The Absolute Value of Amy
A possible resolution to the trailer for the sixth season premier. I don't own these characters…
Sheldon ran up the stairs of 2311 N. Los Robles, yelling "Leonard!" as he rounded the third set. He threw open the door of 4A to find Leonard sitting on the couch.
"Leonard, I need you to drive me to Amy's."
Leonard rose from the sofa, tossing the remote back on the coffee table and smiled smugly at his roommate. "You really screwed up tonight, didn't you?"
Sheldon gave him an annoyed side gaze and said, "The date did not go as planned. That's why I need you to drive me to Amy's."
"I don't have to drive you to Amy's." Leonard couldn't help teasing him - it was so much fun, but relented as soon as he saw the vein in Sheldon's neck pop out and realized he was preparing for a tirade. "She's across the hall at Penny's," he added quietly.
Sheldon blanched as he paused to process this information, and then faster than the Flash, was over at Penny's door.
Knock. Knock. Knock. "Amy"
Knock. Knock. Knock. "Amy"
Knock. Knock. Knock. "Amy"
Penny threw open the door with a scowl and spit at him, "She doesn't want to talk to you dipwad."
"But she must," Sheldon said matter-of-factly.
Penny's tone was haughty as she replied, "No, she mustn't." She started to close the door on him, but Sheldon threw his body between the door and the jam.
"Penny, we're both aware that under normal circumstances, with your corn husker upbringing, you could overpower me physically, but I assure you that I will do whatever is necessary to talk to Amy."
Although he couldn't see her, he heard Amy sigh and say, "Let him in."
Penny looked over her shoulder at her friend, "Ames?"
Amy nodded, and Penny opened the door. Sheldon stepped through and pressed himself up against the wall. One look at Amy confirmed what he had expected – no tears had fallen, she was still angry Amy.
"What do you want, Sheldon?"
"I want to propose a relationship reboot."
"Of course you do." Her voice was tinged with disappointment and anger that grew as she continued, "How far back do you want to go? Before the launch? Before I started the acceleration experiment? I know. Before you asked me to be your girlfriend."
"No." His voice was small and he refused to look at her. "To when you said you and I were done."
She scrunched her brow in confusion. "Tonight?"
"Yes." This time he dared to look up at her.
Amy quietly contemplated his request. She straightened her posture and replied, "Alright."
"Then that's the last thing that has been said?"
"Yes."
"NO!" The intensity of his voice made both Amy and Penny jump. "Amy, don't leave."
It took Amy a moment to collect herself to quietly reply, "Sheldon, I think we've said everything there is to be said about this."
He moved forward to within a foot of her, and said, "No, there is still one thing to be said."
Amy looked up at him with questioning eyes. He began to fidget, as he did whenever he was trying to figure out how to move his lanky frame in a manner to which he was unaccustomed. Penny recognized it from the Christmas that he had hugged her, and was sure that Amy's cuddling session had probably looked like this too. But then Sheldon stopped moving, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In one smooth movement, he cupped Amy's face in his hands and tilted her head up as he bent down towards her lips.
Penny covered her mouth to stifle the sound of her gasp. He was doing it! Sheldon Cooper was kissing Amy! And not some token kiss. He was trying to give Amy the kiss of her dreams, but boy, his technique could use some work…
For her part, Amy had registered shock as she realized what Sheldon was doing, but closed her eyes as he drew near. She had expected a quick, closed-lip kiss, just like she had given him in the past, but was pleased to find that Sheldon was kissing her multiple times and had no intention of stopping. Neither of them yet understood the mechanics of an extended kiss, but Amy didn't care. Her heart fluttered at each brush of his lips across hers.
Sheldon pulled back and looked into her eyes, slowly releasing her face. "Please don't leave me," he whispered.
"Sheldon, I -," Amy paused. He had done more in that one moment than she could have ever expected from the back-peddling man who had angered her just an hour ago. She had to stay clear-minded though. "Sheldon, the kiss was wonderful, but one kiss won't placate me on this issue."
"I know." Amy tried to distinguish his tone. Was he contrite? Resigned? He continued, "You'll have an amended relationship agreement tomorrow evening that will allow for moderate hand holding and kissing."
"And cuddling?" Amy raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"And moderate cuddling." Sheldon gave her a small smile, as he searched her face to see if there was a chance that this crisis had been averted.
