A/n I honestly don't know where this came from.
I don't usually write things this intimate, or dark so don't expect a regular thing of it. It must be my weird mood today.
Hope it's not horrible.
Some serious contact involved so I'd rather you didn't read if that stuff bugs you... seriously where did I come up with this?
She was a good girl. She really was. Well she was in the eyes of everyone who knew her on the outside. She had everything, perfect blonde hair, riches, popularity, brains, beauty, even an amazing boyfriend. Everything that could make any 18-year-old girl perfectly content.
She had the strong trust of her parents. The kind that let her do what she wanted because they were sure she would do only the most responsible things.
She smiled all the time, made anybody with troubles feel at ease, when she walked down the hall or street people the Both knew her and didn't said or thought everything she seemed to radiate, what a perfect girl. This girl has the world figured out. Everything she wanted, or needed she seemed to have.
Her happiness was obvious, and her actions were of a responsible, dependable young women.
Her world looked and felt perfect.
But it wasn't.
Nothing could ever be that good could it. Sure one could pretend and put up that kind of image the same way you put up a sheet to dry after a good wash. But then the sheet would eventually dry out, then, like everything, you have to take it down.
She was the picture of perfection... all the way up until she entered her room for bed. There in the dark she would run back on her life. It would come up empty. Sure, she had accomplished much more than any normal 18-year-old could. But it was all meaningless. This feeling she'd been having, a feeling of falseness. She felt fake, perfect, but fake.
Because she knew, she knew all this perfection others saw wasn't who she really was. It was just an illusion to please others... but she'd had that illusion instilled in her since forever, and it was extremely hard to get through to reality. To who she really was deep down inside. And when she found out. It scared the crap out of her.
She wasn't a responsible, proper, perfect girl. She didn't want to be president of her grade. She didn't want to be a perfect responsible daughter. She didn't want to be an accordingly affectionate girlfriend. She loved all the people in her life but they all loved her illusion... not her.
And she was pretty sure they wouldn't lover the real her if they ever found out. But that was the other sad thing, there was nobody she could be real with... not even her boyfriend who was as organized and dedicated to success as she seemed to be.
She was alone, all alone with her thoughts and internal misery that she had to bare, by putting up the mask of perfection.
Well it went on like that for almost to long to bare. Until, that is, when she met him... The very opposite of her.
He was so imperfect, he passed over and went back over to perfect. But only in her eyes.
She met him after a near death attack of alleyway muggers. He had been there, jumping out of nowhere saving her from a horrible demise. She had been shaken up and was nearly withering in tears, so she didn't really have enough force to ask or stop him from helping her to his apartment.
It was small, simple, almost empty, except for the bare necessities.
Nothing like her mansion. After calming down she wondered why she even needed a mansion. He'd come back with a bowl of warm soup and his dark hoodie pulled back.
She could see him now, his hair was a shaggy blonde, his face board with a few choice scars, and his eyes, they were the clearest blue she'd ever seen. With a hint of darker blue around the pupils, and a shadow of the harsh experiences he'd passed in the two extra years that he'd lived longer than her... The moment they clicked with hers, her entire heart and soul knew, they knew, he would be the one to find out who she really was... and she would let him.
He spoke to her softly at first. With a slight flicker of that hardness in his eyes, softening as she spoke. That assault had almost killed her and stolen everything that all girls should and most would protect. Her innocence. It was more traumatizing then she thought it would have been and she ended up in a Heap of tears and shaking.
He hadn't said anything, he just listened, listened to what ever she unknowingly blurted out through her delayed reaction.
"It's all just to much, to... to hard... I'm fake, completely and utterly fake!" She sniffed with misery, "And if I be... not fake," She stuttered while whipping her tears with the back of her hand, "Everybody would hate me... I... what the hell am I even saying?" She cursed... she never cursed. Even to her real self, cursing seemed like a useless and grotesque habit. But her grief and withheld pain was throwing everything out. Even words for lack of... better words.
"I think your actually pretty real."
