Yeah, I'm new to this fic writing-then-publish thing. Please be kind. I don't read a lot of comics but I read a lot of fanfiction so I guess that suffices?
I got bored one day and decided to write a JL fic. This came out of nowhere. I just made stuff up as I went. Personally, I think it went well. Better than the others, at least. To those who might have an idea of who I am, hello *laughemoji*
_jaypea
The air sizzles with the smell of barbeque outside a coastal house in Amnesty Bay. The single tree in the backyard dances with the cool sea breeze contrasting against the warm rays of sunshine. Laughter echoed inside the simple white fences around the grassy yard as its occupants tease and joke with each other.
A mat of golden blonde hair stands against the sea of dark hair and one bald head. Barry Allen, also known as the Scarlet Speedster, the Fastest Man Alive, and the Flash, munched icecream nestled on top a not too pleased Green Lantern.
"I don't know what took us-- munch-- this long-- munch-- to organize a gathering like this-- munch-- but I'm sure glad we did!", Barry laughed which made him choke. Seizing the chance, Hal shoved Barry off his lap as he quickly rejoyced in once again feeling the warm embrace of the sun continue to tan his chiseled body.
Hal sighed in relief, completely ignoring the dying Barry deprived of air.
Barry's teary eyes moved to a soft chuckle vibrating against a slender throat. "You two are adorable.", Diana said with all the other halbarry shippers.
"Not as adorable as you, Princess.", Hal commented with a wink. He was answered with a sharp shove on his side. He let out a small yelp and sent a glare at Barry. Barry only glared back, hinting something in his eyes and nodding at a certain figure in the shadows.
A Superman in an apron called out to the group, "Barbeque's ready." This caused both Barry and Hal to topple on top of another. In contrast, Diana made her way to the Man of Steel in a regal grace that only a princess like her could muster.
Vic was already there, indulging in the tasty pleasure that is food, sauce, and pork. A sauce managed to smear the cyborg's cheek so Diana wiped it away with her hand.
"Diana, you're like the sister I never had.", Vic grinned in admiration.
"No, she's like the mother of this league.", argued Barry. "Look at her."
The Amazon rolled her eyes at this and proceeded to ignore the men as she ate a barbeque.
"If she is the mother then there has to be a father.", Vic pointed out.
"I volunteer.", Hal smirked, his hand instantly shooting up.
"Shut up, Hal.", the speedster rolled his eyes like someone trying to make a hardheaded child understand something so basic. "Diana already has someone."
"Oh-ho, just because you're Golden Boy doesn't mean you get to be on top.", Hal countered.
"Wow, I'm flattered to get such comment from Mr. Tall and Hot. Should I kiss your ass?", Barry snapped with equal fervor.
"You don't even know how many innuendos I spotted.", a very red half machine laughed.
Meanwhile, the only Martian in the team stood at the corner of the yard, studying a stick of barbeque. "I do not understand the controversial need of humans to drive pork through a stick and dip it in what is a reddish liquid."
"It's called barbeque," Barry offered as he took three more sticks "Spelled P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N."
The owner of the lot bellowed his laughter at the speedsters silly antics. "You have made my day, Barry Allen.", the King of Atlantis commented. "I couldn't agree more."
"How about you, Diana?" asked Clark in his apron with the Daily Planet's logo "How's my barbeque?"
Vic spat out the delicious food in his mouth. "That sounded so wrong...", he cried.
Both Clark and Diana ignored this, although Diana's was more of the fact that she didn't understand the second meaning.
"It's fantastic, Kal.", she smiled at him.
"Yes, Lois would be proud of this little skill of yours, Kent.", a Batman in a flannel shirt suddenly spoke. "I should add that to your list of abilities: knows how to whip barbeque that could feed all of Texas.", he spoke in such calmness that it almost made Clark uncomfortable.
"If I didn't know better, Bruce, I'd say you were jealous.", Clark commented.
The Batman quickly retorted, "And I also didn't know that the Planet handed out giveaway aprons to males with less journalism skills than their girlfriends."
Two of the league's power houses were glaring down at each other.
"This is how the world ends.", Hal croaked.
In contradiction, Barry almost cheered. "Oh, come on. Isn't this adorable?"
"There's something wrong with you, Allen."
"I agree with Mr. Allen.", J'onn materialized next to them in complete silence that Vic almost spat out his food in shock again. And they say that Batman is the ninja. "This type of action is what can only be classified as adorable.", he says in his deep gentle voice, orange eyes darting between the brooding Bruce and the princess conversing with Arthur.
"Oh.. OHHHHHH! The telepath is with me, my friend. J'onn, give me some." The Martian managed to croak out a 'what' before he got captured in what the inhabitants of this strange planet called a bro hug, although he doesn't understand why there is a specific hug for brothers and why he and Barry performed the bro hug even though they were not brothers.
"C'mon, Vic, tell this kid that he's out of his mind.", Hal gestured at the speedster dancing his victory dance of 'Whip Nae Nae'
"I almost spilled a second time and I still don't get it.", Vic voiced out his confusion.
