Author's note: Okay, so I know this is really late to the party but I have been sick, busy, and shopping in that order, which left little to no time for writing. I'm happy there are still fellow Careesers out there still willing to write for them even if the show abandoned ship. Because I will be doing the same, I still have more Moments fics to include in the series, the Time Lapse sequel is coming, some fluffy one shot fics are coming as well for them. But much of those will be updated and beginning to be posted in the new year.

About this fic, this one is days after The Crossing, which you will see, and before anyone reads it is definitely AU because Carter is alive. She doesn't die in my story(none of my characters die in my stories I'm incapable of writing it) but I do try to show what's going on in the characters' heads during the moment of the shooting and afterwards. But with the being said I won't spoil anything else for you and let you hopefully enjoy my version of the events.

********italics are dream sequences*********

"If my number was up I'm just glad I was with you." His soft spoken words were sincere, heartfelt, and made the flutter of butterflies that were starting to cascade in her stomach as she eyed him flutter harder. Her mind slid to their brief but powerful kiss. The light way his soft lips touched hers. She couldn't tear her gaze away from him. She couldn't make herself forget the way he looked at her, touched her soul when he admitted she saved him. She didn't hear a sound besides her thundering heart, the quick intake of his breath. "No one I rather be with at the end."

Joss stood there unable to breathe, to say a word to him. His small, almost shy smile he slid her while he proceeded to blow apart her world was soul shattering. What was happening? What was going on with them? They were just friends, but he kissed her. He said she saved him, changed him for the better, he wanted her by his side at the end, and she felt herself drowning in those expressive eyes of his.

"Time's up, I told you I'd end you." It happened so quick she didn't have a chance to react. She watched almost in slow motion as Simmons appeared from the dark, like a sinister shadow, the glint of the barrel of his weapon, the flashes as he shot, not once but twice. She could hear the sharp intake of breath from John, heard the grunt of pain, and heard the sound of the bullet ripping into his body. She felt some of his blood splatter onto her. Rage so pure filled her. She never believed such anger could be inside her. But this despicable man just shot an unarmed and completely defenseless man, she at-least had her pistol and vest on.

"No, not again." She aimed her pistol and shot. She was usually a good aim, but this time it was different for her. It was personal, she didn't care what she hit, she just wanted to injure, to hurt, to kill. He was aiming for John again when she nailed him in the shoulder as she felt her emotions running on high. She heard the next gunshot, she felt the slug nail her right in the middle of her chest, and she was knocked onto the ground gasping for air. It hurt like hell. She landed hard on the pavement which would smart tomorrow. She couldn't breathe, couldn't move from the pain in her chest.

"Joss, Joss! I'm here." She heard him, heard the sucking sound he made and it scared her. But the damned bullet that was still seated in her vest was stealing her voice, stealing her breath so she couldn't assure him she was alright. She was safe. It was him that she was worried about. She felt him sliding behind her before her head was pillowed in his lap. She sucked in ragged breaths.

"I-I'm fine, John." She grabbed at her chest. Her brown gaze zeroed in on Finch as he stood in the middle of the street as a payphone sounded. He looked shell-shocked. "Finch, I need your help!" She ignored her ache in her chest as she sat up and away from John's lap. His eyes were half shut. "Get your car!" she screamed, turning to look back at the elder man who hadn't moved still. He was spurred into action at her tone of voice. John was losing so much blood, too much blood. She looked back down at the man that laid on the cold pavement and she'd be damned if he was going to die.

"You wore your vest," his words were strangled.

"Never leave home without it," she whispered back as she applied direct pressure to the wound to his side. The desperate gasping noise he was making made her very worried that the bullet nicked his lung. "Just like you taught me, John."

"Good girl," his eyes slid shut all the way, and she felt desperate.

"JOHN! Stay with me!" she shouted. Harold was beside her. "John, no!" He wasn't moving. She moved her hand to his neck to search for a pulse. "You can't leave me! You said I was stuck with you, please come back, I need you." When her fingers didn't register a pulse, she felt a sob escape her. "No, no, this isn't happening!" She grabbed his shoulders and shook them softly. "JOHN! JOHN!"

"Jocelyn, wake up." She sat up straight in the sofa chair she was lounging in as she screamed. She kicked out her legs wildly as the nightmare had been so vivid, so realistic she truly thought John was gone. She blinked as tears slid down her cheeks, as she eyed his unmoving form in the hospital bed in the safe house. She grabbed his limp hand, needing to touch him to make sure he was truly with her still. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," her voice trembled. "Just a nightmare, Finch." She didn't hear him say anything but she did feel a gentle touch on her shoulder. She removed her gaze from John for a brief moment to see a glass of water in his other hand held out to her. She took it appreciatively.

"I could take a turn sitting with him if you want," Finch offered softly.

"No," She felt terrible at her tone. He was being nice, being a friend and here she was snapping at him. But she couldn't leave John, she just couldn't. What if he awoke and needed her. No, she wasn't going anywhere until he opened his eyes and she was face to face with him. His injuries were life threatening, the bullet had nicked an artery not a lung, making him nearly bleed out before they even got him to one of the doctors they had helped prior. The doctor gave John a decent outlook, but until John opened his eyes and gave her one of his rare smiles, then and only then would she know he was truly going to be alright. "I'm sorry, Finch, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's quite alright, Joss, you are worried about him as we all are."

"I know," she slid her gaze from the unconscious man in the bed to her friend. Like her, he appeared to have not slept much. He was just as worried about John as she was, but she also saw something else written in the lines on his exhausted face. "What's wrong?"

"I got a new number this morning,"

"Who?"

"Officer Simmons, and I can't help but think his number coming up is not because he's the perpetrator."

