WALKING ON THIN ICE
Chapter One: A Bad Feeling
"You must remember this/A kiss is just a kiss…"
-As Time Goes By
Hoth, Rebel Base
I: Leia
When you grow up a princess, even a princess in the home of the leader of the Rebel Alliance, there are some things that you are not taught.
One of those things?
Never drink with a Corellian.
Three years.
Three long years of maintaining her decorum, her dignity.
Just a few friendly drinks, and it wasn't as if she and Han hadn't had a few friendly drinks, before.
It was war.
They were soldiers.
Well, she was.
And that was how he got her.
The scruffy nerf herder of a pirate son-of-a bitch.
"…well I don't know about all that, your Worship, but when you live the kind of life I've had, you get more serious scars than that."
Leia was infuriated.
She had been active with the Rebellion since she was 14, a soldier for a decade, for more than a third of her life, and he was going to start this princess crap with her.
Again.
As usual.
For a man she would, and had, entrusted with her life, Han Solo was one of the most infuriating sons of bitches that she had ever known.
"You want scars? I'll show you scars."
She slammed the glass down, and pulled her tunic down from her shoulder.
"You see that? That's from Vader's torture droid. That's what it looks like when acid-based lasers ionize your flesh! And you know what I told him. Nothing. Zero. You would have sang like a dance hall girl in Jabba's palace!"
That wiped the cocky grin off of Han's face, and got his dirty boots off the table.
"Scars, huh? You wanna see scars? Fine, your Imperial Majesty, I'll show you some goddamn scars!"
He stood up, took off his vest, and started unbuttoning his shirt.
"Hey, what are you doing? You can't do that, here! I live here, I sleep here, I don't want your dirty pirate rags all over the place!"
Grinning again, Solo dropped his shirt onto the spotless floor.
"That's better. Now the place has some personality. It makes me nervous in here. It's so clean, it's like a hospital. Or a morgue."
Funny.
In the course of three years, she had never seen him with his shirt off.
Open, yes.
Off?
No.
Han turned his back on her, which relieved Leia of the burden of pretending she noticed neither his chest or the hair on it, and showed her his back.
Leia sucked in her breath, sharply.
His back was as heavily scarred as if he had been a Wookie slave.
Wookies that were that heavily scarred has places on their backs where their fur would not grow, and Leia had thought that grotesque, but seeing the lacings of one set of puckered whitish whip scars laden over previous ones on the back of a man, and a free man, at that, it was, at the very least, shocking.
"I'll bet you can't top that. Your Worship. Those are a man's scars."
Well, Leia was about to say something compassionate to the pirate, until he started in on that.
"Man's scars, huh? Okay, flyboy. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but it's about time I showed you something that ought to stop your ambitions in their tracks."
She got up out of her chair, took off her vest, and unzipped her regulation thermal boiler suit halfway.
Han looked upset and interested all at once.
"Look, Leia, maybe you had a little too much to drink…"
"Shut up."
She pulled down the left side of her undershirt.
Leia had not worn anything like a bra in three years.
Not since the Death Star.
The long pink-edged scar a centimeteror two wide with unnaturally white and thin skin between the two sides of it went from her left shoulder and crossed over her heart, ending between her breasts.
"They wanted to make sure I would never forget what they did to me. This was the best repair the doctors and the medical droids could make. Sorry to disappoint you."
Leia, a princess, was at least nominally expected to remain chaste until marriage, presumably to a prince. When she was a teenager, she'd had what you might call a bit of a palace romance, but it hadn't gone all that far, and since the beginning of the Rebellion, she told herself it was just that she hadn't the time, but…
But there was the scar.
It was ugly, and it brought back terrible memories, and the last thing she ever wanted to see was a man look at her with pity because she had it.
And now she was sorry she had shown it to Solo.
"Dissapoint? You know something, Your Worship? That's one hell of a scar!" he said, appreciatively.
He ran his finger down the length of it.
"Yeah, that's from an Imperial torture laser, alright. You can tell by the way the skin
feels."
