Stand by You, a janet evanovich fanfic

Stand by you

A/N: I was working on another story, trying to find inspiration for a title. I happened to stumble over this awesome song by Rachel Platten called Stand by You and I couldn't quit playing it. It gave me goose bumps. The more I listened, the more my brain wove another story into being based on the message of this song. All characters belong to Janet E -and I'm not making a darned thing off of this. This is my very first ever fan fiction story, so reviews are welcomed and please be gentle. Thanks in advance!

-Prologue-

She stood in the entrance way and took him in. He was a shadow of the man he wanted her to know him as. He lay curled up in a fetal position on a bare mattress with his arms thrown over his head as if to protect himself from phantom fists. The green scrubs he wore were ill suited for his frame, even in the position he was in. She pushed herself off of the door frame and took a couple of steps into the room. Looking up, she saw the small camera monitoring them, and nodded she was okay, it was going to be okay.

- 12 hours earlier-

Stephanie Plum just dropped off her last body receipt at the bonds office and was in the process of putting her check in her purse when her cell phone went off. She smiled when she recognized the number – Tank was calling her for once, instead of the other way around.

"Hey Tank? What's up big guy?"

"Bomber. We have a situation."

Steph paused in her step as she took in those words. Dread started to creep into her belly. After a pause, she replied "A situation? Do I have another stalker I don't know about yet? Last I checked, my car was still mostly intact and not on fire."

Tank's voice maintained all of the seriousness that Steph really didn't want to hear. "Little girl, no time for joking. Can you meet me at your apartment in 10 minutes? I…..We…uh. Jeez. I think I need your help."

Steph nodded to no one in particular, then realized he couldn't see her. "Yeah, sure. Just let yourself in if you get there first. See you-" Her reply was cut off by a dial tone. "Ugh! The whole crew of Rangeman must take a class in telephone rudeness!" she muttered as she climbed into her latest crap on wheels she called a car.

Ten minutes later found Steph at her apartment. She started to unlock the door when it opened for her, revealing Tank on the other side. Silently, he stepped to the side to let her in to her home, then closed the door and locked it behind them and followed her to the couch. She turned and stared at Tank, tipping her head to the side to really look at him. He was nervous, something he never gave off that she could detect. He sat down in a chair across from the couch and motioned for her to sit too, then sighed one of the biggest sighs she had ever heard.

She cleared her throat to try and shake the uneasiness she was picking up from him. "Okay, you're here, I'm here. So talk."

The big man stared at his feet, then looked her directly in the eye. "It's Ranger."

Spots started swimming in front of Steph's eyes. "Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God…"

Tank jumped up and grabbed her by the arms. "Steph! Breathe! Come on Bomber…he's not dead."

Not dead. Not dead. Not dead. Steph kept repeating those words in her head as her breathing returned to normal and her vision cleared. Wait. Not dead is supposed to be comforting? "What the hell Tank! That's supposed to be the good news? Then what's the bad news and why did you say you need my help?"

Tank moved to sit by Steph and took one of her hands in his. "Ranger is physically okay. Mentally and emotionally, though, we have a problem. I can handle the physical shit. Put a bandage on it, get some stitches and suck it up. This mental and emotional shit is outta my jurisdiction. You are the only person that has ever - and don't even roll your eyes at me Little Girl over this- I do mean ever been able to get through to our man on those levels."

Steph exercised every ounce of self-control she possessed to keep from doing just what Tank assumed she would, and widened her eyes at him instead. "Okay. So, you think I have some kind of sway over Ranger's emotional and mental well-being. I'm sorry to disappoint here but nothing I do has ANY influence on him or his emotions. He's made that very, very clear on multiple occasions," she said with an edge of bitterness in her voice.

Tank took note of that. He softened his gruff voice, attempting to convey the truth of the situation. "You are so wrong there. Our man may have let you think that loada' crap, but everyone else around him saw the truth. And that is why I need your help."

Shaking her head to clear the confusion from her mind, she focused her big blue eyes on Tank. Steph leaned back on the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. "Oookay. So let's say I believe you, which I don't completely. What exactly is it that's happened to Ranger, and what exactly am I supposed to freakin' do about it!?"

