It is Enough.
*Dan's point of view*
2016, October
I'm doing a live show on Tuesday night as usual. I am currently ranting about Phil stealing my cereal again.
"Like does he even care about my cereal needs? No," I say. Just then, Phil walks through the hall on the way to his room when he hears me.
"Dan are you seriously complaining about my cereal habits again?" Phil says coming in.
"Oh you mean, your cereal addiction?" I say. Phil rolls his eyes.
"I know I have a problem ok?" Phil defends.
"Yeah, yeah. I know," I say.
"I'm trying to get better," Phil says.
"Whatever, you dingus," I say laughing.
"Anyway. I have to edit a video. I'll see you all later. Bye guys," Phil says leaving.
"Bye, Phil," I say smiling, "Everyone on the chat is just like 'Phil don't leave!'" I laugh. "Phil is a busy person who has things to do. Ok, one last question. Then we're out of time," I say as I scan though the comments for questions.
"Um..., lauren394 says 'Dan, do you ever get sad when you think about you and Phil moving out to get married or have different jobs or something like that in the future?" I read, "Uh, I don't really think about it that much. We're pretty content where we are right now, and I think we will be for quite a while. If that sort of thing becomes a decision we have to make then we'll get there when we get there. I don't think that's anytime soon though. Don't worry; You'll be seeing us have mad bants and domestic arguments for a long time."
I don't show it but that question sticks in my mind. I reads out the top fans names and end the show with a smile. That smile immediately drops the second I knows the camera is off. My mind wonders about what that fan said. I get on the ground in my 'existential crisis ' pose. I've never really thought about me or Phil moving out. I mean, we're living the dream. Why would one of us want to leave? But that girl mentioned marriage. That's probably something that we would move out for. I don't want to get married yet though. Plus I don't have a girlfriend. I don't even want one right now. I meant it when I said that I was content with my life. I've never been happier. But is Phil content? Does Phil want a wife? I have time. I'm only 25. But Phil's almost 30. Most people his age are already married with a kid. What if he wants to leave? I don't know if I can cope with that.
*Phil's point of view*
I'm editing my video. I'm not sure which take is better for this scene. I'll go ask Dan. He should be done with his live stream by now. I walk to his room.
"Hey Dan I-" I stop. He's on the floor. He must be having another existential crisis. Poor guy. He has them approximately once every 2 or 3 months. I've learned how to deal with them. I go get Dan some water for when he eventually snaps out of it. I set it on the table in his room. I then get on the floor next to Dan facing him. I place my hand gently on his back and rub it. After a few minutes he recognizes my presence blinking a few times.
"Phil?" He says. I smile.
"Hey," I say.
"Why are you always next to me on the floor when I stop thinking?" He says in a small voice.
"Because I care about you. Because you're my best friend," I say, "Do you want to get up?" He nods. I stand up and he rolls over. I hold out my hand to help him up. He takes it, and I help him to his feet. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. He nods once again. I sit on his bed. And he sits next to me. It's quiet for a few seconds. I don't know if I should speak or wait for him.
"Are you happy?" Dan asks. I'm surprised. That's the last thing I expected him to say.
"Of course I'm happy Dan," I say hesitating before I continue, "Are you happy?" He gives me a small smile that most wouldn't realize was there.
"I've never been happier," He says, "We have it all, You and I" I look at him curiously. "But it can't last forever," a twinge of fear strikes me. Does he want to move out?
"What do you mean?" I ask carefully.
*Dan's point of view*
"We're not getting any younger," I say. Phil laughs.
"Dan, you're 24 years old. I think you have plenty of time for anything,"
"Maybe, but you don't. You're almost 30 years old. I'm sure you want a wife and kids by now," I pause looking down. This is hard to say, "And that's ok. You do what's best for you. Do what makes you happy. That's what I wanted to tell you. I don't mind,"
"I really appreciate that, But I don't think that's something you'll have to worry about" Phil says.
"What do you mean?" I ask. Phil takes a deep breath.
"Dan, I'm asexual," Phil says, "I'm not really planning on looking for someone. We both know that I'm not the most social person in the world. Plus I have the most amazing best friend in the world. That's more than I could ever ask for. You said that this can't last forever. Maybe not. But it will last as long as you want it too." I honestly don't know if or when that would be so I change the subject.