She stopped abruptly, stunned by his calm voice and simple words. She looked up, her face tear-stained, her blonde hair falling in pieces over her watery brown eyes, "You... What?" She sniffed. A sudden warmth filling her chest.
"You heard me, your real. What ever mask you've put yourself behind... you don't like it. And it takes a real person to figure out who they really are inside. You are real because you don't want to hide behind that mask everyone else somehow expects you to be."
He said it so simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like he knew what it felt like.
Her heart swelled, "Who are you anyway?" She finally decided to ask.
This emitted a grin that lit his whole face, "Call me Chad, Princess. Chad Dixon."
She knew that name wouldn't disappear any time soon.
She didn't know how it had gone from simply just there to consuming her entire life. Her whole heart had opened to this young man, and in return he gave his understanding. Never forcing anything on her, always answering her calls, even if they were in the middle of the night. Being that support beam she so desperately needed in her unstable mind.
He bore everything she would dump on him, with simple, clean, care. She didn't know why he would care for a girl he literally rescued from the streets... But somehow, it seemed so genuine it hadn't mattered to her.
Eventually, talking to him over the phone wasn't enough. She started sneaking out of her house to knock on his Door. She started needing physical comfort to chase away the stiff feeling she started to feel on the outside of her person during the day when she went on being the fake Ms. Perfect everyone thought they knew and loved.
She wasn't sure how it had started getting so intimate, but she was pretty sure she was the one who started it.
"I can't take it anymore Chad... I feel like snapping any second. It's hurting so bad. I don't know who I am anymore." She curled up on the end of his couch, hugging herself miserably.
He was sitting at the other end, his eyes watching her, listening, tired, but still listening. She loved him even more for that...
Wait, did she love him?
She looked at him with thoughtful eyes, she took in his body, his face, his clear blue eyes... She did. Her heart fluttered, but it wasn't just his strangely handsome looks. The way he listened, the way he gave her space, the way he never became irritated by her. He was the only one in the entire world that at least had as much as an idea of who she really was.
He had closed his eyes for a moment.
Her stomach turned, she suddenly felt the need, the irresistible need to be pressed against his sturdy chest. She felt weak, but strong at the same time. She wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment but she knew it was some part of her real self.
She crawled over almost puppy like, with longing eyes. She knew this would make up for every bit of pain. She leaned over, her heart beating wildly, from excitement and nervousness. She was about to break that thin layer of the mask she had left.
She pressed her soft pink lips against his. This caused the boy to start suddenly, snapping his eyes opened as she pulled away from the light touch. Her eyes stared back into his, wide, brown and completely ready for whatever she was going to do.
His were worried on the other hand, unsure if he saw right.
But one more press against him told him he did.
"Rach... you... Are you sure about this, don't you already have a boyfriend?" He actually looked slightly scared. He didn't want to hurt her by letting her betray the trust of a boy whose heart obviously already belonged to her.
She shook her head and connected their lips again, "I don't give a damn." She whispered against him.
He was shocked to hear it to say the least, but no man, no matter how strong, could resist the constant touches and kisses that she was gracing him with.
That was how it started, a few kisses, some intimate touches... then it got bigger, she almost stopped going home. her words weren't enough anymore. She couldn't hold it in then let it out so trivially. She let it out with moans and feelings.
"You have no idea how hard it is to keep this down Dixon." She moaned as he trailed kisses down her jaw and neck. Her hands tying themselves in his now mussed hair, letting out a light gasp as he bit her sensitive spot, licking it lightly to ease the slight pain.
"I don't think that's healthy baby." He breathed in her ear before nipping it.
She let out a slight giggle, "It is when it makes me feel so good when I get it..." She closed her eyes in pure bliss as He trailed his kisses down her cleavage, her hands tracing circles on his shoulder blades.
"I swear Rach, you can say stop, and I'll stop..." He really did stop making her pout in disapproval.
She pulled his face up to hers, her eyes darker than normal, "Don't stop." She hissed.
He couldn't refuse an order like that.
