pre style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px; white-space: normal; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; color: #444444; font-size: 15px;"strongI haven't really posted anything solid or coherent in a while - so I'm a bit rusty. Basically, valid emotions becomes a problem for see, I write pieces at a time which do not fit together - until something bad happens, and then it all fits. Something terrible has to happen for my mind to mold some thoughts together. Enjoy./strongbr /br /What sparked this whole 'post a random thought' process was just general life. Girl meets girl, girl fucks up other girl, girl that fucks up girl fucks up herself and ends up writing about how she fucked up. br /I wrote out the whole story, in my perception, of what happened and what I done wrong - but for reasons, I shall not post it. I'm one of those people that gets into emotional turmoil when writing, I can't control my own thoughts. br /Neither can I control other people's, especially hers. Just remember /br /back story: Met a few months ago (not going to be annually specific) and hit it off. Imagine gamer girl, an indie sense of music, not sure of her own emotional strength, blind to personal intelligence, very easy to wind up, older, and green eyes that remind you of home. Then a gradual PC gamer girl, older that previous, getting less patient with this girl who cannot for the life of her express anything - except sexual stuff, older girl, more punk rock, doing well in therapy, green eyes that remind you of home, dependent upon sleep, green eyes that remind me of home. br /br /I think that's all the backstory you care to read, or know about. So, to cut this thought down - it's a poem. It doesn't have a specific structure exactly, and no real direction. Free /I even have the original date at the bottom. If you want to add a bit of 'Delena' to it or 'Semi', then pretend this is Selena writing to Demetria. br /don't really expect anyone to read this, in honesty. br /br /I know you're beautiful, trust me, I am fully aware,br /Of the beauty that radiates within and outward of you,br /So much emitted that even myself can sometimes be overcast with disbelief of knowing such pure, innocent like /br /This leads to a familiar trait being patterned, br /I know Flirting is inevitable, trust me, I am fully aware,br /But even then the hurt that exists when these moments occur is more than I lead you to /br /That's me in a nutshell. br /Too ashamed to tell you of these feelings but also too annoyed, sometimes this annoyance-you feel- is aimed at you, which makes me even more ashamed, when it is truely not my /br /There's moments I can be less than satisfactory, I want you to know I'm fully aware of /My trust is placed few and far in between, and somehow it landed onto you so gracefully,br /I know I trusted you too quick and easy, trust me, I am fully /br /I try to remind myself I need a barrier, protection, you br /But time and time again I freely let you enter my being, and when I don't, I fell more frustrated than anything,br /I know the burden of my inability to trust does not involve you but my past, trust me, I am fully /br /In the end of every day I find myself apologetic of my words or actions,br /Sometimes my being gets clouded br /And sometimes outside pressures lead me to believe I'm doing something in my own best interest,br /And I know sorry isn't enough, trust me, I am fully /25/7/14br /br /strongAs always, thank you./strong/pre