"Oh," she looked back down at John. She could care less if this man was saved or not. He shot an unarmed, defenseless man, a man she was beginning to realize she felt deeply for, and she was supposed to care that his life was in danger? Usually she had empathy for even the most hardened criminals. But not Simmons.

"You sound as if you don't care."

"Because I don't Finch, he shot and nearly killed John, whose holding on barely; so no, I don't care if he lives or dies."

"I'm worried that Ms. Shaw might be trying to kill him. I haven't been able to reach her all day. She was adamant about him needing to die from the first moment we brought John here and his outlook was bleak as Doctor Farouk Madani worked desperately to save him."

"Can't say I blame her, John sort of rubs off on you." He did more than rubbed off on her. She had used a lot of John's techniques in trying to bring down HR. She couldn't help but wonder had she allowed him to help her earlier, would he be in this hospital bed right now fighting for his life? But she couldn't live in 'what ifs,' she couldn't go back and undo anything, all she knew was she didn't give a damn about Officer Patrick Simmons' safety.

"Please, Jocelyn, you are the voice of reason to many of us and I think Ms. Shaw might actually like you. I need you to stop her."

"I'm not leaving him, Finch." She just couldn't, not when there was so much she needed to say to him, so much she needed to get cleared up from him. They needed to talk about that kiss, they needed to talk about when she said that she would hate him forever if something happened to him, they needed to talk about that. She wanted to lick and kiss that scar he got from the Hezbollah surgeon then search for more scars, she wanted to kiss his soft lips again and again, but most of all she just wanted to drown herself in those blue eyes that rivaled the ocean. "I'll try to call her, but I won't leave his side," she offered, forcing her gaze off John to look up at Finch. She could see he wished she would do more, but he nodded his head curtly seemingly taking what he could. He limped towards the door, picking up the purse she had dropped off and had not touched it since. The only time she left his side was to change into different clothes, take a shower, and to hit the bathroom when the urge arose. Her kid was safe with his dad leaving her a chance to be by this man's side.

She took the purse from him before rifling through it until she found her phone. She pulled it out, quickly found the woman's unknown number and speed dialed her. The woman answered on the first ring.

"Hey, Carter, how's he holding up?" Joss smiled softly. Finch was sure Shaw only liked her, but she had a feeling the woman liked Finch and John just fine.

"John is holding his own, he hasn't opened his pretty eyes yet, but the doctor thinks he'll be alright. You would know if you bothered to show up from time to time." It had been days since John was shot, she had her own need to go in search of Simmons but his recovery was more important to her than revenge.

"You know why I'm not, it's why you're calling. I'm sure Finch's machine spat out Simmons' number right? He asked you to call to find me, right?"

"Sort of. I'm worried about you though."

"Don't be. Simmons is going to down for shooting Reese and you, I got some help."

"You don't know many people, so I'm assuming your help is my partner Fusco. Put him on the line!" she demanded watching as Finch fidgeted as he played with John's blanket.

"No, he's not my help; he'd just slow me down just like you would, Carter, with all that 'he needs to go to prison,' bullshit." she shook her head as she smiled ruefully, Shaw had an interesting outlook on things like morality, men, and dangerous situations. "No offense of course."

"None taken, so who is with you?"

"Finch will know; you take care of Reese and I'll take care of Simmons," Shaw said before she hung up. Carter sighed, sure that Finch wasn't going to like the answer she gave him.

"Well, what did Ms. Shaw have to say?" Finch asked, still picking at John's blanket.

"It seems Shaw has a little helper in her endeavor on bringing down Simmons."

"Is it Detective Fusco?"

"No, but she said you would know who it was, Finch, she sounds determined to take down Simmons. I'm not sure if you could stop her even if you tried." She flung her unwanted phone back into her purse before eyeing the elder man. She saw realization dawn in his bright blue eyes.

"Oh dear, oh god, I know who she is referring too. Is it alright if I leave you with Mr. Reese?"

"Of course, we'll be fine." She smiled. "I got Bear as company." She motioned to the dog who had resumed his position on the opposite side of the hospital bed, sitting with his head on John's hand when Finch moved away.

"If there is a change in his condition please call me immediately, Jocelyn." She nodded her head in agreement, knowing how much John meant to him, he had that effect on people without even realizing it. Finch moved with flourish, she'd never seen him move quite so quickly before and he was gone in a flash. Her eyes strayed back to the unmoving man in bed, willing him to awaken, before beginning to twirl his soft gray hair at his temple between her fingers and waited.

Author's note: Thank you to Elaine for the wonderful read and proof of this for me. I am so happy you are willing to continue to read my stuff for me. I took your advice, although I'm sure some readers won't be happy to learn that I decided to cut this chapter into two. There was definitely more to this chapter in John's POV, but now it's Chapter 2.

Sidenote, I kept John shot because in the episode of The Crossing when they showed Careese sharing their convo about the scars there was clearly no vest on, he was arrested, and released then shot so no time to get one on. But I had Carter put one on since she was clearly wearing a new change of clothes so either it was a different day after she handed in Quinn, or she went home to change after giving Quinn to the FBI and before going back to work as a reinstated detective. But either way she would wear one(*shakes fist at show*) since Simmons was lurking around somewhere. There is no way I'd believe Joss wouldn't wear a vest! So that is why John was still shot and why she wasn't, just a heads up if anyone wanted to know my thought process for this story, which I think is a probably NOT lol.

Well thanks for reading there is more to come for this, it will probably be only 6-8 chapters long. I was going to go the whole route of making this some huge thing, but changed my mind. I have too many other stories going on for me to handle another long story on top of it all. Chapter 2 will be posted sometime this week, not sure when but I'm aiming for Thursday! Again thanks for reading, because LONG LIVE CAREESE!