Earlier Tonight...

They all stood over his dead body with tears in their eyes. It didn't matter how much damage was caused. It only mattered how much they've lost. None of them can believe that Amanda's mind games really took them this far. So far to the point of causing death to a member of their team. A team they've all fought so hard to keep together.
She played it well this time and they lost. First Sonya, then Michael, then Ryan and now Sean.

Which brings all of them to wonder; who else is next?

"I never got to thank him for saving me." Alex whispered with tears in her eyes. "I never got to tell him how much I loved him or how much he meant to me and he died saving me!" Her tone got louder as more tears streamed down her face. "Why does everybody around me die but I keep living? Why?!"

She kicked the surgical tool table sending everything flying across the room violently.
"He's dead but I'm still here and I have to deal with the guilt!" She said.
One glance at Nikita, Michael knew that she was the only one who could comfort her right now.

Alex slid down on the floor and pulled her knees towards her chest as she begin to shake. She hugged herself and tried to slow down her breathing.
Nikita slowly approached her on the floor and sat down next to her. "That's not true." She said.

Alex raised her head and looked at her. "You don't know anything!" She spat.

"I do actually." Nikita said. "I've been in the same place as you are right now and I can tell you that people do fall in love more than once."

"You're gonna lecture me about being in love?" Alex said. "You and Michael are here strolling around this place and you guys haven't kissed in months!" She said. "All of you have been living in this crusade and you forget what's most important to all of you." She continued. "All of this is my fault... My fault and nobody else's. Nothing will ever bring Sean back but you know what I know?" She asked. "I know that if nobody here can get along anymore, then we might as well give Amanda an easy fight."

She got off the floor and wiped her tears off her eyes. "But before that happens, consider me out because I'm hungry to get that bitch really bad." She made her way for the door but stopped and looked back at the people she called her family. "And until you two fix this..." She pointed both at Michael and Nikita as she stared at them. "Until you guys work on your damn issues with each other, don't talk to me about love!"

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Present...

Today has definitely been one of those days where they question why they're doing all this. It's one of those days where they lay in bed at least three inches apart from each other just blankly staring at the dark ceiling above them and asking themselves if all this is worth it... If constantly putting their lives on the line to save the world and innocent lives worth all their energy. But really, is it worth it?

"She's right." Michael whispered, finally breaking the silence.

Nikita knew exactly what he was talking about and where this conversation was heading. They've been trying to avoid the conversation on their way home but truth was told and they had to face the facts.

"Which part?" She asked.

"About us." Michael replied. "What happened to us?" He asked.

"I don't know." Nikita said honestly. "You said it remember?"

Michael turned around on his side and propped himself on his elbow and looked at Nikita confusingly. "Said what?" He asked.

"We're at war and things that we can't predict... Things that we never saw coming our way happens." Nikita said. "I'm just living off of those words."

"So you don't miss us at all?" Michael asked sadly.

He hates that he's now realizing how trashy he's been treating her these past few months. He thought that things would get better after he got his hand back but it seems like he was wrong. He focused all his time and energy on one thing and that was getting his hand back. It didn't matter what or who he had to sacrifice. It was whatever it took.

And now looking back at it, he's second guessing himself and everything he's done. What about Nikita and her feelings? Did he care about that? He doesn't reckon ever saying the words, 'Thank you for saving my life and doing what you had to do.' He's said it but he doesn't reckon meaning it. He doesn't reckon saying without grudge or hate running through his veins.

Nikita rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I do." She finally replied. "You said we'd do it together and you broke that promise to me at the shooting range. I guess I just got tired of fighting for this relationship alone." She said. "I got tired of feeling guilty and being rejected on each attempt at making things better."

It stunned Nikita to even force those words out. She never thought that she'd ever truly be able to express how she feels about this whole situation without making things worse.

"Can you look at me, please?" Michael mumbled.

It was like being repeatedly stabbed in the heart over a millionth time to the point of numbness and eventually feeling no pain at all. She was lying next to him, yet she couldn't even look at him. After everything they've been through... Wow.

"I'm not talking to a wall." Michael said as he sat up on the bed and turned the lamp on his nightstand on. "Nikita, turn around and look at me." His tone was rough, serious and commanding. It felt as though she was a recruit all over again and he was her trainer.

"For what, Michael?" Nikita asked. "So you can remind me about how much of a horrible person I am even when my intentions only meant well?"

"No!" Michael exclaimed. "I wanna apol-"
Nikita abruptly sat up on the bed and flip the sheets off her. "Well you don't get to say it now!" She interrupted him. "Suck it up like you have been doing for the past few months!"

Michael has seen Nikita's dark side a few times and it wasn't pretty. He didn't mean for his conversation to turn upsetting in any way. He doesn't even know why she's yelling.

"And I'm not apologizing for anything anymore either!" She continued. "What I did, I did it out of lo-"

And then she suddenly stopped and broke down. It was like déjà vu again.

"Out of love." Michael completed that sentence finally after years. "Out of love and I understand that now."

With tear-filled brown eyes, Nikita look up into his green eyes and he could see the sorrow in them. The pain, the sadness, the loneliness, the love... She could see it all and it was reflecting back at her.

"Look at me in the eye and tell me this," Nikita begin. "If the roles were reversed, if it was me pinned under that car that night and the tank was about to blow, would you have left me for dead?" She asked.

Michael blinked. He doesn't know how to answer that. He doesn't know what he would have done. He doesn't know.

"I thought so." Nikita whispered with a broken tone. "You never truly understand a person until you climb into their skin and walk around in it." She quoted. "I guess that's true, hunh?"

"I'm sorry." Michael whispered. Until now he didn't understand her suffering or her desperate need to feel close to him in that moment of tragedy.

"It doesn't change anything Michael." Nikita told him. "I feel like I've waited so long and worked so hard to hear those words come out of your mouth... And now that I've finally heard it, I don't know what to feel." She continued. "All this time, that was all I was trying to make you see. It wasn't all about you. This... It emotionally messed me up. I had to pick up that knife and make the decision. I had the nightmares about it for months and even in the state that I was in, all I wanted to do was be there for you." She said. "I didn't care about myself. I just wanted you to let me in. I wanted you to keep the promise you made to me that very same night the accident occurred. I wanted you to fight for what we had."

What we had? Past tense?

Wow.

"And the reason... The only reason I picked up that knife on the floor and made the decision I made that night was because I was counting on you to keep your promise." She repeated. "I thought our love for each other would be strong enough to survive anything." She said. "Maybe I was wrong. I wanted you to fight."

Nikita swallowed hard and wiped the tears off her face. "But you didn't." She said. "Instead, you build a wall so high and you made sure no one could climb it. Not even the ones close to you." She added. "You asked if I missed us; I do. Very terribly." She told him. "But right now, you need time."

Michael raised his eyebrows at her. He knows what's next and he couldn't believe that this was happening.

"You're breaking up with me?" He said speechlessly. "On a bed?"
Nikita shook her head. If this wasn't serious, she swore she would've laughed at his priceless expression. "No." She replied. "I'm giving you space." She said. "Space to figure out yourself again now that you have your hand back. I'm giving you space to think and do whatever it is that you need to do."

"And then- and then what?" Michael stammered sadly. "What happens then?"

Nikita shrugged. "And then when you're ready, I'll be right here." She replied. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm just gonna let you make your own choices now. I won't do them for you anymore." She said.

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