Philophobia – Chapter One

Levi's POV

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Thump. Drowsily, Levi raised his hand from the alarm clock's snooze button. He rolled over in his bed and buried his face in the pillow. That was a terrible night's sleep, he thought to himself. He had fallen asleep at 4 in the morning writing an article and had woken up at 6 for his journalist job at the local magazine. Warily, he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He stared out at the large tinted window which sat suspended on the wall adjacent to his bed. The window was misted and covered with little droplets of rain from the storm the night before. Levi stood up, shivering in the morning air and walked over to the window. The sky was a dull gray, thick with storm clouds. Sleet was falling off of the neighboring condominiums; large skyscrapers with blue tinted windows now greyed with the falling rain. He drew a figure in the fog accumulated on the cold glass. Far below, cars were bustling along the busy streets, full of people commuting to get to work on time. Levi chuckled as he turned on his heel and fell back on his bed.

His chest burned with the same usual lingering feeling he had whenever he woke up. It felt like having someone pour boiling hot coffee on your chest continuously. He groaned and shambled out of bed, swinging open the washroom door. He took a quick, freezing cold shower and he brushed his teeth in silence. He contemplated if he had time to boil a pot of coffee, still feeling fatigued from the night before. He spit out the toothpaste and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was getting thinner, and he had dark, prominent dark circles which hung around his grey eyes. His pale skin glowed in the dim washroom light, shadows outlining his chiselled abs. His physique often made up for the fact that he stood only 5'3". He combed his ebony black hair, undercut and parted in the middle, before flickering off the washroom light. Across from his bed was a grand wardrobe and vanity, with a small chair beside it. Rows and rows of suits and dress shirts lined the wardrobe walls, with a selection of ties lining one of the doors. Levi reached in and grabbed one of his black dress shirts, black dress pants as well as a red tie. After dressing quickly and a brief glance in the mirror for approval, he hurried down the stairs from his bedroom loft to the main area of the studio apartment.

Levi's apartment wasn't particularly big, as he felt no need to occupy extra space. However, it was very neat and up kept, not to mention very modern and expensive, considering it was located in the heart of the city. Levi was a bit of a clean freak, so whenever guests came over, he would obsess over every little detail in making sure the apartment was spotless. The bottom of the loft stairs leads to the central living room. In the corner directly under the loft is another gigantic window, as well as some white couches with a steely grey throw and a red and white carpet. A large flat screen T.V. sat across from a coffee table, covered in magazines and a laptop. To the left of him was the kitchen, equipped with updated, stainless steel appliances. The cabinets were dark brown with white countertops. A coffee pot, sat perched at the end of one of the counters, was often Levi's only relief after pulling all-nighters. You see, he suffered from a terrible case of insomnia and often had trouble breathing at night, though he refused to see a doctor. A dining table rested right of the kitchen and the main entrance door, with two doors on the right hand wall; one leading to an office and another to a second washroom. Among all this, a large crystal chandelier hung high above the dining table.

Levi pulled open the kitchen cabinet, reaching for a box of Corn Flakes. As he fixed himself a bowl of cereal, he walked over to the living room couch, turning on the news on to watch for any new stories to write about. 34 Injured and 7 Dead: Fatal Train Crash in Maine. Editors of Newspaper in Tennessee Wanted for Publishing Political Propaganda. New Elections, New Candidates: What will the democrats pull this time? Levi bit onto the spoon hard. Recently, there hasn't been any good stories or anything inspiring to write about. Only Politics and Tragedies. He sighed, deciding it would be better to turn off the television because all the white noise made by the reporters made his head ache.

After pacing around his flat aimlessly for what seemed like eternity with a bowl of cereal in his hand, he rinsed out the dirty plate and grabbed his coat. He dashed out of the flat, quickly locking the door behind him, and made his way to the elevator. Once inside, he checked his hair in the mirror before another lady dressed in a tight red dress entered the elevator. She had her blonde hair curled into ringlets and was wearing a small, black jacket on top of her dress. Her black heels clicked on the polished marble floor, and she was laden with a thick layer of sweet perfume. Levi cringed slightly, crinkling his nose. Ugh, she's wearing enough of that crap to kill a goddamn horse. As soon as the elevator open, Levi pushed pass the lady and walked out the main lobby, tightening the coat around him as he stepped into the cold city air.