Tank stood up and ran his hands down his face, muttering "I don't DO this emotional shit. Why do I have to ALWAYS do this emotional shit!?" and started pacing. Steph caught a few more muttered phrases about heads in asses and knocking the shit out of somebody, before he stopped and turned toward her with some semblance of control.

"So. You're gonna sit there and listen, Steph. Don't interrupt me. Not a word, not a sound. Just sit and listen then we can talk. Some serious shit has gone down. Bottom line is he loves you, but won't tell you because in his fucked up head he thinks he's protecting you. You know that Ranger was Special Forces, right?"

Steph nodded. She was so shocked, she couldn't speak if she wanted to.

"We all were. That's how we met. Even after we retired from active duty, sometimes the powers that be would approach us about lending what we're gonna call a helping hand. They paid us Steph, to do what we did best, paid us real good and made us feel good about what we did. We were in so deep that there are no names for who we worked for and if you asked, we didn't exist. Any records of who, what, when, and where were sealed and we were told that to anyone but us and our contact, these records didn't exist either. We thought we were protected, safe. And then this bullshit hit the fan."

Tank sighed, shook his head and when on. "We got word that because of a new transparency clause that got implemented due to trying to foster new political ties, our records….and I mean ALL of our records…have been declassified. Do you have any idea what kinda shit was in there? No, of course you don't. That dumbass didn't tell you anything, not that he could. Now that the records can be accessed by anybody, we can't pretend what went down didn't happen – we can't block that shit out. And that is what's wrong with Ranger. He can't block it out anymore. In the last 72 hours he has had multiple phone calls for interviews and panels to review his part in any of those ops. Every bit of anonymity and privacy he has built is gone…just gone. His professional persona is gonna be in the toilet over this. Word is floating around that an internal investigation may be launched looking at the legalities of them. He is intentionally letting this happen to keep the heat from the rest of us.

"Steph, this is bad. Real bad. Ranger's PTSD has been triggered again and he can't deal. We got him secured at Rangeman because we are all afraid of what might happen if he was placed in the system. Our man needs help but he's not safe there. Little girl, don't make me say please here. He needs you. And his brothers at Rangeman need their leader back." He paused for a minute taking in her surprised expression. "Alright…now's your chance to ask all those questions buzzing around your head. Let's hear them." Tank stopped in front of her, squared his shoulders and moved both hands in a 'give it to me' motion.

Stephanie did have a thousand questions rolling through her mind but couldn't put any of them into words right then if her life depended on it. Instead she sat there with her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Just when Tank was sure he had overloaded her, he heard her.

"Oh boy. Okay. I'll do it, but I'm not sure what exactly it is you expect me to do, Tank. I'm not a psychiatrist here. Sounds like I'm going to Rangeman, so how long will I be there? I'll need to pack some things and grab Rex."

"That's the question you decided to ask? Huh. Not sure Steph. Just pack for a week and if you need something the guys will make sure you have it. Don't worry about Rex, I'll grab him." Tank moved towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Thank you Little Girl. If anyone can bring him back, it's you. You give him a glimpse of heaven every time you're around. Now go get packed."

-Present time-

Stephanie wiped a silent tear from her cheek after watching Ranger on the monitors and turned toward Bobby and Tank. "How long has he been like this?" she asked them.

Bobby spoke up. "We had to move him down here to this holding room yesterday when he woke up from a pretty bad nightmare. He did quite a bit of damage to his bathroom before we could calm him down. Bomber, he had no idea he was in his apartment – he thought he was back in Columbia. We had to sedate him to keep him from harming himself and anyone else." Bobby dropped his shoulders in defeat and looked down.

Tank put a hand on Bobby's shoulder and looked at Stephanie. "Our man's pretty calm right now. Bobby gave him something about an hour ago when he started to get agitated again. He's not out, just really mellow."

