After all, it was their unsurpassed art as of yet but it would seem as the young Hokage won't be fond of it.
First of all, he was weeping…
He had make-up…
His black eye shadow was tarnished all over his face and his lips looked like a child's that was pouting. His hair was still blonde but a red blotch was all over it and it looked like a cat or fox or whatever of some sort. There was also something coming out of his nose.
Wait… What the hell was that anyway?! That's not mucus, is it?!
Or maybe…
Ahem…! Back to the story, his lips were decorated a cherry red in color and the whole of his face was highlighted green. He looked like he was about to throw up. Also, he had a goatee and a mustache; a mustache that curved upwards at the end of both sides constructing him to look like someone who was fond of the said mustache.
(A/N: Since I'm a Filipino, I think that mustache looks like what Jose Rizal has or any other history person.)
On his cheeks were circles of some sort and there was something painted on his forehead. If one looked narrowly, he would make out the words "Kya!! I'm So Good Looking!! Quartet: As If!!" written in blue letters. One more thing, he had gills on the side of his face just above the circles and fangs that were colored brown…
As brown as a carabao's feces…
Above the painted face was another sheet painted with the words, "Otou-san's So Good Looking Isn't He?! He's The Hottest Hokage That Ever Hokage'd And Someone Who Wants Everyone To Tie The Knot With Them (Aside From Guys!)!!"written in orange paint.
Shinobis and villagers alike all gave him comments on both the artistic-ness of his sons and what he looked on the Hokage Monument. Here are some samples:
"Hokage-sama… You looked good with a-a mustache an-and a goatee. I think-I think you should grow so-some…!" Laughed one of the villagers and continued to inspect the creativity of the quartet who were currently taking a few pictures before suddenly vanishing.
Another then came.
"Hokage-sa-sama… You-you should rea-really take a pic-picture of the Monu-monument right now… And post it-it in your-your office. It might ser-serve as enter-entertainment…" A Shinobi commented and began to laugh once again and suddenly passed out.
Here's one more.
"I want to tell you, Yondaime-sama… Your children have great minds. Even Itachi-sama and Natsuki-sama… I think it would be good if you tried to help them develop it." A random traveler told the young Kage though the statement made him twitch uncontrollably.
And another additional is at this juncture.
"Yondaime-sama… It would seem that you look quite good on the Monument. I think it would be best if you keep the Headstone this way. Also, I'd like to compliment your sons and their friends on making such and incredible display of art." He told the Hokage with the utmost confidence and was quite oblivious to the killer intent Minato was emitting.
And so he continued. "You should really grow a mustache and a goatee and I think Sandaime-sama should also become a clown. In any case, Konoha will be much more popular once you place this on the newspaper and keep it there. And by the way, nice hair and comment on top of your face."
With that said the traveler began his long trek towards wherever he wanted to go and left the Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato to boil at his words.
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Alright-y!
This one nearly made Minato explode like a C2 or maybe even like a C4! Come on people who would do or tell something like that to the person whom they have a high regard for and the strongest man alive?!
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Oh yeah…
His kids…
… And some of the villagers, Shinobis and travelers alike.
They, his children, were nearly as stubborn and as taxing as their mother when they were still in their adolescent years. In any case, he will find the culprits even if he had to hunt each house in Konoha!
He won't le them get away this time! And they'll be spending most of their time cleaning the Monument even if it takes them a week!
Unfortunately for him, he didn't mull over the fact that his sons had a Hyuuga and an Uchiha to back them up. They could hide from view anywhere in Konoha and not be spotted…
… Unless they want to although this is highly impossible when your father and uncle wants to castrate you…
… Especially if Itachi used his 6 Pointed Mangekyou Sharingan to conceal the four of them from everyone's view…
He also didn't reflect on the fact that his son, Naruto, had a traveling pass allowing him to depart from the village anytime he wishes with anyone he wants to be with.
So once the search starts, the quartet may have left the village and went to Kushina who would be spending an entire week at Uzu no Kuni to pay her respects to her departed parents whom she hadn't visited in nearly ten years.
Or they could be hiding in the Hokage Monument or under a Genjutsu somewhere within the borders of Konoha.
-x-x-
A few days later, they still haven't managed to find the foursome leaving Minato to make his mind up that they were either good at hiding or they've left the village using Naruto's traveling pass and had gone to Whirlpool.
But he needn't be concerned about their wellbeing since they can take heed of themselves counting Deidara who was still in the academy.
Being a Hokage was still a nuisance.
He couldn't escape the tower when he wanted unless he completed all of the paperwork that his escritoire had been giving him non-stop since daybreak. He had tried to use his authority in position…
But sadly, she had managed to intimidate him with the pledge of telling his consort that he had left his paperwork undone if he ever sneaked out.
He was really going to give a long and boring tirade to his sons once they get back and ground them for giving him so much paperwork! And the formalities were all either complaints or letters of having a vandalized and scandalized monument.
A large stack also came from the infirmary, saying that there were too many cases of people passing out and that the quarters were not enough and people keep coming back that they can't even stay for an hour outside of the hospital.
They were also short on Shinobis to go on missions and the Genins were all out of commission and most of the Chuunins and Jounins as well.
Even some of the ANBU members were on the not-active list that he had to tell the villagers that they can't send in D-Ranked missions and have to do them on their own which sent in another stack 10 stack complains.
A few minutes later, after much cursing, Kushina appeared through the door and Minato was so thankful he literally flew at her once she stepped foot into the office. This action startled the woman but she managed to realize immediately after seeing the piles of paperwork on his desk and other stacks that had taken the floor instead.
She knew that her husband loathed paperwork and would much rather do D-Ranked missions than sit all day.
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Naruto, Deidara, Itachi and Natsuki were all outside the Hokage's office snickering as they watched.
They had caught a foretaste of the Yondaime's desolation and were quite contented that what they have done caused him a lot of paperwork.
"Ne, 'Nii-san," Deidara whispered to his brother. "'Tou-san's really angry and tired with all the paperwork he has. Do you think we shouldn't have done the prank?"
"Nah! He deserved it after punishing us because of the last prank we did. Besides, its not like he was injured or anything…" Naruto whispered back and snickered once again.
"'Tsuki-nee?? 'Tachi-nii?? What do you think?" He asked his two surrogate siblings that were just behind him.
"Its okay, Dei… Even though we'll get lectured later on, it was still worth it. And also, the village needed some entertainment and things that make the village much livelier." Natsuki whispered and made sure that the Yondaime was still whining about paperwork and have not spotted them yet.
"I'll agree with Natsuki with this one… Moreover, we managed to evade the Hokage's wrath even for a little while only, didn't we?" Itachi added and looked back to where the Yondaime was.
How did they manage to escape Minato's wrath for a while, you ask?
Simple…
A few days ago, after they had done the prank, they took a few pictures of the Monument, one being a picture with the four of them, and quickly left the village and headed for Uzu no Kuni.
Once they had found Kushina, they quickly told her what transpired and instead of being paid a sermon from her, they all shared a good laugh. Apparently, Kushina had also done the same fixation before, only that Minato's face wasn't there.
They had been able to avoid the Yondaime's rage for a few days and now they were geared up to face it. But providentially for them, Minato has yet to discern that they are already in the village and are only waiting for 'The Lecture' as they have come to call it.
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Owari da!
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