"How long have you known?" I ask.
"Well. I always just assumed I was just kind of late at least during High School. By the time I went to university, I thought maybe I'm just waiting for the right person. I didn't really know for sure until I met you," Phil says.
"Why me?" I question. Phil rolls his eyes.
"Dan, If I wanted to have sex with someone it would be someone that I was comfortable with. Someone I'm compatible with. I mean my mum fell in love with her best friend. So I figured that if I wanted to have sex with anyone, it would be you. When I realized that that idea was just as unpleasant as having sex with anyone else, I knew," Phil says blushing.
"Wow," I say not really knowing what to say.
"That was weird, wasn't it?" Phil says.
"I mean I've heard you say a lot of weird things since I've known you so by comparison, it's not really that weird to be honest," I say laughing. Phil smiles. "Well, I guess I feel the same about you. I'm not attracted to guys, but if were to have sex with a guy it would be you...Ok it sounds weird when I say it," Phil laughs and so do I. Regardless of whether we move out one day or not, We'll be ok.
2019 October.
*Phil's point of view*
Dan and I are having joint live stream in honor of the tenth anniversary of Phil is not on fire. Everyone was so proud and happy, and we were too.
"I still can't believe it's been ten years!" I say.
"I know right!" Dan says, "It's surreal. I can't believe we've been best friends for so long," The live show goes on, and there is much laughter.
"Phaniconda42 says 'Congratulations on 10 years. Will you be together for another ten years,'" Dan say.
"Um...We can't really know what the future holds," I start. I'm not really sure of what to say. I don't know what Dan wants at this point.
"But I think it pretty save to say that we'll still be living together and making videos for a very long time." Dan says. I smile at Dan. I wonder if he still wants to get married or if he just doesn't care anymore. He is 27 now. We finish the live show with big smiles on our faces. Dan sighs happily falling on his bed. I laugh.
"I can't believe our lives," Dan says. I sit on the bed.
"Dan, can I ask you something?" I ask.
"Yeah, of course," he say sitting up beside me.
"What did you mean during the live show when that person asked if we'd be together for ten more years?" I ask not giving my hopes up.
"I mean, like you said, no one knows the future, but most likely we are going to live together for the next 10 years, and the next 10 after that, etc..." He says.
"But I though you were just waiting till you were older to you know have a family," I say.
"I mean, at that point I didn't know what I wanted, but now, I think do. I want things to always be like this," he says, "that is if you still do," I know that worry in his voice. It's that same worry that was just in mine.
"I will always want that, want this. It's always been you, Dan," I say. I smiles.
"I'm not looking for anyone else tbh. You're my family. You always will be," he says. I smile.
"I love you, Dan," I say. Those are new words in my mouth, but I like them. Dan rolls his eyes at the sentiment.
"I love you too, you big spork," he says laughing. I laugh too.
2021 October
*Dan's point of view*
Would it be weird? Would he say yes? We're not even together. Not like that anyway. But we haven't been that way with literally anyone since before Uni. Do I really want to give up sex for the rest of my life? Well, if I can make it for 12 years I can do it for the rest of my life I suppose. Because I am happy. I am so happy. And it's literally all because of Phil. But would Phil want this. Is Phil even into romance? Am I into romance with Phil? Ok maybe that was a stupid question. I am...sort of. We do very couple-ish things. We go to movies. We go to dinner which is sometimes at fancy restaurants. We live together. He sometimes calls me, 'bear'. We freaking cuddle every once in a while. We're practically a couple. At least I don't nor have I ever have sex with him, thank god. The thing is that what I want to do is different than all of that. It's the most romantic thing one could bloody do! I sigh. How do I know weather or not my best friend wants to marry me?
"Hey, Dan-" he starts. I just now realize that I was pacing. "You ok?"
"I'm fine," I say because I am...kind of.
"Are you sure?" He asks. He's literally the most considerate person I've ever met. I smile.
"Positive," I say meaning it in that moment. He smiles.
"I'm going out to get some groceries ok?" He says.
"Ok," I reply. Once I hear the door close, I phone Louise. She'll know what to do. I mean I'm sure she would've married Zoe by now if she hadn't already married Alfie. "Pick up. Pick up.