The Flash lived up to his name of The Flash by hooking his arm over Vic's shoulder, bending both of them low, and whispering in his ear until Vic understood everything in a, well, flash.
Cyborg's eyes widened in understanding and he too started squealing like a fangirl. Or boy. Or cyborg. But Flash wasn't done yet as he continued to pleasure Vic's fanborg mind into overstimulation that he might as well have come at the spot. Hal and J'onn could hear the occasional gasps, squeals, and omfg im dying af's escape out of Cyborg's mouth. This eccentric display of camaraderie would have went on forever would it not have been for the interruption of the Man of Steel himself.
"What's going on here?", he looked at Barry and Vic as if he was concerned for their wellbeing and state of mind. Actually, he was.
The squealing duo stopped mid-asdfghjkl when they heard Superman's voice. They turned cold when they looked at him.
"Hello, Clark.", Vic bit out.
"How's Lois doing?", Barry added, emphasizing Superman's girlfriend.
Clark turned his concerned eyes to Hal and J'onn, "Did they get the batvirus too?"
"No, Superman," J'onn began. "It's the--", he couldn't finish before a hand tightly clamped over his mouth.
"No, J'onn.", Barry spoke as if he was an agent in the Spy movie. "We shouldn't leak information to the enemy."
"Ok," Hal raged. "What is going on with you two?"
"One word," Vic cryptically answered. "Wonder-- AAAAAAH!"
"Vic?", Hal prepared his ring, ready for a fight. "What's wrong?" He looked around but nothing seemed out of place.
Vic fearfully pointed at the bench beside the grill as if he was an old nanny seeing a white mouse in her home. Hal turned and saw Diana and Arthur sitting on the bench and conversing like friends. Diana sat cross-legged and she seemed to be ranting about something judging by her exasperated hands in the air. Arthur clearly related to Diana's opinions as he had one of his hands under his chin, listening closely to her words and occasionally nodding and saying ikr at certain points. At least that's what it looked like to Hal. Vic seemed to see something a little different.
In Vic's eyes, they were kissing then making out and having sex like they were part of the cast of Fifty Shades Darker. Barry seemed to see the same thing.
They both gasped at the same time and screeched in unison, "JLA ISSUE #48!!!"
The Flash and Cyborg scrambled to Diana and barracaded her from Aquaman as if he was a disease. They both started to plead like children, "Mompleasedontdothisyoustillhavedadyoucantleaveusdontbreakupwithdadforthisuselessmermaidweloveyoumombesidesarielisbetterthanhim", Barry spoke so fast that Hal was amazed Vic caught up with him.
Poor Diana was as confused as Dorothy after the tornado, "Vic, Barry, I'm not your mom-- what? I don't have a husb-- what?"
"What is going on?", Arthur demanded like a king after his court had been interrupted by a Stark.
"What do I do?", Clark chimed in, simultaneously listing the mental problems that included the synptoms his friends were showing.
"Yeah, what's happening, Barry?", Hal repeated.
"Why are there so many what's?", J'onn added in the background.
"Hal," Barry exasperatedly sighed "You're so dense that you're 84 kg divided by 0 m."
"What?"
"Yeah, Hal is so blind," Vic added. "You're as blind as DC."
"Mr. Jordan," J'onn tapped on Hal's shoulders. "It seems that you are being picked on by Science."
"Can't you see,", Barry continued. "the obvious chemistry present in this backyard named--"
"I'm leaving.", Bruce's voice cut through the chaos. He was so silent that they almost forgot he was even here.
"What?"
"Can we please stop the what's?", Barry said.
"Why?", Diana asked as she made her way to Bruce. Barry and Vic had their nails between their teeths, looking a lot like Will Smith after seeing the batmobile.
"Trouble in Gotham, Princess.", Bruce answered. Barry and Vic were now jumping like little girls, their hands flapping as they jumped.
"I'll come with you.", Diana stated. Barry and Vic were hugging each other. Vic was turning red. What a beautiful double meaning sensor he has in his system.
Bruce didn't answer as he disappeared in a flash of white light. Diana turned around and made her way to the outside of Arthur's house where her jet was parked.
"Where are you going, Di?", Clark asked.
"To Gotham. I'm helping him whether he likes it or not.", and she disappeared as her invisible jet closed. Barry and Vic seemed to have fainted.
Clark, Arthur, Hal, J'onn, Barry and Vic were now left alone in complete silence, the only sound is that of the cool sea breeze making the single tree in the backyard dance. After awhile, Hal broke the silence. "You know, you still didn't tell me what that was all about."
Barry answered.
"Wonderbat, Hal! It was Wonderbat!
Haha wtf I didn't expect it to end like that. I just made stuff up as I went. All I knew was that it should have wonderbat asdfghkl. Forgive me for the English but Im from Mars and am fairly new to this planet. I just arrived half a month ago and the jet lag wuz real.
Thank you for reading this fic up till this sentence!!!