"Get your hands off me!" Leia protested.
She searched his face, and, as Luke might have termed it, searched his feelings, as well.
Leia was no Jedi, but she had a way of knowing, when someone was lying to her, or placating her, and Han wasn't.
The scar didn't bother him at all.
"You know what else? You've got one hell of a nice set of tits, too, Princess, to go with that scar. You don't usually see both together, at the same time." Han wisecracked.
He was leering at her, and smiling his cockeyed grin.
"Hey, wouldja like to see the scar I got on my thigh from the time I got into a fight with some kind of jellyfish headed creature at the Mos Eisley cantina? I think he was trying to make a eunuch outa me, but he missed and got my leg, instead. It's a real nasty piece of work. Of course, I'd have to take my pants off. And, I just never got into the habit of wearing shorts."
"That's not news, Han. And it's not like I haven't ever seen anything like that, before."
"Really? I thought you princesses were supposed to be pure and chaste?"
"So I fooled around a little when I was a teenager? Is that a crime?"
The Corellian grinned at her as he unbuckled his belt.
"Nope. But I guarantee you, sweetheart, I guarantee you, you ain't seen nothing yet."
Han was pretty drunk, drunker than she was, and she had to wonder as he almost fell over while he was pulling his pants down if he was thinking of anything but showing her the scar on his leg.
It was a truly hideous scar, and it looked like it wrapped all the way around; it was the same kind of scar as hers except he had never bothered to have it treated, so the whole scar was like a big red groove, like he'd been branded.
"I'm glad that thing was drunk, whatever it was. He cut it awful close."
The Corellian had a point, she had never seen anything like that before, and Leia wasn't thinking about the scar.
Well, so what, he's a Corellian pirate, isn't he, they're all supposed to be a bunch of drunks who's most fearsome weapon isn't the blaster on their hips.
Han laughed at his own joke, bent over to pull up his pants, and fell back into his chair.
His trousers fell down around his boots, his belt buckle clanked against the floor and his blaster skittered across the room.
He watched it go, laughed, and finished his beer.
Then he stood up, and had another try at putting his pants back on.
"Well, that's it. I'm really drunk. I guess I'd better crawl back to my ship." He said, and bent down for his shirt.
Leia had straightened out her clothes, but her jumpsuit was still partially unzipped.
"What's your big hurry? What's this called, now you see it, now you don't?"
"Hey, listen, sweetheart. You're a princess. You're supposed to save that treasure of yours for a prince. Not some crazy pirate like me. I'm not the guy for you. I'm too old for you, for one thing. And, for another, I'm about as far from royal as a man could get. Besides, it's late. You're drunk. I'm drunk. An'…I mean, you a princess and a guy like me? Yeah. Right."
He put on his shirt, and his vest, without buttoning his shirt, and then holstered his blaster.
Leia found the pirate's attempts at chivalry charming.
But she had already made up her mind.
"Han, you're not that drunk. And I've hardly had anything to drink at all. I don't want you to leave."
What am I saying?
What am I doing?
From the look on Han's face, Leia could tell that he was thinking the same thing.
He got that confused look on his face, his eyes wide in shock, and blinked.
Then he started to look angry.
"Oh no! Not me, sister! I've been to this party, before! You're gonna try and put a rope around me! Tomorrow morning, it's gonna be, and I was a virgin, how could you, look what you did to me. Before I know it, you'll be digging up a preacher of some kind, and a coupla rings, and telling me, don't worry, I'll pay Jabba off for you, dear, and before I know it I'll be Mr. Your Worship, and I'll have to walk two steps behind you when you go into a room. That's it, isn't it?"
Leia laughed at him.
"You just think everything's a dodge, and a con game, don't you? I'm not trying to trap you, or rope you into anything, or screw you out of anything. It's not rocket science, flyboy. You're a man, I'm a woman, and I'm tired of pretending I haven't noticed."
Han sat back down in his chair.
"I'm gonna have another drink. Tell me more about this palace romance."
Leia sat with him.