Straightening her shoulders, Stephanie knew in that instant what she needed to do. The realization hit her square in her chest. He needed her. He needed her. She sucked in a deep breath and let it out. She looked both of her friends in the eye and attempted unsuccessfully to lift one eyebrow. "I'm going to go in there now. By myself. If you think I can get through to him, I can't not try." Her mouth went dry as she found the courage to finally admit out loud what her heart knew for a very long time. "He's all I never knew I needed, guys. I can't give up on him. Even if he is breaking down, I will find a way to break through to him and get him back. I…" Her voice dropped to an emotionally laden whisper as she moved her eyes to the broken man on the monitor screen. "I love him."

Tank embraced her in a big bear hug, and whispered in her ear "Go get 'em, Bomber. We got your back." Steph stepped out of his big muscular arms and walked into Ranger's room.

She walked over to his side and kneeled down to where she was facing him. Gently she reached out a hand, trying not to startle him and caressed his cheek. "Ranger. I'm here now, you're not alone."

She watched as Ranger moved his arms from his face and slowly opened his eyes. He clenched his hands in each other defensively. Deep brown chocolate pools filled with so many emotions stared at her. He didn't flinch when her hand stroked a wayward piece of hair back out of his face. She sat down cross legged by him and stretched out her hands to him. "Look at your hands" she murmured. "Put your hands in mine, Ranger. Don't be afraid to show me your scars—don't hide them from me." After a pregnant moment, he slowly reached his hands out to clasp hers like a lifeline, never breaking eye contact.

She took a deep breath and let it out. "I know what happened. Tank told me. You don't have to talk about it, but I'm here to listen."

Never moving his hands from hers, Ranger slowly moved to a sitting position, mimicking Stephanie's. He broke eye contact and shook his head. "You shouldn't be here Steph. I told you that there were things in my past that I couldn't talk about or share with you. I wasn't lying to you. A lot was classified and most of it I couldn't tell you because I couldn't handle reliving it again through your curiosity. I was trying to protect you and myself. Not that it matters anymore. They gave us up as the fall guys without a second thought. We served our purpose and now we're expendable." He laughed bitterly and closed his eyes, tipping his head back before going on. "I can't compartmentalize it anymore Babe. After all this, they won't let me. The phone calls, the internal inquiry all want to rehash every mission, every damn detail that I just want to forget."

The pain and hurt that shone bright in Ranger's eyes triggered a determined response in Stephanie. She got up on her knees and put her hands on each side of Ranger's face and looked him in the eye. "I know you're hurting about this betrayal, and when you hurt so do I. We braved through all of my crazy assed emotional shit, so we can brave through these emotions too, together. You may think you're alone in this, but you're not Ranger. I'm gonna stand by you every step of the way through this. You never backed away any time that I needed you, even when I didn't know I needed you – and I'm going to do the same for you."

Stephanie leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. "Tank told me that every time we're together it gives you a glimpse of heaven. Is that true?" He lifted the corner of his mouth in a wry half smile.

"It used to be, Babe. You gave me hope that my soul was salvageable. I ….." He swallowed hard here. "I love you, but I'm dark and empty now – they sucked anything that was remotely good out."

He dropped his head on her shoulder and whispered in anguish "Now, they just won't let me forget….. They stole my soul during those missions. Now they're making me live in Hell….. I'm broken, babe. I can't offer you security or protection with my name. I'm afraid that I will take from you more than I can give you. Hell, I don't even know where I'll be next week if the people I've been trying to keep a low profile from find me. You deserve so much more."

Stephanie tightened her arms around Ranger, determined not to let go of the man who had her heart. Her voice rang clear as she lay her head against his. "I love you too and I'm not afraid of this. Even if we can't find that glimpse of heaven right now, I'm going to stand right by your side and walk through all the levels of Hell with you until we make it out on the other side. We will get through this together, whatever happens. You're not alone anymore. Whatever you need, I'll make it happen."

Ranger couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Stephanie. Babe. It's not just the new release of information and the threat to my safety that is the problem here. Babe, I'm a source of danger now too. These damn nightmares are so vivid, I don't know what is real and what is not." Ranger moved to get up to his knees to meet Stephanie and was overcome with an acute sense of defeat. He grabbed her up in his arms and held on to her, again dropping his head on her shoulder. She could feel the silent sobs and the wetness on her shirt from Ranger's tears of frustration, and used her body to hide his show of vulnerability from the monitor camera. She lifted her hand to his head and stroked his hair soothingly and let her own tears fall too. They stayed locked together for some time before each got control over themselves.

