"Wilson?" House called through the closed door of the hotel room, quietly enough not to bother the neighboring rooms, but loud enough to ensure he would be heard.
Within the room, James Wilson closed his eyes for a long moment, taking a deep and steadying breath. Slowly, he opened the door enough to look at House and had to suppress the urge to wince. It was clear House hadn't slept, the slump of his shoulders told Wilson that much.
"House," Wilson began, shaking his head, "it's late, and I need to get some sleep. I don't have to tell you it's been a long day."
"Leaving the job you've had for better than a decade is tiring," House said acidly, his voice hoarse, "but I need to talk to you."
"There's nothing else to say," Wilson said wearily, "It's better for both of us for me to leave."
Wilson looked into his friend's blue eyes, but despite his steely words his voice was close to breaking as he spoke.
"I have the right to walk away from you, House."
House looked at Wilson, his eyes pleading. He had come to say something and he needed to say it.
"I understand," House said, trying despite the pain he was in to keep his voice level, "but give me a chance to say one thing before you leave for good."
House was about to take a huge gamble.
"For the sake of our entire friendship I'm asking," House said, meeting Wilson's gaze with his own.
Wilson did not trust himself to speak, but nodded, moving aside to let House in.
More slowly than usual House made his way into the cramped room. Taking a seat stiffly in the hard chair set into the middle of the room House took a deep breath, steadying himself through the pain. After several long moments Wilson spoke.
"House what is it?" he asked somewhat irritably, "I don't-"
Wilson stopped in his tracts, looking at House more closely. Now that he was looking at House properly his medical instincts were kicking in and he realized it wasn't only sleep deprivation he saw in the other man. Kneeling for a long moment to look into House's face Wilson then looked up to the ceiling, blowing out a huge breath.
"You idiot," Wilson said softly.
"I told you I would," House said just as softly, "I came here to tell you I'm serious this time."
"You can't just quit cold turkey, House, I told you I'd help you into a program before I left-"
House shook his head.
"It won't work. It didn't last time-"
"Because you had the guard slipping you Vicodin!" Wilson growled, "you're choosing to do it right this time."
"It's not enough!" House said, matching Wilson's tone, "choosing it isn't good enough, willpower isn't good enough. Not anymore."
"That's what the support staff is there for. They know what they're doing, House-"
"It wouldn't matter if I had all the addict specialists and detox nurses on the planet. It still wouldn't work."
"Why?" Wilson said, exhaustion suddenly sweeping through him.
"Because, damn it, I don't need them!" House said hoarsely.
Wilson waited until House leaned back heavily, his eyes becoming fixed on a point above Wilson's head.
"I don't understand, House," Wilson said quietly, "you're trying to detox on your own but you're telling me you don't need rehab?"
"I didn't say I didn't need it," House said quietly, still not looking at Wilson, "I said it wouldn't work."
"But?" Wilson prompted, sensing something more.
"But I think there's something that will."
"Really?" Wilson said skeptically, "there's something that will get you clean besides the tried and true method that has helped God knows how many thousands of people over the years?"
"Yes," House said without a trace of the sarcasm Wilson was throwing at him.
"Do tell," Wilson said, tired of the game already.
House said nothing, but simply looked at Wilson and the younger oncologist saw the answer in the diagnostician's eyes.
"House," Wilson said, his heart clenching within his chest, "you can't really think-"
"That you being around will expedite my rehab? Maybe might be a critical component of it? You're damn right I do."
"Why would you-" Wilson began, but House cut him off again.
"Studies have shown positive thinking, even prayer have sped recovery of all kinds of diseases. No one knows why, but-"
"You're stretching, House. A few studies wouldn't convince you to do anything-"
"Damn it you know what I'm trying to say!" House said, his anger flaring.
"I think I do," Wilson said carefully, "but then one can never be sure when dealing with the notoriously skittish lone wolf."
These last words were spoken in a mock Discovery Channel announcer voice. Despite himself, House smiled. Soon enough, however, he sobered.
"I…" House avoided Wilson's gaze, "I need you. I need you if I'm ever going to get clean."
"Come on, House," Wilson said patiently, "you've got a team, Cuddy, you'll have plenty of support. You can do this with or without me."
House now leveled his gaze upon Wilson once more.
"You see? That's exactly why I need you. No one else, including everyone you just mentioned, would show that kind of unwavering faith in me. No one else would understand it. Hell, I don't even understand it."
"House, whatever you set your mind to, there's nothing that can stop you. It doesn't take our history to see that."
"But it does take our history to make me believe it," House said seriously, "and if I don't believe it I'll fail. I can't fail, Wilson. If I do, someone will probably die. Most likely me."
"I don't-" Wilson said brokenly, "I don't think I can, House. I don't think I have it in me anymore."
"Now you're just being dense," House said, a glimmer of humor shining through the pain still in his eyes, "James Wilson not being able to care is like rain moving upward."
"Maybe that's what got me into this," Wilson said, now standing up purposefully.
"What do you mean?" House said, following the other with his eyes.
"I cared about you, cared about your peace of mind, sometimes despite my better judgment and look where it's gotten us. Maybe I can't be objective enough to help you. I sure as hell haven't in the past."
"You were the truest friend I've ever had since day one," House said, disturbingly aware of how he was using the past tense.
"That doesn't mean I'm equipped to help you now," Wilson said sadly, "and I can't live with myself knowing I'm just in your way while you're going through something so important."
"In my way?" House said incredulously, "is that what you think?"
House stood up now as well, coming almost nose to nose with Wilson.
"Why do you think I was in the bar that night?" House said, his voice soft.
Wilson's eyes were wide with fear, a pang of grief moving through him at the mention of the bus crash.
"House," Wilson said, "don't do this."
"Why do you think you were the one I called?" House went on unflinchingly, ignoring Wilson's words.
Wilson simply shook his head, swallowing against the lump now forming in his throat.
"Your new relationship made you happy," House went on, "I didn't think you had room for me anymore."
"House," Wilson said, unable to bear anymore.
"Let me finish," House said desperately, "I should have known better. I should have known that you being with her wouldn't change-"
"Stop!" Wilson said, holding up a preemptive hand and seemingly just barely holding on to his composure. For several long moments the two men stood in silence, Wilson slowing his breathing back to normal.
"I know you're sorry," Wilson said quietly, "and for what it's worth I forgive you. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't be in this friendship anymore."
"Why?"
"The truth is I'm scared," Wilson said matter-of-factly, "I usually don't like to advertise that kind of weakness so baldly but there it is. I'm scared that you're going to fall and fall hard. And when you do you'll take me with you."
"I won't let that happen," House said forcefully.
"You won't know how to stop it," Wilson said, just as forcefully, "the only person who can protect me is me."
"I never advertise my weakness," House began, fear evident in his voice, "but here it is. The only one who can protect me is you."
Wilson shook his head, confusion stalling his mind. He wasn't sure he could stay in this friendship without eventually being slowly chipped away into dust. As he looked at House, however, he knew that their bond could not be broken, either; not like this.
"If I stay, House," Wilson said quietly, "you had better work like you never have before. Do not make me regret taking this chance. Because you won't get another."
House nodded.
"I've played poker with you," House said, a tiny smile on his face, "you never take a chance you're not sure will pay off."
Wilson nodded, matching House's smile.
"But I've never bet so much on just one hand."
A/N: In case anyone's interested, this is inspired by the new season 5 preview which aired last night on Fox (and can be found on YouTube as well).
The title, BTW, is an echo of the episode title "All In", which is the episode in which House and Wilson play in a poker tournament.