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The demon lover

I´m in his arms, the place I love and loath the most. I´m not supposed to like the intimacy, yet a small part of me craves it. Craves all he can give. But I know it´s not in my nature to want it. For I am tough. I am ruthless.

I push him away and he gives me that wounded look. It is almost enough to make me go back into his arms. Almost. But I can´t let myself. He knows it too. He doesn´t understand, but he knows and lets it go. My victorian gentleman. He never questions, just accepts and loves me. I love him. I just can´t show it. I live for blood and violence. I don´t live because my heart cries out for him. I don´t.

He lets himself fall back in the pillows. "You´re gonna be the death of me, luv." He sighs. I smile a little. He doesn´t understand yet how true those words are. He will soon. He will wake up afterwards and he will be like me. Tough and ruthless. Cold. A demon.

My supposedly nonexisting heart breaks at the thought, but at the same time I rejoyce. I can´t go on like this much longer. I don´t want to spend eternity alone. Maybe when he dies I can finally leave behind my humanity and give in to the darkness completely, like I know he will. He has always had a fascination with the dark, though he tries to hide it from me. Maybe that´s why he was drawn to me from the start. Maybe he unconsciously knew what I could offer him….Hmm I don´t know.

I sigh and lie back on the bed. His arms curl around my waist automatically. I know I should throw him off. He must have felt me tense, because his grip tightens and he whispers. "Just for tonight. Let me hold you just for now." How can I refuse? I give in and relax. Just for now isn´t that bad. I´ll be tough tomorrow. The day I will kill my lover.