He walked down the busy street. He didn't need to drive to work because his office was the building across from his condo. He huddled together, shoving his hands into his pockets and watching his breath become tangible in the frigid air. His small frame meant it was hard to keep warm in cold weather like this, so his hands were always dry and freezing. The rain had stopped slightly and it was only drizzling. However, the ground was still covered in puddles, which made a little splash as Levi speed along the street. He pushed his way through a hoard of people; a man talking on the phone with his girlfriend about date plans, a group of woman talking about a project at work, a stranger stopping to help a woman who had become lost. All these conversations made Levi's head spin.

This world is made up of the white noise of insignificant conversations and unimportant things, He sighed, crossing the street while a loud car horn went off somewhere in the distance. Some described Levi as emotionless, heartless sometimes. His co-worker, Hanji, described him as philophobic, meaning he was afraid of love and relationships with people which leads him to have a cold attitude towards others. But Levi simply shook the thought out of his head. She speaks nonsense. I'm fine at getting along with others. He paused to look at his reflection in one of the store mirrors, with the mannequins sneering at him. Am I Afraid of Love? He wondered.

"Levi? Levi!" Levi turned his head quickly to see Hanji waving at him from the front of the office doors. He smiled and walked towards her. Hanji was a natural beauty. Beautiful long, reddish-brown hair which cascaded down to her shoulders (though she usually wore it up in a bun), with doe-like brown eyes that were every bit as energetic and exciting as her personality. She wore a long, brown coat which went up to her knees, with matching brown boots. She was huddled together too, rubbing her hands together as she gestured for him to come over quicker.

"Hello Hanji. Beautiful morning, isn't it?" Levi said in his usual sarcastic tone, pushing and holding the door open for her. "The sun hasn't shown this bright in decades." He chuckled, showing the security at the entrance of the building his identification, as Hanji showed hers pulling out her wallet. She bumbled through the door, clearing the fog off of her glasses that accumulated from the humidity outside. She simply frowned, pressing the button to call the elevator.

"You didn't get enough sleep last night." She stated as they walked into the elevator. Hanji pulled out some lipstick from her purse and began to apply it in the elevator mirror. "You look like you have black eyes, or you are wearing eye liner and missed your eyes. But I know your makeup skills are better than that." She giggled to herself, as Levi elbowed her in the rib. He adjusted his tie as the door opened and they stepped out into the office corridor.

"Hey, at least I slept last night." He said, briefly greeting the secretary and pushing open the large glass doors to the rest of the floor. He walked past rows of offices, with some people in the middle of meetings. He spotted his boss, Erwin, presenting something to the lower reporters, and waved before turning the corner. His office was on the corner, completely surrounded by windows, exactly how he liked it. Levi took off his jacket and hung it on a hook on the wall and wiped his shoes on the doormat. There was a desk in the corner with a computer, as well as a filing cabinet and a couple of chairs. Levi also requested to have his own personal coffee maker, which was currently sitting on top of the filing cabinet, amidst a clutter of papers and reports. He didn't tell anyone, but there was a storage of hand sanitizer in one of the drawers because he always felt like the office workspace was full of germs people carried around, which made him sick to even think about it.

Levi sat in his chair and pulled up the latest work he had been working at on the desktop. He was writing this article on the effects of sleep and the human body, how badly lack of sleep deteriorates it and how beneficial it is for us to get enough. It made Levi laugh to think that the most sleep deprived person would be writing an article on sleep but hey, a job's a job.

