The Wonderful Stages of Smash
By CinnamonDragon1
Yoshi's Island (Melee)
Yoshi was sitting on the bright green grass of his island. He sighed as the breeze made the grass sway and the clouds smile.
"If only my island wasn't a stage in Super Smash Brothers. Wait. Come to think of it, there's nobody here!" Yoshi jumped for joy. He was going to grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and get drunk.
"FAAAALLLLCCCOOOONNNN"
"Oh no!" Yoshi cried.
"PUUUUUNNNNCCCCHHHHH!" Captain Falcon burnt King Dedede's butt as he falcon punched the fat penguin thing from behind.
"OWWWW! MEH BUTT IS BURNED!" King Dedede screamed as he whacked the F-Zero racer with his oversized hammer. "TAKE THAT, CRAPTAIN!"
"My name is CAPTAIN FALCON! CAP. TAIN!" Captain Falcon scowled at Dedede, who was rolling on the floor laughing.
Meanwhile, a female Mii gunner was camping on the other side of the stage, getting her camera out. Like her dress, the camera was green. Like her camera, her gun was green. Like her gun, the grass was green. Like the grass, her eyes were green. Unlike her eyes, her hair was a light brown. And unlike her hair, her glasses were grey. Anyway, she was going to take a picture of the nearby male smashers, because they do "CRAAZY THINGS!"
"Hey!" the gunner complained when she turned to the owner of the quote "CRAAZY THINGS!"
"Hey cousin!" an orange kitsune greeted the annoyed gunner (this guy's also known as a fox, but there's only one fox in Smash, so we'll call this guy a kitsune, because that's what they call him in Japanese).
"Redd, get back to Animal Crossing!"
"Aww. You spoiled my fun."
"Tough. Haven't you got villagers to rip off?"
"Oh yeah! See ya, cousin!" Redd turns to us - YOU. "Hey! HOP ON OVER TO CRAZY REDD'S CRAZY TENT, WHERE THE DEALS ARE CRAAZY!"
"Don't go there, guys! It's a black market that sells fake paintings!" the gunner whispers.
"Anyways, BYE BYE!" Redd teleports back to Animal Crossing, where he runs his black market.
Okay, back to Yoshi and company. Yoshi was yawning as he watched Captain Falcon argue with King Dedede.
"I can race in a race!" Captain Falcon boasted.
"But I'm the king of Dreamland!" King Dedede protested.
"I'm the F-Zero champ!"
"I have a big hammer!"
"I have a car!"
"I have a big booty!"
"I have a bigger booty!"
"No you don't!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!
"Do not!"
The two guys started bitch-slapping each other. Yoshi face palmed at the immature Smashers in front of him.
Suddenly, a green-clad brown haired gunner sprung into action, taking a picture with her camera.
"Another one to add to the album of dumb events during Smash!" she held the freshly printed photo up in the air.
Yoshi screamed as he saw the photo.
"LUNETTE! GET RID OF THAT NOW!" he pleaded.
"Sorry Yoshi! A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!" Lunette twirled and winked at Yoshi, who was enraged by now.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Yoshi shrieked. "I SAT HERE PEACEFULLY AND THEN CRAPTAIN FALCON FALCON PUNCHED KING DEDEDE'S BUTTOCKS AND DEDEDE HIT HIM WITH HIS HAMMER AND THEY BEATED EACH OTHER UP AND SMASHED AND THEN HEY GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT AND BITCH SLAPPED EACH OTHER AND THEN LUNETTE TOOK A PICTURE OF IT AND NOW MY ISLAND'S RUINED! RUINED! WHY DOES MY ISLAND HAVE TO BE A STAGE IN SUPER SMASH BROTHERS? WHYYYYYYYY" Yoshi jumped into the abyss in between the platforms and committed suicide.
The three remaining smashers looked down upon the abyss. There was an awkward silence - that was broken by Shulk.
"Hey guys! It's Shulk time! OH YEAH!" Shulk ran around in his almost naked alternative costume.
"NOOOOOO!" Captain Falcon, King Dedede and Lunette all moaned in unison "NOT SHULK TIME!"
"Oh yeah! Shulk time!" Shulk was sitting on King Dedede's head, making the penguin thing roll on the floor as if he was on fire. Shulk didn't fall off, so King Dedede ran around the stage crying like a baby.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHY MEEEE!"
"Not quite a VIP seat there, Shulk!" Lunette interrupted the almost naked Monado boy and the bawling king of Dreamland "I think Fox and Sóllilja beat you to that one!"
We cut to a scene where Fox is in Gerudo Valley, sitting on Falco. Then Sóllilja is on the 3Ds stage of Tortimer Island, sitting on Falco. Then we cut back to Shulk sitting on King Dedede.
"Wait." Captain Falcon got confused. "Which one was Sóllilja again?"
Lunette sighed. "My sister. The taller version of me with grey eyes, short brown hair - light like mine- sunglasses with golden lenses, thin red lips, forever miserable, negative, faster than me, a brawler, wears a black vampire costume with brown boots, hard to get along with, but still awesome. Does that answer your question, Craptain Falcon?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S CAPTAIN FALCON!" Captain Falcon jumped into the abyss, followed by King Dedede (and Shulk who was still sitting on the king).
"Oh look! I won, once again!" Lunette laughed.
There's plenty more where that came from, folks!
DISCLAIMER: I only own Lunette and Sóllilja, not Nintendo characters.
Please feel free to review - your comments are appreciated.