And I'm going to enter my house now.
"Rachel, you're here, right? I'm coming in."
In this town, people don't knock, they barge right in. In this town also, I'm the farmer— not that I wanted to, or had a choice actually. I'm also the shining beacon of hope in here that brought back its residents, sold top-quality goods, and etcetera. Not that I wanted to, again, but, again, I didn't have a choice.
"Hey, Rachel. If you've got some time then come out with me again. I'll make some time for you."
Ugh, Allen, that pretentious hairdresser in town. Is he asking for a date? Goddess, why did I even go and agree to the first one in Clement's? I don't want to go on a date with Allen, but of course here I am nodding. I don't really have a choice in a lot of things in this town, truth be told.
Again, I don't have choice in most of what I do here, nor do I have any say in things; not that I can talk anyway. All I can do is nod and give a series of weird hand gestures — like what I'm doing now, asking Allen how — pardon me; cutely asking Allen how he became a hairstylist. Not that I'm interested in any of that, but here I am, again, mindlessly trying. 'Trying'. He's going to babble on for an hour now, I can feel it.
In my few years of living — 'living' — I can honestly say that I have no control of anything whatsoever in this place. I mean, I'm basically the mayor of this town, but I'm not. I literally have no control of what I'm doing. I mean, I know I can walk, but I won't, or can't, I am still trying to figure it out. There was also a time I ended up running into a tree for twenty minutes.
Twenty minutes.
A tree.
I totally wanted to do that.
And, now I'm going into the General Store, which reminds me about the time I had bought fifty watering cans. It wasn't heavy or whatever, not that I feel weight — I've carried fields, fountains, houses before— Goddess knows how; but why did I need fifty watering cans? It's understandable if I buy like 495 bags of fertilizer, because I need that, and it's also understandable that I need a watering can, and an extra even, but fifty.
Oh.
I'm buying a ring.
I'm buying a ring.
I'M BUYING A RING.
I'M NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT. I DON'T EVEN LIKE ALLEN TO BEGIN WITH.
WHY AM I BUYING A RING, GODDESS TELL ME.
A BLUE FEATHER TOO? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So I bought a ring. And blue feather. I'm totally ready for this.
Where are we going now? Oh no, the hair salon— as if I haven't had enough of Allen's snooty grin. Hopefully, I'm going there to get my hair done and not to give Allen some gift he suspiciously loves.
Why am I picking pink? I don't want my hair pink. What am I doing? First, I went and got a horrible pigtail hair, now I'm dying it pink?
Wait, no, I don't want it lavender either.
Oh grief, Elder tree, swallow me whole.
I've wondered about competitions in this town, I mean, there are competitors out of town, but where do they come from? Hana sometimes mentions this place, Kono- something-or-the-other, but where? This place is one big circle. I mean, there's this little road diverting away from the mountain trail, but I can't seem to go through it. Goddess knows why or how. I mean, I sometimes see Neil, and Rod, and Olivia, and Sandra pack up and leave, from the same way, but why? They live here. But where the fodder do they leave their stuff and cart?
Where do they come from and go?
Why can't I leave?
I've always questioned the existence of 'higher beings'. I mean, yes, we have a Harvest Goddess, but she doesn't do anything but look pretty. 'Pretty'. And I mean, the existence of a higher being would justify every weird crazy thing happening in this town, right?
How ridiculously, if somewhat creepily, on schedule I am at everything — there are no such things as coincidences, I've realized after a year. Like how I know exactly when to enter my house to get sweets from the guys in town, and I know what just to give to everyone on their birthdays.
It would explain also my health; since I also know exactly when I'm about to faint, so I've got this stash of food in my bag, which, may I also say, is ridiculously limitless; do you know how a sickle is? How sharp it is? How it is I haven't flayed myself is beyond me. And how does food even stay on a plate in my bag? It's not even packed in something else, it's on a plate.
And I know the time, but I don't know the time. Like, I've got the briefest idea of the time of day, but not the hours or minutes, but I'm always on time. Perpetually. Which is why I knew exactly when to enter my house to prompt Allen asking me to a date. Which is also exactly why I knew Allen would ask me to a date.
It'd also explain why I'd go after Allen. I personally think Yuri and Allen are a better match — her quietness and humility would probably, hopefully rub off on that pretentious egoist. And I'm not even ready for commitment, even after ten years. Okay, it's not that I'm not ready, more like I don't really find the guys here all that appealing. I mean, Sanjay and Amir are kind of cute, but also kind of sure they have a thing for each other. Neil is way too surly and stuff, and Rod is just a bit immature. And Soseki would act more like a grandfather than a boyfriend — not that any of us knows our real age anyway. Dunhill talks about 'me being younger' and 'my parents' but that's also something not likely believable or real.
Which leads me back to think of higher beings. So, like, if there are actual higher beings who can probably hear me — which I doubt, but won't kill me to try (not that I can die probably) — but, hi, hello, can we, like, ease up on maybe everything? Just a bit. And maybe not Allen? I'd rather date a girl. I would totally date maybe Tina or Felicity actually.
Okay, so it's around eleven in the evening probably, and I know there's going to be a storm tomorrow, so I've magically stocked fifty bowls or Herb Soup, twenty cups of Honey Tea, thirty each of Fruit and Vegetable Bread and fifteen plates of Fried Rice. Yum.
Being a farmer is alright I guess, until you have to be a farmer in a storm. That's either dedication, or something else, and I'm more or less sure what I'm doing— 'doing', is 'something else' because, again, I didn't want to do this. I mean, I said yes to wanting to be a farmer, but I actually didn't, and wanted to like, to be a writer or something.
But I'm stuck here.
And, again, I don't have a choice.
So, good night.
Inspired after wondering 'what do game characters actually think when we play'. After some point, I began rambling and trailing off, honestly. Could've been better, could've been worse; I might add a bonus chapter, if I actually know what to add, so ha ha.
Thanks for reading!
"I'm not mad. My reality is just different from yours."