Later…

Levi typed away at his keyboard for a while, occasionally pausing to stare out of the window in a futile effort to distract himself. The rain began to pour harder, with droplets streaking down the dirty windows. The sky darkened, making seem like nighttime outside, and the buzz of cars echoed in the back of Levi's mind. Sigh. Levi shut one of his desk drawers with a slam. He ran out of coffee grinds in his desk so he had to go to the nearest coffee shop and grab himself a cup of coffee before he passed out on his desk.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Hanji peered through the glass walls of the office before letting herself in with a tray of cookie. Erwin entered the room soon after, with one of Hanji's cookies in hand. He was dressed in a grey business suit, with a blue tie, and his dirty blonde hair was slicked back with hair gel. Hanji futilely waved a biscuit in from of Levi's face and poked him with it. Levi pushed away from his desk and sighed, crossing his arms.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He said in a sarcastic tone. Erwin leaned against the table and reached for another one of the cookies on the platter. Hanji sat down on one of the chairs opposite the desk.

"Do you do anything but work, Levi? This is the 5th night in a row that you haven't had a good night's rest." Erwin twirled around a teaspoon in his coffee cup. Levi raised an inquisitive eyebrow towards him.

"Yes, I haven't slept because of work. However, I wouldn't have slept anyways so why not be productive with my time." He started to sort through some of the papers on his desk. "My articles are still top-quality, are they not?" He questioned. Erwin stared at him for a second, shifting positions in the chair.

"Yes, they are excellent quality as always. But I'm becoming concerned over your physical health." He paused, looking at Levi with empathy in his eyes. Levi squirmed under his gaze. "You can't go on like this, Levi. Living off of energy drinks and coffee. You are going to crash." Erwin stated simply. Levi stared at the floor, acknowledging this, before Hanji spoke up as well.

"You need to get a girlfriend." She stated. Erwin began to laugh hysterically. From the sound Erwin was emitting, Levi was glad the glass walls were sound proof. Levi began to blush, turning away from the two of them.

"Levi? A Girlfriend? You are talking to the guy who specifically avoids emotional interactions with people at all costs. For Christ's sake, he flipped off that chatty intern Linda after she wouldn't shut up about her new diet." Erwin bursted out. Hanji began to giggle and Levi was trying not to smile.

"Oh, come on, we both know she was annoying with her 'smoothies and salads are the next big thing' bullshit. And I don't avoid people." Levi stated, standing up to grab one of the cookies from the platter. "I just don't find a need to create unnecessary emotional messes." He concluded, biting down on the cookie. It was oatmeal, his favourite which no one else liked. Hanji always remembered. She just stared at him blankly, and rubbed her temple.

"I swear, I am going to make you a dating profile and find you someone myself if I have to. You need someone looking out for you." She stood up, picking up the platter of cookies and started towards the door. She stopped for a moment, cracking open the heavy, corrugated glass door slightly. "Oh, and I found your hand sanitizer storage the other day. I borrowed one or two…or five. Good luck on the article!" And she was off. Erwin stood up, shaking his head. He was considerable taller than Levi, standing 6'2" at his full height.

"You look like you are going to faint. Here, take your lunch break now. Its only 20 minutes early. Go to that coffee shop nearby that you love and grab something so you don't die, and meet me at that sushi place a couple blocks down. Ill meet you there in 30 minutes with Hanji. Don't be late." He joked, waltzing out of the office. Levi sighed, grabbing his coat and saving the document, before filing a couple papers into his desk. He walked down the corridor and into the elevator. He looked at himself in the mirror, combing through his hair with his hand. I'm 75% coffee and 25% hand sanitizer at this point. Wrapping his scarf around his neck, he stepped out of the elevator and made his way out the building and down the street. Just ahead was the small, quaint coffee shop he loved so dearly, just as the rain began to fall.

Later…

Levi stepped into the small coffee shop and folded his black umbrella, shaking some of the water off of it. He wiped his feet on the door mat, stepping into line. The Aristocrat's Cup it was called, and it served the best coffee in New York. It was decorated in a Parisian style, with fake street lights and a cobblestone patterned floor. Flowers hung from baskets near the window and outside of the shop. Wine bottles hung from the ceiling with incandescent light bulbs inside lighting the shop, and tables had fresh flowers in ornate vases. The walls were painted with the scene of a street in Paris at night, with bustling restaurants and a view of the Eiffel tower lit up in the back. They served the most amazing pastries and there was always a line, no matter what time of day.