"I was only 13. We fooled around a little. He tried to explain to me what he wanted to do, and I laughed at him. I thought he was kidding. I asked my stepmother about it, later and she explained to me it wasn't a joke."
"Then whaddya mean you've seen it all before?"
"I'm a soldier! I've been in close quarters with men. I have seen it before."
Han's eyes widened and he went for his flask in his vest.
It was definitely time for the hard stuff.
"So, what you're telling me is that back when you were a kid, you fooled around a little with some other kid, and you kissed Luke that one time, and you kissed me that one time, and that's it? And now you want me to give you the grand tour?"
Now Leia was getting mad, again.
"What, did you think I was some kind of whore? Spreading it around space for anybody in a Rebel uniform?" she snapped.
"No, but, hell, I figured, she's been around, she kills people, hell, I don't know I figured maybe a girl who kills stormtroopers, blows up bridges, won't break under torture and leads a Rebel army, she might have had a serious boyfriend!" Han snapped back.
"When did I have the time? The only men I've ever gotten close to are you and Luke. And I don't think of Luke that way."
"You don't?"
He got a triumphant smile on his face.
"You know what? You're going to make me change my mind."
"Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Princess. I'm the man, here. And I'm older than you. And I know a hell of a lot more about…things like this than you do. You don't want to rush into anything. If you want me to stay, I'll stay. But I'm not taking you much further than Mr. Malice at the Palace did. It wouldn't be right. Damn, I had no idea you were a virgin. I never woulda taken off my pants."
The way he said it was so funny, Leia had to laugh.
II: Chewbacca
"Of course I didn't! What kind of asshole do you think I am?"
Han Solo was one of the few humans that Chewbacca had ever met who spoke fluent Shyriiwook with anything like fluency, and he suggested they continue their conversation in that language, considering the subject.
"I told you she was, you know. She's a princess. A good girl."
"Well, shit, I figured, she kills guys, she must have got around to screwing one of them."
"Well, what did you do to her?"
Han scowled.
"Jesus, Chewie, you make me sound like some kinda mad rapist. She wanted me, pal. I'm the one who put the brakes on."
"You should be. You're ten years older than her. And she may be brave, and a good shot, but in some ways she's every bit as green as Luke is. The fact she wants you is no excuse."
"Hey, pal, I'm just a man, you know."
"As you say in Basic, bullshit. I think you should leave her alone."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because she fucking well got to me, okay? I couldn't any more leave her alone than I could cut my own balls off."
Chewbacca shook his head.
He had been worried about this.
"Han, she's not the girl for you. Find another girl. Any other girl. She was adopted. Bail Organa wasn't really her father. Who knows who her father is? What kind of blood she could have. Bad blood, maybe. Be careful. Don't make her too mad. The Princess is the only human I know who's casually killed as many of her kind as you have. And you had a long head start."
Han just laughed.
"That's business, Chewie. Just business."
"Well, make sure she doesn't give you the business. That's all I'm saying."
"Relax, Chewie. We're gonna be stuck on this icy rock for a good, long time. And after that, who knows what could happen. This might be my last chance. My only chance. I'd be a fool not to take it."
Chewbacca shook his head.
He thought his old friend was a fool, either way, but, then again, no one can pick and choose who they love.
And the sins of the fathers really shouldn't be visited on their sons.
Or their daughters.
III: Leia
Of all the things that she and Han did together, they were best at fighting with each other.
She had a very long day.
The desperate search for another, any more hospitable planet to make their base continued, unsuccessfully, and the only good news was that the Empire hadn't found them, yet.
Leia had spent the whole day in conference with her generals, going over star chats and intelligence reports and finding nothing but the certainty that Yavin was just a battle, not the war, and that Hoth would be their home for the forseeable future.
The only thing she had to look forward to was the return of her confused suitor.
She regretting telling him that she was a virgin, had she only kept her mouth shut, she would have got what she was looking for the night before, and, let's face it, Solo probably had a lot of women in his life, he knew what he was doing, she doubted she would have been hurt, and if she had, by today, well, that moment of pain would only be a memory that was about to be wiped away by another night of passion.
