Being a child is tough. Being a boy is tough. Being... is tough. I think I only realized the amount of hard it is recently. Only did I realize the difficulty of being a child when I was meant to grow up.
Only did I realize being is tough when everyone knew how to do it and I just... was.
Sometimes things happen very suddenly, like how it was sudden for Craig's parents to buy a vacation home and decide they'll be spending the summer there. And how Bonnie realized she wasn't my brother, but my sister. And how the school year edged closer and closer to ending and I found myself feeling more and more anxious about a summer spent without my best friend. I also found myself pulling for grades harder than ever.
It was June 3rd, an uncomfortably hot Wednesday, during social studies, that I realized, besides the way Craig seemed to drool while sleeping in class, that everyone else had plans for the summer besides me, and that everyone else was so cool and easygoing about everything besides me, and that everyone else was ready to grow up... besides me.
The teacher told us to work with partners on some project I wasn't paying attention to, and before I could ask him, Kenny grabbed Craig's arm and hauled him over to his desk. I huffed and fell back in my chair, waiting for the last person available. Then I felt a light tap against my shoulder. I looked up and my eyes were smashed with a striking black and a jet of white. Whoever it was, the light above them made them look blurry and unclear, so I muttered the only thing that came to mind.
"God?"
The kid looked at me and chuckled.
"Not quite," his voice was light against the ruckus in the background, like reason among chaos, I barely heard him but I heard his voice clearly, "Kevin Stoley."
My mouth fell open and I tried to remember who Kevin was. Or what words meant, even. I barely replied.
"I'm... Clyde."
"Yes, I know. You've been Clyde for the past 15 years, we're in the same class."
I felt like a moron so I stood up. I was lost with this kid. He eyed me like he didn't understand my confusion. Hell, I didn't, either.
His face was so... white. He wasn't white. He was Asian. Oriental, actually. That sounds much better, like an antique, something rare and different. His hair was so contrasting to his skin, it was pure black and straight, but kind of messy. He was so... different.
"...so I guess if you want, we can work on the project together," oh crap, he was talking!
I nodded, grabbed my stuff and fumbled over to his desk.
Everything was so neat, I've never seen a boy's desk look like this. And then I realized this kid was somehow going to affect my life completely, with his pale face and black hair, his neatness and amazing voice. Change is good sometimes, he might be the solution I was looking for.
"Okay, so basically, we're supposed to create a questionnaire addressing the issue of sexual harassment in schools," I snickered at that. Damn, bad move. I covered my mouth quickly and mumbled an apology, and he shook his head. I guess that meant it was okay.
"So, um, how many questions?" I sound like such a moron compared to him. He's so... articulate? I think that's the word. He taught me that one. Well, rather, his book. It had a few words and definitions on the cover. I don't think I even own that book.
"Around 20, the teacher said," he answered me. It was so simple but... he sounds so smart no matter what he says, "And we need to write a report based on the answers we get. I reckon it should take us about a week," and he still sounded smart as hell, "We could start working after school at my house if you want."
So I just nod.
The rest of the class goes by quickly, I lost track of time staring at his skinny hands. So I grabbed my bag and jolted out of the door. My head was a complete mess, so I shook all the thoughts away. Craig went the opposite way with Kenny who always went that way to pick his little sister up. And then I realized we were growing up and I wasn't ready. Tears welled up in my eyes, right in the middle of the hall. Normally I would have just scurried off home but I was going to Kevin's house. So I bit my lip and blinked them away. This was no time for tears.
We spent the next eternity walking, Kevin lead the way and I followed him. We reached the outskirts of town and I was getting a bit worried. What if he was actually a serial killer? No, no, I've never seen a serial killer with skinny fingers. And we walked some more. I couldn't see any houses anymore, and then a blast of white.
"What's that?" I asked, pointing at it. He knows this area better than I do, it made sense to ask.
"That's my house," he answered and my mouth fell open again. That looked like a castle! I thought it safe to say this aloud for some reason and he ran his fingers through his hair.
"It's really not that big. It must be the isolation that makes it look so huge."
And so we walked closer and closer and Kevin's castle looked bigger and bigger until I had to tilt my head up completely to see the roof and squint my eyes because of the sun. It was making it look even more like magic. Maybe I was right, maybe Kevin is god and this is heaven.
He got out this old looking key, like in the movies, and unlocked the gates. There were frogs on the top of the pillars and everything looked so unreal, like I was dreaming. And then we got to his yard. The land seemed to pan out, reaching the horizon, and near the end I could see the beginning of a field of flowers and grass, everything was so well kept. There was a large weeping willow with a bench under it and Kevin lead me to it.
"Sit down," he said. It wasn't threatening in the slightest, but I felt obliged to listen to him, "Do you want some lemonade? I can go make some," he offered and I noticed how his eyes glimmered in the sun.
"Sure," I choked out and hoped I didn't sound as dumb as I felt.
"Okay. Don't go anywhere," he stumbled over his words a bit and I smiled as he dropped his bag on the bench and ran off towards his house. I slipped my bag off and put it by the bench so it was leaning on one of the legs. I noticed how amazing everything looked obscured by the branches and leaves of the tree. The shade felt amazing, too, in contrast to the heat I had to endure all day.
And then I saw him walking towards me with a tray of glasses in his hands. I could barely make him out through the branches and sunlight, but I could spot his cool shoes from a mile away. He put the tray down on a wooden table to my right and I scooted over farther from it so he could sit down. He gave me one glass and took the other. I was so thirsty, I quickly chugged the lemonade down and leaned over him to set it back on the table, by the pitcher. And then I watched him take out his notebook and pen and I realized I would be seeing a lot more of this kid and I wouldn't exactly mind.
After we were done with the boring project stuff, the sun barely started setting so we sat back and talked.
"This place is huge," I commented, "I'd kill to live here."
He chuckled and poured himself some more lemonade, "It's not that big, really. Well, I suppose it is, but it isn't that big of a deal. It gets so empty and loud inside, so I come out here. It's very peaceful," and I let him speak because I could listen to his voice forever and he had this amazing way with words, "It's like a barrier from the rest of the world where you can silently observe it, but no one can see you," and he talked for ages and I listened. Then it started getting dark and I realized I didn't tell my parents I'd be here, so I jolted up, grabbed my bag and scurried off.
"I'll see you tomorrow!" I yelled.
After a scolding from my dad, I ate and went to bed. The only thing on my mind was Kevin. Kevin and his black hair and his brown eyes and his pale skin. Kevin.
"Kevin," the name fell from my lips in a whisper in the darkness, to one in particular. A cool breeze entered through my window and I turned around and shut my eyes. Kevin.
The next few days were spent with Kevin. Kevin, the bench outside his house, and lemonade. And that's where I was right then, waiting for Kevin to get us some bubbly water. He decided to mix it up a bit. Except this time, we only had the conclusion left to write. The project was due tomorrow, and school would end in two days. He walked up, set the tray down and sat by me. I eyed my watch.
6PM
He got the paper out and we tossed ideas for the ending back and forth until coming to an agreement, a compromise. His hair was still messy and his voice was still clear.
It was night time by the time we were done and then the fireflies came out. I noticed the way his eyes stood out from the darkness setting around us and that's when I realized:
I had fallen in love with Kevin Stoley. The boy who seems to have grown up faster than any of us and whose knowledge far surpassed mine.
Soon after, summer commenced, and even after school ended, I found myself on that same bench every day, drinking lemonade and getting more and more lost in a pair of brown eyes.