-In the monitor room-

Tank and Bobby looked at each other after watching the exchange between Ranger and Stephanie. They could still hear her crooning to Ranger softly "Shhhh, love, you're not alone in this. I swear on my dying breath I'm gonna stand by you through this to the end. It's okay…. you're not alone in this….." They watched as Ranger nodded at her, and leaned in and kissed her tenderly, accepting her there, and all she had to give. The future was uncertain for the two of them, but Tank and Bobby had no doubt that their leader and this slip of a woman with a steel backbone would come out swinging on the other side of this ordeal.

-1 year later-

Tank sat down at his desk, leaning back in his chair. He closed his eyes, relishing the quiet moment before checking his email. To say things had been rocky this past year would be an understatement. The inquiry into Rangeman's missions was brutal to say the least. True to his word, Ranger took the brunt of responsibility for the company and the company's employees' actions in those missions. In order to keep the company fiscally sound and minimize any PR damage, Ranger made a conscious decision to turn over control of the company to Tank. In a moment of genius, he had Tank hire Stephanie full time and appointed her to the core team. Tank chuckled as he remembered Steph swearing it was just until the dust settled.

And how the dust settled. There were steep fines leveled at Rangeman, but the fines weren't the worst of the fall out. As Tank had predicted, Ranger's character that he had worked so hard to build, and all of the good deeds he did to repair his karma where tarnished and dragged through the muddy pit of slander, speculation, and innuendo; the damage was real. He didn't know how his friend would regain what he lost regarding his professional persona. The good news if there was any, was that no jail time was ordered for any of those named in the inquiry. Ranger was placed on house arrest and limited to Trenton/Mercer County, New Jersey.

On top of that, Ranger had to deal with his PTSD. At one point, it got so bad that Stephanie realized she needed professional reinforcements to help if she was going to be able to help him overcome it. Pulling from her long and scary list of 'burg connections, she called in a favor from a second cousin once removed on the Mazur side of her family, who happened to be a psychiatrist. She invited him to come stay at Rangeman in order to privately give Ranger whatever help he needed. Tank chuckled at the memory of how Steph 'issued' that particular invitation and at the same time assured that nothing about Ranger's therapy would leave the building – a few well-placed threats about her cousin's extra-curricular marital activities and discussion of how she would use her knee was all it took to garner his cooperation. It was that cooperation that tipped the scales in Ranger's favor and got him back on the road to mental well-being.

Tank was astounded at how strong Stephanie truly was in the face of all of the adversity she and Ranger encountered this past year. When things got bad, just as she promised, she never gave up on him. She quit Vinnie's to work at Rangeman as soon as Ranger stepped down. With her hand in his, she sat by his side with pride and love in her eyes for her man when every painful, haunting detail of every mission Ranger participated in was hashed and rehashed. She was Ranger's eyes when he lost sight of his purpose, and helped him find it again. When he broke down from the strain of the nightmares, she shouldered the weight for both of them, helping him to slay his demons and making him forge forward out of his personal Hell. When it was all gone- his cars, his houses, and his control of the business-she gave him shelter in her arms, moving in with him in a condo in Ewing that she insisted on paying half on. He watched his best friend become humbled by her love and strength, something he never thought he would live the day to see. Tank remembered doing a silent fist pump of joy when he watched Ranger slowly open up to publicly return her love in full force.

Leaning forward, Tank clicked on his computer and pulled up his email. He smiled from ear to ear as he opened the first one.

Dear Tank,

If memory serves me correctly, you don't do "emotional shit". Ranger and I are kind of hoping you'll make another exception on our big day and stand by us when we say our 'I do's' this weekend. Are you in big guy?

Love,

Steph.

Oh Hell yeah, he was in. If she could find the strength, love, and courage to stand by his best friend the way she did, he could find the strength to wade head first into that emotional shit again and stand by them. He leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head and grinned to himself. Yep, he thought. I might just have the hang of this emotional shit…Cupid better just watch his ass.