But no, I had to be honest, and now he's spooked.
Trust me to get a pirate with a sense of chivalry.
But, she waited for him.
And waited for him.
And waited for him.
She had already gotten undressed and went to bed when he arrived.
He was drunk.
Not blind, stinking drunk, but drunk enough.
But Leia was ready for him.
With both barrels.
He came stumbling into her bedroom, and by the time he had the light on, she was standing there in her thermal pyjamas, with her hands on her hips, ready to set him up and knock him down.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my handsome prince. No, don't try and explain. I understand that getting drunk with a Wookie is vastly more important than keeping your appointment with me. Not that I'm really missing anything."
"Now just a minute, Princess…"
"Shut up, flyboy! I'm just getting started. Well, you didn't sure d turn out to be the lusty swashbuckling Corellian pirate I thought you would be, did you? First there was last night, where I got a few lukewarm kisses and a cheap feel, and you left and I had to take matters into my own hands, and then there's tonights performance. Or lack, thereof. And I thought all you flyboys were hot stuff! I may well be a princess. But I'm not some innocent little flower of sweet quiet womanhood who a breath would wither! I kill people, for the gods sake! I don't want a lecture, and I don't want a Jedi Monk telling me about how I need to preserve my chastity! What I want is a man. I must have mistook you for one, I'm sorry!"
Han looked confused and wounded for a minute, and then he smiled with relief.
"Oh, I get it! You were just putting me off last night, giving me that I'm a poor little virgin routine! Why the hell did you do that! You scared the hell outa me? I didn't know what I was going to do with you!"
Leia was about to correct him, but then, she thought better of it.
"I had to tell you something. You were waving your own personal blaster around and you almost tripped over your own pants, Romeo. It was embarrassing."
Han put his hand on the back of his head.
"Yeah, I was pretty tight last night. Worse than tonight, a lot worse. I guess I got way outa line, huh?"
"I'd say so. But I'm not mad."
"You're always mad at me."
"That's because you're so infuriating."
"Well, Princess, maybe we should just start over again. Would you like that?"
"Yes."
Han took her in his arms, and kissed her.
It had been so long since Leia had been kissed, since she had even thought of herself as a woman, not a soldier, that she forgot what it was like.
It was very nice.
For the first time in months, she actually felt warm.
Han took off his vest, he was still smiling at her, and she got under the covers before taking off her pyjamas.
She watched him undress, he just threw his clothes and his weapons everywhere, and she had to resist the urge to leap out of bed and tidy up the room.
But then he was naked, and she wasn't thinking about the mess in the room, anymore.
"It's so goddamn cold on this planet, even with heat on. You're a lot warmer than I am." Han complained, as he got under the blankets with her.
"I think it's getting pretty hot in here."
Leia meant it.
Her face was flushed, and she was sweating.
"Yeah? Holy shit, Leia, you're like a little furnace. Is there gonna be anything left of me in the morning?"
"I hope so."
He pulled her into his arms, and he was kissing her again, and Leia's mind emptied of anything but this.
She was nervous, and yet, she was very excited.
"Do you want me to turn off the light?"
"If looking at me doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me." She said.
"Are you still worried about that one measely scar? Hell, look at all the scars I got. Baby, you're beautiful. You're a princess. Relax."
It was everything she had expected it would be.
The touch of his hands, his lips, his tongue, the feel of his strong, heavy, manly body against hers, it was all sweet, pure pleasure.
She found herself bold enough to touch him, to kiss him, to run her hands over his body, and it was intoxicating, the way he groaned, gasped her name when she finally found the courage to give into her desires and touch him there, to stroke him, to press her thighs against it; it felt so good.
Then, Han was rolling her over on her back, and he was kissing her again, and she found herself opening her legs for him.
He was on top of her, and it was a marvelous sensation; she thought she might not like it, having a man on top of her, but it wasn't uncomfortable or oppressive at all, she felt enveloped in him, and she wrapped first her arms and then her legs around him, greedily.