"Hello?" She says.
"Help!" I say.
"What is it? Is everything ok?" She asks worriedly.
"Yes! And no. Mostly yes." I say pacing again.
"Ok. Calm down. Stop pacing because I know you are, and tell me what's on your mind," she says actually calming me down somewhat.
"I think I'm platonically in-love with Phil," I say, "I don't have to worry about someone else because one, he's not looking for anyone and two, he's asexual. But that doesn't mean he's romantically interested in me. I mean we do a lot of couple things, but we're not a couple. I mean imagine I propose to him and he freaks out. What if he thinks I want to have sex with him. What if-"
"Dan! Did you just say propose?" She asks.
"Yes," I say hesitating.
"First of all, have you guys ever talked about the future?" She says.
"Yes. We've told each other before that we just want to live with each other for the rest of our lives." Dan says.
"Ok. Good. Have you ever talked about a relationship?" She asks.
"No." I say sadly.
"Maybe you should. After you do, call me. Then if you still want to propose, then I'm your girl," she says confidentially. I smile.
"Ok," I say sighing, "I'll talk to you later then."
"Good Luck!" She says hanging up.
Once Phil gets home, I help him out the groceries away and contemplate how to do this. Once everything is put away, we sit on the couch. Before Phil turns the tv on, I speak.
"Phil, do you still like people?" I ask. He gives me a strange look. "Romantically I mean,"
"Yeah. I guess. I mean I wouldn't mind a relationship with someone. I am bi-romantic. I enjoy cuddles, dates, and even pecks of affection. It's just things like tongue and groping that makes me really uncomfortable." I nod. "Why?" I blush.
"I-I was just wondering," I say.
"Ok," he says smiling. He knows something's up. He's just letting me come to terms myself with whatever it is instead of pushing. I love him. That's all there is to it. He turns on the tv and I wrap my arms around him and put my head on his chest. He puts his arm around me as I sigh in contentment. That night I call Louise.
"Did you talk to him?" She asks.
"Yes. He does like people romantically. I didn't ask him specifically about us, but half of the things he mentioned about relationships, we do. Also he's bi-romantic, so I'm not out there," I say.
"Are you sure your ready for this?" She asks.
"I've never been more sure if anything in my life," I say in bliss.
"Tomorrow, tell Phil we're doing a collab. We'll film it really quickly and then go out to look for rings." She says.
"Ok." I say beaming.
"Oh! This is so exciting!" She says.
The next day, I do just that after our morning Anime.
"Can I come?" he asks. Crap.
"Um. I would say yes any other time, but the um...video is...kind of about...it's about you, but it like...has to do with you. I don't know how to explain it, you'll understand once you see it. I'll be back at some point though. We're not sure how long it's gonna take," I say. I hate lying to Phil, but I'm not gonna tell him we searching for a wedding ring for him. "Will you ok here?" I ask.
"Of course," he says smiling the same smile he wore yesterday. He knows somethings not right, and he knows I know. Why are things so complicated?
"K. I'll see you." I say leaving. I meet Louise at her house.
"Alright, so I figured for the video, I would just give you a serious makeover-not the idiot ones you two did blindfolded all those years back." She said.
"Ok. Sounds good. For mine, we have to do something that somehow involves Phil, because that's why I told him he couldn't come..." I say. She rolls her eyes.
"Well, good luck coming up with that. Think about it while I do the makeover while still having some bants, we're on a time table." We do the makeover video with a decent amount of bants and awkwardness. (It's us. What do you expect?)
"I've got it!" I say a few minutes after we end her video.
"What is it?" She asks.
"A video about best friends. I talk about Phil. You talk about Zoe. It can be some sort of contest. Help me out here." I say.
"Oh! What about a video where we like do points on stuff like: weirdest trait they do, strangest thin they've ever said, nicest thing there's ever done, worst thing they have to put up with from us."
"That's good. Let's do it!" I say. We make the video. It takes about and hour to film.
We then went to lunch before heading to the ring shop. My palms are sweaty.
"Are you ok?" She asks.
"I'm nervous," I reply.
"Can I help you two?" Asks a lady that works there.