During the day she spent time with others, all the while wishing to get away to her perfect retreat that was Chad Dixon. Even Her boyfriend was becoming tedious.
His kisses were bland compared to Chad's when she moved him into the proper fire. His touches were cold compare to the fire that ignited from Chads fingers.
Though She sometimes felt a pang of guilt when the boy looked at her with love and adoration he was so sure she had for him, she would eventually reason with it that it wasn't her he loved... it was her fake mask. Well, as far as that was concerned he could have it.
She wished she could tell him so, but something of that perfect mask wouldn't let her. So she was forced to play the perfect girlfriend through the tortures of the day until she was free to be the real girl she was during the night.
Her mind was literally splitting in two and the two started to fight. It hurt, but slowly the desire to be a real human with feelings and mistakes was pushing her mask out of sight. She didn't realize it, but she was slowly losing her grip on the reality that she pretended to be in front of the whole world, except Chad.
Nobody seemed to notice yet. Except for the boy who was falsely named her boyfriend. He started questioning her.
On one such particular interrogation he had aggravated her over to her real self and she'd exploded in torrents of anger.
"Why do you keep asking if I'm ok?! I'm fine what's wrong?" She snapped her eyes narrowing.
He gulped, "Rachel, I was only asking because you seem so tense lately. Like you're not yourself."
She gritted her teeth, he had no idea, "Well I'm fine! And maybe if you'd paid more attention before, you would have realized that this right now, is me! A part of the real me!" She hollered out of control now. She had been particularly antsy about seeing Chad today and she wasn't sure why.
The urge to be with him was getting stronger every day. Like a drug addiction.
The boy looked surprised, and maybe just a little horrified. Was this really the perfect girl he thought he knew inside and out?
"Rachel... what are you-"
"Just. Leave! NOW!" She snapped, turning away until she heard his sulky footsteps retreat.
She let out a shaky breath. She was losing control... She needed to see Chad now.
"Rachel?" He looked at her surprised, his eyebrows up. What was she doing here in the middle of the afternoon?
She looked shaky, and relived that he was standing in front of her at least. And the fact that he was shirtless and warm helped calm her down. A lot.
She didn't waste any time with words, She instantly threw herself at him, "I don't care how early it is, or what anyone thinks. I can't do it anymore Chad." She breathed leaning her forehead into his chest.
"What are you talking about?" He looked worried, he was afraid he might have done something that really was making Rachel snap. Maybe guilt had finally over weighted her.
"It's the fake side of me... I can't hold it up any more. Not since you helped me let my real self show... And my boyfriend... He... he sees it! I can't believe he has enough insight to actually notice, but he does." She looked up at him with hungry eyes, "And you know what... I don't care."
She instantly wrapped her arms around his neck, connecting their lips in a familiar fire.
He was surprised at the sudden admittance but she didn't seem to want to stop. He had to admit he didn't want her to stop but... he pulled away gently, holding her by her upper arms, "No, Rach, wait... what are you saying?" he looked at her miserable face, his heart almost breaking.
"It means... I'm not going back. I'm staying here with you. I don't want to go back." She ran a hand through her usually perfectly combed hair," I want to stay here, where I can be me without fear. You make me feel real Chad... and I have to say, I Love you for it." She looked at him with her eyes shining.
He wasn't sure she had thought this through, "But what about your mom? Your Brother, your dad?" He watched for any change in her mind. None. Her eyes stayed solid.
"I'll miss them, yes... but... I really don't think they would like me the way I really want to be. It's just that... they expected so much from me, I don't think I could be there and see their faces when their hearts break." She felt her eyes blur up.
She wasn't a heartless monster. She just didn't need any more pain then what she already had. She couldn't handle it, she just wanted that pain to go away, and the only thing that made that pain go away was Chad.
He sighed, "You sure you won't want to go back?" He placed a warm, calloused hand on the side of her tear-stained face.
"Maybe, someday... when I actually become something worthwhile to them, but right now... I just want to be me. Until I get control over my real self." She nuzzled her face into his hand.
He smiled lightly at her, "What ever you want princess." She smiled back and followed him into the apartment.