You know Leia, this is going to hurt; not that you're an expert, but he seems a little, well, big.
"I don't care." Leia found herself saying.
"What was that, baby?" Han gasped.
"I said I don't care what happens. I want you."
Han wasn't rough; she was counting on him not being rough, and the pain that she was expecting didn't come, but neither did any great rush of pleasure.
He mumbled something she couldn't make out, shifted her around on the mattress, a little, and himself, and a little more gently than before, carried on.
It was like the tiny spark that starts the bonfire, it started as a tiny spark, a completely novel feeling, and then, she found herself moving with him, clinging to him, desperately rocking her hips against him, wanting more.
He shifted around again, and then, then, there it was, the wild pleasure that mounted with every thrust, the feeling of fire, her cries, louder and louder, holding him tighter until it overtook her, like nothing she'd ever felt before, on her own, and suddenly Han was swearing, and she felt something warm and sticky shooting over her belly.
He rolled off her, and it was disappointing, a little, his absence, but she felt too good to care.
"I have an implant, you know."
"I didn't. Sorry about the mess."
"What are you, a fountain?"
Han got up to go to the bathroom, and get a towel, and he put the lights on full when he got back.
"You lied."
The room was white, the sheets were white, white as Hoth, so there wasn't much of a way to explain away the little red spots on the sheets, and he was looking at little red spots on himself, and a few more little red spots on her.
He cleaned them both up with the towel, and threw it onto the floor.
"Did you just figure that out?"
"No. I figured it out before, when I met with some resistance, from the little man in the boat."
"Are you mad?"
"You tricked me."
"So?"
Han tried to look stern, but then his face dissolved into a smile.
"You're a real piece of work, Princess. You liked that way too much for your first time. I have a feeling you're going to wear me out."
"I'm going to try. Flyboy."
IV: Han
The princess slept like a rock.
A well-fucked, deeply satisfied rock, all cosy and warm and happy.
Han lay there all night, staring at the ceiling.
Well, Han, old buddy, I hope you're happy with yourself, because you really screwed yourself this time.
Now how are you going to just fly off to Jabba and say goodbye?
Even if Her Royal Ice Queen is just having a good time, and she'll be content to say thanks for the memories, you won't.
How could you do it?
She's a princess.
She was supposed to save it for her wedding, for a prince, for someone better than the likes of you. Even if it doesn't matter to her, it does matter to you, doesn't it?
Because she got to you.
She got under your skin like no woman has since…
Don't think of her!
Too late.
Bria.
Bria Tharen.
She was his first love.
Literally and figuratively.
Leia rolled over in her sleep.
She muttered something, and then she moved closer to him.
"Han? You're awake, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I guess I am."
"Why? Is something wrong?"
He didn't say anything.
"So, how did you get those scars on your back?"
"Some of them are from my days with Shrike. Some are from when I was in the Huttese mines of Ylesia."
Leia's body stiffened a little, beside him.
"You were in the mines at Ylesia? How did you escape the addiction?"
"I never got hooked."
"There was one thing I didn't tell you about. When I mentioned my limited sexual experience. When I was tortured on board the Death Star, after the droid was done with me, before you and Luke showed up disguised as stormtroopers, two other stormtroopers came in. They weren't there to rescue me. And I was too exhausted to even try to resist. Anyway, they left the door open, and Vader passed. When he saw what they were about to do, he raised his hand to them, and they both choked to death right in front of me. He never said a word, just kept walking. A droid came and took the bodies away, and then you came to rescue me. He had me tortured. He had my home planet blown to smithereens. He scarred me for life, and had me marked for execution. Why would he bother to stop two men from raping me?"
Han thought about it.
"Well, Vader's like a Jedi, in some sick, twisted way, isn't he? I mean, that kind of shit, it's probably disgusting, even to him."
"I hate to think I owe that son of a bitch anything."
"You don't, Leia."
"So why are you still awake?"
"I guess I still think I made a mistake. I don't wanna do anything to hurt you."
"You can't."
That kept Han up all night.
What did she mean, "you can't"?