"And?" Amy's tone turned suggestive as she slyly smiled at him.
"No," Sheldon said flatly as he shook his head at her, "but we'll begin meeting monthly to revise the relationship agreement."
"Weekly." Amy stated.
"Bi-weekly." Sheldon countered.
"Agreed." Amy finally broke into a full grin.
Sheldon started to breath normally, realizing that they – no, he was finally out of danger.
Amy watched his body relax, and softly asked, "What changed your mind?"
"After you left, I started contemplating the negatives of not having you in my life." He was looking down and his hands were fidgety, but then he continued, "And I realized the absolute value of Amy."
She looked up at him beaming, and to his chagrin, he realized that now she was crying as she threw herself into hugging him.
Penny was crying too. She didn't understand what in the world Sheldon had said, but she understood the intent. This was why she refused to give up on him, even when he was most infuriating. Under it all, he really could be the sweetest man on earth. She slipped out the door silently, so the Shamy could be alone for a few minutes, and backed into Leonard, who had been listening through the cracked door.
They looked at each other sheepishly, and then she threw her arms around him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"No, I'm sorry."
She pulled back to look into Leonard's eyes. "Whack-a-doodle really showed us tonight."
"Yah, who would have thought Sheldon would give up that much for Amy?"
"I always think we know so much more about relationships than him, but he knows the value of the person in front of him." She looked at Leonard intently. "I know I make things difficult sometimes, but thank you for staying with me."
"Oh, Penny," he sighed incredulously and pulled her close to him and kissed her with every bit of energy and feeling he had. If only she'd let herself understand how much she meant to him…
Back in Penny's apartment, Amy pulled back from the hug and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I know you dislike emotional outbursts like that."
Sheldon pursed his lips and said, "I think tonight was stressful enough that a few leniencies may be allowed. Do you require a hot beverage?"
"No," she chuckled to herself. "I think I need to go home now. Would you walk me to my car?"
"Yes. It should be the duty of the boyfriend to walk the girlfriend to her car, although I may have been remiss in this regard before."
"It's okay. You're learning."
He looked at her, surprised, but decided to let it go when he saw her smile.
They exited Penny's apartment and stopped at seeing Leonard and Penny kissing in the hall. They side-stepped around the oblivious couple and started down the stairs.
On the second floor landing, Amy said, "Sheldon."
"Yes?"
"You're quite a good kisser."
Sheldon stopped. "Amy, must you revel in it so?
She smiled mischievously at him and continued down the stairs.
"Wait." He paused, but then started after her. "Did you expect less? You know I excel in everything that I do."
Later in Apartment 4A…
Leonard looked over at Sheldon with a smirk. "So, how long did it take you to realize the absolute value of Amy?"
Sheldon turned from his laptop, shocked. "You were eavesdropping? That's an invasion of my privacy and a breach of the roommate agreement. You have a strike, Leonard."
"I don't care. Answer the question."
Sheldon eyed him reprovingly but continued, "I had time to pay the bill and begin walking towards the bus stop."
Leonard looked at him with raised eyebrows, "And?"
"I saw a cat on my way and thought that it might be nice to have a Zazzles 2."
Leonard shook his head and waved his hands, "No-o-o."
"Although I refuse to admit that there was anything wrong with my clowder, I began to consider that if your proposition was correct and they were indeed a way to replace Amy, and it took twenty-five cats to equal the place Amy had in my life at that time, then multiplying twenty-five by the amount Amy's importance had exponentially grown, I realized that I would be caring for well over five hundred cats."
Leonard let out a full laugh and received a glare from Sheldon who continued, "Besides the possibility of it being illegal to own that many felines, the assured financial ruin, and the chance of being crushed by several of the fifty pound bags of Meow Mix that would be required to feed these cats daily, I figured that there would be a good chance that I would indeed end up like your Aunt Nancy and be found dead, eaten by my cats. That's when I broke into a run, and got banned for life from using City Cab."
"What?"
"The driver wasn't going fast enough, and I told him so."
"Repeatedly?"
"Of course."
"And that got you?"
"Thrown out at the corner of Green and Lake."
"How'd you get banned?"
"I called the night shift manager to complain. I don't understand why he overreacted like that."
"Running the streets of Pasadena. Banned from City Cab. Amending the relationship agreement. You've had a busy night. Was it worth it?"
Sheldon's smile told the whole story as he said, "Absolutely."