"Yes, please," answers Louise.
"How long have you two been dating?" The lady asks. We both awkwardly stumble out a response at the same time.
"I'm marrying a boy!" I finally yell. She gasped at my loudness before smiling.
"So I'm assuming you're the best friend?" She asks Louise.
"Well, he's my best friend," I say smiling, "but me and Louise are close."
"So are you looking for something simple, something with a little sparkle...?" she asks.
"Um...I don't know. Can I just see what you have?" I ask. I have no idea what I'm doing.
"Of course," she says. It takes forever for me to pick one. I finally end up picking matching silver bands. I asked if they could do an inscription on it. They said that they could, but it would take some time. Louise and I eat dinner and go back to the store. I thanks Louise for everything and she wished me luck. I don't get home until 9 PM.
"Sorry, I got back late." I tell Phil who's on his laptop.
"You could've just told me you were on a date," Phil says looking at me smiling with sad eyes.
"What do you mean?" I ask confused. Phil puts his laptop down.
"Dan, there's no way it took like ten hours to film two videos," he says before looking down. "And that's ok. We weren't...we never...it was never set in stone..." My heart broke for him.
"Philly, no." I say sitting down next to him. I put my hand on his back. "Phil, we weren't on a date, but I kind of lied to you about the video. That's not the only thing we did, But I don't like her that way; I-" I take his hands in mine. This is happening right here, right now. "Phil, you are the only person in my life that has made me truly happy. You were my first idol, my first best friend...and my first true love. I love you Philly. I suppose I always have in some way or another. But now I know that I'm in love with you. I meant it when I said that we would probably always live together. I want that. I want to always be with you, and make believe with you, and live in harmony, Love," I get off the couch and on one knee, and I open the ring box. One of his hands covers his mouth as a gasp escapes his lips. "Will you once again make me happiest man on earth and marry me?" He nods crying.
"Of course I will, Dan. I love you too," he says wiping his eyes as he smiles.
"Stop crying or else I'm gonna cry," I say blinking away my tears. He laughs, and I put the ring on his finger and get mine out too.
"It's beautiful, Dan," Phil says.
"Look on the inside," I say.
"This is the most fun I've ever had." He reads. He launches himself at me hugging me and I almost fall to the ground. I hug him back just as tightly. We look back up at each other and kiss for the first time. It was short, sweet, and exactly what we want.
"We're engaged." I say looking into his beautiful eyes.
"Yeah," he says.
October 2022
*Phil's point of view*
I can't believe I'm getting married to my best friend. I never thought I would find someone who loves me for me, especially not someone as amazing as Dan. I sigh. I love him. I honesty have for while. We decided that Dan was going to walk down the aisle. We joked about putting him in a dress. He said, "As long as you wear a dress too, you spork!" I laugh at The memory. My brother was my best man, and Louise was Dan's best woman. She was so honored when he asked her. Also on his side is his brother, Tyler, and Cat. Also on my side is Pj, Chris, and Hazel. The music starts playing as Dan walks down the aisle. He looks absolutely beautiful. We're both beaming with joy. We're about to be married. We say our vows.
"Do you, Phil Lester, take Dan Howell to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in Health till death do you part?" He asks.
"I do," I say with all my heart.
"Do you, Dan Howell take Phil Lester to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in Health till death do you part?" He asks.
"I do," he says as a tear streams down his face. I cup his face and wipe it away.
"You may now kiss your love," he says. My lips gently press against his. We look back into each other's eyes and mouth 'I love you' before staring into the audience holding hands and walking down the aisle.
Since there were so many youtubers at the reception, there was a lot of vlogging done, But not to the point where things weren't personal.
"So, here are the happy husbands," Cat says to her camera,"Show everyone some affection." Dan and I smile. I hug his middle section and put my head in the crease of his neck. "Awww. Any words before I turn this thing off?"
"I love him," Dan says grinning, "I love that I can say that in front of everyone and not care.
Later that night, we lie in bed together exhausted from the wedding. We cuddle as we talk about our 'honeymoon' in Japan.
October 2023
*Dan's point of view*
I wake up alone in my bed. Phil must be already up. I yawn before getting dressed. I walk into the kitchen to find Phil making pancakes. Wrap my arms around his waist from behind him.