Levi stepped up to the cash register and ordered a black coffee and apple pastry. The cash register dinged with a satisfying noise and the barista handed him $1.25 in change.

"Is that for here or to go?" She asked him, reaching for one of the plastic cups on the corner of the counter. Levi thought for a minute and then shook his head. He had time to enjoy some coffee.

"To stay, please." He replied. He turned to sit at a small table in the back. He sat down and looked around the shop, waiting for the barista to bring him his coffee. The shop was busy as usual and recently, many of the university students from the university nearby came to stop and for study for exams. Although it was full of people, it was always near silent. After all, this shop received reviews and criticism equivalent to that of a high end restaurant. In one corner was a group of friends with their neuropsychology textbooks out, discussing the functions of the human brain. In another, a group of women sat chatting during their lunch break. However, Levi's eyes flickered over to a table nearby, where another young man sat with his gaze focused intently on his laptop. He was typing away, never looking up for a second and occasionally sipping from his cup. A graduating student, Levi thought as he saw the "end of the course" texts that the boy had strewn out on the table. But it wasn't the complex anatomy books the student was studying that interested him so deeply. It was the boy.

He was handsome, maybe in his early twenties. Ruffled brown hair complimented his peach coloured skin. His eyes were beautiful; a teal green colour that shown with radiance and youth. He wore a pair of thick rimmed glasses, as well as his school uniform; a light blue undershirt with a gray cardigan and grey pants. He looked to be quite a bit taller than Levi, yet he was slimmer, with less muscle mass. Levi found himself uncontrollably staring at the boy's lips in a trance. And something about his eyes made him want to melt. He scratched his head. He remembered those eyes from somewhere. He had seen this boy before, in some other lifetime perhaps.

Levi couldn't take his eyes off the brunette for the duration of his stay at the shop. Occasionally, the brunette looked up and once, their eyes made contact. He wanted to look away and not seem like a stalker but he couldn't. The two of them looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever. Something about his eyes was just mesmerising. Levi began to feel a bit dizzy and light headed. Thoughts and emotions ran through his head before the café door swung open, and the little bell rang. A shorter boy with his long blonde hair pinned back in a bun, walked in with his Law textbooks in hand. Levi coughed. A lawyer in the making. To him, lawyers were just uptight know-it-alls.The boy had pretty blue eyes, walking up to the brunette and tapping him on the shoulder. The brunette looked up and smiled. The two of them exchanged a bit of inaudible conversation before the brunette backed his books in his back and slung it over his shoulder. When the two of them left the shop together, Levi decided he would wait a couple minutes and then leave himself. The barista came over with his steaming coffee, apologizing for the delay. It didn't matter, because Levi had forgotten about his order all together.

He sat in silence and drank his coffee, staring at the floor. He wanted to punch himself in the face, burying his head in his hands. Why did I do that? He probably thinks I'm a creep. Levi stood up, putting on his coat and leaving a tip under the cup. He stepped out of the café door and started walking towards the subway station nearby. But he couldn't get the boy out of his head. He shook his head in frustration, pushing past the crowd of pedestrians. Why do I care what that boy thinks? I'll probably never see him again. He was just another person, right? Just another boy. With beautiful green eyes. And an amazing smile.

Levi started down the stairs at the subway station. For the first time, he felt butterflies in his stomach. He was so confused and his head was spinning, throbbing. Everything sped up and he felt like he was moving in slow motion. He made his way down the stairs and onto the platform, glancing at his watch. 15 minutes should be enough to get to the sushi house. He pushed through the people and stood at the front of the crowd, a couple of steps behind the yellow limit line. All of a sudden his head began to swirl, and he felt nauseous. Claustrophobia set in and he felt the walls of the subway system bending and warping, closing in on him. He felt his heart beat racing. Badum. Badum. Badum. Badum. The lights of the subway station warped around him, encasing him in light until all he could see was white. Individual conversations became swirled together as one large hum. And then it all went black.