What neither noticed was Rachel's boyfriend watching the whole thing. He stared in horror. Then the male instincts of anger, slowly turned into rage. He snuck to the nearest window, What the heck was this creep doing to his perfect girl.
He saw in horror just what he was doing to her. Rachel was flattened under him, moaning in pain... he gulped and ran to the nearest police office.
She had practically attacked his lips as soon as they entered. She kicked the door shut tangling herself on his body instantly feeling that fire fill her up as their bodies connected. He responded with a slight surprise. She seemed more aggressive than normal, maybe she was just expressing her new-found freedom with every kiss, every beat of her heart, every slip of her warm tongue.
He couldn't help responding, she was just too much to resist.
Ten minutes of a full make out session enabled them to be so turned on she needed more. She was free! Free from the chains of perfection, free to enjoy her body and his, free to be her own person for once. And she was going to breath in every fresh, delicious moment of it.
She shivered and moaned as he licked her body from top to bottom. He teased her senses, flicking his tongue everywhere, making her muscles ripple with tense pleasure, she wanted more, she needed more. She begged him to go further.
As far as he was concerned, her every wish was his command.
She didn't know how it happened.
She was covered in a blanket, her body shivering, not from cold but from fear and anger.
She and Chad had fallen asleep on his couch from exhaustion. Then suddenly a bang on the door sent it to the ground. Before she could rub the sleep out of her eyes, Chad's warm body was torn away from her. Five police officers were forcing him to the ground, trying to handcuff him. Chad protested that he hadn't done anything wrong but they wouldn't listen. She watched them force him out and into their patrol car.
Her screams of defense were ignored. She watched as tears ran down her face, Chad's eyes connected with her's, making her heart jump, and her stomach sink.
They had a look of pure unconditional love in them, a sad apologetic look mixed with it, a look that told her he was sorry he couldn't escape from this so he could stay with her. A look that said he'd love her no matter what they did to him. She felt like screaming in anger. Nobody would listen. He was innocent from whatever crime they thought he'd committed. She knew he was innocent.
How dare these idiots take him away from her, how dare they... she couldn't cry, her throat felt clogged her heart felt broken, her eyes... she couldn't see, the world spun. The one person in the world who loved her for everything she had, including her darker side, was just torn away from her. And when she found out by who... it just made things even more difficult to bare.
The world suddenly turned black under her finger tips.
And for the first time in her life... she hated... hated with all her heart.
She hated everyone that had anything to do with this, especially that damn ex-boyfriend of hers. She would never forgive him, never. Not until he disappeared into the earth.
Even if his intentions weren't to harm her, she couldn't handle that.
She went through sleepless nights of misery.
Her parents treated her like a fragile piece of china. Telling her everything would be ok. Lies! All lies! She didn't want their concern she wanted Chad. That's all. Something felt wrong, she wasn't where she was supposed to be... Where she dreamed herself to be. She felt the fake world slowly sucking her back into a numbness that couldn't be cured. She needed a cure, and that cure was Chad Dixon...
But she couldn't have him... they took him away, they ripped him away from her, when she needed him most. Then they said, her parents said, he'd been sentenced to ten years for sexual harassment.
Ten years. Ten miserable, worthless years. They said she wouldn't be harmed again. She told them, she told them all, he wasn't hurting her. They couldn't understand.
They said it was just a mental aftershock. They thought she'd gone a little insane from fear. But they assured her everything would get better now that he was gone.
But nothing would be better ever again.
Not until she could have him back.
Her worlds were blurring. She didn't know who she was, or what was going on any more. Chad had kept her grounded, had helped her stay straight. Without him her mind and soul spiraled out of control. She felt lost, she felt alone.
She was broken into a million pieces.
And nobody could pick them up. Only the young man who had helped her find those pieces in the first place.
Unless she could have him back...
She was lost in the rip of reality and illusion.
A/N) I really don't know what was wrong today... I've been in a darkish mood these past few days. Anyway I hope that ending wasn't as bad as I think it was.