"Hello, beautiful," I say. Phil blushes.
"How do you manage to do that after all these years?" Phil asks vaguely. I laugh.
"Do what?" I say.
"Make me blush." He answers. I smile into his neck.
"Because I love you," I mumble
"I love you too, but I have to flip this pancake." Phil says. I let go of him so he can attempt to flip this pancake.
"Wait, let me film it," I say getting my phone out. "Ok, go!" He actually flips it perfectly.
"I did it!" He says like the 36-year-old child he is.
"How do you always manage to get it when I I'm filming, but when I'm not filming, the flip flops?" I say laughing.
"I don't know...magic of the camera?" Phil asks.
"Apparently," I say. We sit on the couch and watch tv, when this adorable commercial about family comes on. I smile at it. "Do you ever want that?" I say.
"Want what?" Phil asks.
"A house...kids..." I ask.
"Of course I do, Dan." Phil says.
"Why haven't you ever said anything?" I ask.
"I didn't want to freak you out," Phil says, "Do you want a house and kids? We can finally get you a dog!" I laugh.
"Yes I do, and for some I'm more excited by a child than a dog," I say laughing. Phil giggle. "So we're doing this then?"
"Yeah, we're doing this"
They go house-shopping the next few weeks. They finally find a three-bedroom house with a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, an office, and two bathrooms. It was perfect. There's a bedroom for them, a bedroom for a child, and another bedroom that they would probably turn into another office. They buy the house.
After we're settled with furniture and everything, we go to a pound.
"Phil. We need to buy them all!" I say.
"Dan, we can't buy them all," he says.
"But Phil! They look so sad!" I reason.
"No. We're only getting one," he says firmly.
"It's times like this when I wish we did have sex so I could make an empty threat to withhold it during times like this," I say. Phil rolls his eyes. We continue to look when I see these two ginger dogs. I gasp.
"Phil," I say griping his arm. I look at him with puppy dog eyes pleading. "We have to get them both. We can name them Fred and George." Phil looks at me and then at the dogs. His eyes soften and he smiles.
"Ok," he agrees. My eyes light up like a child, "But only because Fred and George." I grin like an idiot. A hug Phil tightly.
"Thank you!" I say not letting go. He laughs.
October 2024
*Dan's point of view*
Phil and I are sat in front of a camera ready to shoot a very important video.
"Are you ready for this?" I ask Phil who nods. I turn on the camera. "Hello Internet. Now some of you old-timers out there might remember that about 10 years ago, we made a gaming video called 'Meet Dil Howelter.' It was about a sim that was originally supposed to be a mixture of the two of us, but soon just became our virtual son."
"Now, in this new house of ours," Phil starts.
"Phil, we've literally lived in this house for a year," I say.
"Well, it's new for someone in the room," Phil says.
"Really? That's your Segway?" I say.
"The new person in this house is Dil Howell-Lester" Phil says ignoring me.
"Come on son," I call. Dil runs towards me and gives me a bear hug. "This is our actual son, Dil"
"I love you, Daddy," he tells me before looking at Phil, "you too, Papa,"
"We love you too," I say as he gets situated between us.
"Dil, tell the Internet how old you are." Phil says.
"I'm 4," Dil says.
"And we're sorry that we told you that Phil was pregnant," I say.
"Why do I have to be pregnant?" Phil asks.
"Someone has to," I say.
"But why me," Phil argues.
"Because it's obvious that it would be you." I say.
"Fine...Dan cried more at the wedding!" Phil yells.
"That was uncalled for!" I say. Dil is laughing at us. We then all start laughing.
"Just kidding we adopted Dil a few days ago, and were already a big happy family," Phil says.
"Phil, there's only 3 of us," I say.
"Don't forget Fred an' George." Dil says.
"Yes our dogs are very important. Just ask Dan," Phil says, I smile.
"Anyway, now you've met Dil," I say.
"Dil, say goodbye to the Internet," Phil says.
"Bye," Dil says shaping his hands into a heart. Phil and I look at each other and nod. We link arms and do the same just like in 'phil is not on fire,"
"This was so cheesy," I say.
"It's supposed to be cheesy," Phil says.