*After watching Johnny Depp surprise Disneyland visitors as the Mat Hatter…I was inspired! All rights belong to their respective owners. Please be gentle! It's my first Alice in Wonderland fanfic.*
Slayer of Another Sort
An Alice in Wonderland Fanfic
Alice didn't think there would ever be a day when Underland didn't surprise or shock her in some way. She understood why as a child she had mistook the name of this incredibly mad place.
She had originally intended to stop and join the Mad Hatter, Thackeray and Mally for tea but when she neared the broken windmill, she discovered one of the trio astonishingly absent. The other two were in the midst of what appeared to be a sugar and biscuit battle. She ducked to avoid one such projectile before it landed in a mess of crumbs.
She didn't really have any desire to add jam to her dress so, leaving the two creatures to wreak their own chaos, she decided to search for the one missing from their party.
Tarrant Hightopp, or Hatter as he was more commonly known as, was not one to miss out on the utter idiocy of tea time. She hoped his nonattendance meant nothing serious.
Crossing the hill, she saw a familiar fuzzy patch of bright orange in the distance. That wild hair could only belong to one Underlandian and picking up her pace, Alice moved to join him.
The grass on her bare toes felt deliciously decadent and she twirled a little at the freedom of it. Never at her age back home would she have been allowed to wander outdoors without footwear at least. She practically scandalized her mother by going stocking less to the Ascott's party some four years ago. Here, it was welcomed and Alice only donned shoes, stockings and other "necessary clothing" when invited to Marmoreal by the White Queen.
Hatter's carroty curls clashed brilliantly with the vivid blue of Underland's sky. Coupled with the splashes of color in his neck scarf and coat, he was quite the sight.
She stopped steps away from where he sat but Tarrant seemed remarkably unaware of her presence. His head titled upward, he inhaled sharply a few times then frowned.
"Bloody slurvish…"
"Hatter!"
The man whipped his head around, his eyes turning back to their usual vibrant green. "Cricket! What are you doing here?"
Alice felt like her insides had turned to warm butter. It was just recently that he had started replacing her name with endearments. She felt her cheeks heat as her smile grew.
"I was worried. You weren't at tea and I thought perhaps something happened."
He gave her his usual gap toothed smile and lisped, "My mind was occupied by another matter…a problem of sorts."
"Maybe I can help," Alice suggested, gathering her dress beneath her legs as she all but collapsed next to him. He steadied her descent with a gentle hand.
"Well you see," he started as he brought his knees up to his chest. "My sneeze is stuck."
"I beg your pardon?"
Her confusion must have shown on her face for Tarrant gave a high pitched giggle.
"The tickle in my nose. It comes and goes. I just made a rhyme!" He shook his head and continued. "It's most inconvenient and makes it impossible to ponder on anything else. I had hoped to think on things beginning with the letter "N" but in the scattering of time between tingles," he paused to rub the afflicted appendage, "I can only come up with sniffling, snuffling, snorting…"
"Tarrant!"
"Thank you. I'm fine." He wheezed, the madness falling back for the moment.
"Is that what you were trying to do when I found you?" Alice asked. She had never had a discussion quite so strange in her whole life. There were just some topics one didn't discuss in polite society back in London. She didn't feel quite equipped to help find a solution to her friend's problem." You were...trying to coax out your sneeze?"
"Yes!" He chirped. "I've tried everything you see and I…I…" As if on cue, his breath began to hitch. "Hh…hhhh…" His bandaged and work stained fingers began to search the pockets of his coat, likely in search of a handkerchief. His search was fruitless, as was his sneeze. It faded away and Alice heard him growl.
She cleared her throat and put her mind towards other suggestions. "You've tried looking at the sun?"
A nod.
"Sniffing a bit of pepper?"
Another nod.
"What about mint? Tipping your head back?"
His head continued to bob.
Alice sunk back on the ground with a sigh, her blonde waves fanning out around her head. "I'm sorry Hatter, those are all the remedies I know. I wish I could be more help."
Tarrant followed her example and stretched out beside her. "Very irritating thing…sneezes." Alice had to bite her cheek at the stoic way he stated the fact, as if he was imparting some great wisdom.
"Um hmm." She smiled.
Only the nicker of Underland's horseflies could be heard in the cozy silence that followed. The heat from the sun coupled with all of her activity the last few hours, the nearness of Tarrant, caused a pleasant drowsiness to envelope Alice. It suddenly took great effort to keep her eyes open. Hatter turned back her way just as she was stiffling a yawn.
"Rest a while fair one. Naps refresh the brain you know."
She hummed as her lids fell shut."Almost as much as tea?" she asked, her head listing towards his shoulder. He smelled like tea leaves and sunshine.
When he didn't acknowledge her question, she perked up a little. A calloused hand came to rest just above her elbow, keeping her locked to his side.
"Wait." His voice was unusually breathless.
She froze..for the most part. With what mobility she had, Alice turned to glance up at her mad companion.
His eyes were focused, blinking rapidly. A finger quickly rubbing his nose.
She swallowed her question when his breath began to pick up, his chest quickly rising and falling.
"Hhh…hhhh…"
Her free hand hurriedly hunts for the fresh cloth hidden inside her dress pocket.
The reaction continues to grow; she feels each catch. "Hhhh….Ehhh…Ehhhh."
He might finally have lured his elusive sneeze out.
Finding her handkerchief at last, Alice presses it into his free hand…and not with a moment to spare. Tarrant releases his hold. She sits up as he shifts away from her and with one final inhale…"Hhhh…HehChoo!"
The hearty sneeze echoes a little in the quiet and the relief on Tarrant's face is almost comical.
"Bless….you?" Alice's well-mannered reply ends as a question as her eyes drift upward. Dozens of bubbles hover in the breeze, their rainbow colors like reflecting glass.
After blowing his nose, Hatter joins her scrutiny of the pockets of water and soap. "Is this unusual Above?"
She can only nod in amazement, "Very much so." A bubble drops down to float near her face, popping at her inquisitive finger. "Curious. Does this happen...every time?"
Her ginger haired friend shakes his head. "Rarely if at all. It's pretty isn't it?"
They watch as the remaining bubbles either disappear or break apart, leaving a few droplets behind.
"Hatter?"
"Yes Cricket?"
"I'm curious. What was it that helped your sneeze escape?"
He chuckles giddily. "It was your hair, those beautifully useful locks. When you got close, they tickled my nose. That's why I didn't let you go until the last moment. I was afraid if I did, that tricky sneeze would hide away again."
"Oh, I'm glad I help."
The two settle once more, leaning back on their elbows, feet pointed upward. What a crazy wonderful mad afternoon. She never expected to help a friend in such a way.
Alice, Champion of Underland, Slayer of the sneaky sneeze.